Archive for scientists

Aliens, Extraterrestrials, Space Brothers

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 14, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Fifty Shades of Greys

Besides being a well-researched book on extraterrestrial visitations and the infamous the Roswell Incident (UFO ran a red light, crashed, and we put the alien driver in jail and denied bail) and beyond, it’s the title that’s pretty dang clever: Fifty Shades of Greys. Man, that’s funny because greys are what we call aliens, probably because they look so depressed all the time.

Fifty Shades of Greys

Written by Raymond Szymanski, a retired Air Force Engineer, the 2016 book claims that the UFOs and aliens from the outrageous 1947 Roswell Incident were brought to the Wright – Patterson Air Force Base in Dayton, Ohio to be examined and kept in obscure covered passageways. That’s a pretty bold proclamation. An Air Force base in Dayton, Ohio, home of Orville Wright, the guy who invented UFOs? Mr. Szymanski — you just hit pay dirt.

Another coincidence, then, that we’re being invaded with movies and documentaries of our depressed space brothers. Here are a few just released sci-fi movies and UFO documentaries to give you a few more shades of greys…

Aliens: Zone of Silence

ALIENS: ZONE OF SILENCE (available now)
“After her brother vanishes from the Mexican desert, a young woman sets out to uncover the truth about his disappearance. When she discovers an extraterrestrial presence, she must risk her life to expose the desert’s otherworldly secret.”

An almost note-for-note rip-off of The Phoenix Incident (2015), The Phoenix Tapes ’97 (2016) and Phoenix Forgotten (2017). Despite the plagiarism, the fact this is YET ANOTHER found footage flick should make you wanna better spend your time elsewhere, like abducting beers.

Alien Contact: Outer Space

ALIEN CONTACT: OUTER SPACE (available now)
Many people think of Space as a quiet and desolate vacuum of emptiness, but new evidence reveals that space is rife with activity beyond our comprehension. Just as we sent Voyager and Pioneer probes beyond our solar system, aliens have probes of their own that may have arrived as early as the 1600’s. While Tesla was the first to successfully communicate with neighboring worlds using radio waves, we have received recent signals from intelligent sources. In 1989, Russian Space Probe Phobos 2 photographed a UFO on the surface of Mars just prior to losing contact. Scientists have determined that the craft was real and of a thin elliptical shape over 20 miles in length. We are not alone in outer space and while the aliens may be initiating contact, they could also be here already.”

Seems to me if aliens wanted to contact us they would just send us an IM on Spacebook™ or something. Or maybe its because they haven’t found intelligent life here on Earth worth talking to. That’s probably it.

E.T. Contact: They Are Here

E.T. CONTACT: THEY ARE HERE (available now)
E.T. Contact: They Are Here documents the jaw-dropping stories of individuals from around the world who share similar accounts of extraterrestrial and otherworldly encounters. Through a series of groundbreaking on-camera experiments on human DNA, and interviews with leading scientists, viewers will find themselves pondering the nature of their own reality or yet the true origin of the human species. E.T. Contact may ultimately show that the traditionally unexplained is, in fact, far more attributable to science than fiction.”

The trailer for this one is pretty funny as it features straight-faced academics supporting the belief of extraterrestrials’ existence and, by extension, their frequent visitations to learn how our back doors work. Take heed, space brother; I just ate a Taco BellFiery Doritos Locos Taco Supreme™.

Alien Convergence

ALIEN CONVERGENCE (available now)
“When flying reptilian aliens begin to take over the world, the remaining survivors must band together and fight back with newly developed fighter jets.”

Aliens can fly? Well dang — that makes ’em even cooler than first thought. Aside from complexion, wondering, though, how this differs from Flying Monkeys (2013)?

