Archive for strip club

Skin vs Fur – A Fashion Statement

Posted in Misc. Horror, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on March 26, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Pelts

Rotund rocker Meat Loaf stars in Pelts (2006) as a furrier who runs a sweat shop (his shirt could count as one), and gets coat-making raccoon skins from a trapper. The trapper gets his raccoons from the woods. The raccoons are watched over by an old woman who lives in a shack and hasn’t mowed her lawn in years. She’s no doubt behind the curse that befalls anyone who takes the “pine lights,” a reference to the raccoons, whose eyes glow in the dark, the only part of ’em you can see when they’re up the trees ready to jump on your head get poison all over you.

Pelts

Meat Loaf frequents a strip club where he’s totally sprung on a supermodel dancer. But she won’t give up the good stuff because he’s fat and icky. He promises her a fur coat so awesome, she’ll do it with him, just you wait and see.

Pelts

A call from the trapper has Meat traveling way out in the woods to evaluate this so-called “best fur you’ve ever seen.” There’s a joke in there somewhere. When he gets there, he finds the trapper and his assistant dead, one of ’em with his face severed in half…length-wise. That’s what happens when you voluntarily put your head in a bear trap.

Pelts

Meat finds the fur and is simply aghast — this is indeed the best fur he’s ever seen. And he’s been to a LOT of strip clubs. (Heh.) Taking the pelts, he gets his workers busy making the coat. But during the night the curse kicks in and one worker sews her eyes, nose and mouth shut, thereby suffocating herself. Instant job opening.

Pelts

Meat takes the completed wrap to the stripper. It’s the best fur she’s ever seen, and she’s danced in a LOT of strip clubs. Trying it on, she gets all fuzzy inside and offers herself to the Meat. He takes it. But he’s not done, uh, showering her with gifts. He goes into the bathroom where a meat cleaver sits. All strippers have these kinds of knives in case they get a knot in their work bikini.

Pelts

With skilled precision, Meat slices into his arms and stomach and, in an inspired moment, pulls his own skin off as though it were a seamless shirt. He gives it to the stripper who doesn’t want it. (Probably not her size.) But a chase into an old elevator ends with arms and legs being severed and no one left to try on the skin shirt. Too bad — it looks like you could wear it with just about anything.

Lust For Frankenstein

Posted in Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 11, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Lust For Frankenstein

In the straight-faced schlocky Lust For Frankenstein (1998), that “never-say-die” Frankenstein fellow sure is a wacky guy. This time he’s a ghost with greasy hair and blood running down his scientific face. He also talks really slow and likes German heavy metal.

Lust For Frankenstein

Seems Franky cannot relax as his creation — a rather large woman with bare boobies and (cover your eyes) a Vienna bratwurst dangling between her legs — needs to be resurrected in order to clear the family name.

Lust For Frankenstein

But heck, since he’s a ghost, he’s hardly up for the task. So he gets his daughter, an unattractive older woman no one loves, to tend his fleshy creation. The older unattractive woman (who no one loves) goes to a strip club to pick up a victim for her new pet. She must think its the Royal Fork™ because apparently they allow you to, uh, lick the dancers’ plates clean. (Note to self: go to that strip club next pay day.)

Lust For Frankenstein

The monster — named “Goddess”— walks around totally nude, except for gold disco platform shoes. She also rubs herself against trees and stuff because both her sexes “need love.” Great dialogue (“I am a puppet…a beautiful, nasty puppet…”), tons of nude nakedness, soft-R sex scenes, and the bug-eyed ghost of Frankenstein.

Lap-Dancing Vampires

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Scream Queens, Vampires with tags , , , , , on January 21, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Vamps: Deadly Dreamgirls

In the soft-core “erotic” indie horror flick Vamps: Deadly Dreamgirls (1995), a strip club is owned and operated by female vampires, who put the bite on their customer’s wallets and necks. Depending on how you like to get your freak on, you may be disappointed to learn the action doesn’t go further south.

Vamps: Deadly Dreamgirls

Enter a jilted cheerleader type who wants to get back at her boyfriend by taking her clothes off for cash and/or food stamps. The club’s owner takes a licking, uh, liking to this innocent gal and wants to turn her into a denizen of the night. Who could have foreseen that a priest – who just happens to be an old high school friend – would end up in the club?

Vamps: Deadly Dreamgirls

He re-friends the girl and invites the gal to stay at his house while she “finds herself.” Another staggering coincidence is that he’s a vampire horror movie buff who collects stakes and crosses. Those are lottery odds.

Vamps: Deadly Dreamgirls

Funny dialogue includes a military guy who hops in the sack with two naked vampires and shouts, “Alright – who gets to blow revelry?” More budget-restrained bloodsucking and gore, and you can see the end coming a lap dance away. The only real complaint is that the main chick never opens her grocery bags. Not cool – even for a stripper vampire.

The Lord’s Vampire

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Scream Queens, Slashers, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , on April 23, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Southern Gothic

When a “weak of flesh, but strong in the Lord” preacher is bitten by a vampire, you’d think God would step in a go, “Oh no you di’int.” Maybe because the preacher frequents strip clubs and does things in the private lap dance room contrary to his belief system. Back to Bible Camp for you, pal.

A small Southwest town and aforementioned strip club is the intersection for several drama collisions, one being a gorgeous single-mom stripper with a 10 year-old daughter, a suicidal-by-alcohol club bouncer who a while back killed his young daughter while driving drunk, a man and woman vampire looking to get in some low-key snacks, and the aforementioned fire-n-brimstone preacher who survives a vampire attack, only to become one himself.

Southern Gothic

Once shown the true light, the preacher recruits his flock to weed out the cancer in the community. His target: the strip club. But only after he makes the red-head his eternal bride of doom.

The bouncer, Hazel Fortune (half of that is a cool name), becomes emotionally attached to the stripper’s young daughter, and sees a chance to be the dad he wasn’t on that night he made his own daughter pay for his drinks.

Southern Gothic

The local rednecks are all too eager to help usher in the Lord’s way, and do redneck-y stuff to those they capture and hold hostage in an old house. The dude vampire, now single as the Preacher managed to kill his toothy wife after the initial attack, steps up to help Hazel rescue the little girl and stripper mom, who is a vampire stripper now. A lot to suck in, but stay with the group.

Southern Gothic

Lots of neck puncturing, eye stabbing, knife poking and head shot-gunning. But oddly, no bare boobies. You’d think with a strip club as the metaphor, they’d at least put ’em on the glass. Not so with this one.

Southern Gothic

Southern Gothic (2007) has a few corny moments (the preacher is waaaaaaay over the top with his preachin’), and a platter of splatter. But it felt like the vampires needed explaining. And at least one bare boob. It would’ve helped the plot waaaaaaaay more.