Archive for tacos

Extreme Aliens, Extreme Demons, Extreme Tacos

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Sharks, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 18, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Quiet Hour

Uncovered a whole steaming pile of obscure, indie Bigfoot movies, the goal being to watch every single one of ‘em. Hope they don’t make BF out to be a killer of campers, roasting their flesh on a stick over a roaring outdoor fire. Oh wait…

While you’re waiting for me to profile ‘em, here’s some upcoming horror to help pass the time…

THE QUIET HOUR (March 21, 2017)
“Sarah must protect her blind brother and farm. Meanwhile, aliens are harvesting the planet for resources. When a mysterious soldier comes to her door, she must decide if she can let him in or not. Is he another bandit? With few survivors to turn to, Sarah must make a difficult choice to ensure her family’s survival.”

So exactly what are Earth’s resources aliens are always coming here to harvest? I’m guessing our bit coins, tacos and Internet porn. Extraterrestrials could easily do that without infringing on our taco/porn civil rights.

Raised By Wolves

RAISED BY WOLVES (March 28, 2017)
“When a group of extreme skaters go searching for an empty pool rumored to be behind an abandoned house in the barren desert, they learn they should not have ignored the rumors that the house is haunted by a demonic presence and a dark history of occultism. What follows is a terrifying tale of evil possession causing the friends to slowly turn against each other.”

So extreme skaters go up against extreme evil. Sounds incredibly dumb. This, coming from a guy who watches stuff like Shark Exorcist (2015).

Blood Feast

BLOOD FEAST (April 28, 2017 / Limited)
Fuad Ramses and his family have moved from the United States to France, where they run an American diner. Since business is not going too well, Fuad also works night shifts in a museum of ancient Egyptian culture. During these long, lonely nights he is repeatedly drawn to a statue representing the seductive ancient goddess, Ishtar. He becomes more and more allured by the goddess as she speaks to him in visions. Eventually he succumbs to her deadly charms.

After this pivotal night, Fuad begins a new life, in which murder and cannibalism become his daily bread. He starts to prepare a ritual FEAST to honor his new mistress, a lavish affair dripping with BLOOD, organs, and intestines of human victims. As butchered bodies are heaped upon the Altar of Ishtar, Fuad slowly slips further into madness, until he is no more than the goddess’s puppet; and she thirsts for the blood of Fuad’s wife and daughter, too.”

Early reviews are calling this remake “Nothing so appalling in the annals of horror since the original…” Sounds like last call at The Poggie Tavern. Gory beyond the standards of the time, Blood Feast (1963) was the first splatter movie and broke hard ground in explicit gore and goosh, raising the bar on pretty much all the graphic horror that’s since followed. That’s probably significant in some form or fashion.

Death Ward 13

DEATH WARD 13 (2018)
“It’s 1973 and the Stephens Sanitarium for the Criminally Insane prepares to shut down permanently. Days before closing, four beautiful nursing students arrive to care for the last handful of ‘harmless’ mental patients in a suspiciously understaffed ward.”

“Confronted by their violent charges, the nurses soon realize that they are trapped inside the asylum with a deadly crew of vicious lunatics. Each patient has their own perverse identity, their own personal demons and their own violent agenda. Pushed to the brink of insanity, the young nurses find themselves in a gruesome fight for survival inside Ward 13.”

Four Spring Break-grade young nurses vs. vicious lunatics. I’m in. This, coming from a guy who just re-watched The Disco Exorcist (2011).

Mexican Octopus Man

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 9, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Octaman

I’ve been looking for years and finally found the Rent-A-Center™ Holy Grail of rubber suited monster movies: Octaman (1971). I’m gonna go ahead and give it four stars because hey, when you have a creature called Octaman, there’s simply no way it could suck. I found the movie poster as well. Looks like someone tinkled on it.

Octaman

There’s a lot of anti-healthy radiation in the waters around a Mexican fishing town causing those little detectors to make crazy clicking sounds. Think tap dancing crickets on Red Bull™. A science field trip, or “expedition”, heads south to find out what’s causing all that noise. (Crickets, probably.)

Octaman

What they find besides roadside margaritas is a small mutant octopus that can hang out on the beach as well as in it. Well hey, this needs to be studied. But that costs money. Where to get it? From a wallet fat circus owner who wants to financially exploit wet wiggler at his carnival. No wonder he owns a circus – that’s a really cool idea.

Octaman

Before you can say “10th Wonder of the World” the head science dude returns to camp to discover his entire crew of lab interns has been slaughtered into petri dish chunklets and that the cash creature is missing. I have so many theories about what may have happened, my head stings.

Octaman

Following a lead given by a young gossip-y villager, they find the octopus in a local lake, now grown to over seven feet tall with, as the poster says, amazing strength and a lust for killing. Sounds like me if I was soaked in radiation water and had nothing to eat but cricket tacos.

Octaman

Octaman is eventually cornered in a ring of fire and, after a blanket-clenching stand-off, looks as though his killing lust days are over. Not so fast, land walker – Octaman lives to wiggle his arms menacingly in your general direction another day, and goes abut re-killing people. What happens next? Let’s just say there are guns involved, followed by a calamari feast of community-feeding proportions.

Of all the world’s travesties, I’ll never understand why there wasn’t a sequel.