Literary Predator, Neighborly Witchcraft, Plagiaristic Poltergeist

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 6, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

If It Bleeds

If you know how to read and can do so without moving your lips while doing it, here’s a juicy book you might wanna put on your Halloween gift wish list. If It Bleeds (Titan Books), a collection of stories about the Predator movie franchise, arrives October 17, 2017, edited by Bryan Thomas Schmidt, and features an all-star writer’s mosh pit, including Kevin J. Anderson, Wendy N. Wagner, Mira Grant, Dayton Ward, Jennifer Brozek, Tim Lebbon, Jonathan Maberry, Andrew Mayne, Weston Ochse, Larry Correia, S. D. Perry, Steve Perry, Jeremy Robinson,  John Shirley, Peter J. Wacks, Bryan Thomas Schmidt, Holly Roberds, and David Boop.

Need more convincing? Didn’t think so. But here’s the book’s advance press release anyway: “Over the centuries, extraterrestrial hunters of the Yautja race — also known as the Predators — have encountered humans on Earth and in the depths of space. Offered here are sixteen all-new stories of such hunts, written by many of today’s most extraordinary authors. Inspired by the events of the original Predator movies, graphic novels and novels, these adventures pit hunter against prey in life-and-death struggles where there can be only one victor.”

You can get If It Bleeds for a mere $9.99/Kindle Edition/$12.33 paperback. The price may vary, depending on what planet you’re mercilessly hunted on. And while you get your reading chops honed by looking at ingredient labels on bags of pork rinds and convenient snack-packs, here are a few just-released/upcoming horror and sci-fi movies to augment your literary needs…

Drone Wars

DRONE WARS (available now)
“When drones arrive in a flash, slaughtering humanity and stripping the Earth of its resources, a small team of scientists hiding in Los Angeles works to expel the drone menace once and for all.”

Replace the word “drones” with “politicians” and the word “expel” with ”impeach”, then you’ll have a much scarier movie.

Stranger's Relative

STRANGER’S RELATIVE (available now)
“Angela rents a room in the house of an African American woman, who offers services of witchcraft. After her arrival, paranormal activities begin to happen, causing her to experience intense situations full of intrigues. Convinced that there are evil entities in the house, Angela decides to move, but evil chases her wherever she goes, leading her to an unexpected outcome.”

That’s the problem with rental witchcraft — unless you know what you’re doing, everything can go a lot further south than you’re probably baptized for. That’s why you should always practice safe hex.

Chameleon Shadow

CHAMELEON SHADOW (available now)
“When darkness is attached and dreams haunt the head, an alternative source of relief can be found in the darkest of places by a most unbelievable being the elusive Chameleon. When a young photographer seeks relief from his recurring nightmares, the Chameleon provides a cure. Little does he know the side effect is the realization of his nightmares materializing in the real world.”

That’s called waking up and going to work.

Poltergeist Encounters

POLTERGEIST ENCOUNTERS (December 12, 2017)
“A questionable group of paranormal investigators with their own web series receive the offer of a lifetime. They must stay one night in a potentially haunted house to receive a large sum of money. It seems like easy money to Anton, team leader of the group, and privately, an unbeliever in the supernatural. Mick, Roach, and Terrance are all investigators that take the entire situation far too lightly, before everything they believe changes. On that fateful night, they learn that it’s all fun and games until things get real.”

The word “poltergeist” is one of those horror movie hot buttons, designed to lure you in with perceived ghost action. As is far too often when we’re promised a thrill ride and end up in the plastic ball pit at Chuck E Cheese™, we turn to booze instead of boos. (Yeah, I used that joke before. Gimme a break; I was up all night busting ghosts. I mean, “poltergeists.”)

Water-Proof UFOs

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 10, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Sphere

A gigantic UFO is discovered in the middle of the ocean. Actually, under the middle of the ocean. It’s determined that the spaceship, which is the size of downtown Manhattan, has been there for 288 years, give or take a work week. A team of specialists has been called in to see what up. Transported via a mini-sub several miles beneath the surface, the military has already built an aqua habitat, so that they may study and blog about the UFO.

