Archive for Scotland

Rubber Slasher, Decade Zombies, Robo-Mom

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 30, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Chucky TV

If you’re gettin’ the itch for psychopathic rubber dolls that uses cuss wordings, The SyFy Channel™ has a Chucky TV series based on the Child’s Play franchise in the works. You can stop yawning any time now.

Chucky TV

Here’s what Don Mancini, Chucky’s “dad,” has to say about taking the one punchline joke into our living rooms: “The show will be a fresh take on the franchise, allowing us to explore Chucky’s character with a depth that is uniquely afforded by the television series format, while staying true to the original vision that has terrorized audiences for over three decades now.”

Chucky TV

When you quit yawning, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not make you use cuss like a rubber doll…

Matriarch

MATRIARCH (April 9, 2019)
Rachel and her husband, Matt are stranded after wrecking their car on a remote Scottish road. Though hostile at first, a nearby farmer and his wife welcome them in after learning that Rachel is with child. Suddenly, Rachel realizes the family’s ‘daughter’ is a local girl who’d gone missing years before. But when she and Matt attempt to escape, they’re held at gunpoint — just as Rachel goes into labor. Will their child’s first day on earth be the couple’s last?”

There’s a good idea — go for a scenic drive in the country with a wife about ready to give birth. That kind of thing could really do a number on the car’s upholstery.

Zombieland Double Tap

ZOMBIELAND: DOUBLE TAP (October 11, 2019)
Taking place 10 years after the original, the zombie slayers face off against the many new kinds of zombies that have evolved since the first movie, as well as some new human survivors. Most of all, they have to face the growing pains of their own snarky, makeshift family.”

So those four “zombie slayers” managed to live 10 years without being eaten into chewable chunks? That’s less believable than a zombie apocalypse.

I Am Mother

I AM MOTHER (2019)
“A teenage girl is raised underground by a kindly robot ‘Mother’ — designed to repopulate the Earth following the extinction of humankind. But their unique bond is threatened when an inexplicable stranger arrives with alarming news.”

I’m no expert, but aren’t teenage girls supposed to be raised above ground?

Skyman

SKYMAN (2019)
Is self-proclaimed alien ‘experiencer’ Carl Merryweather on the path to filming his own alien abduction, or is he just another crackpot looking for fame and fortune? Carl himself may not be completely sure, but he is determined to take us on a journey in search of the answer. And that journey ends at the very spot in the desert where it all began almost 30 years ago…a chance meeting with an alien he calls the Skyman.”

This one comes from one of the people behind The Blair Witch Project (1999), which means this has the high potential of sucking as much as that movie did. Probably gonna be filmed with a hand-held camera, too.

Galloping Ghosts, Another Apocalypse, Leggy Mermaids

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 9, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Galloping Ghost Arcade

Wanna play rare and classic horror/sci-fi-themed pinball? Then you’re gonna have to gallop to the Galloping Ghost Arcade in Brookfield, IL. Depending where you live if not in Brookfield, the cost of getting there will be a LOT of quarters.

Galloping Ghost Arcade

The famed arcade now has said super rare pinball machines, ready to suck up your pocket change like a hobo Roomba™: Twilight Zone, A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Addams Family, Godzilla (the sucky 1998 monster, not the non-sucky 1954 version), Tales From The Crypt, Creature From The Black Lagoon, Aliens, and the super-rare one-of-a-kind prototype of Predator, with red skulls on elongated skeletal spines mounted on each side of the machine. If you lose, your skull plus spine gets ripped out and hung on the trophy wall. (It’d be cool if that were true.)

Galloping Ghost Arcade

$15 — $20 gets you unlimited play on all the machines all day. I would’ve paid at least $20.01. So while you inner weep with anguish that you’re not within tilting distance of the Galloping Ghost Arcade, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi TV series and movies that may or may not give you unlimited viewing for $20, give or take a few quarters…

The Passage

THE PASSAGE (January 14, 2019/Fox™)
“Based on author Justin Cronin’s trilogy of the same name, The Passage is a character-driven action drama that focuses on Project Noah, a secret medical facility where scientists experiment with a dangerous virus that could lead to the cure for all disease — but it also could potentially wipe out the human race. When a young girl is chosen to be a test subject, a federal agent is tasked with bringing her in, but he becomes her surrogate father, determined to protect her at any cost — even as Project Noah’s work threatens to unleash an unimaginable apocalypse.”

