Archive for tampon

When A Man Loves A Vermin

Posted in Classic Horror, Fantasy, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 21, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Burial of the Rats

A cult of man-hating, half-naked (or half-dressed) chicks go around slaughtering guys who are stinky and who treat women like unsanitary napkins.

Burial of the Rats

After being captured by said warriorettes, Bram Stroker, uh, Stoker, is imprisoned and soon to be ritualistically executed – by hungry rats controlled by the Queen of Vermin (Adrienne Barbeau). Because her boobs are so big, she controls the pestilent furballs with ease.

Burial of the Rats

Bram convinces the queen that he could ride along with them and document their escapades, and possibly get it made into a library book. Off they go, raiding convenience stores (or, “whore houses” as they were called back in the 1800s), saving young women from being debauched.

Burial of the Rats

One of the cult grrls falls for Bram and does it with him on the dungeon floor. This makes one of the other cult grrls mad, and all tampon hell breaks loose.

Burial of the Rats

The appropriately titled Burial of the Rats (1995) is loaded with rats, blood, gore, swords, boobs, bare bottoms, and loin-tingling excitement. (Fun fact: I auditioned for the role of Bram Stoker but didn’t get it. Rats.)

Extraterrestrial Feminine Hygiene

Posted in Aliens, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on February 10, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Alien Tampon

It makes you wonder what going through the minds of the filmmakers behind the upcoming Alien Tampon (2015) when they decided that was an awesome movie title. Where they sitting around drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon tall boys and watching discount porn? Were the trying to out gross Terror at Bloodfart Lake (2009)? Or are the filmmakers using the tampon as a new spin on extraterrestrial probe jobs?

Alien Tampon

At any rate Alien Tampon is one of those movies you won’t be able to help but watch, just to see how far they push the concept. No plot yet, but doubt they need one. Ick factor (for non-fetish guys, anyway) likely running high, which can be somewhat excused as it’s a “horror, science-fiction, comedy, action” film.

P.S. There’s a sequel to Terror at Bloodfart Lake titled predictably enough, Return to Bloodfart Lake (2012). Sounds like the time I spent at summer camp as a kid who discovered “accidental” bodily noises to be absolutely hysterical. Some things never change.