Archive for Sadako vs. Kayako

Ghost vs. Ghost

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 4, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Sadako vs. Kayako

Sadako vs. Kayako (2016) had all the elements to become a supernatural tour de force lock-up worthy of a pay-per-view. (Now that I think about it, that’s what VOD is.) Regardless, the Japanese horror match with Sadako the long black haired ghost chick that crawls out of wells/TV screens from The Ring franchise, and Kayako, the long black hair ghost chick that crawls down stairs on her stomach from the Ju-on Grudge series, should’ve been a box office bonanza for these two iconic ghosts. Instead, it turned into a slow-moving, frightless flick made for teens. To put a sharper point on it, teens are more scary than this movie.

Sadako vs. Kayako

To access these vengeful ghost gals is easy. For Sadako, just watch a cursed video tape. Then the phone rings and it’s Sadako informing you of deadness by death in 48 hours. With Kayako, just poke around the abandoned house where she “lives” with that pasty white kid in diapers who makes cat growl sounds. Once inside, she spider crawls down the stairs and pretty much ends your existence with just a blink of her one eyeball. (Wonder if she wears contacts?)

Sadako vs. Kayako

Two high school chicks learn about Sadako from their urban legends teacher, then later go to a junk shop and buy an old VCR, which just happens to have the cursed tape still in it. Like all teens they burn it onto a disc and upload it to the Internet, where it goes viral. Now that’s some efficient population control. Of course, one of the girls actually watches the tape and the phone rings. Nice not knowing you.

Sadako vs. Kayako

Over at Kayako’s house, four young school boys go inside and…school’s out forever. This was witnessed by the teen girl across the street who is made stinky by the curse of Kayako. And now we have the dots in place to connect how this movie is supposed to work.

Sadako vs. Kayako

A botched exorcism with the girl earmarked for death introduces us to Keizo Tokiwa, a ghostbuster with psychic powers, who whips his hand around the doomed victim to expel said curse. Doesn’t always work. Must not be whipping hard enough. The die-now-pay-later teen kills herself with a belt wrapped around her neck instead of sagging britches. This leaves the unkilled friend and the girl across the street whose parents Kayako just ghosted (in a confusing sequence that made about much sense as the little boy who talks like a wet cat) to all gather at the Kayako’s house for the big showdown.

Sadako vs. Kayoko

And here’s where all the pointlessness could’ve been salvaged — the two scariest poltergeists in Japan’s movie history finally facing off. Keizo theorized that the ghost gals would cancel each others’ curses when their disparate energies collide. Guess what didn’t happen? Their first meeting had them evenly matched and nothing really happens except a lot of flailing black hair and everyone ending up in the well outside. (Who even has one of those in a middle class neighborhood? If I was middle class, I might consider having one installed — without the bucket retrievable curses.)

Sadako vs. Kayako

With no pay-off, Sadako vs. Kayako is a BIG let-down. There was so little screen time for both S and K, you wonder how someone justified their names being used in the title. They must have good agents.

Man Skunk, Twin Ghosts, Hobo Maniacs

Posted in Asian Horror, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 29, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

I Was A Teenage Wereskunk

Yeesh, 2016 was a craptastic year. Good year for horror, though. Here’s some upcoming and uplifting new horror flicks to cleanse the palette for 2017…

I WAS A TEENAGE WERESKUNK (available now)
“Wholesome teenager Curtis Albright’s world is thrown into chaos when he’s sprayed in the face by an enchanted skunk. Now whenever Curtis feels sexually aroused — which is damn near constant for a teenage boy — he turns into a MURDEROUS WERESKUNK!”

An enchanted skunk. Just when you think you’ve seen everything. Still, this one sounds pretty funny. Hope it doesn’t stink. Heh.

Sadako vs. Kayako

SADAKO VS KAYAKO (available now in Japan / January 26, 2017 on Shudder)
“After watching a cursed videotape, Natsumi has only two days before she will be killed by demonic entity Sadako. Her only hope is to pit Sadako against Kayako, a menacing spirit that inhabits a haunted house.”