Sphere

All the scientists put on high-pressure swim-suits and find their way into the spacecraft. That’s weird—there are recycling bins and uneaten packs of Smokehouse Almonds™ laying around. They find the ship’s log and, upon playing it back, discover the craft experienced an “unknown event,” which looks like they got sucked into a Black Hole. (Holes don’t come in any other color except black.) Exploring further, they find a gigantic gold sphere, the surface of which undulates and looks like rich man’s bath water. It doesn’t do anything except float. All that trouble and expense to find it, and the darn thing just sits there. Stupid aliens. Or are they?

Sphere

A binary message transmitted from the UFO is translated and they’re being greeted by an alien named…Jerry. I can believe a giant UFO has been at the bottom of the ocean for nearly 300 years, but an alien named Jerry? That’s just weird. Even more weird undersea weirdness happens: one million poisonous and extra-large jellyfish sting one of the habitat divers into swollen pudding. Then a football field-sized squid attacks the habitat and breaches the hull’s integrity. Then the place catches on fire and roasts the face off the astrophysicist. Then the Navy captain is severed in half. Then more messages from Jerry. And he’s not happy.

Sphere

To go any further would cause YOU mental grief as I’d have to wreck it all by telling you the spaceship is not alien, but rather a vehicle from our future and… Crap, sorry. Sphere (1998) gets really intense, and while you have to pay the heck attention, clues are all over the place to explain the monster squids, toxic jellyfish, and trillions of fish eggs that look like and are the size of sea potatoes.

Sphere

There’s a tedious subplot involving the psychologist and the marine biologist, who had an affair (another clue). But since they don’t show any sea boobies, it’s just something you’ll have to put up with. The movie will hold your interest, though. And after you’re done, go stick your head in a sphere…it’s fun!

Bloody Hell, Sci-Fi Teens, Reverse Werewolves

Posted in Asian Horror, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Werewolves, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 1, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Bloody Muscle Body Builder In Hell

Here’s a neat trick — when celery stalks go limp, soak ’em in water and a short time later, stiff as if you doped ‘em up with Viagra™ and just as store-bought crunchy. Better still, soak ‘em in vodka. Get drunk and healthy at the same time. Works on carrots, too! I have no doubt that’s an original idea, I’m I’m gonna patent it. So please don’t viral my pension plan.

Speaking soaking yourself in healthy alcohol, you might need some of the good stuff to get through these just released and/or upcoming horror/sci-fi movies…

BLOODY MUSCLE BODY BUILDER IN HELL (available now/UK)
“After a surprise phone call interrupts his daily workout, beefy body builder Naoto agrees to meet his photojournalist ex-girlfriend to help with her research on haunted houses. Accompanied by a professional psychic, they visit an abandoned house once owned by Naoto’s father. But inside the house a dark secret lingers and they find themselves trapped and tormented by a relentless ghost with a 30 year grudge. Bloody Muscle Body Builder invites fans of bizarro, lo-fi cinema on a far out journey…into Hell.”

While I do like the title (I’d buy the shirt), this is also aka’d as The Japanese Evil Dead. Gotta say, I dig that, too, if not as well. This came out in 2014 (in Japan) and was described as a “cross between the 1977 Japanese horror classic Hausu (House) and The Evil Dead (1981).” Kore ijō iwanai — I’m in.

So can you see it in your own hausu? Yep — just order it from AmazonUK™ [click HERE]. It’ll set you back £7.99 (free delivery in London Land if you have Amazon Prime™). This converts into $10.35 U.S. fun coupons. To have it shipped here, though, is a bit pricey as there are import fees, triple stamps with Monarch faces on ’em, probably weird packaging and extra sticky tape, etc. So figure about $400 total just to be on the safe side.

Resident Evil: Vendetta

RESIDENT EVIL: VENDETTA (June 19, 2017)
“BSAA Chris Redfield enlists the help of government agent Leon S. Kennedy and Professor Rebecca Chambers from Alexander Institute of Biotechnology to stop a death merchant with a vengeance from spreading a deadly virus in New York.”