This one’s a TV series and sounds apocalyptical-y edgier than we’re used to getting from the Fox Network. The irony here being that most of Fox’s programming qualifies as apocalyptical-y craptacular, Gotham, The Exorcist and Lucifer notwithstanding. (Hell’s Kitchen? Is that stupid thing still on the air?)

10

10 (January 18, 2019/Netflix)
Sam, a teenage girl, is one of the last people on a post-cataclysmic Earth. With the final shuttle scheduled to leave the planet, she must decide whether to journey to the launch point and join the rest of humanity, or remain on Earth, a castaway in the only home she has ever known.”

This looks to be based on an episode of Futurama (“A Farewell To Arms”/2012). Don’t screw with a guy who knows his cartoons.

The Golem

THE GOLEM (February 5, 2019)
“During an outbreak of a deadly plague, a young woman, Hanna, must save her tight-knit Jewish community from invaders. Turning to Jewish mysticism, she conjures a dangerous entity to protect her and her people. However, the powerful creature she summons may be far more evil than anything she could have ever imagined.”

Wrote about the original Golem before — several times. It was done in 1915 and was a German silent film, blah, blah, blah. And yes, there have been remakes with the EXACT SAME PLOT.

The Isle

THE ISLE (February, 2019/Limited theater release)
“Set in 1846 on a remote island off the west coast of Scotland, where three survivors from a mysterious sinking of their merchant ship find themselves stranded on a small misty isle. The isle’s four sole secretive residents, an old harbor man, a farmer, his niece and a young mad woman, are anything but welcoming and reluctant to aid the sailors back to the mainland. The promise of a boat never materializes leading one of the sailors to question why people had abandoned the island. Through his investigation he discovers that every year around the same date a tragedy at sea would occur and young men from the island would perish. When his two shipmates meet with fatal accidents, the myth of a ghostly siren haunting the island leads him to try and uncover the truth.”

Sounds like mermaids with legs. (Come to think of it, nice visual.) This also seems to echo the plot of the new movie, The Vanishing (2019). I haven’t seen that one yet, but I don’t think it has mermaids with legs. Too bad; I might’ve watched it twice by now. 

Bookended By Godzilla, Zombie Blood, Alien Park Job

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 27, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla

Looking for a Christmas present to buy for me this year? I already took care of your shopping — go to Etsy.com and click over to Mokushop’s, um, shop, and you’ll find awesome, under $70 custom wooden hand-chiseled bookends.

Kraken

With TV around, I don’t do books, so you’ll have to buy me some to go with ‘em as well. But for a chance to own either the Godzilla and/or Kraken (giant octopus) bookends, it might be worth my time to learn how to read.

Godzilla Coloring Book

These things are “extremely limited”, so you’ll have to hurry, Don’t worry about wrapping ‘em as I’ll already know what they are. Thanks for the thought, though. Very Christmas-y of you.

While I wait for you to ship the bookends to me, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worth as much as chiseled wood…

Christmas Blood

CHRISTMAS BLOOD (December 4, 2018)
Christmas is a time of peace, love and family. But not for Norway as a psychopath dressed in a Santa Claus suit has been terrorizing them for the past 13 years. For as soon as the caroling starts, this demented Kris Kringle dispenses bloody ax blows regardless of whether you’ve been bad or good. As the holiday approaches on one snow-covered town filled with revelers, a pair of detectives work against time to find and arrest this bearded serial killer. Will they manage to stop this demented St. Nick before he kills again?”

As of this holiday season, there are 100,000 horror movies about serial killer/psychopath Santa Claus killers. Know what I want for Christmas for a change? No more of these same-plot movies.

