Archive for Supergirl

Super Girlfriends, Family Werewolf, Murder Cabins

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, TV Vixens, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 23, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Superman and Lois Lane

After nearly four years of battling aliens and her chaotic love life, Supergirl (on CW) has not only added Superman (Tyler Hoechlin — Season 3/nice teeth), but now, after countless references to his relentless relationship with Lois Lane, we’ll finally get to see her actual face and relentless reporter skills during Elseworlds, the three-night crossover (relentlessly mentioned in this blog by someone who looks a lot like me) coming December, 2018 on Supergirl, The Flash and Arrow. (Geez, that was a run-on sentence.) This got me thinking (had to wirelessly beer-charge the ‘ol Cracker Jack box™ that is my brain) to do a Lois Lane inventory.Elizabeth Tulloch

While the prize-winning investigative journalist has been recast relentless times in comic books (I conservatively think there were 1.2 million versions), Lois Lane has been portrayed at least 10 times, if you count Joan Alexander, the voice of Lois on radio (TV screen without a screen) from 1940 to 1951. (And you thought kryptonite was Superman’s only weakness.) His rotating girlfriends include Noell Neill, Phyllis Coates, Margot Kidder, Teri Hatcher, Erica Durance, Kate Bosworth, Uma Thurman (playing the fake Lois Lane on the “Superhero Speed Dating” segment in Movie 43/2013), Amy Adams, and now in Supergirl, Elizabeth Tulloch. That’s a lot of Valentine’s Day candy Superman had/has to buy.

Lois Lane comics

To illustrate just how super Superman’s girlfriend is, she was in 137 issues of DC’s Superman’s Girlfriend, Lois Lane from, 1958 to 1974. (Dang, that was a redundant sentence.) Then she had a front and center role in Lois Lane, her own comic book title, from 1962 to 1965 and was DC Comics’ third best-selling funny book during those funny years.

Lois Lane

So while we wait to welcome the newest Lois Lane to Superman’s little black book, here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worthy of Superman’s Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder…

End of the World

END OF THE WORLD (available now)
“As mass of solar storms causes tsunamis, volcanoes, and flooding, a city-dwelling family attempts to flee to the relative safety of a group of high-elevation caves several miles away.”

The cover of the DVD depicts Seattle’s iconic Space Needle being kicked in the struts and falling down upon the city where I live and drink. This sucks as they just completed the Space Needle’s remodel of installing a transparent floor 605 feet up. Unless the pervs down below have binoculars, all you ladies wearing skirts while visiting the Needle won’t have to worry.

Alpha Wolf

ALPHA WOLF (available now)
“A couple moves into a secluded cabin in an attempt to salvage their relationship and finds their world torn apart when the husband transforms into a murderous werewolf. Things grow more bizarre when the family dog leaps in to save the wife and suffers his own transformation.”

I guess the cabin trip was to hopefully reconcile that time the wife threw Nair™ on her husband’s face during an argument on whether or not to use silver bullets in the family repeating shotgun. Those things tend to get worse if not talked through before a full moon.

Mother Krampus 2

MOTHER KRAMPUS 2 (available now)
On Christmas Eve four young women wrap up their community service with one last visit to the older and less fortunate. As darkness falls and the cold settles in, they realize there is far more to their seemingly innocent host than meets the eye.”

I bet the seemingly innocent host is Mother Krampus. Just a hunch.

The Cabin

THE CABIN (December 4, 2018)
Young American couple, Rose and Harry are on their way to visit Harry’s family cabin, both as a nostalgic vacation and as a way to rekindle their relationship. But they’re not the only one that decided to visit the cabin this weekend. The vacation is quickly turned into a living nightmare for Rose and Harry as they meet a vicious sociopath, who invites them into a involuntary cat and mouse game.”

Why is it remote cabins are where married couples go to fix relationships? Everybody knows that’s where murderous werewolves and/or vicious sociopaths go to shoot fish in a barrel.

