Archive for The Exorcist

X-Files Anniversary, Demonic Kids Games, Zombie Baby-Making

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The X-Files

Talk about finding the Holy Grail of sci-fi TV series — 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment™ is issuing all 11 seasons/218 episodes of The X-Files on DVD/Blu-ray box set on October 15, 2018 to commemorate the pop culture phenomenon’s 25th anniversary. Now you can binge watch (take the week off from work) all those elusive flying saucers, aliens, monsters, demonic stuff, and subsequent government conspiracies. That’s the good news. The bad news is its only available (for now) in England. Blimey!

The X-Files

Yeah, there’s been X-Files box sets before, the last one released a few years ago and only went to Season 10. At $148.00 for the Blu-ray collection and $119.00 for the DVD set, it was still a bargain at twice the price. The only drag is that the new box set contains 59 discs; Trying to find a particular episode in a sea of shows seems unduly laborious (sorry — word of the day calendar).

The X-Files

So while you click on over to Amazon.co.uk to buy it ($117.00 in U.S. converted dollars), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worthy of a Fox Muldar/Dana Scully investigation…

Light As A Feather

LIGHT AS A FEATHER (October 12, 2018/Hulu)
“An innocent game of ‘Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board’ goes wrong when the five teen girls who played start dying off in the exact way that was predicted, forcing the survivors to figure out why they’re being targeted — and whether the evil force hunting them down is one of their own.”

Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Sounds more like a wishful health condition than a game. If it’s pure evil they’re looking for, those girls should start playing Twister™, the Exorcist edition.

Welcome To Mercy

WELCOME TO MERCY (November 2, 2018)
“A young woman struggles against the unholy forces that possess her in this terrifying occult thriller. After being stricken with stigmata, single mother Madaline is sent to a remote convent where nothing is what it seems and her friend August is seemingly the only person she can trust. Together, they must confront the demons inside Madaline before she becomes the Antichrist.”

Wikipedia™ defines stigmata as a term used in Christian Mysticism to describe the manifestations of bodily wounds, scars and pain in locations corresponding to the crucifixion wounds of Jesus Christ, such as the hands, wrists, and feet. My bartender defines it as falling into sharp sticker bushes while wobbling home unholy drunk.

Mail Order Monster

MAIL ORDER MONSTER (November 6, 2018)
“12-year-old Sam Pepper lost her mother in a car accident and her reclusive, quirky nature makes her an easy target for bullying. Realizing she’d had enough, Sam orders the parts to build a ‘Monster’ from a comic book ad, and is finally able to get back at the bully. Life becomes gets more complicated when Sam discovers her father Roy proposes to his girlfriend Sydney, Pepper relies on her monster to keep her from getting a new mom.”

Comic book back page ads in my day only sold stuff like X-Ray glasses (didn’t work), live Seamonkeys (didn’t float), Kryptonite “rocks” (regular rocks painted green) and Space Shoes for $1.98 (still wearing ‘em).

Zoo

ZOO (2018/2019)
“Karen and John have lost the spark of married life the day they were notified that they were unable to conceive. Now they almost live like the walking dead, imprisoned by everyday life and on the verge of divorce. When the world is hit by a pandemic that really turns people into zombies, the couple have to lock themselves in their apartment, waiting for rescue. While the world outside is falling apart, they are forced to find their way back to each other and reclaim their lost love.”

Stuck indoors while zombies are taking over outside and nothing to do but practice making babies? This doesn’t sound like a dark horror comedy but rather…THE BEST MOVIE IN THE WORLD!

Venomous Coffee, Demon Soul-Sucker, Biker Biters

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 28, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Moldy Mugs

What instead of you drinking coffee or discount vodka from your favorite mug, the mug drinks from you? That’s the genius behind Moldy Mugs, a series of handcrafted and expertly designed (by Joe Rowles) horror drinking cups (ranging from 12 oz. to 17 oz.).

While these mugs carry a hefty price ($90.00 for a the 12 oz. version), how flippin’ cool would it be to wrap your coffee/discount vodka sucking mouth hole around one of these magnificent hand-washable art pieces?