Attraction

ATTRACTION (December 4, 2018)
Moscow finds itself on the brink of destruction after a mysterious spaceship crash-lands in the center of the city. While the government seeks to find out what the ship’s passengers want and how to protect the local population, the rest of the city residents break into conflicting factions. Some view the aliens as a threat that should be extinguished, while others hope that the visitors are peaceful and offer an opportunity to learn more about the world beyond. When a young woman finds herself torn between her seemingly normal life and the alluring promise offered by one of the all-too-human extraterrestrials, the fate of the entire world is left hanging in the balance.”

A social commentary on immigrants or a poorly-named sci-fi movie about aliens parking downtown wherever they want? You already know the answer.

Johnny Z

JOHNNY Z (2019)
“A half human, half zombie named Johnny, holds the cure to the zombie epidemic. After escaping Nordac, an experimental medical prison, Johnny comes under the guidance of a martial arts Grandmaster named Jonray who agrees under a dying wish to protect and embarks on a journey to find a missing doctor while battling personal demons.”

Sounds like Johnny Z is just another name for Murphy, the half human/half zombie in Z Nation zombie apocalypse TV series on the SyFy™ Channel whose inner gunk holds the cure for un-zombie-ing. Wonder if they’re blood brothers?

The Vanishing

THE VANISHING (2019)
“On an uninhabited island 20 miles from the rugged Scottish coast, three lighthouse keepers arrive for their six week shift. As Thomas, James and Donald settle into their usual, solitary routines, something unexpected and potentially life-changing occurs — they stumble upon something that isn’t theirs to keep. Where did it come from? Who does it belong to? A boat appears in the distance that might hold the answer to these questions. What follows is a tense battle for survival as personal greed replaces loyalty — and fed by isolation and paranoia, three honest men are led down a path to destruction.”

They don’t say what it is they discovered. But after a minimum amount of thought, it can only be one thing for a the isolated men on that remote island; a supermodel.

Catch And Release Monsters, FBI vs. UFOs, Arabic Ghouls

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 15, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Loch Ness Monster

If you ever catch the highly-marketable Loch Ness Monster, just know that its protected by the Scottish Natural Heritage, which demands you throw the beast back in the lake, lest ye be severely punished, probably with a stick or something.

Loch Ness Monster

If you think this is not serious, guess again. The following comes from recent BBC news report; “Scottish officials have a plan ready if the Loch Ness Monster is ever caught. Officials drew up a set of guidelines on how to protect the new species — including releasing it back into its watery home.”

Loch Ness Monster

“The ‘partly serious, partly fun’ code of practice was written in 2001 by Scottish Natural Heritage, which is funded by the Scottish government. SNH said it will “dust off” the plan and put it into action should the fabled beast be discovered, reports the BBC.”

Loch Ness Monster

“It says officials should take a DNA sample from the monster so scientists can study the creature. Then it should be released back into the Loch with measures put in place to make sure it is not disturbed — as it would be an extremely rare species needing conservation.”

Loch Ness Elephant

Before you head to the corner bait shop (no, not a sushi restaurant) to get a bigger fishing pole, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not need to be thrown in a lake…

Along Came The Devil

ALONG CAME THE DEVIL (August 10, 2018)
“A troubled teen Ashley is sent to live with her estranged Aunt Tanya. While in her old hometown she has visions of her deceased mom, driving her to try to contact the spirit world putting her soul into grave danger.”

Ghoul

GHOUL (August 24, 2018/Netflix™)
“Based on Arabic folklore, Ghoul is a chilling series about a prisoner who arrives at a remote military interrogation center and turns the tables on his interrogators, exposing their most shameful secrets.”

Sound familiar? It should — it comes directly from the Stephen King TV mini series, Storm of the Century (1999). That one had a lot of weather in it.

UFO

UFO (September 4, 2018/DVD)
Derek is a brilliant college student and haunted by a childhood UFO sighting. He believes that mysterious sightings reported at multiple airports across the United States are UFOs. With the help of his girlfriend, Natalie and his advanced mathematics professor, Dr. Hendricks, Derek races to unravel the mystery with FBI special agent Franklin Ahls on his heels.”

