Archive for terror

Zombie Cartoons, Undead Dinosaurs, All Purpose Evil

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 24, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Michael and Jason

From artist Joe Gallimore comes a wicked cool mash-up with Michael Myers from Halloween (1978) and the infamous Friday the 13th VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989) key art, which was actually banned back in the day by the New York City Tourism committee. (All Republicans, no doubt.)

While we still wait for the New York City Tourism committee to pull their heads out of their Port Authority, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not get banned…

Zombiology

ZOMBIOLOGY (available now)
“When a monster from a popular animated show appears and starts a zombie outbreak, it’s up to eccentric duo Lung and Chi-Yeung to stand up and fight the horde of the recently deceased, and save their friends from all around chaos!”

I wish more cartoon characters would come to life and cause chaos. Just think of what Scooby Doo could do to/on your lawn.

The Incantation

THE INCANTATION (available now)
“A young American girl has a chance of a lifetime to visit her ancestors castle in the south of France, only to find that her family is hiding deep, dark secrets about their nefarious past, far away from prying eyes.”

YET ANOTHER family with deep, dark secrets. Got me thinking about my own family and what secrets THEY might be hiding. Time to kick down the door of the ‘ol ancestral outhouse and see if there’s a nefarious stuff laying around.

The Jurassic Dead

THE JURASSIC DEAD (Summer, 2018)
“A unit of mercenaries must team up with a group of tech-geek students after American is struck with an EMP attack. Deep in the desert, they find the source of the terror, a mad scientist who has also just created a living dead T-Rex dinosaur, one who turns everyone it attacks into a zombie. Now they must scramble to stay alive and save the planet from the ultimate undead predator.”

Hate to whiz in your punchbowl, but there was a zombie dinosaur movie before this: Z-Rex: The Jurassic Dead (2016). Maybe they know each other or are cousins on their mother’s side. Or it could be a simple case of plagiarism. Best to consult the family paleontologist.

Tormented

TORMENTED (2018)
“A tragic car accident leads a family into a nightmare of supernatural terror as an ancient evil haunts their dreams.”

Supernatural terror and ancient evil go hand in hand, like peanut butter and Cheetos™. What, you’ve never tried peanut butter on Cheetos™? Like supernatural terror and ancient evil, they’re to die for.

Skinwalkers, Prime Time Cults, Evil Birdhouses

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Vampires, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 28, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Evil Dead Birdhouse

Every time I think there are no more cool things to distract me from real life, up pops a thing so cool, life itself becomes meaningless. This time it’s The Evil Dead (1981) horror cabin made into a birdhouse. Made by Reddit’s murdrfaze — and soon-to-be for sale (albeit severely limited to 10) — the birdhouses are constructed by hand and the rock chimney made from creek stones. I feel that’s pretty dang cool.

I’d probably buy one but I think all the birds in my neighborhood are already possessed by the same demons that made The Evil Dead cabin so evil. If you could see how many times I have to wash the bird crap off my car, you’d swear some giant, flying beaked monster ate a high fiber city and decided to pooptie all over my hooptie.

Speaking of things that may or may not make you wanna soil yourself (or on someone else’s car that’s not mine), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that could qualify as being quite craptacular…

The Monster Project

THE MONSTER PROJECT (August 18, 2017)/Limited/VOD)
“A group of aspiring horror filmmakers, eager to raise their YouTube™ subscriber count, post an online casting call for ‘real life’ monsters to interview for their documentary. They find three participants and choose to film them sharing their haunted experiences in a mansion in the woods on the night of a lunar eclipse. The production suddenly turns into a nightmare when the participants transform into a real skinwalker, vampire, and demon forcing the unsuspecting crew to fight for their lives.”

Cool title and premise. Wish they called me to be one of the monsters; I think I’d make for a pretty good werewolf/skinwalker, what with my long hair and penchant for ribeye steaks with a side of khakis. And no, I wouldn’t go around sniffing butts. Even as a werewolf, I’d maintain at least a few social standards.

AHS: Cult

AMERICAN HORROR STORY: CULT (September 5, 2017)
“Politics and clowns play a pivotal role in AHS: Cult.”

Clowns and politicians. Thought they were one in the same. The new art, though, suggests bees will somehow be around to create a buzz (heh) about AHS’s seventh season. I hear it’ll be an 11-episode dealie. Was not a big fan of season six (Roanoke), though I did like season 5 (Hotel). Pretty dang gory, violent and entertaining because of those two essential horror ingredients. So for season seven, keep those and just add a little…honey. (Heh.)

