Archive for soul

17 Godzillas, Pool Monsters, Satanic Country Clubs

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 23, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Another key art treatment for Godzilla: King of the Monsters (May 31, 2019). This would be the ninth one, and I hope they make nine more. I need to cover an entire wall that needs paint. The latest trailer asks the question, how many Titans (embiggened monsters) are there? To which Dr. Ishiro Serizawa replies: “17 — and counting.” I bet one of ‘em is living in the apartment above me, stomping on the floor like it was Tokyo.”

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

To quell your nervous anticipation for the movie, here are a few upcoming/now available horror movies that may or may not be as horrifying as a paint neglected wall…

Drowning Echo

DROWNING ECHO (available now)
“During a visit to friends, Sara begins having visions and is attacked by an unearthly creature in her friend’s swimming pool; she soon discovers that anyone who comes into contact with the water is in danger and she is driven to confront the mystical and malevolent creature lurking in the depths.”

When I was a kid and visited local community swimming pools, the unearthly creature at the bottom of the pools was usually a turd. I didn’t do it. But I know who did: Republicans.

The Velocipastor

THE VELOCIPASTOR (2019)
“After a devastating family tragedy, a priest travels to China to find deeper spirituality, but instead is endowed with an ancient ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first, he is horrified by his newfound superpower, but a local prostitute convinces him to use his newfound gift to fight evil — and ninjas.”

So a priest who can turn into a dinosaur or “Jesus horse.” Now THERE’S a way to make religion way more interesting. Wrote about this back in 2011. Kinda surprised I can remember back that far. It was a trailer for a movie that hadn’t been made yet. Now, all these multiple months later, it’s here. Thank Dino Lord.

Hail Satan?

HAIL SATAN? (2019)
“The Satanic Temple, a mysterious organization led by Lucien Greaves, has called for a Satanic revolution to save the soul of the US.”

One nation, under Satan, for meanness and evil for all. Isn’t that what’s going on now?

Satanic Panic

SATANIC PANIC (2019/20120)
“Times are tough for Sam. Already a cancer survivor at 22, she eeks out a meager existence delivering pizza for minimum wage — and minimum tips — while dealing with an exploitative boss and obnoxious coworkers. When the final delivery of the night promises to take her to a wealthy neighborhood with the chance of a healthy tip, she takes the opportunity to make up for an unprofitable shift. What begins as a quest for cash ends up as a quest for survival, though, when it turns out her customers aren’t who she’s used to delivering to. Instead, they’re a Satanic cult of a very different color: high-society elites for whom worshiping the Dark Lord coexists with country clubs and casseroles.”

A high-society Satanic cult that hangs out in country clubs and eats pizza and casseroles instead of chi-tos (heh)? Clearly, there are more perks to being evil than originally assessed.

Loch Ness Literature, Born Again Mummies, Religion Reimagined

Posted in Evil, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Sharks with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 28, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Loch: Heaven's Lake

Author Steve Alten is the writer who makes a living writing about giant sharks. In facto, his 1997 novel, Meg: A Novel of Deep Terror, was the inspiration for The Meg, the blockbuster 2018 hit monster shark movie that made a billion clams at the box office. You may have heard of it.

The Loch

The Loch, Alten’s 2005 novel, is optioned to be turned into a movie as well. I didn’t read the book, but I assume it has something to do with the Loch Ness Monster. (Maybe I should learn to read.)

Loch Ness Monster

Until that happens, Alten has an upcoming sequel to that book titled, The Loch: Heaven’s Lake. Here’s the synopsis: “Zachary Wallace travels to a mysterious lake situated in a crater atop a caldera in South China/North Korea after a series of monster sightings.”

The Meg

Sounds right up my inlet. You (or me) can pre-order the hardback version for $27.95 on SteveAlten.com. Other platforms will be available on Amazon.com. (Order it directly from Steve — Amazon doesn’t need the money.)