You don’t need to be a brilliant college student to know that UFOs are real. Every high school drop out knows that.

Hell Fest

HELL FEST (September 28, 2018)
“On Halloween night, three young women and their respective boyfriends head to Hell Fest — a ghoulish traveling carnival that features a labyrinth of rides, games and mazes. They soon face a bloody night of terror when a masked serial killer turns the horror theme park into his own personal playground.”

Liked this better when it was called The Funhouse (1981). Looks like someone’s been double-dipping into idea bowl (aka, Hollywood toilet) again.

The Ghost and Mrs. Demur

Posted in Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 2, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Half Light

After her seven-year-old son drowns, mystery novelist Rachel Carson (played by perennial hottie Demi Moore) can’t write successful novels anymore. So her husband and real estate best friend tell her to go to a cottage cliff rental in the Scottish Highlands where everyone talks like Scotty from Star Trek and smells like sheep clippings. It’s hoped this R&R will help her reconcile her grief and start making money again for spending purposes.

Half Light

Once situated in Scotland, unusual events occur: The refrigerator magnet letters form messages from her dead son and there are brief flashes of ghostly figures and sheep poop everywhere you step. While staying in the stink village of Ingonish Cove, Rachel notices a light coming from the abandoned lighthouse within small dingy rowing distance across the wind-battered inlet.

Half Light

So without a life vest, she rows there, meets a young man named Angus (isn’t everyone in Scotland named Angus, even the women?) and the two start hanging out ’n stuff. But wait just a Scooby Doo moment — the other villagers tell Rachel that Angus died years ago and that no one lives at the lighthouse, every since the bulb burnt out and no one wanted to change it. 

Half Light

This, of course, appeals to her mystery-seeking nature. So she has sex with the guy to prove everyone wrong. But those messages from her dead son keep showing up as if to warn her of…something. She calls her girlfriend who flies to Scotland to have a girl’s night out with wine, fashion tips and comparing notes about doing it with ghost lighthouse keepers. 

Half Light

Something isn’t quite adding up, though, so she digs a little more and with the help of her dead son’s communiques, stumbles across the truth: Angus isn’t a ghost at all, the big phony. He was hired by Demi’s husband and girlfriend (who are having a bare naked affair) to drive her mad so that they could control all of her spending money. Even real ghosts wouldn’t be that conniving.

Half LightRachel/Demi is bagpipe hot and while she has sex and doesn’t show her fun parts, you’ll still like looking at her for hours at a time. As for Half Light (2006), I probably won’t be looking at it for anymore hours at a time. I wanted rot-faced ghosts and international intrigue, but all I got was a tepid mystery. (Given the movie’s location, it’s practically an insult to not factor in the Loch Ness Monster, if even for a cameo.) I still heart Scotland, though.

Kill Count, Real Bigfoot, Undead Wives

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 17, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Death Count: All of the Deaths in the Friday the 13th Film Series

If you’re like me and prefer TV over reading, then you missed Death Count: All of the Deaths in the Friday the 13th Film Series illustrated book, which came out October 20, 2017 from Two Things Press. But fear not — now you can get it for $9.99 on Kindle™, which is kinda like a TV version of a book.

Death Count: All of the Deaths in the Friday the 13th Film Series

At 124 e-pages, author Stacie Ponder goes into groovy gruesome visuals/stats on all who fell before Jason Voorhees’ pretty hate machine. And just how many tasted the pain? You wouldn’t have a reason to watch the book if I told you. But here’s the press release to convince you to wallet up: “With humor, love, and a lot of cartoon violence, Death Count celebrates the victims, survivors, killers, and other random characters encountered in the long-running Friday the 13th film series.”

Friday the 13th Kill Chart

You might recall a similar concept done in poster form back in 2011 by Andrew Barr of Canada’s National Post and illustrated by Mike Faille. But Sir Voorhees has since added to the terror tally, so Death Count might be the way to fulfill your splatter-y needs.

