Archive for Satanist

The Artistry of Horror, Dracula’s Cousin, Ghost Sex

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Ghosts, paranormal, Science Fiction, Slashers, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 21, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

People imbued with the power of being able to read, and specifically this blog, know I’m a huge fan of horror movie poster art and the infinity more talented than me artists who design them. While many horror movie ad sheets are created in Photoshop (I learned PS in order to put my head on Chippendale™ dancer’s bodies), the best ones are hand-illustrated and often better than the movies themselves.

Here’s a select batch of some truly dazzling and ingenious takes on horror/sci-fi movies and links (click the artist names) to view some amazing portfolios. The Nope poster above was illustrated by Gilbert Posters (no relation, but that doesn’t stop me from implying credit during Happy Hour gatherings). The art for Smile was done by the insanely talented Nuno Sarnadas (who also did the posters for Prey and Aliens below).

Keith Goulette designed the wicked Black Phone art and you can find him swimming happily among a sea of other talented designers one redbubble.com. (Click his name to explore a whole new world of visual horror). Jack Gregory did the jaw-dropping Evil Dead art, as well as the freakishly beautiful art for Dawn of the Dead and Halloween Ends (click to see his portfolio). The It poster, which should’ve been used by the movie studio, was designed by Jorge Teles, who also did numerous takes on Batman.

While we’re not worthy and should throw away our design tools (for me it’s crayons, felt pen laundry markers, Etch A Sketch™), here are a few out now/upcoming horror movies that may or may not need new cover art done with laundry markers…

THE CURSE OF DRACULA / Out now (VOD/DVD)

“Two small-time crooks scam tourists by organizing a guided tour of a creepy manor house rumored to be haunted by the cousin of Count Dracula. Their first group consist of a Swedish Satanist, two French Goths and a Russian porn director. But the tour descends into bloody chaos when they are confronted by a mysterious phantom wielding a circular saw.”

Dracula has a cousin? The Swedish are Satanists? The French are Goths? Russians are into porn? What kind of world did I just wake up in? Guess I’ll have to start hanging out with normal people, like that ghost guy with the gasoline-powered power tool. He seems cool.

AMITYVILLE THANKSGIVING / Out now (VOD)

“Jackie and Danny’s marriage has taken a turn for the worst. They turn to what they believe to be their only option, Amityville Couples Counselor Frank Domonico, a doctor with a hidden, sinister past, who recommends an isolated cabin retreat. Little do they know that the doctor plans to end their sessions, as well as their lives, with a devilish Thanksgiving dinner — and them as the main course!

So they’re gonna eat the unhappy, fighting married couple. Bet they’ll taste bitter. Heh. They can be washed down with Annulment Ale, though. That should make everyone very…hoppy.

PARASENSE: THE NAKED EXPERIMENTS / Out now (VOD)

Paranormal veteran, Ross Allison, focuses his attention on the physical aspects of being touched by a ghost. His struggle to prove these phenomena takes a crucial turn when a real scientist and inventor, Chad Goodwin, joins his team as they take naked subjects into the most haunted sites known for supernatural physical contact.”

The best part about having intimate relations with a poltergeist is you can ghost ’em afterward. 

EXORCIST BLOODLINE / Out now (VOD)

“After moving back into her childhood home, a young woman is possessed by a depraved evil spirit masquerading as her dead mother and must battle to save her mind, body and soul.”

For some of us, it’d be hard to differentiate between a depraved evil spirit and a deceased mom. Not me, though. My mom rocks. (Had to say that, as she reads this blog, and I don’t want to be sent to my room…YET AGAIN.)

Pet Monsters, Human Monsters, Religious Monsters

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Vampires, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 14, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Okja

The neighborhood had one of those community garage sales the other day. it’s always fun to rummage through other people’s crap. Hit pay dirt, though, when I found a box of ‘80s horror movies on VHS tape for .25 cents each.

I was so happy until I got home and realized I don’t have a VHS player. Sigh. Might as well go listen to that box of 8-tracks I also scored for about the same price and… Oh, crud; I don’t have an 8-track player, either. There’s $2.00 I’ll never see again.

On that Einstein note, here are some upcoming horror/sci-fi that may or may not be worth .25 cents to watch…

OKJA (June 28, 2917/Netflix)
“For 10 idyllic years, young Mija has been caretaker and constant companion to Okja – a massive animal and an even bigger friend – at her home in the mountains of South Korea. But that changes when the family-owned multinational conglomerate Mirando Corporation takes Okja for themselves and transports her to New York, where image obsessed and self-promoting CEO Lucy Mirando has big plans for Mija’s dearest friend.”

Sounds like a re-imagineering of King Kong/Mighty Joe Young. And looking at the giant creature’s silhouette (is that a French word? Sure the heck seems like it is), it probably eats about 100 pounds of food per meal. At first glance I thought it was a hippo. But when was the last time you saw a hippo on a leash? That’s like putting a turtleneck sweater on a  giraffe.

The Monster Project

THE MONSTER PROJECT (2017)
“A recovering drug addict takes a job with a documentary crew who plans to interview three subjects who claim to be real life monsters.”

Sounds cool. Although what kind of monsters are they? Day vampires? Half moon werewolves? Republicans? Noisy neighbors who won’t quit making noise no matter how much I pound on the ceiling?

A Closer Walk With Thee

A CLOSER WALK WITH THEE (2017)
“Four young evangelical missionaries set up a house church in inner-city Los Angeles to try and save the neighborhood from a Satanist gang. Jordan is a good Christian kid, except that he’s starting to have impure sexual thoughts about his close friend and fellow missionary Eli. When he’s caught watching Eli shower, he is outed to the group and painfully ostracized – until Eli, who happens to be a fledgling exorcist, suggests that a demonic possession might be causing these Jordan’s feelings. Jordan begins to enact signs of possession, prompting Eli to take action. What begins as a ritualistic method of trying to save their friendship quickly spirals out of control and descends into darkness and violence.”

Only a religious nutbag would think homosexuality is a sign of demonic possession. The irony here is that the “fledgling exorcist” is probably gay himself. Gay people don’t need to be exorcised, but religious freaks do.

Summer of '84

SUMMER OF ‘84 (2017/2018)
“Growing up on a quiet cul-de-sac in Ipswich, Massachusetts, Davey’s desperate to believe there’s more to life than what he sees from his bedroom window. But Davey thirsts for more. As their investigation heats up, Davey and his best buds soon discover Mr. Mackey is onto them and their suspicions quickly become all too real.”

The pre-production artwork reveals that there’s a serial killer living in the neighborhood. I bet he doesn’t mow his lawn, but rather hacks it. Heh. For a superior and hard-to-watch serial killer in the neighborhood movie, watch The Lovely Bones (2009). You’ll probably need counseling afterward. Or a hug.