The Meg

Before you check your 401k to see if you have $27.95 in it, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be as cool as hunting for monsters in any country with with or without flushing toilets…

The Mummy Reborn

THE MUMMY REBORN (April 4, 2019)
“A group of teens in financial ruin that decide to rob the local antique store of an ancient amulet. But what they don’t realize is that this tomb is cursed, and when the amulet is separated from it’s master he will do anything to get it back. Our burglars must save the day and return the Mummy to it’s tomb before it is too late to save the world.”

Not seeing a point here. Teens steals the Mummy’s bling and the Mummy self-resurrects to get them fitted for a Chicago overcoat (look it up). Isn’t this the same plot used for every Mummy movie ever made?

I Trapped The Devil

I TRAPPED THE DEVIL (April 26, 2019)
“When Matt and his wife Karen show up unannounced at the home of his estranged brother Steve to celebrate the holidays, they are instead greeted with a horrifying surprise: trapped in the basement is a man. But not just any man. Steve believes that his hostage is none other than the devil himself. As shock and skepticism turn to fear and paranoia, Matt and Karen find themselves facing a terrifying quandary: is Steve dangerously unhinged? Or could the mysterious stranger really be evil incarnate? Either way, the stage is set for a true Christmas from Hell.”

If you really want to trap the devil, just zip up your pants.

The Convent

THE CONVENT (May 3, 2019)
“In the early 17th century, innocent young Persephone is falsely accused and put on trial for her life. Her fate seems sealed except for the timely intervention of the mysterious Reverend Mother offering her not just sanctuary, but hope. For the Reverend Mother is the self-appointed leader of a small religious retreat, a secluded Priory, where her fellow Sisters devote their lives to the Lord and seek atonement for their pasts. But upon arrival, Persephone is plagued with terrifying visions and soon realizes that it’s not salvation that awaits but a battle for her very soul itself.”

Curious horror sub-genre, this evil nun stuff. Which begs the question — if nuns are evil, do they punish you for being nice?

Room For Rent

ROOM FOR RENT (May 3, 2019/Theaters | May 7, 2019 / VOD)
“Lonely widow Joyce rents out a room to make easy money. She meets mysterious drifter Bob and takes him in as a long-term tenant. She becomes obsessed with her much younger guest, making him the object of her deepest romantic fantasies. When a friend’s betrayal derails Joyce’s fantasy world, she seizes control of her own destiny with a deadly mission to finally get what she deserves.”

GMILF gone wild.

Back Into The Zone, Faustian Felines, Soul For Sale

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 2, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Twilight Zone

In case you forgot, one of the cornerstones of horror and science fiction is the The Twilight Zone anthology TV series, wrote/co-wrote and hosted by Rod Serling, from 1958 to 1964. And now it’s back in the form of the cleverly-named The Twilight Zone, arriving April 1, 2019 on CBS All Access. This re-boot will be hosted by Mad TV’s Jordan Peele, and will air every Thursday until the ratings say otherwise.

The Twilight Zone 2019

Given that The Twilight Zone is regarded as one of the greatest TV series of ALL TIME, this is good news for fans of science fiction, horror, the paranormal and fantasy with a surprise twist. (By comparison, The Outer Limits, a competing, similarly-themed TV series (1963 — 1965), featured a monster-of-the-week and no moral lessons taught by said monster-of-the-week.)

The Twilight Zone Podcast

To feed your Twilight Zone monkey until April gets here, check out Tom Elliot’s Rondo Award winning show, The Twilight Zone Podcast. Tom does a respectful job, with interviews, reviews and readings from classic Twilight Zone episodes. Or if you’d rather not do any of the above, here are a few just released/upcoming horror movies that may or may not take you to the outer limits…

Hunting Evil

HUNTING EVIL (available now)
“A broken man returns to society after serving time but hits dead ends to turn his life around until he meets an enigmatic man who promises him riches. But when the piper calls, it’s in the form of evil incarnate and wants his soul in return.”

Cool — what’s the going rate on selling your soul? If I could get enough to cover rent, sign me up.