While I get over my aversion to books (oddly, posters don’t bother me), here are a few now available and upcoming horror/sci-fi movies/documentaries that may or may not make you download in your pants…

Bigfoot Encounters

BIGFOOT ENCOUNTERS (available now)
“Many believe Bigfoot does not exist. But for those who have seen the creature face to face, there is no question.”

Never been a question for me as to Bigfoot’s existence. I see him face to face every day in the bathroom mirror when I thoroughly brush my teeth. (Bigfoot could use a Rudy’s Barbershop™ shave and a trim. Just sayin’.)

Avengers Grimm: Time Wars

AVENGERS GRIMM: TIME WARS (available now)
“Unhappy being ruler of the Underworld, Rumpelstiltskin frees himself and plans to take over Earth. As the Avengers Grimm fight to stop him, they discover it’s not where he is hiding, but when, forcing our heroes to fight through the ages.”

This one has legendary kick-pants ladies, like Red Riding Hood (the color matches her season), Sleeping Beauty (I hear she snores like someone raking gravel), Snow White (she likes chili — heh!), and Alice of Wonderland fame. (Go asker her when she’s 10-feet tall. Tell me you got that hippie music reference.) So there’s four reasons to watch the movie, even though it rides the cape of that other group of Avengers. You know, the ones who hold iron-gripped dominion over the box office.

Between Worlds

BETWEEN WORLDS (2018)
“Joe, a down-on-his-luck truck driver, is haunted by the memory of his deceased wife and child. He meets Julie, a spiritually gifted woman who enlists Joe in a desperate effort to find the lost soul of her comatose daughter, Billie. But the spirit of Joe’s dead wife Mary proves stronger, possessing the young woman’s body and determined to settle her unfinished business with the living.”

No wonder Joe’s down on his luck— his wife comes back from the dead to nag him to death.

Automata

AUTOMATA (pending crowdfunding)
“Antique expert Brendan Cole is sent to authenticate a 300 year-old clockwork doll with a notorious history, known as ‘The Infernal Princess.’ In the remote Scottish mansion where it has been discovered, Brendan soon finds himself the victim of the automaton’s legendary curse.”

Aha! So that’s who Annabelle’s grandma is!

Loch Ness Monster 2.0

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 2, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Beyond Loch Ness

In Beyond Loch Ness (aka, Loch Ness Terror/2008), the famous Scottish lake isn’t the only watering hole that harbors a living plesiosaur. There’s a big one — and a bunch of smaller ones — in Lake Superior. Superiorness, as I call her, is friggin’ huge, prone to mood swings and has a taste for land flesh.

Beyond Loch Ness

A cryptologist (scientist without accreditation) has been tracking this creature from the Loch all the way to the States and comes packing hi-tech weaponry, like a cell-melting gun, a stool-loosening oscillator, a five-foot rifle and cyanide-laced bullets. This goes nicely with his floor-length leather jacket and old-style cowboy hat. Good thing he has a facial scar (thanks to an earlier confrontation with Nessie), or his whole shtick wouldn’t be believable.

Beyond Loch Ness

So how did Nessie get from Scotland to the U.S.? Why, an underground express tunnel, of course. Duh. The good stuff: half-digested human legs hanging out of Superiorness’ mouth like unslurped spaghetti. The bad stuff: the plot. Nessie is petting-friendly; Why they had to make her a carnivorous Walkasaurus is just wrong.

Beyond Loch Ness

Vampire Volcanoes, Christmas Zombies, Kaiju Sequels

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, TV Vixens, UFOs, Vampires, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 9, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Van Helsing

Feeling super dissed about the TV series Van Helsing basing their vampire outbreak/resurgence on a super volcano (or “caldera”) that goes off in Yellowstone, which spans Wyoming, parts of Montana and Idaho. In the series’ second show the volcano pops its top and leaves a “black rain” of gunky ash all over Seattle and blocking out the sun, thus vampires. This is due to the direction the wind was blowing at the time the volcano was doing the same thing.