Moldy Mugs

While you FINISH READING this blog, click HERE to visit Moldy Mugs — featuring their new Venom™ entry — and get ready to have the life sucked out of you for a change. In the meantime, here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not transport you the way discount vodka never fails to do…

Another Soul

ANOTHER SOUL (available now)
Megan cannot stop the nightmares. Her parents, Rob and Susan, are at their wit’s end. When a couple suggest Megan’s soul may be the target of a soul-hungry demon, the family find themselves in a battle for Megan’s life.”

Megan rhymes with Regan, another young girl the target of an evil entity about 45 years ago. So would this be a rip-off 1973’s The Exorcist, but with higher-def projectile vomiting? Of the 23 possible answers, The Magic 8-Ball™ says, “Signs point to yes.”

Down A Dark Hall

DOWN A DARK HALL (August 17, 2018)
Kit, a difficult young girl, is sent to the mysterious Blackwood Boarding School run by eccentric headmistress Madame Duret. While exploring the labyrinthine corridors of the school, Kit and her classmates discover that Blackwood Manor hides an age-old secret rooted in the paranormal.”

I liked it better when it was called Suspiria (Italy, 1977).

Howlers

HOWLERS (2018)
“A mysterious monster hunter from the Old West who returns from the grave to stop a bloodthirsty werewolf motorcycle gang from terrorizing a small town.”

Not a new concept. Anyone remember the cult schlock classic Werewolves on Wheels (1971)? If you don’t, your mom does.

West of Hell

WEST OF HELL (2018)
“A gunslinger and a vengeful ex-slave board a midnight train to Atlanta. They discover that the train is haunted by a sinister force…and may not be headed to Atlanta after all.”

Yep, they got on the train to New Jersey by accident.

Staged Evil, Shamed Werewolves, Flesh-Eating Spiders

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 6, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Exorcist

With the Catholic church constantly sweeping demonic possession under those “authentic” Shroud of Turin throw rugs they sell in church gift shops, it’s a rare treat to see a live person turned into swear jar cursing, green liquid spewing vessel for Satan. Outside of The Poggie Tavern, of course.

The ExorcistWith the stage adaptation of The Exorcist now playing in London at the Phoenix Theatre (lucky buggers), you get to see all of that and more for the mere pittance of anywhere from £15.00 to £75.00 plus £3.50 transaction fee. (In U.S. Benjamins: $11.47 – probably nosebleed seating to $57.37 – show-off). The transaction fee in U.S. is $2.68. Heck, you could buy a small statuette of the Devil stamped with “I’m Totally Evil” in the church gift shop for that amount. (FYI — they don’t float in the bathtub.)

The Exorcist

From the press release: “After spawning five films and a television series on FOX, William Peter Blatty’s The Exorcist is now a stage adaptation at the UK’s Phoenix Theatre, playing October 26, 2017 through March 10, 2018. Unleashed onto the West End stage for the very first time, the play is ‘a uniquely theatrical experience’ directed by award-winning film and theatre director, Sean Mathias.”

“A uniquely theatrical experience” means the first three rows are gonna get wet.

For those of us who have more pounds than £s, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worth sitting in the first three rows for…

Blood Bound

BLOOD BOUND (2018)
“Bound to an ancient pact, a family of unlimited power descend upon a small rural town to sacrifice four human lives, one being a member of their own family.”

My first thought was vampires. But the same plot can be applied to any family Thanksgiving dinner.

A Hole In The Ground

A HOLE IN THE GROUND (2018)
“A young single mother is trapped between rationality and the unexplained as she becomes convinced her little boy has been transformed by something sinister from the depths of a mysterious sinkhole.”

Recalls Jug Face (2013). The storyline to that plot boiler is a jaw dropper: “Pregnant with her brother’s child, a teen tries to escape from her backwoods community after learning that she is to be sacrificed to a creature that lives in a deep pit.” There are so many things wrong with that sentence. For instance, “backwoods community”? That seems so condescending.

Slice

SLICE (2018)
“When a pizza delivery driver is murdered on the job, the city searches for someone to blame. Ghosts? Drug dealers? A disgraced werewolf?”

