Military UFOs, Teen Witches, Holiday Flesh-Eaters

UFO fans can rejoice — a TV series is being developed around the famous 1980 Rendlesham Forest Incident, wherein American military personnel, stationed in England, not only encountered a landing UFO, but recorded their observations (on YouTube™) and even walked up and touched the glowing, freaky thing. (Hope they washed their hands, because, you know, space germs.)

From the press release: “The alleged sightings began on December 26, 1980 when U.S. Air Force security patrols stationed at RAF Woodbridge in Suffolk, England saw lights descending into nearby Rendlesham Forest. When servicemen went to investigate, they found a metallic object with glowing lights in the middle of the forest, and when approached the object moved through the woods, causing farm animals to panic. In daylight the next day, impressions were found in a triangular shape in the forest clearing, and on December 28, deputy base commander Lt. Col. Charles Halt and several other servicemen took radiation readings at the clearing and noticed lights in the distance.”

“The show will reportedly wave a complex family drama into the real-life events, which will span the 1980s through to 2020, which will mark the 40th anniversary of the Rendlesham incident.”

I’ve seen lots of documentaries about Rendlesham and, despite the commercials, I want to believe. Thus is the power of television. Until the show premiers, which is in the works as we speak, here are a few just released and upcoming horror/sci-fi you may or may not want to believe in…

MERCY CHRISTMAS (available now/VOD)
“Mercy Christmas follows Michael Briskett as he meets the perfect woman. His ideal Christmas dream comes true when she invites him to her family’s holiday celebration. Michael struggles to survive once he realizes HE will be Christmas dinner.”

A cannibal Christmas movie? Another reason for the season. I’m no gourmet chef (although I do make a mean bowl of stove top popcorn), but what would be an appropriate wine pairing with holiday human flesh? My go-to would be Steel Reserve™ (okay, not really wine, but man, what a kick in the pants). Probably some red chardonnay that’s deep, complex and stays with you long after you’ve tasted it. Kinda like flesh. Hope they’re also serving those neat pop-up dinner rolls. It’s like eating fluffy chemicals, but man, what a kick in the taste buds.

THE DEVIL’S TOY BOX (available now/VOD)
“Cynthia O’Neil enters a haunted asylum known as the Madison Seminary in search of her father who went missing in the asylum while shooting a reality television show.”

Kinda makes you wonder what the Devil considers toys. Slasher Gumby? Silly Blob Putty? Matrix Monopoly? I’d buy ‘em. Just so we’re transparent here, The Devil’s Toy Box was also one of the names of Hellraiser’s (1987) The Lament Configuration (aka, Lemarchand’s Box), a puzzle box, that when solved/opened, would summon Hell’s most Goth entities to welcome you to their depths. As local urban legends go, The Devil’s Toy Box is also cabin in Louisiana that when occupied, makes people go insane. Probably because of intermittent Internet connection, questionable plumbing and no bars for your Evil Smart Phone.

THE LURKER (2018)
“A group of theatre students, celebrating their final show, begin to slowly disappear one at a time.”

Seriously? This is a horror movie? The students probably snuck off to partake in the weed, or in my case, Steel Reserve™.

THE WITCH FILES (2018)
“A group of marginalized young women form a powerful coven and find they have the ability to grant their every wish. Though they soon realize the danger of messing with powerful forces beyond their control.”

I liked this better when they called it The Craft (1996). So yeah, high school chick witches. I’ll stick with TV’s Sabrina, The Teenage Witch (1996 — 2003) ‘cause she’s such a cutie.

Teenage Wiccans, Alien Ghosts, Hair Metal Horror

Here’s some wild, but not totally unexpected news: The CW and Warner Bros. are teaming up on Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, a remake of the hit comedy TV show, Sabrina The Teenage Witch (1996 — 2003), but with a darker edge. Kinda like what they did recently with Archie and Riverdale.

From the press release: “ This is a re-imagining of the origin and adventures of Sabrina as a dark coming-of-age story that traffics in horror, the occult, and witchcraft. The series is described as being tonally in the vein of horror classics like Rosemary’s Baby and The Exorcist and will see Sabrina wrestling to reconcile her dual nature as a half-witch, half-mortal while standing against the evil forces that threaten her, her family, and the daylight world humans inhabit.”

Wonder if Casper The Friendly Ghost will make a cameo? If so, hope they take the friendly part out and just have him mysterying up the hood while looking for the body of Casper the dead kid.

Until that day arrives, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies/TV series to conjure on the tube…

GHOSTED (October 1, 2017/Twitter)
“Leroy Wright is a cynical skeptic and former missing persons detective, who thinks that ‘aliens’ are a big ’ol bunch of B.S. and that people who believe in them are certifiably nuts — people like Max Jennifer. Max is a genius true believer in the paranormal who’s convinced his wife was abducted by aliens.”

A new comedy “ghost-busting” TV series on Fox™, premiering first on Twitter™ of all things. The trailers look pretty funny — like I do after a night of imbibing (sorry — word of the day calendar), so I guess I’ll watch it. But not on Twitter — I’m gonna watch it on TV like everyone should legally do.

DEAD ANT (October 10, 2017)
“When the one-hit-wonder glam metal band Sonic Grave embark on a trip to Coachella in hopes of a comeback, their peyote trip pit stop in Joshua Tree incites an ‘unworldly’ viscous attack, and they must rock themselves out of harms way.”

“Rock themselves out of harms way.” Sounds like the story of my life. Hair metal fans will see the rip-off/homage of Maybelline™ models Poison’s 1986 Look What The Cat Dragged In debut album on the key art. I’ll watch it, but just know that my mantra is “thrashin’, not fashion.”

THE SANDMAN (October 14, 2017)
“With a clandestine government agency closing in on the young girl, Claire and Madison will have to work together to find a way to stop the Sandman before he claims his next victim. Factor in the sinister Valentine who leads a cadre of bureaucrats who do not mean well and soon, strange things start happening whenever Madison is around. Things move around by themselves. Cabinet doors open and close. Almost as if there’s some kind of supernatural entity in the house. It’s a journey you’ll have to fully experience to understand.”

Sounds like 1984’s Firestarter, wherein a little girl who can make things burn just by using her mind, is chased by those looking to apply her skills to a job in the government. I say give the little gal a bag of marshmallows and make snacks happen.

 

BLOOD RUNS THICK (2018)
“A beautiful young woman struggles with frightening hallucinations and a crumbling mental state after her husband goes missing.”

Horrible movie art. Looks like it was done by someone who was hallucinating and in the grips of a crumbling mental state. Hey, I just described ME!