Super Volcano

The thing that really sets my pyroclastic flow a’flowin’ is that we already have FIVE volcanoes within GoPro™ distance from downtown Seattle, the two most notable being Mt. Rainier (where flying saucers were first spotted flying in carnival formation in 1947), and the feisty Mount St. Helens, which went off back in May 18 of 1980, and has been declared as “the most disastrous volcanic eruption in United States history.”

To the best of my knowledge, neither volcano unleashed a vampiric plague on this or any other city, and eventually the world — but they COULD HAVE. Why give all the credit to Yellowstone, which is 739.5 miles away (via I-90 West), when we can practically hitchhike to our own dang volcanoes? They can have all the Sharknados they want, but any plague/vampire/zombie/chapped lipped outbreak should come from here, not some overpriced park nearly 1,000 miles away.

Until I can form a formal rally against Yellowstone (feel free to donate to the cause), you can pass the time waiting for a vampire outbreak with these upcoming horror/sci-fi movies…

Volumes of Blood: Horror Stories

VOLUMES OF BLOOD: HORROR STORIES (available now)
“The story of this one centers around a young couple checking out a house for sale and taking the grand and gory tour given by a sketchy real estate agent. As they go through each room of the house, we’re able to see through flashbacks, the horrors that once unfolded and burned into the house’s horrible history. If those walls could talk, they wouldn’t; They would be traumatically catatonic. Each tragedy is associated with a holiday or some sort of special day which gives great context of each story.”

Love the premise. If my walls could talk, they’d probably tell me to give ’em a new coat of paint. Note to stupid walls: go sand yourself.

Amsterdamned

AMSTERDAMNED (August 29, 2017)
“A half-mad scuba diver hiding in Amsterdam’s labyrinthine canal system embarks on a rampage of gruesome murders, terrifying city officials and leaving few clues for the city’s best detective, who doesn’t suspect that both his new girlfriend and 12 year-old daughter may be closer than he is to finding the killer.”

Half-mad scuba diver should tell you everything you need to know about this cookie cutter Dutch-made slasher flick, which came out in its native zip code back in 1988. Now you can dog paddle watching it for the first time in the U.S. when it gets its official release here with all the bells and whistles. It’s aged about as well as me.

Anna And The Apocalypse

ANNA AND THE APOCALYPSE (Scotland/2017)
“Anna’s life is dominated by the typical concerns of her youthful peers until the Christmas season in her small town brings not Santa, but an outbreak of the undead in this genre-mashing holiday horror musical.”

There it is — two words that should never be paired to describe a movie: horror musical. The holiday undead? Fine. Everything else? All yours, Scotland.

Pacific Rim: Uprising

PACIFIC RIM: UPRISING (new release date: March 23, 2018)
“It has been 10 years since The Battle of the Breach and the oceans are still, but restless. Vindicated by the victory at the Breach, the Jaeger program has evolved into the most powerful global defense force in human history. The PPDC now calls upon the best and brightest to rise up and become the next generation of heroes when the Kaiju threat returns.”

Finally the official plot, though I believe the above key art is fan made (check out the movie’s release date — FAIL) and not issued officially. (If you’re gonna have giant monsters fighting giant robots, I’m thinkin’ you may wanna include that in some form or fashion.) Disclosure: I’ve been a part of the Jaeger program every since downing my first shot. Drinking a bottle of Jaegermeister™ makes me wanna fight giant monsters and…well, pretty much anything that looks at me sideways. (I’m gunning for that stupid table lamp that always seems to be mocking me.)

Insane Asylums, Demonic Bigfoot, Jungle Gods

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 2, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Heretics

If someone on the beach started screaming and pointing towards the water and yelling there’s the Loch Ness Monster, would you look? If you were in Scotland you would. I won’t be falling for that one again.

