Archive for Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

Bigfoot & Aliens With A Plan

Posted in Aliens, Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs, Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 27, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Valley of the Sasquatch

Yep, I’m a sucker for Bigfoot movies, even though I have yet to see one with a creature design better than the Jacks Link’s™ Bigfoot. (Man, those commercials make me LOL all over my Old Navy™ self.) That’s the same argument I have with werewolf movies as well, though I did like the ones in Dog Soldiers (2002). Very challenging to make a realistic suit covered in artificial Yak hair.

Jack Link's Sasquatch

Now that I’ve shaved that off my chest, Valley of the Sasquatch is the just released horror indie featuring my favorite cryptid. Or should I says cryptids? Yep – time to go all plural as Valley features a tribe of Sasquatchians. Here’s how they put the Foot down…

“A father and son are forced to move to an old cabin in the woods after a devastating tragedy. The forest unearths a tribe of Sasquatch who are determined to protect their land.”

Sorry you’re going working through a devastating tragedy, but a determined Sasquatch is nothing to screw with.

Plan 9

Releasing February 18, 2016 is Plan 9, a remake of 1959’s Plan 9 From Outer Space, the best worst horror movie of all time. Yep, someone had the artificial balls and vision to reboot this messterpiece, which is classic for all the wrong reasons. Here’s the what what on the movie…

“Nilbog is a small town with a big story – the beginning of an invasion! However, instead of lasers, spaceships, and epic force, these aliens have a different plan for the inhabitants of Earth: to resurrect the dead as their own army set with but one goal…to wipe out all mankind!”

“On this Halloween night only the townsfolk stand in the way of total domination. From the police department to those trapped in a convenience store, and even those trying to stay alive in the streets, this night will decide the fates of all who walk the planet and thought they were the top of the food chain.”

Plan 9 From Outer Space

My ONLY misgiving about Plan 9 is that they didn’t ask me to be in the movie. Guess I’ll have to find a different crap sci-fi remake to star in to put on my bucket list. (I’m looking in your direction Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.)

Mars: The Go-To Planet To Go To

Posted in Aliens, Science Fiction, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 23, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Martian

Do believe in Martians? If you’re like one of those Flat Earth/Hollow Earth conspiracy theorist idiots on YouTube™, you probably do.

And why the heck not? Mars is big news these days, what with tantalizing new pics coming in daily via NASA’s Curiosity Rover showing geo-formed rocks that look like actual residents kicking it around the Red Planet. Besides, since aliens are long known to have built factories on the dark side of the Moon – proven by blurry photos interpreted by pseudo-scientists and anyone with low-level credentials and/or white lab coats – Mars is way less boring than the Moon, which regularly gives werewolves a night out every 30 days.

Martian Land

Yeesh – all over the lunar surface here.

Anyway, two Mars based sci-fi movies headed toward your orbit: The Martian, a big-budget Ridley Scott interplanetary thriller starring Matt Damon, arriving in September 2015. And as could be expected, Martian Land from The Asylum – a low-budget horror/sci-fi film studio long established as idea thieves hiding under lawsuit-safe words like “mockumentary” and “homage,” releasing in the contrails of The Martian on October 6, 2015. The plots, if you will…

The Martian

The Martian: “During a human mission to Mars, astronaut Mark Watney (Matt Damon) is presumed dead after being caught in a fierce storm, and is left behind when the rest of the crew evacuate the planet and begin to head back to Earth. Watney finds himself stranded and alone, with only meager supplies and his ingenuity, wit, and spirit to subsist and find a way to signal home, despite knowing that even if his survival is made known there is no prospect of a rescue.”

The Martian

Martian Land: “In the distant future mankind lives on Mars, in cities that resemble those once found on Earth, protected from the alien atmosphere by dome-like force-fields. When a massive sandstorm breaks through the dome and destroys Mars New York, those in Mars Los Angeles must figure out how to stop the storm before it wipes them out next.”

Mars New York/Mars Los Angeles. What, no Mars Canada?

So, if like those Flat Earth/Hollow Earth conspiracy theorist idiots on YouTube™ you have too much time on your hands, waste it on Martian Land. Everyone else – of which I hope there are many – see you in line to see The Martian.

Santa Claus Conquers The Martians

P.S. For a comprehensive study of Mars and its inhabitants, check out the definitive Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964), in “space-blazing color, no less. Lab coat not required.