Sadako from The Ring series and Kayako from The Grudge series are practically the same vengeful, long black hair ghost thingamajig and collectively have appeared in two dozen prequels, sequels, reboots and remakes. Makes sense to get ‘em in a box office lock-up, ala Freddy vs. Jason (2003). Heck, they can even share clothes and hair tips.

Pool Party Massacre

POOL PARTY MASSACRE (2017)
“When Blair, a high maintenance young socialite invites some friends over to her parents house for an intimate pool party, they are unaware that a serial killer is hiding inside the house. What started out as a relaxing summer day by the pool quickly turns into a nightmare as the unknown killer begins to stalk and murdering the young girls one by one.”

Not a lot of plot. But hey, watching over-privileged snots get Cuisinart’d isn’t a bad way to waste time.

Parasites

PARASITES (JANUARY 24, 2017/VOD)
“The industrial barbarianism of downtown Los Angeles is equal parts player and punisher in this survive-at-all-costs tale of a group of friends who get lost in the seedy streets where they encounter a crazed gang of homeless derelicts that captures and maims them one-by-one. One lucky man escapes on foot, naked and unarmed, with a pack of depraved transients in pursuit, staying only seconds ahead. Clinging to sanity and reduced to helpless prey, with only instinct to guide him, can he survive this coliseum of horror?”

Industrial barbarianism. Sounds like a metal sub-genre. The songs practically write themselves. Time to start a band.

Black and White Ghosts

Posted in Asian Horror, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 28, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Ju-On: White Ghost Black Ghost

Ju-On: White Ghost/Black Ghost (2009) is two films (eighth and ninth) in the successful but ground-into-the-ground Ju-On/Grudge horror movie franchise. There are 11 such movies, 12 if you include the crossover mash-up Sadako vs. Kayako having been released in Japan on June 18, 2016. The only thing that sucks worse than 12 movies featuring pretty much the same theme/ghost creature(s), is not being able to see it. (SvK is only available in Japan with no release plans as of yet for me to check it out. Those dicks.)

Ju-On: White Ghost Black Ghost

With Ju-On, meaning “curse” and/or “grudge”, a person (not me) can be infected by the touch of a revenge wadded spirit, all of whom look the same: pure white skin with long black ick hair and a creaky door hinge sound that emanates from a mouth held wide open. Spooky the first seven times, but not so much anymore.

Ju-On: White Ghost Black Ghost

White Ghost/Black Ghost is two tales of violent family happenings told out of sequence in character perspectives. Ingredients inlcude vengeance, violence and creaky door hinge mouth sounds. The “grudge” gets into the young uncle of a family: cute little niece, older sarcastic niece, mom, dad and loony tunes grandma. Uncle is pedophile weird and snaps once the grudge gets all up in his wheelhouse. He then quietly and wordlessly murders the entire family, several in f’d up gruesome ways.

Ju-On: White Ghost Black Ghost

How gruesome? In short segments, you see the before and aftermath of what happened. (Hard to keep track, especially with the sub-titles and the moving of lips while trying to read ’em). But once you see the deadly deeds, it all fits together like a pain puzzle at the end with everything visually explained. (One in particular hard to watch.)

Ju-On: White Ghost Black Ghost

Same thing in Black Ghost. This time it’s a young girl who was supposed to be a twin, but was born solo. Seems the stronger fetus “assimilated” the weaker one, and absorbed what was to be her soul. Now, years later, the womb mate wants her turn in the spotlight. And thanks to their really hot young aunt with witch-y inclinations, she puts the “you” in uterus.

Ju-On: White Ghost Black Ghost

The exorcising segment is entertaining for two reasons: the unborn sister’s face pushing up through the host stomach (quite unintentionally funny), and the aunt making quick, protective hand motions over her niece’s body. Looked like she was trying to fling metaphysical peanut butter off her fingers. And what happens next is pure peanut butter hitting the fan.

Two ghost movies for the price of one, neither of which are particularly scary, but with enough harsh moments to make creaky door hinge sounds leak out of your yap.