Legend of the Demon Cat

LEGEND OF THE DEMON CAT (February 5, 2019)
During the Tang Dynasty, a Chinese poet and a Japanese monk join forces to investigate a demonic cat who has possessed a general’s wife and wreaked havoc on the imperial court. The investigation takes some gruesome and unexpected twists, leading the monk and the poet to unravel the mystery behind the decade’s old death of the legendary, beautiful concubine, Yang Guifei.”

A woman possessed by her cat. Aren’t they all?

Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark

SCARY STORIES TO TELL IN THE DARK (August 9, 2019)
“A group of young teens must solve the mystery surrounding sudden and macabre deaths in their small town.”

For those of us who’d rather watch horror movies than read ‘em, Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark is three children’s books written by Alvin Schwartz and illustrated by Stephen Gammell. The series  began in 1981, a year when people’s street-wear and haircuts were pretty darn horrifying. So much so, there’s one illustration that looks a heckuva lot like me driving around in my Chevy Camaro Z/28, blasting out “Don’t Stop Believin’” on my after-market installed Pioneer™ cassette deck. That alone qualifies as one of the scariest stories ever.

Here Comes Hell

HERE COMES HELL (March 1, 2019/UK)
“A 1930s dinner party descends into carnage, gore and demonic possession in Here Comes Hell, a genre-clashing horror comedy.”

Early reviews are calling this, Downtown Abbey meets the The Evil Dead. I’ve seen The Evil Dead but not Downtown Abbey, which is apparently a long-running British drama TV series and not the name of a street hooker.

Naked and Nude Witch

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Scream Queens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 12, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Witchcraft IV: The Virgin Heart

Witchcraft IV: The Virgin Heart (1992) starts out with a short bit with 6’1” B-movie goddess Julie Strain, naked, showering, putting on her makeup, styling her hair and being spectacularly naked.

Witchcraft IV: The Virgin Heart

She’s prepping for her role as a stripper/singer Belladonna. FYI: Julie lets ’em out of the blouse bag again during her performance at a club called Coven. Apparently, she sold her soul to become a successful rock star. (The asking price about that of a TV dinner.)

Witchcraft IV: The Virgin Heart

There’s a warlock talking in an echo-y voice who owns Belladonna and makes her strip instead of sing. Most of the movie, though, is about someone looking for someone, blah, blah, blah. 

Witchcraft IV: The Virgin Heart

Julie has sexuals with him in a romantic freight elevator, which you only hear and not really see. (The sex, not the elevator.) That displeased me. The other irritation point is the plot almost has nothing to do with witchcraft, and plods along as a really complicated and boring murder mystery.

Julie Strain

Forget the movie and just watch Julie doing that naked stuff in the intro. Like I’m doing right now. For the fifth time.

Venomous Coffee, Demon Soul-Sucker, Biker Biters

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 28, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Moldy Mugs

What instead of you drinking coffee or discount vodka from your favorite mug, the mug drinks from you? That’s the genius behind Moldy Mugs, a series of handcrafted and expertly designed (by Joe Rowles) horror drinking cups (ranging from 12 oz. to 17 oz.).

While these mugs carry a hefty price ($90.00 for a the 12 oz. version), how flippin’ cool would it be to wrap your coffee/discount vodka sucking mouth hole around one of these magnificent hand-washable art pieces?

Moldy Mugs

While you FINISH READING this blog, click HERE to visit Moldy Mugs — featuring their new Venom™ entry — and get ready to have the life sucked out of you for a change. In the meantime, here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not transport you the way discount vodka never fails to do…

Another Soul

ANOTHER SOUL (available now)
Megan cannot stop the nightmares. Her parents, Rob and Susan, are at their wit’s end. When a couple suggest Megan’s soul may be the target of a soul-hungry demon, the family find themselves in a battle for Megan’s life.”

Megan rhymes with Regan, another young girl the target of an evil entity about 45 years ago. So would this be a rip-off 1973’s The Exorcist, but with higher-def projectile vomiting? Of the 23 possible answers, The Magic 8-Ball™ says, “Signs point to yes.”

Down A Dark Hall

DOWN A DARK HALL (August 17, 2018)
Kit, a difficult young girl, is sent to the mysterious Blackwood Boarding School run by eccentric headmistress Madame Duret. While exploring the labyrinthine corridors of the school, Kit and her classmates discover that Blackwood Manor hides an age-old secret rooted in the paranormal.”

