Archive for Ron Jeremy

The Devil Wears Cut-Offs

Posted in Evil, Scream Queens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on July 8, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Hell's Highway

The unfortunately low-budgeted Hell’s Highway (2002) begins with a sexy-yet-evil hitchhiker chick thumbing a ride on a hellishly hot Arizona highway that’s paved with wrongness. This is indicated by pointy cactus and various crooked crosses made out of bunk bed slats.

Hell's Highway

A carload of festive guys ’n gals stop to pick up the hitchin’ vixen, unaware that she just ate the brains of the last person who gave her a lift. Noting her distinct evilness (warped conversation, a brandished gun pointed towards uneaten brains), the travelers dump the chick on the side of the road. So how the double heck did she end up miles down the road later — in front of the car she was voted out of?

Hell's Highway

Through a series of plot-stalling events, the hitchhiker is killed. Several times. A minor inconvenience, she keeps coming back despite the fact her high-riding cut-off-encased booty has been dragged behind a car, stabbed, shoveled and chainsawed. Hats off for the scene where her head makes like a Gallagher watermelon when backed over by a car.

Hell's Highway

The evil chick is cute, but not particularly convincing as an unholy b*tch demon hell bent on road rage revenge. Some topless action, a smattering of gutter talk, a nice cameo by porn, uh, giant Ron Jeremy, and gore slung high and low. A solid return on your horror video investment dollar.

Hell's Highway

P.S. Hopefully you won’t confuse this Hell’s Highway with 1932’s Hell’s Highway. That one features chain gang prisoners and rioting. As far as I can tell, there are no unkillable demon chicks or porn stars in that one. Be cool if there were.

Vampires Heart Werewolves

Posted in Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 1, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Blood Moon Rising

A silly splatterfest done in old school grindhouse fashion, Blood Moon Rising’s (2009) plot, if there is one, is set in 1969 and revolves around two chicks who luv each other. (A lesbo vampire and a lesbo werewolf. Since neither shaves their legs, it’s hard to tell who’s the biter and who’s the barker.)

Blood Moon Rising

Because they’ve been dating since 1889, they have to wait until a full eclipse in order to, um, express their luv physically. This gets dinged up by Satan’s Goth daughter, who wants to bring an end everything on Earth. (Better to leave that up to the pros – politicians.)

Blood Moon Rising

The only thing in her Goth way is her granddaughter, a young hippie chick with a serious set of hi-beams, and a comic book dork boyfriend. So how do you stop people from Hell and brain-snacking zombies and vampire bikers and werewolves that look like they were pulled out of a soup line? With shotguns, of course. And some knives and a mini meat cleaver. You never know when one might come in handy.

Blood Moon Rising

Porn legend Ron Jeremy gets painted in the gore. They also have him stepping in dog doo doo. That’s nothing to him – you should see some of the girls he works with.

Blood Moon Rising

Blood Moon Rising’s jokes wear a bit thin, but it’s all in good dumbassery fun. Even with all the monsters, Sadie/Lucy, the hippie chick with two names and two big acting skills, is pretty good with a shotgun. She’s so cute, I’d let her shoot me any day.