A Slew of Superheroes, Devil Sex, Heavy Metal Babysitters

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 3, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Elseworlds

The ratings winning CW Network is heavily pushing Elseworlds, a crossover event that takes place on December 9, 2018 on The Flash, continuing on December 10, 2018 on Arrow (as in Green Arrow), and concluding on December 11, 2018 on Supergirl. I know what I’ll be doing for three days in December.

The Flash

This one’s gonna be epic as it finally introduces Lois Lane (Superman’s “friends with benefits”), Batgirl (insert excited slobbering here), and the returning John Wesley Shipp, who played Jay Garrick in The Flash as a multiverse speedster. He seems nice.

Elseworlds

Here’s the upsell: The Flash and Arrow switch pants. Then they change their clothes again — as does Superman — to all black. (I’ve been doing that for years.) And just when you think it could be any more mind-bending, John Wesley Shipp appears as The Flash in his old costume from when he played the Flash back in the 1990 TV series and will be called Barry Allen. My mind is a fried egg right now.

Elseworlds

In the new Flash series, Shipp played Henry Allen, Barry’s dad, and was killed by Flash nemesis, Zoom. (Weird to have a metahuman named after a breakfast cereal.) Now he’s back to play the Flash like he did before his hair turned grey.

Elseworlds

There’s lots more happening in Elseworlds, so don’t think of any of this as spoilers, but rather Fritos™ and bean dip before the big dinner. But before you go to the store to stock up on Fritos™ and bean dip, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not give you grey hair…

Luciferina

LUCIFERINA (November 20, 2018/DVD | December 4, 2018 / Digital HD)
Natalia is a 19-year-old who reluctantly returns home to say goodbye to her dying father. But when she meets up with her sister and her friends, she decides instead to travel the jungle in search of a mystical plant. Instead of pleasure, they find a world of Black Masses, strange pregnancies, bloody deaths and perhaps, a sexually violent clash with the Devil himself.”

A sexually violent clash with the Devil. That’s a lot to unpack. Think this one came out last March, 2108 in some country that is foreign to me. But hey, Devil sex, magic plants, black masses — no doubt you could find those things in any civilized country/bowling alley.

Ghost in the Graveyard

GHOST IN THE GRAVEYARD (2018/2019)
A small town comes under the thumb of Martha, a vengeful ghost who returns to haunt the children who witnessed her death during a game of Ghost in the Graveyard in their youth. Long blamed for the accident, Sally Sullivan must figure out why Martha has returned and how to get her to rest in peace for good. As the mystery of her return unravels, deep secrets are revealed that will have consequences for everyone involved.”

Back from the dead, revenge, murder, blah, blah, bah. This premise is so overdone, it’s like dry meatloaf — and there’s not enough ketchup in the world to make it taste any better. For a slightly better version, try Darkness Falls (2003). That one has a teen in it.

Shed of the Dead

SHED OF THE DEAD (2019)
Trevor is between jobs. He spends his days avoiding his nagging wife by hiding out in his allotment shed and painting figurines for his war-games with his agoraphobic friend, Graham, and dreaming of his heroic alter-ego, the battle mage Casimir the Destroyer. When Mr. Parsons, one of the other allotment tenants, petitions to have Trevor removed from his disgrace of a plot (he’s not there to grow stuff!) an argument ensues that leaves Trevor with a corpse to hide. Unfortunately, this untimely accident coincides with the zombie apocalypse and Mr Parsons’ return is just the beginnings of Trevor’s problems. More pressing is whether or not he should try and save his wife and her beautiful best friend, who both he and Graham have a thing for.

Yeow, what a hot mess of a plot. Only thing missing is dry meatloaf.

Babysitter Massacre: Heavy Metal

BABYSITTER MASSACRE: HEAVY METAL (in production)
Billy Dragg breaks things off with his girlfriend and subsequently goes on a murder spree. But is he in control, or is the ghost of Viper, a dead heavy metal superstar, influencing Billy’s actions?”

