Archive for Scrubbing Bubbles

Future Fashion, Skin It To Win It, Cartoon Cryptid

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 20, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Escape From New York

Here’s one for the WTF Files — Sideshow Collectibles is selling an exact replica of the countdown watch Snake Plissken (Kurt Russell) wore in the sci-fi classic, Escape From New York (1981). The Lifeclock One Snake Edition Smartwatch Prop Replica made by Ridgewood Watch Co. certainly paid attention to the details. But presumably the watch isn’t loaded with micro-explosives that will rupture your carotid arteries if you fail some sort of mission.

Snake Plissken

From the press release: “The Lifeclock one features a countdown, 22:59’:59” (Hartford Summit configuration only), standard and military time options, the ability to program up to 8 world clocks, display the date in 1 of 5 formats, stopwatch, 18 display animations and 8 character animations. With the app you can access the smartphone camera shutter release, push notifications of incoming and missed calls, voicemails, SMS & iMessage, app notifications (Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Pinterest, LinkedIn, and more to come). The activity monitor tracks steps independent of your smartphone. A customizable daily alarm is also included.”

Escape From New York

That’s a wrist-full. But here’s the real mind-blower — the oversized time piece, which doesn’t go with anything except combat spandex, is $399.00. If you’re so inclined to burn money, order yours by clicking HERE. If not, then here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not rupture your carotid arteries and/or combat spandex…

The Outer Wild

THE OUTER WILD (available now)
“In this post-apocalyptic frontier western, mankind has given way to a new breed of beast, mutated from man. The survivor Laura may be the cure to these mutations but she flees to save herself. Aided by a hunter sent to catch her, she braves the dangerous unnatural wilderness in order to find a fabled refuge of freedom — and only there will she discover the fate of humanity at the end of the world.”

Apparently, this came out in September of the lost year of 2018. I must’ve been doing my laundry and the darn thing went right over my boxed detergent. As for the fabled refuge of freedom, that may be what they call it in the Apocalypse. But in the here and now we call it “7-Eleven™”.

PERFECT SKIN (August 25, 2018/UK | 2019 U.S.)
“This independent British feature film explores tattooing and body modification, and follows Katia, a young Polish woman, and her relationship with a mysterious tattoo artist — taking a dark turn as her fascination with him grows.”

I find the only way to get perfect skin is to use Scrubbing Bubbles™ followed by a moisturizing coat of floor wax. Most brands do the trick. P.S. Don’t do that — you might bump into me and get it all over my KISS t-shirt.

The Intruder

THE INTRUDER (2018/2019)
“A young married couple buy a beautiful Napa Valley home only to find that the man they bought it from refuses to let go of the property…and he slowly terrorizes them.”

The trailer for this one is nut house and goes straight to crazy town. And if you look closely enough, you’ll see nods to The Shining (1980) and Psycho (1960). I proclaim that to be quite cool.

Missing Link

MISSING LINK (April 12, 2019)
Meet Mr. Link: 8 feet tall, 630 lbs, and covered in fur, but don’t let his appearance fool you…he is funny, sweet, and adorably literal, making him the world’s most lovable legend. Tired of living a solitary life in the Pacific Northwest, Mr. Link recruits fearless explorer Sir Lionel Frost to guide him on a journey to find his long-lost relatives in the fabled valley of Shangri-La. Along with adventurer Adelina Fortnight, our fearless trio of explorers encounter more than their fair share of peril as they travel to the far reaches of the world to help their new friend.”

Normally, I wouldn’t beer fever dream of putting up an animated family film for preview, but this one’s about Bigfoot, though they don’t call him that. (Mr. Link? Yeesh.) They also give away his weight. Good thing he’s a dude; if this was a female cryptid, cartoon or not, you’d likely get your face smashed in. A safer way to skirt (sorry) the weight issue is to just say, “Why, no — all that fur doesn’t make you look at all fat.”

The Darkness of Corners

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Foreign Horror, Science Fiction, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 29, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Dark Corners

Dark Corners (2006) is a graphic psychological horror movie that bends reality for a young and totally hot blonde wife whose experiencing horrific nightmares. Unfortunately, she does this without the solution-solving cure-all: going topless.

Dark Corners

Um, lemme try that again. A serial killer is all over the news, eviscerating his victims with surgical expertise. This provides the grim backdrop for the gal whose been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant, but having nightmares so real as to short-circuit her sense of reality.

Dark Corners

She dreams of being a Goth chick with black hair who works for a ghoulish mortician whose twin brother slept-walked out a seven story window the day before their twelfth birthdays. (“It wasn’t so bad…I got all of his presents.”) This alternate chick is being stalked by the Night Stalker (hence, the clever name) and rides the bus with messed up creeps and whose bathroom looks like the rest room in Saw (2004). Not even Scrubbing Bubbles™ could get that thing “guests coming over” clean.

Dark Corners

But hold the phone — the Goth chick is dreaming she’s the blonde chick living in the corporate world whose co-worker, an older gal, says stuff like, “After three kids, my vagina has all the elasticity of an over-washed tube sock.” Thanks for the visual, aging lady. But the nightmares for both women get worse, with the Night Stalker doing really nasty stuff, like having non-consensual sex with the Goth girl after he punches her unconscious while she’s asleep. Eventually he knocks her up after he knocks her out.

Dark CornersThe blonde chick dreams this. The doctor says its all a by-product of the doctor-assisted fertilization process. (Since they can’t get pregnant the time-honored way, then needles and spatulas it is.) She’s also been going to a hypno-therapist to get to the root of her disturbed sleep time. He’s hiding something, and it’s not just his delightful British accent.

Dark CornersSeveral scenes might have you saying stuff like, “Eeewwww,” and, “That’s soooo icky,” and “He DID NOT just lick that aborted fetus.” At no point can you tell which way this thing is going. As the two realities converge, the mental pu pu platter hits the fan.

Dark Corners

I suppose I could tell you about the displaying of stomach parts, the demon kid that chews holes in flesh and the talking corpse with a boner (“Just break it — like a carrot.”) Really, it’s best to see if for yourself.