Kinda makes you wonder what disgraced the werewolf. Did he run past a fire hydrant without sniffing and/or peeing on it? Did he shave? Is he a vegetarian? If one or more, the death penalty would be too lenient.

Guardians of the Tomb

GUARDIANS OF THE TOMB (2018)
“A team of scientists, who while making the discovery of the century, lose a colleague in an ancient labyrinth. The group must battle their way through a swarm of deadly, man-eating funnel web spiders and discover the secret behind the arachnids’ power and intelligence — before it’s too late.”

There’s an alternate title for this one: Nest 3D. That would only work if it had words like “Giant Garbage”, “Giant Mutant Cow” or Giant Money” before the word “Nest.” Still, they reeled me in with “man-eating funnel web spiders.” That’s the kind of term you only hear in discount restaurant kitchens.

TV Exorcisms, Human Shake ’n Bake, Family Ghosts

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 27, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Exorcist: Chapter Two

Diggin’ the latest teaser key art for The Exorcist, Chapter 2, which premiers September 29, 2017 on Fox™. The first season was suprisingly cool as sick, so I look forward to being possessed by the second season. My only hope is that they’ll show more evil throw up scenes as I’m tired of seeing it performed live in dive bars.

Speaking of public displays of affection, here are a few now recently released horror movies (trying to get through the backload) that may or may not give you a case of the technicolor yawns…

The Evil Within

THE EVIL WITHIN (available now)
“A lonely, mentally handicapped boy who befriends his reflection in an antique mirror. This demonic creature orders him to go on a murderous rampage to kill the people he loves most.”

I don’t like the guy in my mirror. While the reflection doesn’t at first appear to be too demonic, he always seems so smug and constantly fussing with his hair as if some sort of diva doppelgänger. And when he brushes his teeth, he looks like a rabid dog and gets Colgate™ foam all over the mirror and his shirt — and just leaves it there! What a tool.

Revelator

REVELATOR (available now)
John Dunning, a disgraced psychic who sees the dead, is thrust in the midst of the embattled Bellvue family empire, and must investigate the suspicious death of the last heir, while cynical journalist Valerie Kreuger documents his every move; but when the death is ruled a murder and John the sole suspect, he must venture into the depths of madness to uncover the truth about the family and their power, before he loses his mind — or worse.”

Isn’t the term “disgraced psychic” an oxymoron? As for venturing into the depths of madness, isn’t that called “Congress”? If I were to hire a pyschic, I’d ask him/her if there’s a beer in my future and… Wait, I must be a psychic as I’m foretelling the answer as being a resounding yes! I bet I’m an heir to at least a keg’s worth. Sweet!

200 Degrees

200 DEGREES (available now)
“A stock broker awakens inside a sealed industrial kiln. A mysterious voice informs him that if he does not hand over $1 million, the temperature inside will steadily increase until he is burned alive.”

Kiln ’em all — heh. A million smackos doesn’t seem like too much to ask. Maybe the killer could charge different amounts for rare, medium, and well done. Restaurants do it all the time.

The Atoning

THE ATONING (available now)
Haunted by ghostly apparitions, two parents try to protect their son from a terrible secret from their past that could destroy their family.”

All families have terrible secrets. You don’t need ghosts to point that out. My terrible family secret is that we’re all normal. I feel so ashamed. Don’t look at me.

Teenage Wiccans, Alien Ghosts, Hair Metal Horror

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, UFOs, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 21, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Sabrina The Teenage Witch

Here’s some wild, but not totally unexpected news: The CW and Warner Bros. are teaming up on Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, a remake of the hit comedy TV show, Sabrina The Teenage Witch (1996 — 2003), but with a darker edge. Kinda like what they did recently with Archie and Riverdale.

From the press release: “ This is a re-imagining of the origin and adventures of Sabrina as a dark coming-of-age story that traffics in horror, the occult, and witchcraft. The series is described as being tonally in the vein of horror classics like Rosemary’s Baby and The Exorcist and will see Sabrina wrestling to reconcile her dual nature as a half-witch, half-mortal while standing against the evil forces that threaten her, her family, and the daylight world humans inhabit.”

Sabrina The Teenage Witch

Wonder if Casper The Friendly Ghost will make a cameo? If so, hope they take the friendly part out and just have him mysterying up the hood while looking for the body of Casper the dead kid.