Push in your stool — this will take a minute. The guy who brought us 2013’s Babysitter Massacre is not done massacring temp rental guardians. Babysitter Massacre II: Slay Bells takes place around Christmas, a few weeks after the first movie. Then follows Babysitter Massacre III: Overnight, starring a different slasher. Anything worth doing is worth overdoing, hence Babysitter Massacre: Heavy Metal. These were all funded by Kickstarter™, so don’t expect a lot of different knives or clothes. Not sure what a ghost of a heavy metal superstar has to do with changing diapers, but hey, might as well come at it with that fabled open mind people keep telling me to use.

Tattooed Superhero, Pentagon Aliens, Eating Planets

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 12, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Batgirl

Going batty over the first released pic of Ruby Rose as the new Batgirl. Before she launches her own series, CW is gonna have her do pop-ups in The Flash, Supergirl and Arrow. (It’ll be called Elseworlds. Batman is gonna be so jealous.)

Ruby Rose

Ruby Rose, if you didn’t hear, is being touted as the first gay female superhero in the lead role. While CW already has several high-profile gay/lesbian characters in their superhero shows, this is further great news. And the stunningly attractive and badass Ruby — former Australian model, actress, and television presenter who is literally painted in tattoos — is an awesome casting choice. (You saw her in The Meg, yes? The shark wisely chose to swim in the opposite direction of her.)

Ruby Rose

While we wait impatiently for Ruby to turn criminals into prison fertilizer, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi flicks that may or may not be as cool as the new Batgirl

Aliens At The Pentagon

ALIENS AT THE PENTAGON (available now)
“For years the US government denied investigating UFOs. But when an ultra-secret Pentagon program to study the Alien threat was exposed in late 2017, the world was stunned by this revelation. Nick Pope, aka ‘The Real Fox Mulder’, investigated UFOs and other unexplained phenomena for the British government. Now Nick exposes the secretive workings of the Pentagon’s real-life X-Files unit, using his knowledge and past experience to tell the incredible story as only a true government insider can.”

If you’re a fan of UFO documentaries like, um, me, then you’ll no doubt want to rent this one. But don’t buy it if you’re planning on being abducted by aliens in the near future. I’m still waiting.

Haunted

HAUNTED (October 19, 2018/Netflix™)
Netflix’s™ Haunted gives a chilling glimpse into the first-person accounts from people who have witnessed horrifying, peculiar, extraordinary supernatural events and other unexplained phenomena that continue to haunt them.”

The only horrifying event I’ve ever witnessed is the bar I’m in closing at 2AM. I’m getting the shakes just thinking about it. Then again, maybe it’s all that beer that’s giving me the trembles.

Godzilla: The Planet Eater

GODZILLA: THE PLANET EATER (November 9, 2018/Japan | Netflix™ 2019)
“Last year, Toho and Polygon kicked off an animated trilogy with Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters, which continued this year with Godzilla: City on the Edge of Battle (now on Netflix™). The trilogy ends with Godzilla: The Planet Eater.”

Awesome title. And it suits Godzilla Earth perfectly as he can be seen in the previous two animated features biting into mountains as if they were Hostess Cupcakes™. So if he eats a planet for dinner, what might be a good side dish — a jungle salad, perhaps?

Pet Sematary

PET SEMATARY (April 5, 2019)
“Based on the seminal horror novel by Stephen King, Pet Sematary follows Dr. Louis Creed, who, after relocating with his wife Rachel and their two young children from Boston to rural Maine, discovers a mysterious burial ground hidden deep in the woods near the family’s new home. When tragedy strikes, Louis turns to his unusual neighbor, Jud Crandall, setting off a perilous chain reaction that unleashes an unfathomable evil with horrific consequences.”

If you saw the original adaptation (1989), it was pretty dang excellent, even if it was a spin on the Monkey’s Paw back-from-the-dead gut-punch. I don’t care as the trailer for the new one looks to continue the thrills, chills and doctor bills.

