Archive for snowmobile

There’s An Urban Legend In My Basement

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 14, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Ghostkeeper

Disclaimer: There is no ghost in 1980’s The Shining knock-off, Ghostkeeper. I saw nothing invisible, and I approve this message. 

There’s an huge lodge buried deep in the Canadian mountains and genital-deep snow. There’s an old, stink woman who resides in the lodge. She could use some moisturizer and some product for her broomstick hair. Also living in the massive “hotel” is her son. He’s out hunting for delicious killables for dinner.

Ghostkeeper

Two hot chicks and a sex-minded smug dude arrive by snowmobiles at the lodge, despite warnings from an old dude in town to not go deep in the backwoods as there’s a huge storm coming. Snowmobiles are like jet-skis, but jet-skis go on water and… Wait, snow is water, just frozen, so…oh crap — I’m in over my head with this metaphor.

Ghostkeeper

The old woman reluctantly lets the three stay overnight. Jenny is the girlfriend of Marty, the guy who doesn’t hide the fact he wants to bone Chrissy, the other hot chick, who is all but putting it on the plate for him — right in front of Jenny. Awkward. The old woman tells Jenny she’s strong and…different, also making ominous statements like “I’m getting to old for this job” and that “there must always be someone to take the job.” Okay, that’s right out of The Sentinel (1977). Wonder if the old woman saw that movie? It was pretty good.

Ghostkeeper

Chrissy decides to bait Marty’s hook with a late night naked and/or nude bath. Unfortunately, she’s just been drowned by the old woman’s son before she can rinse off. He takes the naked body (not shown) out to the shed (not basement, as foretold on the VHS box cover), where she is summarily chopped up with a hatchet (not shown) and fed to this not-ghost dude chained in a dirt room. You only see him for a second, but he looks like a zombie version of a Lynyrd Skynyrd roadie. But he’s not really a roadie — he’s the mythical Windigo/Wendigo, a monster that derives its nutrients/calories from human flesh.

Ghostkeeper

From here things turn into liberal shovels full of The Shining (1980), with Marty ending up freezing to death outside after going bonkers, and Jenny, figuring out her new position in the company, pulls a Jack Torrance on the old woman and her son. She then confronts the Windigo/Wendigo/Roadie and promises to take care of it. And you know what that means — human pulled pork Sloppy Joes for dinner!