Archive for sushi

Catch And Release Monsters, FBI vs. UFOs, Arabic Ghouls

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 15, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Loch Ness Monster

If you ever catch the highly-marketable Loch Ness Monster, just know that its protected by the Scottish Natural Heritage, which demands you throw the beast back in the lake, lest ye be severely punished, probably with a stick or something.

Loch Ness Monster

If you think this is not serious, guess again. The following comes from recent BBC news report; “Scottish officials have a plan ready if the Loch Ness Monster is ever caught. Officials drew up a set of guidelines on how to protect the new species — including releasing it back into its watery home.”

Loch Ness Monster

“The ‘partly serious, partly fun’ code of practice was written in 2001 by Scottish Natural Heritage, which is funded by the Scottish government. SNH said it will “dust off” the plan and put it into action should the fabled beast be discovered, reports the BBC.”

Loch Ness Monster

“It says officials should take a DNA sample from the monster so scientists can study the creature. Then it should be released back into the Loch with measures put in place to make sure it is not disturbed — as it would be an extremely rare species needing conservation.”

Loch Ness Elephant

Before you head to the corner bait shop (no, not a sushi restaurant) to get a bigger fishing pole, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not need to be thrown in a lake…

Along Came The Devil

ALONG CAME THE DEVIL (August 10, 2018)
“A troubled teen Ashley is sent to live with her estranged Aunt Tanya. While in her old hometown she has visions of her deceased mom, driving her to try to contact the spirit world putting her soul into grave danger.”

Ghoul

GHOUL (August 24, 2018/Netflix™)
“Based on Arabic folklore, Ghoul is a chilling series about a prisoner who arrives at a remote military interrogation center and turns the tables on his interrogators, exposing their most shameful secrets.”

Sound familiar? It should — it comes directly from the Stephen King TV mini series, Storm of the Century (1999). That one had a lot of weather in it.

UFO

UFO (September 4, 2018/DVD)
Derek is a brilliant college student and haunted by a childhood UFO sighting. He believes that mysterious sightings reported at multiple airports across the United States are UFOs. With the help of his girlfriend, Natalie and his advanced mathematics professor, Dr. Hendricks, Derek races to unravel the mystery with FBI special agent Franklin Ahls on his heels.”

You don’t need to be a brilliant college student to know that UFOs are real. Every high school drop out knows that.

Hell Fest

HELL FEST (September 28, 2018)
“On Halloween night, three young women and their respective boyfriends head to Hell Fest — a ghoulish traveling carnival that features a labyrinth of rides, games and mazes. They soon face a bloody night of terror when a masked serial killer turns the horror theme park into his own personal playground.”

Liked this better when it was called The Funhouse (1981). Looks like someone’s been double-dipping into idea bowl (aka, Hollywood toilet) again.

Janes Bond

Posted in Fantasy, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 30, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Samurai Chicks

A dancer’s academy on a Japanese island (I thought Japan was an island) recruits rhythm-inclined street kids for an elite group of teeny bop terrorist assassins. Their first assignment: steal a suitcase handcuffed to a suspicious guy.

Samurai Chicks

No problem for these four highly trained break-dancers. They intercept the car by throwing a fake boob that shoots icy-cold smoke out of the nipple. (Can’t tell you how many times that’s happened to me.)

Samurai Chicks

The little ladies easily dispatch the man’s bodyguards with a couple of roundhouse kicks to the sushi hole and then chop his arm off to get the suitcase. (They didn’t have the handcuff key, so…)

Samurai Chicks

A promising start to Samurai Chicks (2004) ponderous story about a freedom fighting underground movement to liberate themselves from a bunch of guys who don’t really reveal why they’re bad, they just are.

Samurai Chicks

The sci-fi girls get orders via message codes built into dance moves, which instruct them to kill. (Note to self: be careful when out hip-hopping as I might be giving someone the go-ahead to stab my neck with a shoe.)

Samurai Chicks

All told, very little blood, a ghost mom who dies when a bolt falls out of an army plane and bolts itself to her head, a flamethrower dude with a stuffed duck on his head, a few electro-shock therapy dudes and a dancing pink bunny. (Don’t ask.)

Samurai Chicks

You’d think with all these kick ass ingredients, Samurai Chicks (aka, Dokuritsu shôjo gurentai) would kick ass. But it just doesn’t.