Demonic Beekeeper, Horror TV, Holiday Shark

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Slashers, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 17, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

AHS: Apocalypse

Getting giddy for the upcoming premier of American Horror Story: Apocalypse. The teasers are eerie and stylishly cool, an AHS trademark. Kinda like expensive perfume TV commercials.

AHS: Apocalypse

Some background info in case you’ve been living under a rock: “American Horror Story: Apocalypse is the eighth season of the FX horror anthology television series American Horror Story. It will premiere on September 12, 2018. Series co-creator Ryan Murphy (Glee, Feud) has confirmed that the new season will be a crossover between Season 1 (AHS: Murder House) and Season 3 (AHS: Coven).

While we count down the days until TV becomes good again, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not stink like expensive perfume…

Santa Jaws

SANTA JAWS (available now/SyFy™ Channel)
“Trying to survive the family Christmas, Cody makes a wish to be alone, which ends up backfiring when a shark manifests and kills his entire family.”

Not surprised — the title alone has inspired countless memes, so it makes sense that someone would capitalize on it. Personally, I would’ve gone with Mama Shark, in tribute of Mother’s Day. If Mama Shark tells you to go clean your room and you don’t do it, the living room rug will likely need to be forensically vacuumed to get what’s left of your torso/face/leg meat out of the absorbent fibers.

What Keeps You Alive

WHAT KEEPS YOU ALIVE (August 24, 2018)
Jackie and Jules are a couple celebrating their first anniversary at a secluded cabin in the woods belonging to Jackie’s family. From the moment they arrive, something changes in Jules’ normally loving wife, as Jackie begins to reveal a previously unknown dark side — all building up to a shocking revelation that will pit Jules against the woman she loves in a terrifying fight to survive.”

Sounds more like a regular relationship than a horror movie. But then again, aren’t all relationships kind of a horror movie when you think about it?

Hell House LLC II: The Abaddon Hotel

HELL HOUSE LLC II: THE ABADDON HOTEL (September 14, 2018/Limited)
“The sequel picks up eight years since the opening night tragedy of Hell House LLC; still many unanswered questions remain. Thanks to an anonymous tip, an investigative journalist is convinced that key evidence is hidden inside the abandoned Abaddon Hotel. This evidence that will shed light on: the hotel’s mysteries, many unsolved deaths and disappearances.”

Didn’t see the first one, so I have little insight here. Hey, I was BUSY. Supergirl on The CW™ isn’t gonna watch itself. Did a bit ‘o research — Abaddon is defined as this: “In the New Testament Book of Revelation, an angel called Abaddon is described as the king of an army of locusts.” Sounds like a beekeeper.

The Dawnseeker

THE DAWNSEKER (September 4, 2018)
“2245, the Earth’s sun has dwindled and no longer provides the energy needed to sustain human life. Five hired mercenaries travel to an uncharted planet to collect a rare mineral known as stardust to replenish the dying star. After their spaceship crashes on the alien planet, they are stalked and hunted by a creature far more advanced than anything they have ever encountered before.”

Stardust is the hippie/druggie code name for cocaine. Sprinkle a pile of that on the dying sun and that thing will fire up and want to party. It’ll be a short party, though. Other than that, this one sounds suspiciously like The Predator.

Superhero Facial Hair, Alien Robots, Criminal Comets

Posted in Aliens, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 29, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Supergirl

My TV superhero watching guilty pleasures include Arrow, The Flash, Gotham, Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, Daredevil, The Punisher, Luke Cage, Iron Fist (just barely) and Jessica Jones. But it’s Supergirl on The CW that, while targeting young teen girls, is hilarious enough to keep me all giggly during its three seasons.