Leatherface

LEATHERFACE
(September 21, 2017/DirecTV/October 20, 2017Theatrical/VOD)

“Jessica Madsen plays one of four inmates who escape from a mental hospital. One of them becomes the title character and iconic slasher. The quartet kidnap a young nurse and take her on a road trip from hell. Along the way, they are pursued by an equally deranged lawman out for revenge.”

Wrote about this one back on October 25 of the year 2016 A.D.. But hey, new poster and a locked ’n loaded (finally) release date. Here’s some more info that’ll rev up you — it’s being given an R rating for “strong bloody violence, disturbing images, language and some sexuality/nudity.” I have no problem with that.

Camp Cold Brook

CAMP COLD BROOK (in production)
Camp Cold Brook centers around a horrific incident in 1993 when dozens of young campers, without warning, stand at attention, seemingly in a hypnotic trance, and proceed to attack not only each other but the staff as well with deadly intent. The survivors then bind their feet with rope tethered to large rocks and drag themselves into the nearby lake.”

“Twenty-five years later, reality TV ghost hunter Jack Wilson finds himself in a tough spot. His show, Haunted Places, is on the brink of being canceled. In a last ditch effort to spark ratings to land a final season, he and his producers, as well as their trusted cameraman, choose the legend of Camp Cold Brook to try to save their show.”

“Their arrival begins like any other episode. Cameras are placed, and the team sets up shop in the dilapidated lodge and waits. But this is not going to be a regular episode. The terror here was real, and the 30 are about to rise.”

Yes, this has been done before, so quit e-yawning. That’s MY job.

Horror Massacre’d

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 31, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

The suggestive noun “massacre” – a 1580s, French word meaning “wholesale slaughter, carnage” – first got its Broadway movie marquee worthy start in 1974 with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Few, if any horror movies, has ever had a better title. You didn’t even need to see it as the name said it all and gave you nightmares in your pants.

Horror Massacre

This set off a series of horror movies using that highly marketable buzzword, including The Slumber Party Massacre (1982), Sorority House Massacre (1986), Nail Gun Massacre (1985), Swingers Massacre (1975), Drive-in Massacre (1977), and my fav, Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre (aka, Harpoon/2009). P.S. No whales were massacred during the filming of said movie – just endangered people.

Now, because it just seems right, “massacre” is making a comeback, despite the evening news tarnishing its reputation. Three new horror movies – Garden Party Massacre, The Funhouse Massacre and Sheborg Massacre, all have imminent release dates as it pertains to the calendar you’re looking at on your smartass phone.

Here’s press release sales pitches as to why you might let these movies massacre your wallet…

Garden Party Massacre

GARDEN PARTY MASSACRE
A fast-paced, hilarious romp in the vein of Shaun of the Dead (2004) and Tucker and Dale vs. Evil (2010), telling the tale of a backyard gathering of friends that goes horribly awry when an unexpected guest arrives. With a pickax. And an attitude.

The Funhouse Massacre

THE FUNHOUSE MASSACRE
Six of the worlds scariest psychopaths escape from a local asylum and proceed to unleash terror on the unsuspecting crowd of a Halloween Funhouse whose themed mazes are inspired by their various reigns of terror.

Sheborg Massacre

SHEBORG MASSACRE
When an alien fugitive crash lands into a local puppy farm and begins turning people into machines that feed on puppy flesh, Dylan – a self styled tough girl and punk activist — has to decide if she believes in any cause enough to risk her life, take on the SheBorg menace, and save the world.

Daily News

All three sound pretty cool. Doubtful they’ll instill as much horifying impact as the evening news, though. Thanks, mainstream media, for desensitizing me. Now all I do is laugh when watching horror movies. We weren’t supposed to do that.

Visiting Flesh-Eaters

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 24, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Visitors

Wanna see a couple of ill-intent criminals consumed by a flesh-eating creature? Well hey – who doesn’t?

Gonna cost you, though. The Visitors – a crowd-funded movie on Indiegogo [click here] that’s reputed to contain healthy elements of The Evil Dead and The Thing, need your fun bucks to make the criminal-eating possible.

Here’s the pitch: “After settling into their new home in the country, the Cooper family’s night of peaceful relaxation is brought to an abrupt halt when two mysterious drifters come knocking on their door. As the drifters attempt to unleash a strategic plan of terror upon the unsuspecting family, their plan is soon foiled by a flesh-eating creature fixated on only one thing – survival.”

The Visitors

“In order for the family to survive the night they must entrust in the one person who once sought to harm them, but as the events of the evening begin to unravel it becomes clear that there is more to this situation than meets the eye and more than one monster lurking in the shadows.”

Hmm – sounds like they need to work together with one or more criminals to fend off this creature that eats flesh. Since The Visitors is set in the country, I’m betting the flesh-eating creature is a mad cow with mad cow disease. Makes sense when you think about it.