Sand Zombies

Nazi zombies are guarding six million taxable dollars in gold buried in the Sahara Desert. Dune of the Dead – heh.

Robert, an unmotivated college student needing a haircut and a swift kick in the pants, receives word his father just died. The good news is his dad hasn’t turned into a zombie. The bad news is, HE’S DEAD.

While reading dead dad’s diaries, Robert learns about the gold and decides to screw his University degree and get rich quick. For me that’d be a tough call: get degree, buy white collar shirt, work in office building, photocopy butt during company parties, or fight off undead Nazi soldiers? That’s pretty much the only thing standing between me and owning everything plus a swimming pool.

Time to go shovel shopping! And hey, why not bring a bunch of tasty friends along, just for enjoyment? The Nazombies don’t want anyone taking their gold, because they need it for investment and retirement purposes, eating those that would make off with their stash. Most of this is done off-camera. Great – a zombie movie that doesn’t show zombies applying their only marketable skill.

Oasis of the Zombies (1981) displays too many plot deviations, about 14 too many characters, and horror moments that aren’t shown. Sigh. And I could’ve gotten my laundry done instead of watching this thing in my bathing suit.

Bionic Bigfoot

If it isn’t already, my head must be shaped like a Tootsie Pop™ because I’m a sucker for movies with titles like Megafoot, an upcoming killer thriller about Bigfoot that’s half bionic, clanking around the woods, making threatening overtures towards all it encounters.

I would like to be a cherry-flavored sucker, please.

Megafoot isn’t a done deal, however. The filmmakers are trying to raise money via social fundraising a IndieGoGo™. Great. There’s goes rent. And why? Just to see a part cyborg/part Bigfoot movie? Hell to the yes.

Like beer in a sufficiently cooled refrigerator, the plot is near to irresistible: “A highly classified experiment accidentally unleashes a top secret killing machine known as Megafoot. Now it’s up to an elite squad of soldiers to track down the beast and kill it before it destroys everyone and everything in its path.”

“A married couple, a group of college students, the scientists who know the truth, and some not-too friendly locals are about to confront their worst nightmare in this action-packed, horror thriller, gore ride.”

Gore ride. How, I ask you, can you NOT be slobbering all over yourself in anticipation?

Time to flavor up – you know what to do.