Supergirl

Favorite moments include Supergirl getting drunk (“I feel…float-y…but I’m not floating…”), excitedly meeting the President (original Wonder Woman star, Lynda Carter) for the first time: “Should I get a blow-out?”, Karaoke rapping (she’s actually not half bad, though rap music in general sucks red kryptonite) and eating glazed pastry after glazed pastry in a diner as her alter-ego, Kara Danvers. (Waitress: “How can you eat all this day after day and not gain a pound?” Kara/Supergirl: “I’m an alien.” Comedy gold, I tell you.

Mon-El

But in Season 3, several characters are getting costumes, specifically ex-Supergirl boyfriend Mon-El (he has a cape he uses as a wicked weapon) and apocalyptic nemesis/world killer Reign, whose costume looks like it’d be perfect for cosplay night at the Fetish Fortress in Chinatown, NY. Both are welcome upgrades, though not too crazy about Mon-El’s new hipster beard/mustache. Arrow being the exception to the rule, superheroes in general don’t look superhero-y with facial hair — just ask Superman and his universally-mocked, digitally-erased “Canadian scarf” in Justice League (2017).

Reign

While I go shopping for a new pair of britches I can use as a weapon, here are a few upcoming/just released horror/sci-fi and genre documentaries that may or may not give your fright level a smooth, close-shave…

Kin

KIN (August 31, 2018)
Kin, a pulse-pounding crime thriller with a sci-fi twist, is the story of an unexpected hero destined for greatness. Chased by a vengeful criminal, the feds and a gang of otherworldly soldiers, a recently released ex-con and his adopted younger brother are forced to go on the run with a weapon of mysterious origin as their only protection.

I bet the “weapon of mysterious origins” is a Super Soaker™ filled with pee pee. That should pretty much stop anybody, even otherworldly soldiers. In fact, I hear NASA is building up an arsenal of such weapons just in case Earth is invaded by extraterrestrials. I heard about that on the Internet, so it can’t possibly be wrong.

The Flatwoods Monster: A Legacy of Fear

THE FLATWOODS MONSTER: A LEGACY OF FEAR (available now)
“This documentary that unlocks a decades-old mystery that included a government-ordered military examination of a purported alien crash-site, and multiple UFOs seen by countless residents of Braxton County, WV. In September of 1952 hundreds of people across the United States witnessed glowing objects streak across the skies over much of the Eastern Seaboard. One of the objects in question was seen to land on a hill near the small community of Flatwoods, West Virginia by a group of children. The children and two adults made a journey to the top of the hill to search for the object but instead found themselves face to face with a thirteen-foot tall mechanical monster.”

I’ve seen numerous TRUE documentaries about this “Beverly Spacebilly.” A moment-by-moment recounting of the story on Wikipedia™ tells that when the local sheriff showed up to investigate, he found “two elongated tracks” in the mud. We can only hope aliens, mechanical or otherwise, have enough sense to wipe their tentacles before tracking up a freshly-mopped UFO kitchen floor/deck.

Stone Seeker

 

STONE SEEKER (available now)
“Three soldiers descend into the caves beneath their city to find a fabled stone with powers.”

And there they find members of the Rolling Stones. (Stones with powers — get it? Why I’m not on Comedy Central™ continues to baffle me.)

Garlic and Gunpowder

GARLIC AND GUNPOWDER (available now)
“A comet is on track to destroy the planet — or not, depending on who you talk to. The world’s top 1% aren’t taking any chances and are planning on stashing their gold and valuables in vaults hidden deep in the mountains. A 300-pound female Mob Boss, a Chinese Mafia leader and a couple of Federal agents all have competing plans to pull off what could be the final heist of existence.”

They’re right — the guy selling tainted Romaine lettuce in the grocery store insists a comet will wipe our butts clean. Then there’s the bus stop lady who never gets on the bus who claims the end-of-the-world produce guy is full of E.coli. Either way, the criminals — and I can’t believe I’m saying this — are smart to invest their ill-gotten gains in mountain vaults. Just to be safe, they should tell me where its hidden, so I can help them re-find it if and when the comet comes to cash us out.

