Archive for steak

Sex Meat Addict

Posted in Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 21, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Mad Cowgirl

A sexy brunette (who looks like Julia Roberts’ little sister) is a meat inspector who doesn’t just examine shiny, store-bought hamburgers. This gal craves pant steak. She’s obsessed with a sex-addicted televangelist (played by Star Trek’s Chekov) and has sexy results with him. (One of the funnier moments comes when she’s knocking phasers with a guy who looks like Sulu while watching Chekov on TV.)

Mad Cowgirl

In-between mattress moshing and packing meat, the gal watches her favorite kung-fu show, The Girl With The Thunderbolt Kick. As destiny would have it, her brother — who runs a meat processing plant — has been selling tainted beef. This is not divulged to the sister, to whom he’s been giving the tube steak on a weekly basis. (He probably just forgot to mention it.)

Mad Cowgirl

So he infects her and her brain starts to do a buttsteak in a grinder. When she goes to the doctor, he speaks to her in Indian and she can totally understand him and responds…in English. He gives her a bunch of pills and then hits on her. Ick.

Mad Cowgirl

When she goes to church to confess her wrongness (“I had sexual intercourse 30 times…last week”), the priest tells her she’s committed mortal sins, but because her brain is broken, it comes out in a strange dialect, telling her to kill the Ten Tigers From Kwangtung (not real animals, metaphoric ones, i.e., everyone she’s been deeply romantic with in the past seven days). She does this with kung-fu moves, a flying guillotine (which makes for e-z decapitations), and some sort of sharp kitchen tools.

Mad Cowgirl

At this point if you’re lost as to the actual plot of Mad Cowgirl (2006), just let it happen; I couldn’t figure it out, either — and I totally eat steaks and watch kung-fu movies all the time.

More Ghosts = Less Scares

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 29, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Diabolical

If you were at SXSW back in the ancient days of March 2015, then you might have been one of the chosen few to see a sneak premier of The Diabolical, a new horror/sci-fi ghost movie, which seem to be the rage these days.

For those of us who were not personally invited to SXSW via a handwritten and/or engraved invite delivered on a silk pillow, The Diabolical comes out in the fall of 2015. If privileged people have already seen it, why do we commoners have to flippin’ wait that long? One-percenters suck.

The Diabolical

So yeah, The Diabolical is YET ANOTHER ghost-y movie. I watched the trailer and it reminded me of Poltergeist. Not the 2015 remake (which sucked polter-ass), but the original from 1982. Anyway, here’s how the ghost goes…

“Madison – a single mother – and her children, are awoken nightly by an increasingly strange and intense presence. She seeks help from her scientist boyfriend Nikolai, who begins a hunt to destroy the violent spirit that paranormal experts are too frightened to take on.”

Good luck and all.

In the original Poltergeist there was a haunted steak. Hope The Diabolical can top that.

Poltergeist