Archive for sparks

Empire Sharks, Hockey Masks, Murderous Moms

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 3, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Quiet Room Bears

Saw this mash-up of a Care Bear and Pennywise from It on eBay™, Think the going price is around $300. Not sure I want that hideous thing sitting in a corner, visually tasting my flesh. Still, it might keep solicitors from bugging my doorbell.

While I try and drum up $300, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not scare the cotton out of you…

Empire of the Sharks

EMPIRE OF THE SHARKS (August 5, 2017/SyFy)
“In the future, most of Earth is covered by water and the only land is controlled by a warlord and his army of sharks. Humans are kept as food for the sharks until two friends risk their lives to rise against their captor and his legion of sharks.”

Sounds like Waterworld (1995) but with the more eating of humans. So yeah, YET ANOTHER Rent-A-Centershark horror movie. These types of shark flicks are usually just bad video games. If you want a real shark movie that’ll make you pollute the water, try The Reef (2010). Just thinking about it is making me need to hide in the safety of my bathroom — until someone comes up with Toilet Sharks.

To Hell And Back

TO HELL AND BACK: THE KANE HODDER STORY
(August, 2017/England Film Fest)

To Hell and Back is a harrowing story of a stuntman overcoming a dehumanizing childhood filled with torment and bullying in Sparks, Nevada. After surviving a near-death burn accident, he worked his way up through Hollywood, leading to his ultimate rise as Jason Voorhees in the Friday the 13th series and making countless moviegoers forever terrified of hockey masks and summer camp. After decades of watching Kane Hodder on screen, get ready to meet the man behind the mask in To Hell and Back – n uniquely human story about one of cinema’s most vicious monsters.”

Kane Hodder, as many know, is the 6’4” monster behind such monsters as Jason Voorhees in Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988), Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989), Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993), Jason X (2001), and as the deformed serial killer Victor Crowley in Hatchet (2006), Hatchet II (2010), and Hatchet III (2013). I say cast Hodder in the new Mary Poppins Returns 2018 remake — that’ll keep that persnickety b*tch from trying to teach the world manners.

Axeman 2: Overkill

AXEMAN 2: OVERKILL (October 17, 2017)
“When a band of crazed evangelicals, bank robbers and vigilantes descend upon Cutter’s Creek, there’s only one local legend that can separate them. And dismember them.”

Seems pretty cut ‘n dry to me — heh. Not really a fan of chop shop horror, but hey, crazed evangelicals and bank robbers need to taste the business end of the axe.

Mon And Dad

MOM AND DAD (2017/2018)
“A teenage girl and her little brother must survive a wild 24 hours during which a mass hysteria of unknown origins causes parents to turn violently on their own kids.”

It’s called parenting for a reason. This is what happens when you don’t clean your room. Speaking of, I’m gonna go do that right now as mom’s in town with a few days to kill.

Bogged Down With Ghosts

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 6, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Marsh

As a successful author of fantasy children’s books, the fetching Claire Holloway keeps having hot flashes about a spooky old house. Searching on the Internet, she finds the domicile of her nightmares in a small town and rents it. Once inside, Claire is visited by a little dead girl that looks like she spent too much time in the bathtub. Then there’s that teenager ghost boy with demon eyes and black gunk dripping out of his mouth. Typical teen.

The Marsh

These visitations are increasing, so she finds a paranormal investigator (most small gossip towns have one) and all steaming heck starts to break loose. The paranormal guy actually sees the ghosts, so any of Claire’s drinking-wine-and-seeing-things is ruled out. As she does her CSI bit, she discovers that years ago two bodies – that of a little girl and a teenage boy – were found in the local marsh, no doubt covered in dirty swamp leaves and bugs.

The Marsh

Back at the haunted house, the killing room re-shapes itself and suddenly becomes a replay of what the heckaroo happened that caused the ghosts to get all ghost-y ’n stuff. Seems some teens were having a party, smoking hard drugs and drinking bottles of the Devil’s Mouthwash (beer, to you outta towners). Two little girls were playing upstairs as the skank chick doing the partying downstairs was SUPPOSED to be baby-sitting. One of the sexually repressed teen boys tries to make out with the skank, but she won’t put out. (Now she decides to get morals?) Dejected and wearing his frustration pants, he goes upstairs to where the little girls are playing and… Take a guess.

The Marsh

A showdown between the ghost and Claire’s repressed memories boils over into a rather generic paranormal confrontation, with lots of blowing wind, yelling and sparks. Ghosts like sparks. The spooks look sufficiently creepy and the scene in the barn with the little dead girl had me believing a big pay-off was coming. Not so much. But hey, now with The Marsh (2005) you have a horror movie you can watch with your mom and not have to explain why girls who take their tops off are so important to the plot.