Happy Alien Day, Dinosaurs vs. Criminals, Rock Mom

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 26, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Alien Day

Today (Thursday, April 26, 2018) is Alien Day. And yes, it’s a globally recognized religious holiday. Traditional gifts include blurry photographs, night trips to Uranus, watches that stop for hours at a time and unearthly implants.

HR Giger Museum Bar

I’m sure you have a lot of themed activities planned, like going to the YMCA and getting probed in the locker room, inviting fellow abductees over to watch E.T. the Extraterrestrial (1982) and LOLing at that turd-shaped toilet plunger alien, or even stopping by the Museum HR Giger Bar in Château St. Germain, Gruyères, Switzerland (fashioned in part to honor of the late Giger’s Alien concept art) to slug down a few Romulan Ales while trying to score with “female” lifeforms.

Area 51

I’m headed for Area 51 and taking a few UFOs out for a test spin. It’s important to test drive a few before laying down the big bucks. FYI: Keep the extras like GPS but lose the LoJack™ — the government’s gonna steal it anyway, so why bleed the weasel?

E.T. the Extraterrestrial

Don’t forget to “phone home” if you party a little too much with your space brothers. Here are  few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies to help you forget tomorrow exactly what happened on your Uranus. (Don’t worry; it’ll all come back to vividly haunt you on Facebook™)…

The Jurassic Games

THE JURASSIC GAMES (June 12, 2018/VOD | July 3, 2018/DVD)
“The film imagines a world set in the near future wherein ten Death Row convicts are chosen to compete in The Jurassic Games, the ultimate virtual reality game show that pits its players against dinosaurs and each other. However, there is a catch; if you die in the virtual game, you also die in reality. As the devious Host continues adding improbable challenges, the characters will find the odds stacked against them as only one victor can emerge as winner and reclaim their freedom.”

The TRUE Hunger Games — heh. So criminals versus dinosaurs. My money’s on the dinosaurs. 

Venom

VENOM (October 5 (2018)
“One of Marvel’s most enigmatic, complex and badass characters comes to the big screen, starring Academy Award nominated actor Tom Hardy as the lethal protector, Venom.”

Venom

Glad they re-serviced the key art. The first one looked like Mothman horked up a Rorschach test.

Embryo

EMBRYO (2018)
Kevin and his girlfriend Evelyn, while camping out in the woods in the Chile countryside, are abducted and Evelyn is impregnated by otherworldly beings. As the entity inside her begins to grow at a rapid rate, Evelyn discovers that the cravings she’s experiencing can only be satiated by the taste of human flesh and blood. When she attacks a doctor, Kevin decides not to hand her over to the authorities, but to go on the run and try to get to big city where they can find help to remove the thing that’s slowly taking over Evelyn’s body.”

Creature feature unsafe sex knocker-uppers aren’t new. A few off the top of the ‘ol untouched condom display rack: The Mole People (1956), Day the World Ended (1956), The Alligator People (1959), Alien (1979), Humanoids From The Deep (1980), The Beast Within (1982), Inseminoid (1981), The Fly (1986), The Terror Within (1989)… I could go on for another nine months. Then there’s the reverse impregnation sci-fi romance tale that is Species (1995). Unfortunately, for you, there is no such thing as a “movie after” pill.

Hollow Body

HOLLOW BODY (2018)
“A struggling rock band led by Jimmy Kleen makes a deal with Rick Roland, a shady record executive. Things take a dark turn when the band’s lead singer Rachel Swann and her controlling stage mother, are struck by lightning and killed. Rachel comes back to life, now possessed by the spirit of her dead mother and with strange electrical powers she can’t control. Both personalities struggle for dominance of her body while the band begins to take off. Rachel’s bandmate discovers the dark secret behind the band’s success: Rachel is using her electrical powers to kill men and drain them of their electricity, transmuting it into electrifying performances. He and Jimmy must decide if they will stop her or if the high cost of success is a price they are willing to pay.”

