Archive for Stephen King

Xeroxed Haunted House

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 1, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

7 Days To Live

Whoever wrote The Shining (1980) should be going after the filmmakers of 7 Days To Live (2001), a connect-the-dots horror formula rip-off.

7 Days To Live

A novelist and his wife buy a patently haunted mansion in a countryside marsh to put their grieving behind them after their son ate a bee and choked to death. (He should’ve put some butter or salt on it first.) The house has a dubious history — 20 years earlier a man killed his wife in there and let the body sit in front of the TV for a week before the authorities went to investigate their electric bill.

7 Days To Live

The house, it seems, has a way of finding out your deepest fear, then smacking you in the forehead with it. In this case, the wife getting tell-tale signs that she’s going to die in seven days. All the while, her writer husband is doing a second-rate Shining knock-off with mood swings so wild he could be a circus ride.

7 Days To Live

After noting her bent hubby’s excessive use of four-letter words, the freaked wife investigates the house’s f’d up past and discovers the place is built on a giant graveyard. (Yeah, like graveyards are believable.) Then her dead kid comes back to hit her up for allowance. Then her husband gives her a head butt (which was right up there with any finishing move you’d see in a WWE™ pay-per-view). Then mud ghosts come out of the marsh seeping into the basement. (That’ll happen when you leave the DOOR OPEN.)

7 Days To Live

Then you get bored because there’s too much talking and not enough bleeding. Cheese Whizhaunted house fare with a dorkball ending — the husband and wife write a best seller about their experiences. Amityville Horror (1979) been there, done that. If you have seven days to live, don’t waste 90-minutes of it watching this photocopied ass jamboree.

Giant Clowns, Demonic Babysitters, Money Storm

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 30, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in


It’s pretty much box office fact the It (2017) remake was one of the best horror movies of that entire year — if you don’t count the ongoing horror show in the White House. So leave it to talented artist El Mescalito to recreate Pennywise, the movie’s bowel-loosening monster clown, as a 9-foot tall paper mache sculpture. It gets better — you can buy this living room enhancing piece for $4,000.00. And you won’t have to look down any sewer drains to find it; this incredible objet d’art is currently on display in Santa Monica, CA at the Copro Gallery. (Or you can click HERE)


While we’re all racing around the house to find all the pennies we can to buy it, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not belong in a sewer…

The Lullaby

THE LULLABY (March 2, 2018)
Chloe is overwhelmed by the birth of her first child. The incessant crying of her baby, the growing sense of guilt and paranoia sends her into depression. With a heightened urge to protect her son, Chloe sees danger in every situation. She starts to hear voices, the humming of a childhood lullaby and sees flashes of a strange entity around her child. Convinced that the entity is real, Chloe will do everything in her power to protect her son. Is she haunted by evil or is it just the baby blues?”

May not need to see this movie as my neighbors just had a kid and that thing won’t quit power crying, day or night. Got a dirty look when I bumped into the new father and told him he maybe he should feed it every so often to get it to shut the heck up. (It’s a newborn, so I didn’t use the “hell” word.) Then again, maybe there’s an entity in this apartment building stirring up the kid. Other than me, that is.

Hurricane Heist

HURRICANE HEIST (March 9, 2018)
“A team of tech hackers infiltrate a U.S. Mint facility on a small coastal town to steal $102M in cash, just as a disastrous Category 5 hurricane, the storm of the century, is about to strike and level it to the ground. The only other two people left in the town — a meteorologist and a female treasury agent — must survive the horrific storm while stopping the thieves from getting away with the heist of the century.”

Sounds like The Weather Channel’s version of The Fast And The Furious (2001). Sure hope the hurricane doesn’t cause the criminals to “blow” all that money. Heh.

The Endless

THE ENDLESS (March 23, 2018)
“Two brothers return to the death cult from which they fled a decade ago, only to find that there might be some truth to the group’s otherworldly beliefs.”

As social clubs go, death cults aren’t that much fun. That, and they dress weird.

The Body Tree

“When a group of Americans travel to Russian Siberia to honor the memory of their murdered friend, they uncover a plot that threatens all their lives.”