I liked it better when it was called Suspiria (Italy, 1977).

Howlers

HOWLERS (2018)
“A mysterious monster hunter from the Old West who returns from the grave to stop a bloodthirsty werewolf motorcycle gang from terrorizing a small town.”

Not a new concept. Anyone remember the cult schlock classic Werewolves on Wheels (1971)? If you don’t, your mom does.

West of Hell

WEST OF HELL (2018)
“A gunslinger and a vengeful ex-slave board a midnight train to Atlanta. They discover that the train is haunted by a sinister force…and may not be headed to Atlanta after all.”

Yep, they got on the train to New Jersey by accident.

Virtual Undead, Love-Struck Mermaids, Death Janitor

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Vampires, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 11, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Evil Dead: Virtual Nightmare

Want to experience demon-possessed zombies without letting them stick pencils into the squishy marshmallow that is your flesh? (Tell me you got that reference.) Well now you can do it writing-utensil-free with Evil Dead: Virtual Nightmare.

Deadite

As first reported by Bloody_Disgusting.com, the online site Horror-Fix.com issued a press release: “Evil Dead: Virtual Nightmare will offer fans a truly unique opportunity to fully immerse themselves within The Evil Dead universe unlike ever before. With 360 degree sound and vision the players can roam freely around The Evil Dead world. Evil Dead: Virtual Nightmare will offer players a thrilling experience in first person mode inside the infamous cabin and engage them taking on Deadites in the surrounding forest.”

Deadite

This sounds way cooler than the virtual horror reality that is real life. While we wait for Evil Dead: Virtual Nightmare to arrive June 2018 on iOS and Android devices (this sucks as I only have a walkie-talkie — hey, it was FREE), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not seem real to you…

Sequence Break

SEQUENCE BREAK (May 24, 2018/Shudder™)
“A reclusive video arcade repairman experiences bizarre biomechanical mutations and Cronenbergian hallucinations when a mysterious new arcade machine appears in his shop. Reality itself threatens to fracture as the young man works to solve its mystery — and overcome the new chaos that has entered his life.”

I’m a bit unclear with this — when doesn’t an arcade machine cause mutations and hallucinations? Heck, that’s why I play ‘em! I bet the arcade machine takes your soul instead of quarters. Too bad — I have more quarters than soul.

The Mermaid: Lake of the Dead

THE MERMAID: LAKE OF THE DEAD (July 19, 2018)
“An evil mermaid — who was once a beautiful young woman that drowned centuries ago — falls in love with a woman’s fiancée and aims to take him back to her deadly underwater kingdom.”

Sounds like Splash! (1984), but with the high potential for grievous bodily harm. Not clear on why the mermaid is evil. I’ll have to consult Flipper. He’s so dang smart.

Overlord

OVERLORD (October 26, 2018)
“Two paratroopers are caught behind enemy lines after their plane crashes on a mission to destroy a German radio tower in a small town outside of Normandy during the D-Day invasion. After reaching their target, the two paratroopers come to realize that besides fighting off Nazi soldiers, they also must combat against supernatural forces that are a result of a secret Nazi experiment.”

Nazis are the go-to bad guys in lots of horror movies, second only to vampires and sharks. Maybe they should all start a band.

The Cleaning Lady

THE CLEANING LADY (2018/2019)
“As a means to distract herself from an affair, a love-addicted woman befriends a cleaning lady, badly scarred by burns. She soon learns, these scars run much deeper than the surface.”

If you work with cleaning solvents and are badly scarred by burns, quit washing your face with Clorox™ followed by a good burnishing with an S.O.S.™ pad. (P.S. Do NOT wash your face with Clorox™ — unless you want to look like The Joker.)

