Archive for Tattoo

Shadow People, Fender Bender UFOs, Last Call Hags

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 27, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Awaken The Shadowman

Thinking about getting a painless tattoo. Up until now, the only needle I’ve felt the sting with is those annual anti-zombie virus shots I get as insurance. Nope, the canvas that is my remarkably soft skin is ink free. And yet, how cool would it be to get a tattoo of the Alien chest-burster on my back? I’d put it on my chest, but that’s what society would EXPECT. That’s a rule. I don’t do rules. Although, as a rule, I brush my teeth twice a day. So yeah, a bit hypocritical of me, but as I always say, be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.

Speaking of things that may or may not have bite, here are few more upcoming horror and sci-fi movies to sink your teeth into. Chew with your mouth closed, please. Not a rule, just common courtesy.

AWAKEN THE SHADOWMAN (July 21, 2017 (Limited); July 25, 2017 (VOD)
“After the mysterious disappearance of their mother, estranged brothers reunite and discover an unknown supernatural force.”

Is it Slenderman working on a new stand-up routine? Is it a prankster poltergeist looking to get you to involuntarily soil the sheets? (Which would be flippin’ hysterical.) Is it a half-transparent baby-sitter? Is it all of the above? I can only hope and pray by crossing my fingers really hard.

Landing Lake

“When a technical team is sent to repair a communication station they quickly realize that something may be coming from the nearby lake that is affecting their minds. As they lose their inhibitions their most primal desires take hold. It seems that only one of the team is permitted to bond with the unseen entity and so be reborn in a new body. A terrifying game of strategy not to survive, but rather to die with the promise of life anew.”

This one’s already getting attention, but for the wrong reasons. One horror movie blog says it’s a prime candidate for the worse movie trailer of the year. Geez, don’t sugar coat it, guys. From what I was able to piece together is that a UFO crashed landed up at Crash Landing Lake (heh) a while back and no one came looking for it. I would’ve — and I’d sell it on Craigslist™ and become a billionaire. So yeah, probably alien gunk got into the lake and anyone skinny dipping in it is gonna have their cracked Liberty Bell infected by said space goo. This often ends in hilarious results.

Blue Book

BLUE BOOK (2017/History Channel)
Blue Book is a scripted UFO drama series chronicling the true top secret U.S. Air Force-sponsored investigations into UFO-related phenomena in the 1950s and ’60s, known as Project Blue Book. The series follows Dr. J. Allen Hynek, a brilliant college professor recruited by the U.S. Air Force to spearhead this clandestine operation that researched thousands of cases, many of which were never solved. Each episode will draw from the actual files, blending UFO theories with authentic historical events from one of the most mysterious eras in United States history.”

UFOs seem to be getting a bump up these days, what with the ongoing success of Ancient Aliens. So it makes sense do a spin-off series about all those TRUE stories of saucers and the unearthly pilots that fly and sometimes run ‘em into New Mexico dirt. Wonder if aliens are have to carry saucer insurance? If so, what are the rates? Hopefully Blue Book will fill in these blanks


SLUMBER (2017)
“Alice, a rationally minded sleep doctor, is forced to abandon scientific reason and accept a family is being terrorized by a parasitic demon which has existed in every human culture since records began. Paralyzing victims as they sleep, the ‘Night Hag’ is the original Nightmare.”

Night Hag — that’s what we refer to the last call gals at The Poggie Tavern. And I wouldn’t put it past ‘em to mess with you while you’re trying to deal with hangover paralysis. FYI: keep your wallet in your front pocket.

Show Us Your Tats

Posted in Evil, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 1, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in


The Tattooist

Scumbag tattoo artist Jake Sawyer travels the world looking for design ideas to steal. Marketing them as “healing tats” (there are claims his ink work is medicinal), he gets all kinds of freak clients, including an Asian father who wants his ailing 9 year-old son to get a chest tattoo. (Most kids should wait ’til they’re 11 before getting ink.)

The Tattooist

While “researching” new concepts, Jake witnesses a bitch ass painful Samoan tattooing ritual called “pe’a,” during which a subject honors his ancestors, culture and heritage with a “britches” tattoo that completely covers his upper legs, crotch area (OK, ouch), and up over his abdomen. This is done with a tool called an Autapulu (back-scratcher with razor-sharp comb-y teeth) and a Sausa, a mallet used to pound the Autapulu into your screaming flesh. If someone did that to me, I’d totally pe’a my britches.

The Tattooist

Stealing the Autapulu, Jake later scratches himself on the device and begins having nightmarish flashbacks of involuntary flesh being tattooed to death. After inking several clients Jake discovers that a curse has been transferred to him, which invokes an invisible restless spirit that is compelled to finish a pe’a on each of Jake’s customers. The spirit doesn’t stop until the entire body is covered in ink/pain. Oh, yeah – their blood turns to ink as well. (Hey, I just made a joke – ink well. I’m awesome!) Ink blood, though, is not cool, made even more so by the fact Jake’s new girlfriend was one of his clients…and now the spirit is after her.

The Tattooist

Lots of cultural background (way more interesting than the actual black-faced ghost spirit), lots of tattooing (it’s supposed to hurt), and a nice turnaround as to who/what the spirit is and why he/she/it keeps pounding Autapulu into butt skin as though tenderizing a flank steak. The Tattooist (2007)is an above-average spin on horror, which is almost as gratifying as finally getting a new pair of pe’a pants.