Man, I know I’ve seen this movie’s poster art before and…oh, wait — now I remember…

Evil Dead

Ghost Hotels, Unnatural Disasters and Cigar Zombies

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Stanley Hotel

Prepping for my annual solo holiday trek to downtown Portland, OR, my favorite city within 175 miles from where I’m littering. This year will be a bit different as I plan on visiting several Chamber of Commerce endorsed haunted buildings, one of which happens to be the very hotel I’m staying at. (Love the new bathroom upgrades at The Benson, but the ghosts could be a bit more spookier.)

Room 217

The hotel that’s on my bucket list is, of course, The Stanley Hotel (aka, The Overlook Hotel in The Shining), located at 333 E Wonderview Ave, Estes Park, CO. (And in case you need the zip code: 80517.) Their website has this to say about that: “The Stanley Hotel features a variety of rooms with high paranormal activity including the famous Stephen King Suite 217, the Ghost Hunters’ favorite room 401; as well as 407, 428 and 1302. These are among our most-requested rooms, availability is limited.”

White Eagle Saloon

While I polter-hunt/drink in Old Town Pizza, Crystal Ballroom and the White Eagle Saloon, all of which have documented ghost sightings (and tasty snacks), here are a few just released and upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not scare the Christmas wrap outta you…

Dangerous People

DANGEROUS PEOPLE (available now)
“In the early 1970s two murderers pick up a girl in a bar and take her back to their apartment. A moment of brutal violence occurs, which leads to a series of mind games to see who lives and who dies. Dangerous People is a psychedelic trip that is equal parts crazy, scary, sexy, funny, sick and tragic.”

Crazy, scary, sexy, funny, sick and tragic. Aren’t those the ingredients on Fruity Pebbles™ cereal boxes? (That stuff has more artificial coloring than a beauty parlor.)

Channel Zero: Butcher's Block

“Inspired by Kerry Hammond’s ‘Search and Rescue Woods’ Creepypasta tale, Butcher’s Block tells the story of a young woman named Alice who moves to a new city and learns about a series of disappearances that may be connected to a baffling rumor about mysterious staircases in the city’s worst neighborhoods. With help from her sister, they discover that something is preying on the city’s residents.”

This sounds a lot better than the fizzled dud, Channel Zero: No-End House (2017). Sure, it got off to a great start, what with some teens going into a reputed spook house that preys on your innermost fears and doesn’t have an exit. But every slow-moving episode that followed felt like a no-end mini-series.

The Quake

THE QUAKE (2018)
“In 1904 an earthquake of magnitude 5.4 on the Richter Scale shook Oslo, with an epicenter in the ‘Oslo Graben’, which runs under the Norwegian capital. There are now signs that indicate that we can expect a major future earthquake in Oslo.”

You could almost predict this one — it’s being done by the same folks who made the Norwegian hit disaster movie, The Wave (2015). Another prediction: Once The Quake comes out, they’ll start working on The Really Windy Day, A Tree In the Road and The Pothole.

Rise of the Living Dead

“In 1962, Dr. Ryan Cartwright was on the scientific and altruistic path to find a way for humans to sustain life in the event of M.A.D. (Mutual Assured Destruction), a huge topic brought on by the Cuban Missile Crisis. Little did he know that over the course of the next several years of his life, he would take a well-funded and military focused journey to the darkest corners of the world as he creates the ultimate weapon for the government and a curse that will plague mankind for the rest of days.”

Cool title for YET ANOTHER zombie movie. Interesting to frame it around the Cuban Missile Crisis, which, I always thought was a near miss catastrophe about the Cuban cigar shortage. (Cigars are missile-shaped, hence, I assumed, the term.) Warning: this is what beer does to you.

Finding UFOs, Imagined Ghosts, Whiskey Cake

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Scream Queens, Slashers, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 26, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

UFO Detector

Found this old UFO Detector ad and it got me thinking — my old one is on its last legs and I need a new UFO Detector with more buttons and shinier lights. That means it’ll work better.

So did my old UFO Detector — purchased on eBay™ for $800 actually work? Yes and no. Yes, in that it kept detecting things I was cooking (unidentified frying objects). No, in that I was unable to get a refund.

Speaking of getting your money back for bogus products, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not detect anything but how much disposable income you have in your wallet and how few operating brain cells you have left in your head…

The Basement

THE BASEMENT (October 7, 2017/ Shriekfest Film Festival)
“An L.A. serial killer known as The Gemini, tortures and ultimately murders his victims in the dungeon-like basement of his San Fernando Valley home. Gemini has already claimed seven victims, all of whom he has horrifyingly maimed and decapitated with a blowtorch, but Craig Owen, the famed musician who Gemini has chosen for his eighth victim, and Craig’s beautiful wife Kelly prove every bit the killers equal in the art of psychological warfare, giving rise to one of the more diabolical plot twists in recent memory.”