Hacking The Slasher Genre

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Misc. Horror, Scream Queens, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 4, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Dollface

The resurgence of the slasher horror movie sub-genre in recent years has me confused. (Then again, I get confused tying my shoes.) With the nightly news reporting seemingly non-stop stories of super f’d up people doing horrific things to people not wanting horrific things done to them, why make movies about such behavior?

Sure, it was fun back in the day of Halloween’s Michael Myers and Friday the 13th’s Jason Voorhees, hacking teens into sushi. But now real people do that stuff for real. So why would I want to pay to see that when I can get it for free on the news?

The new horror movie Dollface (releasing September, 2015) looks to change all that. Or at least give it a twist-y spin. Not that you can tell from the plot…

“In 1996, nine college students headed off for a fun weekend at a lake house on Horse Creek. At the house they uncovered the horrific story of Dorchester Stewart, also known as Crinoline Head, and his dollmaker mother, who once lived in the house. That weekend six students were killed, two survived, and one went missing.”

“Now, twenty years later, one of the survivors, Paul Donner, is teaching at the college he once attended. When his students discover an old newspaper article about the tragedy, they decide to visit the old lake house to learn more about Crinoline Head. While looking for answers, they discover something much more terrifying.”

Pretty generic. But watch the trailer and see if doesn’t pull you in. (I’d include it here, but man, am I lazy.)

Dollface

BTW – There was another Dollface, a seven-minute horror short on YouTube™ back in 2012. One of the better ones out there in case you’re writing this down.

L.A. Slasher

For another interesting take on the machete-wielding maniacs, L.A. Slasher (released June, 2015) takes on reality TV and lines up people who will do anything to be famous, and systematically slaughters them, ironically making the victims somewhat famous after all.

Or at least that’s what the plot tells me. I haven’t seen L.A. Slasher as it doesn’t offer me anything I haven’t seen on real TV every night.

Hordes of Zombies

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Zombies with tags , , , , on January 6, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Horde

A group of cops in criminal clothes take justice in their own hands and barnstorm an abandoned apartment building hideout of the ruthless drug lords that killed their partner. That’s good. The plan goes askew, leaving several cops painting the walls with their brains. That’s bad. Outside there are thousands of zombies headed their way. That’s good and bad – good for me, bad for everyone else.

The Horde

Not a typical zombie movie, The Horde (2010) gets ugly and stays ugly, with the surviving cops and hair-trigger criminals having to team together to get out alive.

The Horde

What living humans do to each other is hard enough to watch, to say nothing of the swarms of zombies that open your torso like a can of soup. Too many stand-out scenes to gush about, but it’s the one where a cop standing on a car roof and surrounded by hundreds of zombies that’s a horror movie landmark candidate.

The Horde

Yes, there will be blood…and every thing that temporarily holds it in place. Not an easy thing to do, balancing the insanely tense cop/criminal thing while zombies chew their way towards the sushi bar that is your face.

Even if you’re burned out on zombies, The Horde (2010) is invigorating, like a breath of fresh undead air.

Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on December 11, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark

Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark. So wrong and yet so right. Then again, the movie – designed to capitalize on the Sharknado cultural phenomenon – is being done by The Asylum, the movie studio that waits for someone else to come with an idea, then they “re-purpose it” for $1.49 for the bottom feeding cash-in.

Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark

Due out January 28, 2014, Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark needs no more than a one sentence plot: “When a new Mega Shark threatens mankind, the government unleashes the top-secret Mecha Shark to defeat the monster in a pitched battle that threatens the planet.”

I’ll make a bold prediction here – the planet survives. You won’t, though.

Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark

Now that I’ve wrecked the entire movie for you, here’s something else to chew on: Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark was partially inspired by last summer’s RoboCroc (2013), a heartwarming tale of a science-enhanced crocodile that becomes mechanized and gets loose in a water park filled with the dying screams of kids that pee in the pool.

Expect more mecha mash-ups as Hollywood – even fake Hollywood – is clearly running out of ideas.

Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark

P.S. Japanese sci-fi has had mechanical monsters battling their biological counterparts since the early ’70s. Heck, they even invented the word “mecha.” I wouldn’t blame them for peeing in the ocean where we get our shark sushi.