Metal For Your Face, Empowered Horror Women, Cursed Movie Stars

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 13, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Iron Maiden

If you’re a fan of heavy metal (again, why wouldn’t you be?), you’ll load your britches over a gaggle of new Iron MaidenEddieHalloween masks by Trick or Treat Studios (.com). Eddie, as everyone in the universe knows (even aliens), is the ghoulish mascot for Iron Maiden, gracing the cover of all their albums, sometimes as a zombie slasher, undead WWII pilot, an Egyptian mummy and even a living dead cyborg. If I was a cyborg, I’d want to look like Eddie. Then we could hang out all day and do cool cyborg stuff.

Eddie

So now Trick or Treat Studios is set to release four new Iron Maiden full head masks, including “Aces HighEddie, Powerslave, Somewhere in Time Eddie, Final Frontier Eddie, and Number of the Beast Eddie. What, no Groundhog’s Day Eddie? Prices for this sublime face-wear ranges from $49.99 — $59.00. A mere pittance to look like one of heavy metal’s most famous icons.

Iron Maiden

A little history: the rotting, skeletal visage of Eddie was done by artist Derek Riggs, was based on an original design by art student who just happened to be BBFs with DaveLightsBeasley, who, back in the early band days, was in charge of lighting, pyrotechnics and other hearing-damaging effects for Iron Maiden’s live show.

Iron Maiden

The new masks will be available August/September of this year, which I was just told is 2018. Geez, it was 1980 just a few days ago. So while we wait for our molded plastic makeover, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies to bang your rubber-encased head to…

Dead List

DEAD LIST (May 1, 2018/VOD)
Calvin is competing with five other actors — Zander, Scott, Kush, Jason and Bob — for a major movie role. Stopping at nothing to win the role of a lifetime, he uses a demonic book to curse his fellow actors, with each actor being killed off in their own separate unique and terrifying chapter.”

Sounds like one of those Final Destination (2000) things, but with demon flavorings added. The only demonic book I know is the TV Guide™. That flippin’ thing is evil and will suck your soul right out of your eyeballs on a nightly basis for hours at a time.

Mary Shelley

MARY SHELLEY (May 25, 2018)
“Passionate and rebellious teenager Mary Wollstonecraft finds a kindred spirit in poet Percy Shelley. Their whirlwind love affair scandalizes polite society, as the young couple gorge on literature and a bohemian life. When tragedy strikes and the couple lose their baby daughter, Mary strikes back, finding the courage and bravery to transform her pain into the world’s first science fiction novel, Frankenstein— all by the age of 18.”

Mary Shelley, back in the 1800s, was the woman who created Frankenstein, but she’s not the only one. Have you met my mom?

Under The Silver Lake

UNDER THE SILVER LAKE (June 22, 2018)
“Young and disenchanted Sam meets a mysterious and beautiful woman who’s swimming in his building’s pool one night. When she suddenly vanishes the next morning, Sam embarks on a surreal quest across Los Angeles to decode the secret behind her disappearance, leading him into the murkiest depths of mystery, scandal and conspiracy.”

I’m thinkin’ the girl in the pool is a ghost mermaid on the swim from the Law. As for the surreal quest across Los Angeles, just driving a few blocks in Hollywood definitely qualifies.

Don't Leave Home

DON’T LEAVE HOME (2018/2019)
“An American artist’s obsession with a disturbing urban legend leads her to an investigation of the story’s origins at the crumbling estate of a reclusive painter in Ireland.”

I can only guess that the urban legend is a sober Irishman. Heh.

Color Coordinated Aliens, Devil Diapers, Burning Man Zombies

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, UFOs, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 1, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Christopher Shy

Horror/sci-fi/fantasy artist Christopher Shy should be a billionaire for his stunning illustrative interpretations of classic genre movies like Alien (1979), A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), Salem’s Lot (1979), The Shining (1980), The Walking Dead (2018) and more. Maybe he already is in a higher tax bracket; I haven’t tried to borrow money from him. Yet.

Christopher Shy

These ridiculously brilliant art pieces are not only suitable for framing, but belong in a museum that doesn’t smell like wet books. Shy founded Ronin Studios in 1994 and has arted for movie companies like Lionsgate and Marvel, as well as acrylically expressing himself for Dark Horse Comics and more. Wonder how much he’d charge to paint my house to look like the demon rental cabin in The Evil Dead (1981)? Probably more bit coins than I currently have in my bit piggy bank.

