Archive for Sears

Midwest Ghosts

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 3, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Sightings: Heartland Ghost

Sightings: Heartland Ghost (2002) is based on an actual incident on one of those super dumb ghosthunter shows: A young married couple with a kid move into a dilapidated many-roomed estate in Kansas with the intention to fix it and flip it for profitable gain. But the place is plagued by a ghost that keeps moving their young son’s toys around. Good — everyone keeps tripping over ‘em.

Sightings: Heartland Ghost

Freaked out, the wife calls Sightings, a paranormal TV show, to videotape their toys being moved around. A medium shows up to give the show some authenticity, representing real-life polter-guy, Peter James, whose mustache is so outlandishly otherworldly, ghosts are actually drawn to it.

Peter James

He says there is the spirit of a six-year-old girl in the house and that she’s wearing clothes not from Sears™ or J.C. Penney’s™, but rather from an earlier century clothing store (probably Really Old Navy™). But there’s a mean ghost in the house, too, and its making scratch marks on dad.

Sightings: Heartland Ghost

As the tedious story unfolds, the house owner’s black slave underwear model knocked up his wife. He kills everyone, even his little girl, thinking she did not spring from his loins as previously thought. That’s pretty much it.

Sightings: Heartland Ghost

As ghost stories go, this — without hyperbole — is one of the worst in the history of the world. The special effects don’t even try to be special, and there’s no build-up of suspense or ectoplasm on kitchen counter tops. The female ghost tries to give hubby a reach-around and leaves a hand print on his thigh. (That’s nothing — I leave hand prints on my thighs all the time. Kinda fun, too.) No ghosts, no action, no way. I could grow a haunted mustache and be scarier than this movie.

The Nurse Will Slay You Now

Posted in Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 17, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Maniac Nurses Find Ecstasy

Despite its odd but scintillating title, Maniac Nurses Find Ecstasy (2009) is a filmed-in-Hungary erotic horror thriller released in the States by Troma where there is no thrill. For the viewer, anyway.Maniac Nurses Find Ecstasy

Two lesbian sisters surgically enhance caged supermodels in their jungle fortress in order to create a medical team of anatomically perfect (i.e., lingerie sexy) nurses. They hunt men and goon them out with machetes and other mood-killing weapons.

Maniac Nurses Find Ecstasy

Lots of bras, boobs, bullets and a sprinkling of blood. If you’re into that sort of thing, which I’m thinkin’ you might be if you’re reading this blog. (You paid full retail price, yes?)

Maniac Nurses Find Ecstasy

Oddly, this Maniac Nurses drags and has kill sequences so lame as to not be all that tingly. And to think the women’s underwear section of the Sears™ catalog was all it took to get me amped up. Look what watching countless horror movies have done to me. I feel so in the lobby of shame.