Archive for sub-titles

Zombie Pigs: Pork and Beings

Posted in Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 27, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Proie

Word of warning before you watch Proie, a 2010 French horror movie about zombie hogs. There are numerous, highly graphic and gory depictions of animal damage. If that kind of stuff goons you out, this is not the movie for you. (It’s double icky.)

Proie, or Prey as it was released in the States, finds a tempestuous family reunion gathering out in the French countryside (or “woods”), where there’s a lot of back story stuff to color the characters so that you feel emotionally invested in them. What ev. The family runs a pesticides business and is headed up by dad, one cranky and tough S.O.B. Have to be if the contaminates your slinging is your only source of income.

Proie

Several recent violent animal behavior incidents have the men in the family heading out to see what the fudge: panicked deer ramming themselves into electric fences and maddened feral pigs, rotting from the inside out, chasing anything and anyone who ventures out into the overgrown forest. (Even the flora looks mean.)

The men keep hearing ominous screech-y sounds, augmented by lots of heavy grunting. (Like my neighbors on date night.) Words are said, swearing exclaimed and the men are systematically being hunted by zombie hogs who are beyond rabid, violently hungry, mega-aggressive and double icky.

Proie

It’s determined that the contaminated pesticides leaked into a nearby lake. The area’s woodland creatures chug the water. Then they mate. (Who wouldn’t after loosening up with a drink or two?) Then they give birth to mutated offspring that pursue all things human with extreme prejudice.

Where Proie excels is when they don’t show you these animal attacks –you hear the pant-soiling growls in front, behind and on the sides of you and see the tall weeds indicating something is heading your way. And they do this at night. Nerve-wracking set-up to balance the food chain.

Proie

There’s so much goopy gore and blood gushing towards the end, you kinda feel the need to bathe after watching it unfold, which it does nicely. (Just when you think this madness is ending, it throws some more twists and gunk at you several more times.)

With that, Proie is subtitled, even the animal noises. Just wish I could read so as to get a much more satisfying movie experience.

The Pain In Spain Falls Mainly On My Brain

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 26, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Para Elisa

The Spanish horror film Para Elisa came out in 2013, but it’s not until now (2015, if memory serves me correct) that it’ll be available on DVD and VOD September 1. Since I don’t live in Spain or anywhere on its bus line, never got to see it. Dang que. (That’s Spanish for “dang it.”)

Not too heartbroken, though, as I’m not a big fan of sub-titled horror movies. You spend the whole movie reading when you should be screaming. [Note to whomsoever: I don’t really scream during horror movies. I’ve been known to snore, though.]

Here’s a refresher on Para Elisa in case you forgot: “Desperate for some post-graduation cash, party girl Ana answers a babysitting ad. She arrives for an interview at the elegant home of Diamantina, a former child prodigy pianist who is now an eccentric old woman who collects antique toys and dolls.”

Para Elisa

“Ana is disturbed by Diamantina’s odd behavior and horrified to discover that her child, Elisa, is not a child but rather a deranged woman her own age. Before Ana really understands what’s happening, she finds herself trapped in the house and made to serve as Elisa’s new toy – a toy that like many others before it may well be broken.”

Need more convincing? Check out the trailer – and bring your reading glasses.

P.S. “Para Elisa” is actually a song by Beethoven and translates to “For Elisa.” Nice to see 11 years of internet Spanish lessons haven’t let me down.

Pregnant Werewolf

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 27, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Wild Country

Tough being 16 and pregnant and forced to give up your kid to someone who could provide a better life (i.e., Xbox™) for your kid. Even tougher to find an abandoned baby in the ruins of a castle in the middle of the Scottish Highlands rented out by a werewolf.

Wild Country

Fortunately, for the baby anyway, there’s someone within the group of teens out hiking who is carrying around a packaged meal under her blouse. Not so fortunate for the rest of the group (three guys, one girl), who become unhappy meals for the werewolf.

Wild Country

While managing to kill the burly beast (it looks like a cross between a fake bear and Alf), they think they’re in the clear. But that’s the problem with today’s teens – they just can’t wrap their heads around basic math, meaning that where there’s one werewolf, there’s probably two.

Wild Country

Running across the moors with a lycanthrope on your heels while carrying a crying alarm horn is the last chance for all involved. The girl makes her way to a farm house where the werewolf tracks her down. It was all pretty good up until this point: acceptable levels of gore versus screaming, blood versus attacking. But the last two final scenes were so comical as to water down all of the above. As if you couldn’t figure out who the baby belonged to.

Wild Country

But if there’s one thing to take away from this heavily-accented Wild Country (2005) – so much so as to need sub-titles – it’s that you probably shouldn’t breastfeed the animals. I know I won’t from this point moving forward.