Archive for spaghetti

Shark Bubbles

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Sharks with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 29, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Deep Blood

You don’t have to put on Shark Exorcist (2015) to watch a supremely crappy shark movie. Just go on YouTube™ and pull up the obscure Deep Blood, a 1989 Italian shark flick, featuring no fishy action or graphic kill scenes whatsoever. So why did I watch it? It was free. But free in this case meant you’ll pay a price — 90 minutes of your expiration date.

Deep Blood

The title comes from a pact four young boys made to alway be friends and to kill a great white shark lest one of them should be eaten by one. Guess what happens? 10 years later the boys reunite for a fishing vacation at a small beach community stalked by a marauding shark. (Likely an out of towner, also on vacation.) One of the boys is sharked to death and the remaining friends make another pact: kill that shark hard for what it did.

Deep Blood

Vengeance is the first thing on their minds (with boobies coming in a very close second). They prep their trap while the shark (stock footage of several great white sharks swimming in circles and occasionally coming to the surface for air) munches on beach food. The kills are nothing more than screaming swimmers in an eruption of blood bubbles (or “Texas Champagne”). You don’t see the shark actually doing any attacking, just a lot of red froth. And screaming.

Deep Blood

The boys’ plan is to use explosives to turn the shark into puzzle pieces. Gonna be a challenge as the mean fish is thought to be an incarnation of an ancient hoodoo (West African spiritual traditions and beliefs) spirit that took the form of a killer shark.

Deep Blood

So yeah, African spirit hoodoo sharks (different ones spliced in to emphasize the premise) in Italy. A more entertaining idea would’ve been to do a movie about voodoo spaghetti. And instead of blood, they could use tomato sauce, which I hear is smiliar in color. Just thinking out loud.

Humans vs. Unhumans

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , on January 2, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Unhuman

Four hundered meteors zip past earth’s zip code, but only one hits that stinking planet, right smack in a national park where there are college students hanging out.

Unhuman

Luckily, its glowing residue can re-animate the dead. The under-grads should’ve listened to the local witch who warned ’em time and time again some bad juju was about to come down. There’s some nonsense sub-plot about a secret scientific scientist who is rumored to be conducting experiments on human organs, and may somehow be connected to the witch.

Unhuman

Those affected by the meteor zoom turn into burnt zombies with big teeth and chase people through the woods, where they catch ’em and rip open their stomachs like they were Merry Groundhog Day gifts. The entrails look suspiciously like really large strands of spaghetti with extra sauce.

Unhuman

Lots of chasing, screaming, shooting and evisceration in Unhuman (aka, Evil Aliens: Unhuman/2004). But where’s the love?

Spider: Made By Volkswagon

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 19, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Spiders

What started as an anemic sci-fi yawnfest, Spiders (2000) turned into a goopy killfest almost worthy of a video store rental fee.

Three college paranormal investigators working for the school newspaper witness the crash of the space shuttle. Mutated spiders made it fall from the ozone after eating the brains of the occupants (Astro – nots. Ha!).

Spiders

The infected bodies are taken to a secret military base, and the news-minded team infiltrate because the truth is in there somewhere. A lot of yackety-yacking until one of the reporters gets bitten by a spider that bursts out of an expired skull and the splatter starts to matter.

Spiders

The killer bug grows to the size of a Volkswagen Beetle™, and oh what a tangled web he weaves. Super spidey breaks out of the army base and goes on a casual rampage through the college campus where it further expands to the size of a mutated Volkswagen Beetle™. The monster bug crushes cars, smashes buildings and eats undergraduates.

Spiders

One surviving military guy and the hot chick reporter get in a helicopter conveniently parked near the college and, using bazookas, blast the bug into spider spaghetti. The star chick is really hot, but she blows many an opportunity to distract the spider by taking her top off. When will humans ever learn?

All in all, satisfactory fun if you can fast forward through the first half.

Spiders