Archive for Romeo and Juliet

King Kong, Godzilla, Dinosaur Floaties

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 25, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Bonejangles

Been following the development of the remake of King Kong vs. Godzilla (the first ppv match-up — aka “The Gorilla in Manila” — went down in 1962.) No pun intended, but there’s a HUGE logistic the filmmakers need to deal with: King Kong was 100 feet tall in Kong: Skull Island (2017), the biggest he’s ever been. However, in 2016’s Shin Godzilla (aka, Godzilla: Resurgence), the king of monsters shook, rattled and rolled skyscrapers at 387 feet. You see where I’m going with this.

So by pitting Kong against Godzilla in 2020 (projected), they’re either going to have to make the monkey four times his current stature, or shrink Godzilla down 287 feet. As science tells us, you don’t/can’t/shouldn’t make Godzilla smaller. (In King Kong vs. Godzilla they were both about the same height: 164 feet tall, give or take a few chimneys.)

A few unsolicited options: #1: Make four Kongs and stack ’em. #2: Have Godzilla stuck halfway down some sort of quicksand pit or really deep hot tub. #3: Monkey foot-shaped platform shoes. I could keep this up all day.

Speaking of glaring discrepancies, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that’ll either make sense or they won’t…

BONEJANGLES (July 18, 2017)
“While transporting the legendary serial killer Bonejangles to an asylum, a group of police officers break down in a town cursed with demonic zombies. The only way they can survive the night and save the town is to release Bonejangles to help them fight the curse, with something much worse.”

Not to be confused with the Bonejangles from 2005’s Corpse Bride (He sang/sings at the Ball and Socket Pub.) Hard, though, to take a serial killer who names himself Bonejangles seriously. Come back to me with something like Knifey McCutter and we’ll talk.

Suspiria

SUSPIRIA (2017/2018)
Susie Bannion, a young American woman, travels to the prestigious Markos Tanz Company in Berlin in 1977, arriving just as one of its members, Patricia, has disappeared under mysterious circumstances. As Susie makes extraordinary progress under the guidance of Madame Blanc, the Company’s revolutionary artistic director, she befriends another dancer, Sara, who shares her suspicions that the Matrons, and the Company itself, may be harboring a dark and menacing secret.”

Yep, YET ANOTHER remake, the first one making its same name back in 1977. It was Italian, so if you plan on watching it, plan on reading it as well. Unless you’re Italian. If so, go nuts.

Mab

MAB (2017)
Rosie and her mother, Kris struggle to make ends meet. Their only source of income comes from the daily delivery Rosie makes to the mysterious Mab. But what are these deliveries and what impact will this have on their lives of those around them? A magical realism short that uncovers the sacrifices people make to take control of their lives and the evil that lurks in the darkness of desperation.”

A smattering of research reveals that Mab is one of the moons of Uranus and/or a fairy in Shakespeare’s play Romeo and Juliet. Or it could mean “multi-armed bandit.” (A reference to a criminal octopus, perhaps?) However you cast it, this one’s gonna be a rough sell to Mab Darogan, a figure of Welsh legend.

Jurassic World — Fallen Kingdom

JURASSIC WORLD – FALLEN KINGDOM (June 22, 2018)
“With all of the wonder, adventure and thrills synonymous with one of the most popular and successful franchises in cinema history, this all-new motion-picture event sees the return of favorite characters and dinosaurs along with new breeds more awe-inspiring and terrifying than ever before.”

The first official poster for the Flintstones of the Future. So yeah, more unleashed dinosaurs. Have to say, I did like the Mosasaurus, that badass swimming pool dinosaur in Jurassic World (2015). The pool rules were simple: you cannonball in and you don’t cannonball out.

Russian Aquaman

Posted in Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 2, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Amphibian Man

Amphibian Man breathes water, thanks to defective land lungs being replaced in part by gills from a shark. He frolics in the sea and wears a super sparkled disco wet-suit with a dorsal fin, dorsal hat and flippers the size of Flipper, that smartass talking dolphin. The easily freaked local fishermen/pearl divers call him Devil Fish. And headline sightings of this “devil fish” sell a LOT of newspapers. Sigh, If they only knew it was just a young guy in a shiny bathing suit.

Amphibian Man

A super mean rich guy hires the rags dressed locals to dive for pearls. And he wants to marry Guttiere, the super hot daughter of one of the poorest (and oldest) freestyle divers. She doesn’t want the nuptials to happen and dives off a huge sailboat to get away from him. A shark comes after her, but Amphibian Man (land name Ichthyander) guts the shark and rescues the almost drowned girl and falls in love with her wetness,

Amphibian Man

This drives him out of the water to walk among the shore breathers. He roams the Argentinian seaside town looking for her, drawing unwanted attention for his fishy ways, at one point hiding in a water truck spraying the streets. (Quite clever.) But love drives him on.

Amphibian Man

Meanwhile, his adopted dad, a rich scientists who outfitted the boy’s lifestyle with sea lungs, is trying to find him. Time’s running out as the boy needs the snort a few lines of sea water in order to live. Through a series of chase scenes and the mean rich guy attempting to capture this man-fish, the boy meets the girl and wants to snorkel in her sea grotto. But she just got married and her oyster bed is closed for the season.

Amphibian Man

Ultimately, sea boy and dad are arrested and they throw the kid in a barrel of polluted water. (It was brown and yellow. One guess as to what the prison barrel was/is/will be used for.) This damaged his lungs and he must return to the sea, never to surface again. Too bad — Guttiere came to her senses and has now developed a taste for fish ‘n chips.

Amphibian Man

Amphibian Man is a 1962 Russian film shot in Argentina with English overdubs. Of its many confusing highlights, there’s a scene where two men do a flamenco dance together. Looked like they were stomping on fire ants. I must learn those moves. At any rate, Amphibian Man is a fun yet odd take on the Romeo and Juliet theme. With sharks. And sparkles.