Archive for Skinwalkers

Leather Werewolves

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , on March 2, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Skinwalkers

The good werewolves don’t wanna be werewolves anymore. The bad werewolves want to hunt humans and ride motorcycles. I like where their heads are at.

Skinwalkers

A child prophesied to end the reign of the bad werewolves is about to turn 13 at midnight during the fours days of the red moon. When he does, his blood –a mix of human and lycanthrope ingredients – can “cure” anyone wanting to be fixed. This means the bad werewolves need to keep that kid from getting pubes.

Skinwalkers

Humans help the good werewolves by putting them into lock down: strapped and bound when the full moon rises and everyone needs a shave. These friends of skinwalkers will do anything to protect the good werewolves, and take them and the kid to a safe place in a big van that looks like the Mad Max (1979) version of the Partridge Family bus.

Skinwalkers

The bad werewolves show up in leather and tattoos and guns and shoot up the town, because that’s what they do. When they corner the kid and his mom in an abandoned refinery (with unattended fires burning all over the place), everyone goes into wolf up mode and start biting everything.

Skinwalkers

Skinwalkers (2006) has zero backstory with which to invest yourself emotionally into this surprisingly lackluster tale/tail. That the bad werewolves look like they just stepped out of a motorcycle shop doesn’t help. And the plot twist is so second-rate as to be copied out of a Werewolves For Dummies book. My suggestion: give everyone squirt guns filled with Nair™ and have at it.

UFO Farm

Posted in Aliens, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , on September 19, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Skinwalker Ranch

Skinwalker Ranch (releasing October 30, 2013) is a sci-fi movie about a farm out in the middle of Dirt, Utah that’s home to cows, probably a pointy pitchfork, a tractor that gets two miles to the gallon, and dirt. It’s also a supernatural hotspot and may be the force responsible for the vanishing of a cattle rancher’s 10 year-old son. (That, or he fell down the well and Lassie, tired of that sh*t, just walked away.)

Skinwalker Ranch

Skinwalker Ranch, by the way, is a real place with real UFO activity. But in those parts, they call it Sherman Ranch in Utah. I like Skinwalker Ranch because it just sounds way cool. Note to the nearly one million non-readers of this blog: there is also a werewolf movie called Skinwalkers (2002). I don’t think the werewolves live on farms, though. More likely a downtown condo with quick ‘n easy access to human groceries.

Skinwalker Ranch

So SW-R is inspired by TRUE events that shocked paranormal communities around the world. A scientific team (they rarely travel alone as they need constant validation), investigates the kid’s disappearance. (Note to lab coats – check the well.) If he’s not in the well, I bet his abduction has something to do with those dangly things hanging under cows. Those weirdo appendages have to be of extraterrestrial origin.

I bet they’re bio communication antennas, which might explain why my cereal tastes a bit odd sometimes.