Christopher Shy

While you drool over these magnificent art of works, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies to distract you from the fact you’re not as talented as Christopher Shy

The Possessed

THE POSSESSED (April 6, 2018)
“When two documentary students venture into a small rural village, they witness a local ‘soul restoring’ ceremony. Upon investigation, they’re introduced to an exorcist who educates them on the exorcisms performed throughout the village’s history.”

I wanna be an exorcist when I grow up. You get to travel to exotic trailer parks, meet people who swear, float and puke gas station food, and make a difference to people who clearly take the bible literally. 

Bus Party To Hell

BUS PARTY TO HELL (April 13, 2018)
“When a party bus on its way to Burning Man filled with a bunch of sexy young adults breaks down in the desert and in the middle of a group of Satanic worshipers, all hell literally breaks loose. A massacre leaves seven survivors trapped on the bus, fighting for their lives while wondering if someone or someones are not what they seem.”

Not seeing the difference to the part buses that go to Burning Man every year. This one has zombie mummies, as well. Unless you’re a naked hippie attending Burning Man, the next popular dress code is being a mummy. More effective than sun block.

Gray Matter

GRAY MATTER ( April 20, 2018)
“After a meteorite crashes to earth awakening the extraterrestrial creature within, a young woman is abducted by an alien ‘gray’ to aide in hunting down and destroying the creature before it can reach a second meteorite that fell to earth decades earlier unleashing its deadly infestation of earth.”

I thought charcoal-colored aliens were called ‘greys’, not ‘grays.’ Calling ‘em Grays means they should accessorize with colors like seafoam, rose, marshmallow and cherry to properly color coordinate. If you’re an alien, this will match your season and help to blend in with hipster corporate executives and Mormons. 

The Sitter

THE SITTER (June, 2018)
Charlotte, a broke college student, gets a gig to house sit for an eccentric couple for a long weekend. She couldn’t believe how lucky she is. When darkness falls, things start to take a far more sinister turn. Charlotte is unable to shake the feeling that her every move is being watched and it is not long before her worst fears are confirmed — there is something else in the house with her…”

Um, was this not the exact same premise of House of the Devil (2009)? In that one the broke college student earns her pay by changing the diapers of the Devil, an experience later described as “hellish.” Heh.

Bigfoot Clothes, Parisian Zombies, Regrettable Face Tattoos

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 8, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Hide And Seek Champion

Been looking for a another Bigfoot T-shirt to add to my growing wardrobe of mythological creature-wear. Found this one: a silhouette of Bigfoot and the proclamation: Hide and Seek Champion. Sheer genius. So much so, it now replaces my Slenderman shirt, which failed to live up to its name. (Didn’t make me look slender at all.)

Slenderman

While I continue in my bid to become a cryptid fashionista, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not go with anything in your drawers…

The Night Eats The World

THE NIGHT EATS THE WORLD (March 7, 2018 (France) 2018/2019 (US)
“After waking up in an apartment where only the night before a party was raging, Sam is forced to come to grips with reality: he is now alone and the living dead have invaded the streets of Paris. Petrified with fear, Sam is going to have to barricade himself inside the building and organize his survival. But is he really the sole survivor?”

It’s like they’re not even trying to come up with a plot. So stock is this zombie movie premise, I bet Sam goes back into the building to get caught up on sleep.

Lowlife

LOWLIFE (April 6, 2018)
“Set amidst the seedy underbelly of Los Angeles, Lowlife zigzags back and forth in time as it charts how fate — and a ruthless crime boss — connects three down-and-out reprobates mixed up in an organ harvesting scheme that goes from bad to worse to off-the-rails insane. Careening from savagely funny to just plain savage to unexpectedly heartfelt, this audacious thriller serves up nonstop adrenaline alongside hard-hitting commentary about the state of contemporary America.”

It’s not in the press release, but Lowlife stars a fallen Mexican wrestler with rage issues and a “regrettable face tattoo.” That’d be a great name for a band.