Until that day arrives, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies/TV series to conjure on the tube…

Ghosted

GHOSTED (October 1, 2017/Twitter)
Leroy Wright is a cynical skeptic and former missing persons detective, who thinks that ‘aliens’ are a big ’ol bunch of B.S. and that people who believe in them are certifiably nuts — people like Max Jennifer. Max is a genius true believer in the paranormal who’s convinced his wife was abducted by aliens.”

A new comedy “ghost-busting” TV series on Fox™, premiering first on Twitter™ of all things. The trailers look pretty funny — like I do after a night of imbibing (sorry — word of the day calendar), so I guess I’ll watch it. But not on Twitter — I’m gonna watch it on TV like everyone should legally do.

Dead Ant

DEAD ANT (October 10, 2017)
“When the one-hit-wonder glam metal band Sonic Grave embark on a trip to Coachella in hopes of a comeback, their peyote trip pit stop in Joshua Tree incites an ‘unworldly’ viscous attack, and they must rock themselves out of harms way.”

Poison

“Rock themselves out of harms way.” Sounds like the story of my life. Hair metal fans will see the rip-off/homage of Maybelline™ models Poison’s 1986 Look What The Cat Dragged In debut album on the key art. I’ll watch it, but just know that my mantra is “thrashin’, not fashion.”

The Sandman

THE SANDMAN (October 14, 2017)
“With a clandestine government agency closing in on the young girl, Claire and Madison will have to work together to find a way to stop the Sandman before he claims his next victim. Factor in the sinister Valentine who leads a cadre of bureaucrats who do not mean well and soon, strange things start happening whenever Madison is around. Things move around by themselves. Cabinet doors open and close. Almost as if there’s some kind of supernatural entity in the house. It’s a journey you’ll have to fully experience to understand.”

Sounds like 1984’s Firestarter, wherein a little girl who can make things burn just by using her mind, is chased by those looking to apply her skills to a job in the government. I say give the little gal a bag of marshmallows and make snacks happen.

Blood Runs Thick

 

BLOOD RUNS THICK (2018)
“A beautiful young woman struggles with frightening hallucinations and a crumbling mental state after her husband goes missing.”

Horrible movie art. Looks like it was done by someone who was hallucinating and in the grips of a crumbling mental state. Hey, I just described ME!

Old Witches, New Demons, Modern Zombies

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 3, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Walking Dead Official Cookbook

There’s an ironic aspect to the AMC’s official cookbook (and survival guide) from The Walking Dead as the only meals on the menu are humans — and they’re eaten tatare, not cooked. Yeah, TWD had non-zombie people butchering other non-zombie people and grilling the succulent carved butt roasts for their protein needs. Unless you came up with a marinade or spices to flesh out (sorry) the flavor, you don’t really need a cookbook. Just heat and eat.

While you chew (sorry) on that, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not cleanse the palette…

The Cured

THE CURED (September 9, 2017)
“In the aftermath of a devastating virus which transformed the infected into zombie-like monsters, Mankind is struggling to rebuild societies deeply divided between the uninfected and those who did succumb to the virus and are still haunted by their violent actions. In the backdrop, the rise of a terrorist movement threatens to plunge the world into chaos again.”

This one was formerly titled First Wave. Glad they changed it as it sounded like a surfer movie. The premise echoes that of the The Returned (2013) French zombie movie and subsequent TV series. A thought — if you substituted “virus” with “beer” you get the same results.

The Killing of a Sacred Deer

THE KILLING OF A SACRED DEER (October 27, 2017)
Steven, a charismatic surgeon, is forced to make an unthinkable sacrifice after his life starts to fall apart, when the behavior of a teenage boy he has taken under his wing turns sinister.

A charismatic surgeon? I bet he’s a real cut-up. Heh.

Demons

DEMONS (October 6, 2017/VOD)
“A psychological thriller that marries elements of The Exorcist, The Shining and The Big Chill, Demons tells of a celebrated fiction writer and former priest who, along with his wife, are tormented by the ghost of her late sister, as the details of her grisly death are slowly uncovered.”

