Archive for Tales From the Crypt

Halloween Pulp Fiction

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Slashers, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 27, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Trick 'r Treat

Filmed in a Tales From the Crypt comic book style, Trick ’r Treat (2009) plays as a dark horror comedy with five overlapping stories (think Pulp Fiction/1994) that demonstrates the consequences of breaking Halloween traditions. 

Trick 'r Treat

The first one is that you don’t blow out the candle on a Jack-O-Lantern until Halloween is over. OK, I’m guilty of that. What can I say, hot pumpkins stink. Secondly, you’re not supposed to take your decorations down until Halloween is over. No problem there — I usually leave mine up through Christmas. Thirdly, always check your candy. I trick-or-treat for booze, so unless it’s non-alcoholic beer the top comes off, followed by my pants. 

Trick 'r Treat

The atmospheric stories all take place on the same Halloween night. “The Principal” revolves around a grade school principal whose homework includes pain, suffering and dismemberment. In that order. “Surprise Party” is a hairy take on the Little Red Riding Hood tale, but this time with hot high school chicks. Let’s just say these girls don’t shave their legs. This story is followed by “The Halloween School Bus Massacre Revisited” and the legend of a school bus driver who drops his mentally-handicapped kids off — in the lake at the bottom of the quarry. (The reason why he did it is actually quite grim — pay attention to this segment. I mean it.)

Trick 'r TreatLocal kids round up eight pumpkins as a tribute of those that perished in the “crash.” It was supposed to be a trick played on one of the kids (a gal hinted at being mentally-challenged), but the tables are turned when the drowned students make their way back to the bus stop. “Meet Sam,” the final — and best — story takes place at Old Man Kreeg’s house where Sam, the embodiment of Halloween (this kid is friggin’ creepy), shows up for his treat. Pet Sematary (1989) and the ankle tendon-slicing scene is given a tip of the hat here, while Sam reinforces Halloween’s lessons.

Trick 'r Treat

If you’re keeping track, all the characters show up in each other’s stories and give clues as to the secret of each. Very clever stuff. No nudity (dang it), lots of screaming (expected), gushes of blood (spills like a slashed trick-or-treat candy bag), and the smashing of pumpkins. Trick ’r Treat, seasonally appropriate and highly educational, could very well become A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965) for this and every Halloween. God bless us all.

Galloping Ghosts, Another Apocalypse, Leggy Mermaids

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 9, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Galloping Ghost Arcade

Wanna play rare and classic horror/sci-fi-themed pinball? Then you’re gonna have to gallop to the Galloping Ghost Arcade in Brookfield, IL. Depending where you live if not in Brookfield, the cost of getting there will be a LOT of quarters.

Galloping Ghost Arcade

The famed arcade now has said super rare pinball machines, ready to suck up your pocket change like a hobo Roomba™: Twilight Zone, A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Addams Family, Godzilla (the sucky 1998 monster, not the non-sucky 1954 version), Tales From The Crypt, Creature From The Black Lagoon, Aliens, and the super-rare one-of-a-kind prototype of Predator, with red skulls on elongated skeletal spines mounted on each side of the machine. If you lose, your skull plus spine gets ripped out and hung on the trophy wall. (It’d be cool if that were true.)

Galloping Ghost Arcade

$15 — $20 gets you unlimited play on all the machines all day. I would’ve paid at least $20.01. So while you inner weep with anguish that you’re not within tilting distance of the Galloping Ghost Arcade, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi TV series and movies that may or may not give you unlimited viewing for $20, give or take a few quarters…

The Passage

THE PASSAGE (January 14, 2019/Fox™)
“Based on author Justin Cronin’s trilogy of the same name, The Passage is a character-driven action drama that focuses on Project Noah, a secret medical facility where scientists experiment with a dangerous virus that could lead to the cure for all disease — but it also could potentially wipe out the human race. When a young girl is chosen to be a test subject, a federal agent is tasked with bringing her in, but he becomes her surrogate father, determined to protect her at any cost — even as Project Noah’s work threatens to unleash an unimaginable apocalypse.”

This one’s a TV series and sounds apocalyptical-y edgier than we’re used to getting from the Fox Network. The irony here being that most of Fox’s programming qualifies as apocalyptical-y craptacular, Gotham, The Exorcist and Lucifer notwithstanding. (Hell’s Kitchen? Is that stupid thing still on the air?)

10

10 (January 18, 2019/Netflix)
Sam, a teenage girl, is one of the last people on a post-cataclysmic Earth. With the final shuttle scheduled to leave the planet, she must decide whether to journey to the launch point and join the rest of humanity, or remain on Earth, a castaway in the only home she has ever known.”

This looks to be based on an episode of Futurama (“A Farewell To Arms”/2012). Don’t screw with a guy who knows his cartoons.