The Field Guide To Evil

THE FIELD GUIDE TO EVIL (2018)
“They are known as myths, lore, and folk tales. Created to give logic to mankind’s darkest fears, these stories laid the foundation for what we now know as the horror genre.”

For some of us, The Field Guide to Evil is merely walking into The Tug Tavern. You WILL encounter your darkest fear just inside the bathroom door.

Tell Me Your NameTELL ME YOUR NAME (2018/2019)
“After a troubled childhood, Ashley searches for a connection, and unknowingly invites in a demonic force, which leaves her loved ones fighting for her soul.”

I’ve always wondered why demonic forces want your soul. It’s not like they’re collectibles to put on a shelf next to the jars of grape-flavored eyeballs and still-beating hearts in maraschino juice. That, and most souls are not quite mint-in-box. Like mine, for instance.

More Slashers, More Serial Killers, More Maniacs

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 28, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Pacific Rim: Uprising

Some advance key art for Pacific Rim: Uprising, the sequel to Pacific Rim (2013), which pay-per-viewed skyscraper-sized, human-controlled robots against skyscraper-sized, non-human monsters from another dimension that had a revolving door at the bottom of the ocean. PR: Uprising stomps through theaters March 23, 2018.

Pacific Rim: Uprising

As for what we can expect, more and bigger skyscraper-sized, human-controlled robots against skyscraper-sized, non-human monsters from another dimension. Not a bad thing, I should think. While we impatiently await the weapons of mass entertainment, here are a few horror movies that may or may not be from this alternate universe…

Crazy Lake

CRAZY LAKE (available now)
“A group of coeds looking for fun on spring break have their beach plans canceled and opt for Plan B – fun at a cabin on the lake. Sometimes Plan B can be a real killer!”

This couldn’t be more limp as undercooked bacon. Ironically, it sounds like the coeds will be sliced like bacon. We can only hope.

Lake Alice

LAKE ALICE (available now)
“The Thomas’ travel to their lakeside cabin in the woods for a joyous Christmas celebration with their daughter and her new boyfriend, but the joy is short-lived and the body count is high.”

There’s a real Lake Alice here in Washington, about a machete throw off the Interstate. Fishing opportunities include catchable-size Rainbow Trout stocked in the spring, with Largemouth Bass and Sunfish also present. The public access has parking, a boat ramp and vault toilets. No slashers, though. Sorry.

Cabin 28

CABIN 28 (available now)
“The shocking true story based on the most infamous unsolved murder case in American history. On April 11th 1981, Sue Sharp and her family are enjoying their stay at Cabin 28 in the peaceful holiday resort of Keddie. But a day of fun at the remote getaway turns into a heart stopping nightmare as nightfall brings masked strangers to the cabin. A brutal battle for survival leaves several members of the family dead and one missing. An extensive police investigation follows but no one is convicted of the crime. Now, over thirty years later, Cabin 28 finally gives up its deadly secret.”

Geez, they give away the entire plot in the press release. So we get to see a family slaughtered by slaughterers wearing clown masks. Not seeing a deadly secret here. That, and I’m really burnt out on clowns — circus, rodeo or bar drunks.

Tarnation

TARNATION (November 24, 2017/MonsterFest screening)
“When Oscar’s dreams of becoming a rock star are brutally crushed and her boyfriend leaves, Oscar travels to a ghost town called Tarnation where she and a group of friends have rented a cabin in the woods for a weekend away. Unfortunately the cabin is host to a cursed painting and the surrounding woods are literally, Satan’s playground. Oscar soon finds herself battling a demon unicorn, possessed souls and Satan himself in an epic battle for her soul.”

The plot is weak as wet toilet paper, but the demon unicorn is kinda neat. That’s right up there with a wiccan penguin, mad cow and/or a schizophrenic monkey butler. Last thought: If she goes to a ghost town, how is it she and her soon-to-be expired friends able to rent a cabin? Couldn’t you just, like, stay there for free? Sure, no concierge or mini-bar. But hey, the price is right.