When they say “marries elements of…”, it usually means ripped off. But what do you expect from a premise so overused, they could’ve bought the script from Goodwill™.

Pyewacket

PYEWACKET (2017/2018)
“A frustrated, angst-ridden teenage girl awakens something in the woods when she naively performs an occult ritual to evoke a witch to kill her mother.”

Had to look up “Pyewacket” as it seemed like a made-up word, like “gummy bear” or “Lake Titicaca.” Turns out it’s an actual ghost of a witch, famously outed by Witchfinder General Matthew Hopkins back in March of 16444 in the town of Manningtree, Essex, England. I guess this makes Hopkins the first Ghostbuster.

Inner Demons, Outer Ghosts, Rock Gods

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 20, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Demon Inside

Quite happy to see riveting TV series The Exorcist and Gotham getting renewed second and fourth seasons respectively. Still hoping the SyFy Channel™ continues with Channel Zero. That one was quite couch gluer. This comes amid news that TV stations are canceling shows left and right. Why don’t you just cut off my blood supply, you numbers-crunching douchebags?

While we wait to see who else makes the chopping block, here’s a few just-released and upcoming horror movies to take your mind off the cancellation of Emerald City after one season instead of YET ANOTHER season of the weak Fear of the Walking Dead, which has been a mixed laundry load mess from episode one..

THE DEMON INSIDE (available now/VOD)
“Years after his release from jail, Sam Parsons is trying to build his life with his wife Courtney and their young daughter Harper. He works hard to provide for his family and afford their beautiful home in their quiet suburban neighborhood. When supernatural occurrences start to happen in the house, Sam fears for the safety of his wife and daughter. When the occurrences turn into attacks, Sam hires Corbin Carlysle and his reality TV show ghost hunting team known as ‘The Ghost Killers’ to help him battle the dark entity that’s lurking in the shadows of his home. To win this fight Sam must battle his own inner demons and revert back to his violent past. In order to save the ones he loves, a Demon must face a Demon.”

Inner demon versus outer demon. That’s like trying to suppress a fart in church as opposed to someone sitting next to you in said holy structure just falling shy of crapping his/her pants. (Guess that’s why they call ‘em “pews.”) Probably a her, though. Lady flatulence may be perfume fragrant, but dang are they funny.

The Lost Case

THE LOST CASE (available now/VOD)
The Lost Case is a found footage horror film based on a popular television show, Ghost Doctor TV. With a first-person perspective, the audience gets to see the story first-hand through the eyes of the show production crews, Itt and Por.”

Only a ghost hunting team would be made up of people with names like Itt” and “Por.” Can’t get real jobs with names like that, not even at Kinkos™, who will hire street kids with pink hair. They should’ve stuck with Ghost Doctor TV as the title, though. A proctology exam conducted by a medically-trained poltergeist would be a LOT less invasive.

Killswitch

KILLSWITCH (available now/VOD)
“A military experiment to harness unlimited energy goes horribly awry, leaving a pilot with no choice but to fight through an imploding world to save his family and the planet itself.”

Don’t let the bland press release fool you. This one looks to be a real earth-burner, what with the world exploding/imploding (same thing) and such. Glad I don’t live there,

Griffin's Ghost

GRIFFIN’S GHOST (2017)
Griffin Kidder is a career New Yorker with a strong yearning to be a mother. Ready to start a peaceful life outside the city, Griffin and her construction-savvy husband purchase a dilapidated house to renovate, only to discover the suburban home already has residents: a scarred family of apparitions.”

Hide And Seek

Serviceable if not stock ghost story. However, I do take issue with the key art, which looks a heckuva lot like 2005’s Hide And Seek. I swear, sometimes I have the associative recognizance of a beaver or community college educated lemur.

A Beginner's Guide To Snuff

A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO SNUFF (June 16, 2017)
“Two brothers kidnap an actress, torture her, and make her think she is going to die.”

The trailer is hilarious, which makes me think this is a family comedy with swear words. It also echoes 2008’s British horror comedy The Cottage, with the stunningly multi attractive Jennifer Ellison turning the tables on her dumbass captors. Say what you will about supermodels — when cornered, they can really kick some arse.

Chris Cornell