Here’s some upcoming horror you won’t have to go to Scotland to see…

THE HERETICS (February 14, 2017 / European Film Market)
“A young girl is abducted by a man after he claims that a cult is hunting her. His goal is to protect her until sunrise but while restrained, the young girl falls deathly ill. While her friends and family search for her, the source of her illness becomes more and more apparent. She’s not sick…she’s changing.”

Based on that press release, this is the same plot as Midnight Special (2016). I don’t think she’s changing into a ball of light alien like that kid in MS. I wouldn’t be opposed to that, though. Wish I could do that; I’d save a fortune on light bulbs.

The Institute

THE INSTITUTE (March 3, 2017/Limited/VOD)
“Based on true events a 19th Century young woman who, due to grief following the untimely death of her parents, voluntarily checks herself into a mental institute. While there she is subjected to bizarre, pseudo-scientific experiments in personality modification, brainwashing and mind control.”

Those techniques, while pioneered in the 19th Century, have been refined and modernized for the 20th Century. Today we call experiments in personality modification, brainwashing and mind control “Happy Hour.”

Dig Two Graves

DIG TWO GRAVES (March 24, 2017/Theater/VOD)
“Set in the 1970s, the pic follows 13-year-old Jacqueline Mather who, after losing her brother in a mysterious drowning accident, soon is visited by three moonshiners who offer to bring her brother back to life but at a grim cost.”

I’m gonna have to side with the moonshiners here. If you can’t trust someone who makes illegal booze, what does that say about us as a civilized society?

Devil in the Dark

DEVIL IN THE DARK (2017)
“When estranged brothers Adam and Clint attempt to reconnect over a week-long hunting trip in remote British Columbia, they find the tables turned by a mysterious presence lurking in the forest.”

The mysterious presence in the Pacific Northwest woods can only be one of three things: Bigfoot, Bigfoot’s mother’s brother’s cousin or a Wendigo thingamajig. Or maybe it’s a Magic Bigfoot who dabbles in the Dark Arts. Yeah, I’m goin’ with that one.

Kong: Skull Island / Apocalypse Now

KONG: SKULL ISLAND (March 10, 2017)
The latest Kong: Skull Island ad poster is a nice homage to 1979’s Apocalypse Now. Got me thinking — what other similarities are there? In Apocalypse Now a military colonel goes rogue, kills a bunch of people and builds a kingdom for himself deep in the Viet Nam jungles.

In Kong: Skull Island, a giant rogue gorilla kills a bunch of people and builds himself a kingdom deep in the jungles of Skull Island.

My bad — totally different.

Monsters = Monster Money

Posted in Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 13, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Loch Ness Monster

My secretary (me) came across an AFP article posted 4/13/16 (today if you’re reading this today) that a marine robot deployed in the Scotland’s Loch Ness has found the remains of a monster, but that it turned out to be a prop from a movie shot in 1970.

Loch Ness Monster

This DOES NOT mean the Loch Ness Monster isn’t still patrolling the Loch for tourist dollars. (VisitScotland.com estimates the revenue generated by tourists hoping to catch a glimpse of “Nessie” at £60 million ($76 million euros/ $85 million fins a year. Ask members of Scotland’s Chamber of Commerce if they believe Nessie is real, and they’ll show you their bank balance.)

Loch Ness Monster

The marine robot belongs to the Norwegian offshore oil company Kongsberg Maritime, who is mapping the depths of the Loch (775 feet deep – big enough for a hundred Loch Ness Monsters) in a project named “Operation Groundtruth.” Good branding – they should be able to prove Nessie’s existance with a name like that.

Loch Ness Monster

“Although it is the shape of Nessie, it is not the remains of the monster that has mystified the world for 80 years,” Scottish tourism agency VisitScotland, which is backing the project. “The blurry object with a long neck was a 30-foot long model of the monster made for the film The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes, directed by Billy Wilder. It is thought the model sank after its humps were removed (the buoyancy was in the humps) never to be seen again. The monster was actually a submarine in the film.”

Loch Ness Monster

That’s pretty dang cool. But Nessie – the REAL one – is cooler. If only the marine robot could get a pic of Nessie together with its movie stunt stand-in.