Maimed and decapitated with a blowtorch. Along with peanut butter and olive loaf sandwiches, several words you probably wish to never hear again. But apparently there are enough torture porn freaks out there (looking in your direction every one of you) to make this a mouth-curling viewing experience.


1922 (October 29, 2017/Netflix™)
1922 is based on Stephen King’s 131-page story telling of a man’s confession of his wife’s murder. The tale is told from the perspective of Wilfred James, the story’s unreliable narrator who admits to killing his wife, Arlette, with his son in Nebraska. But after he buries her body, he finds himself terrorized by rats and, as his life begins to unravel, becomes convinced his wife is haunting him.”

Horror author icon Stephen King continues his hot streak with this offering of old time-y ghosts, real or imagined. The rats are real, though. They make up most of the population of Nebraska from what the Internet tells me. I want to believe.

Halloween Pussy Trap KIll! Kill!

“On Halloween an all girl rock-n-roll band called Kill Pussy Kill ventures out to play their biggest show to date. However, before hitting the road they manage to unwittingly upset a man. Unfortunately, this man turns out to be an evil genius dead set on revenge and manages to lure the girls into his Hell House. When they wake up from being gassed, they find themselves trapped inside an inescapable room filled with a vicious variety of devices that can kill them as well as a variety of weapons that can be used on each other. The rules are simple: advance through all three rooms and you are allowed to go free. The catch is, in order to make it to the next room, someone must die! With a ticking clock, and the mastermind watching, the question becomes — are you willing to kill to stay alive?”

A nice homage to Russ MeyersFaster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (1965). That one has voluptuous, sadistic go-go dancers causing all sorts of misc. heckaroo. Halloween Pussy Trap Kill! Kill! sounds like a segment from any one of the Saw movies. I prefer go-go dancers with a penchant for low-cut fashion-ware and purse cutlery.

Impossible Horror

“Every night a scream rings out in the same neighborhood. Two insomniac strangers, Lily the filmmaker and Hannah the game designer, head out together into the darkness to find the cause. Is it a psychotic killer claiming a new victim? A murderous ghost out for revenge? A flesh-eating monster? All of the above with extra chainsaws? Before they know it, Lily and Hannah have gone from being scream hunters to scream prey, and an evil force wants them dead.  If they can both survive the night, they may just find the answers they’re looking for, but the price will have to be paid in sanity and blood.”

Sounds like another typical night at TGI Fridays™. And yes, “evil force” is on their menu under desserts: Tennessee Whiskey Cake (Toffee cake, candied pecans, vanilla ice cream. Butterscotch Jack Daniel’s® Whiskey sauce.) The price is whatever the going rate for a soul is these days.

Horror Games, Sex Games, Ghost Games

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 15, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in


Iconic horror author Stephen King is on a hot streak these days, what with a pile of his word books being adapted into movies/remakes (Dark Tower, Gerald’s Game, It) and TV shows (Mr. Mercedes). Heck, even his public Twitter™ war with the President is some of his best work yet.

So leave it up to the clever smarty smarts at Pink Smoke to use this to create Kingo — a Stephen King-themed bingo game. They picked out 24 of the most common tropes/themes/character types found in King’s stories and turned them into the spots on a custom-made Bingo card. Neat!

From the press release: “It’s just like regular BINGO. When you watch a Stephen King film adaptation, TV movie or mini-series, just check-off that trope as it appears. For example: Mary Lambert’s 1989 film of Pet Sematary hits 10 tropes, with a straight line down the middle. That’s a KINGO!”

Coincidentally, “Kingo!” is what I shout out after every Budweiser™ I check off. You can download the Kingo card and play at home. While you’re doing that, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be adapted into Scrabble™…

Ghost Witch

GHOST WITCH (available now)
“Based on true events. Mattie enlists a group of paranormal investigators to spend the night at the haunted house where she was attacked by an angry spirit as a child, and where a Native American girl was brutally murdered two centuries ago. Once there, they are stalked and possessed as the truth about what happened there is revealed, as they all become unwilling participants in the ghost witch’s plan for vengeance.”