The Golem

THE GOLEM (February 5, 2019)
“During an outbreak of a deadly plague, a young woman, Hanna, must save her tight-knit Jewish community from invaders. Turning to Jewish mysticism, she conjures a dangerous entity to protect her and her people. However, the powerful creature she summons may be far more evil than anything she could have ever imagined.”

Wrote about the original Golem before — several times. It was done in 1915 and was a German silent film, blah, blah, blah. And yes, there have been remakes with the EXACT SAME PLOT.

The Isle

THE ISLE (February, 2019/Limited theater release)
“Set in 1846 on a remote island off the west coast of Scotland, where three survivors from a mysterious sinking of their merchant ship find themselves stranded on a small misty isle. The isle’s four sole secretive residents, an old harbor man, a farmer, his niece and a young mad woman, are anything but welcoming and reluctant to aid the sailors back to the mainland. The promise of a boat never materializes leading one of the sailors to question why people had abandoned the island. Through his investigation he discovers that every year around the same date a tragedy at sea would occur and young men from the island would perish. When his two shipmates meet with fatal accidents, the myth of a ghostly siren haunting the island leads him to try and uncover the truth.”

Sounds like mermaids with legs. (Come to think of it, nice visual.) This also seems to echo the plot of the new movie, The Vanishing (2019). I haven’t seen that one yet, but I don’t think it has mermaids with legs. Too bad; I might’ve watched it twice by now. 

Cults, Co-Eds, Contamination, Cataclysm

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 30, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Satanic

Is it just my imagination or are there horror movies being made all the time? Seems like I can’t get out of bed without stepping in a wet pile of new genre flicks. Don’t these filmmakers have day jobs? Wish I could sit in a tall chair all day and yell “Cut”! through a huge megaphone. That’d be sweet.

That implied, here are four new horror flicks (as if this e-blogging) to goose up your Halloween before Christmas decorations go up the day after.

SATANIC (October 4, 2016)
Satanic follows a van full of young, college-aged coeds who are visiting old Satanic Panic-era sites in Los Angeles. They end up following the creepy owner of an occult store home, only to find themselves saving a suspicious girl from an apparent human sacrifice. Only this ‘victim’ turns out to be much more than dangerous then the cult from which she escaped.”

College-aged co-eds. Sounds like an oxymoron, with emphasis on the moron. Does this make it chick horror? Of course it does.

Antidote

ANTIDOTE (October 21, 2016)
Antidote takes place in a plague-ridden, post-apocalyptic world. Here, a man and woman face unimaginable horrors. When he suddenly becomes infected, they have to contend with the fact that the only possible cure slowly drives him mad.”

How come the future is always post-apocalyptic, plague-ridden and…oh, that’s right –Republicans.

The Curse of Doctor Wolffenstein

THE CURSE OF DOCTOR WOLFFENSTEIN (October 25, 2016)
“80 years ago, the diabolical Dr. Victor Wolffenstein wanted nothing more than to be immortal. His tireless quest led him to create a vaccine that did just that, but also infected his body with a flesh-rotting form of necrosis. As the doctor’s limbs literally fell apart, he tried to replace them by using the crudely removed arms and legs of the local villagers who, in order to stop Wolffenstein’s reign of terror, captured him and buried him alive for his crimes.”

There’s more, including five present day teens who f’up and resurrect Wolffy who gets his mutilation on. I have zero pity for them. This one promises to be “the ultimate experience in violence and gore.” If you’re gonna go around calling yourself Wolffenstein, I’d expect nothing less. That, or start a metal band.

Terrortory

TERRORTORY (October 31, 2016)
Terrortory is an anthology horror film in the vein of Creepshow and Tales From The Crypt. It features six horrific tales set in the mythical region of Maryland known for an abundance of strange happenstances and urban legends.”

Watch this one free on Amazon Prime™ October 1, 2016 – October 31, 2016. And as for Maryland being known for “an abundance of strange happenstances and urban legends,” clearly they haven’t been to the Poggie Tavern™ during last call.

High-Fiber Horror

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 21, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Horror Network

Horror anthologies seem to be plopping out with all the regularity of a high-fiber breakfast these days. Hot on the tale of Tales of Halloween (2015) comes The Horror Network in time for October, 2015, featuring five stories of super icky fun horror stuff in the form of serial killers, inner demons, otherworld monsterscreepy stalkers, and ghostly phone callsOooh, ghostly phone calls – I really miss those on my old land line.

The Horror Network

So, like, five of horror’s most promising new directing talents join forces to pay homage to classic horror like Creepshow, Tales From the Crypt, V/H/S and The ABCs of Death. I happen to be a big fan of all of the above. You’re welcome.

FYI: The DVD of The Horror Network will exclusively include a number of bonus features. Oooh, I really like bonus features.