What the stink is going on here? Did we not just have Resident Evil: The Final Chapter in 2016? (There are six RE movies in all, dating back to 2002.) As it turns out, Resident Evil: Vendetta is an animated movie, or “CG,” which obviously stands for “cartoon gunk.” Apparently, this is the third such RE animated movie. I care not for this medium. For one thing the blood looks too “illustrated.” And don’t get me started on computer-designed entrails. If you want me to watch a movie length cartoon, make It’s The Great Pumpkinhead, Charlie Brown.

Number 13

NUMBER 13 (2017)
Northern Canada, the dead of winter, and some scientists studying a wolf pack dynamics try to anesthetize and tag a wolf. The wolf awakes prematurely and attacks, but the trapped scientist bites first. This bitten wolf is infected with a disease called ‘humanity’. As the moonlight rises, this wolf is changing. When wolves chase a naked and bloody man into their camp, the scientists are shocked. This stranger can’t talk, is lost and is freezing, but from where? The first taste of danger enters the camp when the pack of wolves reappears, now fearless. Before this full moon sets, the humans will learn both the true nature of the stranger and of their own “pack dynamics”. More importantly, they will learn the true difference between wolves and humanity — the ability to lie.”

Lousy name for a reverse werewolf movie. There were Number 13’s in 2006, 2008, 2013 (looks like a sci-fi video game with “real people”), and an Alfred Hitchcock movie that was shot way the heck back before time in 1922 and never released. None of those featured reverse werewolves. (Maybe as stage hands, but certainly not actors.) So man bites dog. In the newspaper game, that’s called a lead story. Definitely an interesting premise whether you read newspapers or not. I do for the horoscopes and the funny pages. Not necessarily in that order.

Maze Runner: The Death Cure

MAZE RUNNER: THE DEATH CURE (2018)
“In the conclusion to the Maze Runner trilogy, Thomas and the surviving Gladers prepare to face off against WCKD one last time as they fight to find a cure for the deadly disease known as The Flare that has wiped out most of the world. Friendships and loyalties will be tested and the fight against WCKD will also determine who will survive in the end.”

This one’s already done and in the grocery line waiting to be checked out. Got postponed several times over reasons I don’t give an exasperated hoot about. Saw the first Maze Runner (2014), a sci-fi teen movie based on a book of all things. Did not see the sequel Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials (2015) as it had more teenagers in it. Might have to see MR: Death Cure as The Flare disease turns people, I mean teens, into sci-fi zombies. Bye-bye future teens.

Big Apple Automaton

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Science Fiction, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 9, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Colossus of New York

The semi cult sci-fi classic The Colossus of New York (1958) borrows liberally from Frankenstein (1931) and the real-life horror story of the theft of Einstein’s brain in 1955.

Dr. Frankenstein (Victor, to those who tailgated with him) sewed together parts of corpses, goosed it alive by the stuff that comes out of lamp sockets, and brought the now-living product to market.

Al / Franken

Albert (or “Al”) Einstein, the Nobel prize-winning physicist who gave me/you/the world the theory of relativity E = mc2 (I use that all the time – so useful), had some nut bag pathologist (Thomas Harvey) steal his brain in hopes of scientifically chopping it up to discover any anomalies that could explain the smartest guy in the world’s scientific acumen. Harvey kept Al’s brain in a cider box stashed under a beer cooler. (There’s probably a joke in there somewhere.)

The Colossus of New York

Watch how I flawlessly tie this together with the movie. On the eve of a big party to accept the International Peace Prize (the menu featured those fancy cocktail wieners on platters), 34 year-old Jeremy Spensser gets flattened by a truck. Boom, boom – out go the lights. He left behind a young son and a rather fetching wife.

Jeremy’s Dad and brother – both scientists – feel Jeremy’s lying down on the job and decide to extract his brain and transplant it into probably one of the best dressed robots ever created in a downstairs lab. Told’ja I could tie it all together.

The Colossus of New York

Widow Spensser and her son move into her father and brother-in-law’s giant mansion, unaware her husband’s thinker is powering a 9-foot robot in the basement. Not only can Jeremy-Bot speak (with cool sparking electrical noises), he has ESP, can hypnotize you with the flashing bulbs he calls eyeballs, and can deep fry you with electric beams, which make you pretty much dead and looking for a spare robot to live in.