A witch that’s also a ghost? Now that’s some slick multitasking. The plot seems somewhat stock, but hey, when you have angry spirits, what can go wrong?

Gerald's GameGERALD’S GAME (September 29, 2017/Netflix™)“When a harmless sex game between a married couple in a remote retreat suddenly becomes a harrowing fight for survival, wife Jessie must confront long-buried demons within her own mind — and possibly lurking in the shadows of her seemingly empty house. Among those she confronts are ghosts from her past and a rabid dog.”

Yep, Stephen King’s 332 page novel about “harmless” sex games and a rabid dog is now a movie. We already know the sex leads to the accidental death of the wife’s hubbie after he handcuffs her to the bed. Oops! Enter Foamy, the rabid dog. (Actually, the dog’s name is Prince, though it should be Cujo.)


DOWNRANGE (2017/2018)
“Six college students are carpooling cross-country when one of their tires blows out on a desolate stretch of country road. Getting out to fix the flat, they quickly discover that this was no accident — the tire was shot out. With their vehicle incapacitated, the group is pinned down and mercilessly attacked by an unseen assailant as they desperately attempt to find a way to escape.”

A cross country road trip with no spare tires? College students be so dumb. As for the unseen assailant, there are better targets, like those graboid worm monsters from Tremors (1990) that come out of the desert dirt, looking to consume unseen assailants.

Doll Murder Spree

“A group of college students join their teacher for a weekend of filming for extra credit. Documenting the local Hell House that’s haunted by the family who were murdered there. Little do they know they would be trying to survive the night.”

I repeat, college students be so dumb. Add this one to the growing list of doll horror movies, a genre that seems to be so dumb. As for the tired plot, it must’ve been written by a college student.

Multi Evil Balloons, Multi-Headed Sharks, Multi Levels of Hell

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 6, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in


Lovin’ the prankster “marketing” of Stephen King’s It re-boot (releasing September 8, 2017). One comes from Pennsylvania, specifically Lititz Borough, located about 40 miles southeast of Harrisburg. Someone tied the “kid bait” iconic red balloon to sewer grates. For those who know, this is where the demonic clown Pennywise lives, lures you in, and makes you load your britches in fear. Coincidence all of this takes place in a sewer?

red balloons

The other one comes from Stephen King himself, tying a red balloon in the window of his famous Bangor, Maine house for visiting trespassing gawkers to see/photograph. I don’t know why, but I find this to be quite funny.

The film is getting a huge pre-buzz and looks to scare the clown paint off your face. While wade through sewer holes to see it, here are few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies to honk your clown car horn…

5-Headed Shark Attack

5-HEADED SHARK ATTACK (available now)
“Shaped like a terrifying starfish, a shark that has five heads terrorizes the open ocean and invades the beaches of Puerto Rico.”

Don’t know how this one got by me. I must’ve been manscaping. Or kazoo busking (I’m getting quite good at it — I’m now a double income lower class earner.) This shark week franchise got it’s start back in 2012 with 2-Headed Shark Attack. Then came 3-Headed Shark Attack in 2015. Waited anxiously for 4-Headed Shark Attack, but I think they just skipped the line and went for the brass life ring with 5-Headed Shark Attack. These types of movies don’t really need a plot — just get some screaming bait in micro bikinis and ring the dinner bell. As goofy as the premise is, you couldn’t pay me NOT to watch it.

Cold Moon

COLD MOON (October 6, 2017)
“In a sleepy southern town, the Larkin family suffers a terrible tragedy. Now the Larkin’s are about to endure another: traffic lights blink an eerie warning, a ghostly visage prowls in the streets, and graves erupt from the local cemetery in an implacable march of terror. And beneath the murky surface of the river, a shifting, almost human shape slowly takes form to seek a terrible vengeance.”

It’s probably Pennywise. If so, props to his agent for him scoring another showcase role.

Death House

DEATH HOUSE (January 26, 2018)
“Two federal agents fight their way through nine levels of Hell inside a secret prison known as the Death House. A facility-wide prison break turns their flight into a tour of horrors as they push toward the ultimate evil housed in the lowest depths of the earth.”

Almost the same plot premise as Baskin, a Turkish horror movie released in 2015 that’ll make you give up eating rancid ground hamburger floating in an otherwise delicious ketchup-based sauce. As for the nine levels of Hell, you can enter three of ‘em on your way to the men’s room at The Tug Tavern.