Sounds like Shocker (1989) with guitars. For another struck-by-lighting-and-becomes-electricity “accidents”, look no further than Supergirl’s not-BFF, Livewire on the hit CW hit TV series. Say what you will about her being bonkers and able to throw electricity around like parade candy, she could re-charge your cell phone in, like, one second. That’s pretty neat.

Vampires, Drugs, Human Dogs

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 10, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Aaron's Blood

Growing up reading comic books (before they were called “graphic novels” and charging adult money for ’em), the superheroes ALWAYS went to great lengths to keep their secret identity secret. Not so on the lightweight but still entertaining TV shows The Flash, Arrow and Supergirl — there are dozens of people who know who they are in non-hero mode and what they do when they take their crime fighting uniforms off.

Each of these superheroes better hope I don’t move to one of their cities and go all loose lip after sipping a casual 10 Budweisers™. Then again, I have need for someone with meta-human skills, so maybe we could work something out. You scratch my cape, I’ll scratch yours.

That said, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not require 10 relaxing Budweisers™ to enjoy…

AARON’S BLOOD (June 2, 2017)
“Aaron copes with his new life as a single father and the distant relationship he shares with his only child Tate. A timid hemophiliac, Tate is roughed up at school by the chief bully causing a massive nosebleed that lands him in the hospital fighting for his life. He makes a miraculous recovery after a necessary blood transfusion, but Aaron begins to notice progressively strange behaviors in his son. Faced with the grim possibility that his son could be becoming a vampire, Aaron enlists the help of a local vampire hunter and embarks on a frantic search to find the source of the infection to stop the transformation before it’s too late.”

That’d suck up one side and down the other to get a nosebleed that pretty much drains your entire body of the good stuff. As for the tainted blood transfusion, becoming a vampire because of it should be the least of your worries; blood donors are well-known disease factories. I heartedly recommend drinking adult beverages to cleanse the blood supply. Like Clorox Wipes™ the alcohol content alone can kill off most pathogens, supernatural or otherwise.

The Bad Batch

THE BAD BATCH (June 23, 2017)
“Arlen is unceremoniously dumped in a Texas wasteland fenced off from civilized society. While trying to orient her unforgiving environment, she’s captured by a savage band of cannibals and quickly realizes she’ll have to fight her way through her new reality. As Arlen adjusts to life in ‘the bad batch’ she discovers that being good or bad mostly depends on who you’re standing next to.”

The Bad Batch has been described as “a savage dystopian cannibal fairy tale set in a Texas wasteland where society’s rejects are just trying to make ends meat.” That’s pretty dang gosh darn funny. I know — language. Sometimes I resort to gutter speak to get my point across. Apologies. Couple things — this is a semi-big budget movie with legit big names. Secondly, since when did cannibals become mainstream? What’s next — slashers working at the local butcher store? Sometimes I just don’t get this gosh danged (I know, swear jar) world we live in.

Woodshock

WOODSHOCK (2017)
“A woman falls deeper into paranoia after taking a deadly drug.”

So your red flags didn’t go up prior to the great idea of taking a deadly drug? You’ve got bigger problems than deep paranoia. P.S. Don’t do drugs.

Bitch

BITCH (2017)
“Jill, a lonely, distraught housewife with four unruly children, paces on her dining room table with a belt around her neck, contemplating a desperate end to her wretchedness. Her husband, Bill, focused on his identity as breadwinner and an affair with a lusty co-worker, is as oblivious to Jill’s growing terror that she will do something destructive as he is to the panic at his unraveling company. Meanwhile, dogs bark and howl through the night, as one persistent mutt continually stalks the family’s yard. When Jill’s psyche finally breaks, she takes on a vicious new canine persona.”

A woman mood swings herself into becoming a dog? Hold your Lassie jokes — this could actually be fun/funny. Really hoping she doesn’t get the urge to sniff butts and…I should probably stop talking.