Things get messy when the robot discovers his brother has had swollen intentions on his former wife, even trying to get her to go to Hawaii with him. She should’ve gone; that’s a pretty impressive/all-inclusive first date.

The Colossus of New York

The p.o.’d robot swims (!) to an condemned part of the Manhattan shipping waterfront, confronts his bro, and zap-zaps him into deadness. There goes another unfulfilled vacation bathing suit.

The Colossus of New York

Wanting to kill the world, Colossus (title only) calls for the scientific community to meet at the U.N. and when they get there, proceeds to microwave every non-robot in sight. Almost all of the people just stand there, so it’s they’re fault for not trying to run away with their pants down while screaming.

The Colossus of New York

Bullets do nothing because hey – ROBOT! Fortunately, Spensser’s son – who is against all this zapping – gets through to robo-dad. In a moment of clarity, he has his kid pull the kill-switch lever located on the side of his former rib cage. Then everybody just walks away like that sort of thing happens in New York all the time. Maybe it does. How the heck should I know? I believe everything I see on the TV.

Pretty lame ending. Then again, so it was for Frankenstein’s monster and the Einster.

20,000 Fathoms of Fun

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 23, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms

Atomic bomb tests in the Arctic Circle defrosts a gigantic reptile creature-o-saurus (official name: Rhedosaurus). This monster is nearly 100-feet long, walks on all fours, has buzz-saw sharp things on his back, is several stories tall, and judging by his diet — shark, octopus, lighthouse, diving bell, roller coaster tracks, humans — is not a picky eater.

The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms

Hibernating in ice for 100 million years, the thawed beast travels towards Manhattan, stopping off in Nova Scotia to eat a lighthouse as though it were a sugar cookie. Once in the city, Rhedosaurus wanders Times Square and takes a hole to the neck via a good ’ol United States Army bazooka. (Way to treat tourists, New York.)

The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms

Red’s blood emits a virulent germ that contaminates the very streets where people used to live, litter, and now die. Rhedosaurus scorecard: 180 dead, 1,500 injured, $3,000,000 in collateral damage. Scientists determine that if a radioactive isotope can be fired into the monster’s open neck hickey, that might stop him from racking up more kill points.

The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms

The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms (1953) is THE monster movie that inspired Godzilla (1954), coming out a full year before Japan copied the hell out of us. Good thing Godzilla was so cool, or else we’d be armed with more than an isotope, if you catch my drift.

Frankenstein Created Bikers

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, Werewolves, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 18, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Frakenstein Created Bikers

Frankenstein Created Bikers. Great movie title. Better still is the trailer for this “coming soon” (sometime in 2016) grindhouse offering: boobies, gore, explosions, tattoos, bikers with tattoos, guns, monsters, and some smacko foot to the face MMA action. Only thing missing is me!

Frankenstein Created Bikers

Here’s what’s on the movie’s highway to Hell…

“A resurrected outlaw biker finds himself addicted to the substance that brought him back from the grave. In order to get his daily fix, his gang is forced to do the bidding of two sadistic scientists attempting to capture a biological mutation and perform a human head transplant on kidnapped teenagers.”

Frankenstein Created Bikers

“When his disgruntled ex-girlfriend is released from prison, she embarks on an explosive manhunt for her former lover and his strung-out pack of degenerates. With three dysfunctional bounty hunters, a rival motorcycle gang and an army of machine-gun toting strippers, it becomes a race against law-enforcement for bragging rights to the gang leader’s demise.”

Says the back-from-the-dead biker: “There is no hope…no God…no salvation here. Only pain.” Sounds like he just described my last hard drinking night.

Werewolves on Wheels

Monsters on motorcycles is not a new concept. One must only turn back the pages of time to 1971 when the world was given the gift of Werewolves on Wheels. That one had boobies, blood rituals, black robed monks, satanic rituals, booze, and bikers who thumbed their beards at road safety. Only thing missing was me!

Werewolves on Wheels