Let The Corpses Tan

LET THE CORPSES TAN (aka Laissez bronzer les cadavres!/2018)
“A Mediterranean summer: blue sea, blazing sun…and 250 kg of gold stolen by Rhino and his gang. They had found the perfect hideout: an abandoned and remote hamlet now taken over by a woman artist in search for inspiration. Unfortunately, surprise guests and two cops compromise their plan: the heavenly place where wild happenings and orgies used to take place turns into a gruesome battlefield.”

This one might need to be nominated for movie title of the year award. Gotta love the colorful press release: “wild happenings and orgies” and “gruesome battlefield.” Sounds like a heavy metal box social.


S.U.M.1 (2018)
“An aggressive race of aliens took over Earth and humanity’s at its end, living in giant bunkers below ground. Young military rookie S.U.M.1 is sent to the surface to save a group of unprotected survivors.”

Recalls Battle Los Angeles (2011) and about another hundred sci-fi movies featuring aliens. Still don’t know why extraterrestrials are so hell bent on conquering we Earthers; maybe it’s on their to-do list.

Space Bugs, AI Housing, Hollywood Burgers

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 12, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Starship Troopers: Traitor of Mars

Tried a new upscale burger joint recently. The pictures of the food offered don’t even come close to what is actually put on the faux paper plate they serve it on. The hamburger/fries/soft drink combo photos look like they were done by Hollywood and colorized for maximum visual enticement. If the food actually came that way, you’d have to wear sunglasses while eating it. All in all, the reasonably priced burger wasn’t half bad. Just wish it glowed as much in real life as it did on the backlit menu.

Speaking of false advertising, here’s some new horr/sci-fi that may look good on the surface, but try and withhold judgment until they’re served hot off Redbox™.

STARSHIP TROOPERS: TRAITOR OF MARS (Monday, August 21, 2017/500 theaters/everywhere in 2018)
“Rico is demoted and relocated to a satellite station on Mars, while the Federation moves to attack the home planet of the bugs — but Mars just so happens to be the target of a secret bug attack at the same time, and it falls to Rico and a group of new recruits to keep the planet safe while the Federation’s fleet is far out of reach.”

If you’re a fan of this franchise (I took a pass on it after the first one back in 1997), you’ll either be happy or reverse-happy to know that this one is an animated sci-fi feature. But feel free to give my regards to the space bugs and enthusiastically support their effort to take over the Universe.

3 Dead Trick or Treaters3 DEAD TRICK OR TREATERS (2017/2018)
“After stumbling upon the graves of three murdered trick or treaters, a small town paperboy discovers a series of handwritten horror stories tacked to the children’s headstones. Penned by a deranged pulp author driven mad by his craft, the stories chronicle grisly tales of Halloween rites, rituals and traditions. Absent of dialogue and heavy on atmosphere, 3 Dead Trick or Treaters is a horror anthology unlike any you’ve seen before.”

Sounds like horror master Stephen King wrote this one. But since this doesn’t have any dialogue — something King is known for overdoing — probably not. Still, three less trick or treaters means more razored candy for ME!


TAU (2017/2018)
“Julia is a street smart girl who becomes captive inside a ‘Smart House’ developed by the enigmatic Alex that is run by an advanced artificial intelligence called TAU”.

Pfffft — this concept was already explored in 1977’s Demon Seed, wherein a “smart house” takes over, kills everyone but the mom, and proceeds to mechanically impregnate her (hence the title) so its offspring can be liberated from the vaccuum cleaner cord. Don’t LOL — Demon Seed is considered a science fiction classic.

I Remember You

I REMEMBER YOU (2017/2018 (US)(VOD)(Limited)
“After an older lady hangs herself in a church, a new psychiatrist discovers she was obsessed with the disappearance of his eight-year-old son, who vanished three years earlier. Meanwhile, three city dwellers are restoring a house when they realize it is haunted, and a mysterious child named Bernodus, who disappeared 60 years earlier, is discovered as the link between the two groups.”

Yeesh — you know the church is getting heavy-handed when they pass around the collection plate and you’d rather hang yourself than give up the bit coins. And who the heck names their kid “Bernodus”? That already sounds like one of the night janitor demons mopping and glowing on floor two of the Seven Layers of Hell.