Archive for rocket

Family Astronauts, Alien Bigfoot, Time-Traveling Sharks

Posted in Aliens, Bigfoot, Evil, Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, TV Vixens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 22, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Lost In Space

Everything old is new again. Except me. I’m speaking, of course, about the Lost in Space series re-boot on Netflix™, premiering on April 13, 2018. And to that, I say coolness.

Lost In Space

I watched the 1966-1968 TV series on YouTube™ before they got their rocket boosters spanked for violating the space/time continuum (and copyright laws). And while the weekly adventures of a family “lost in space” inside a giant UFO (it even came with a talking robot and bubble tractor van) was cheesy beyond belief, it was ALWAYS entertaining.

Lost In Space

On that note: my fav episode was when a giant cyclops alien Bigfoot threw boulder rock stones at their bubble tractor van. It was so awesome, they made it into a hobby model kit. I would like one right now, please.

Lost In Space

Then there was the 1998 movie adaptation. It was inept in all the wrong places, but it did feature super hottie Heather Graham, who, while out of this world attractive, never once answered any of my Earth transmissions inquiring as to any space-y romance opportunities.

Heather Graham

So while you wait for the new series to premier in April and I wait by my ham radio for any signal back from Heather Graham from the outer reaches of space (and my affectionate tentacles), here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not leave you lost — in space or otherwise…

Devil's Acid

DEVIL’S ACID (available now)
“A father tells an inappropriate bedtime story about a wealthy man named Johnny who holds a ‘Haunted Hot Girl Challenge’ every year in a quest to sleep with as many women as possible. Things get out of hand this year when Johnny and the participants take a potent strain of acid in an abandoned prison. Everything is going as planned until the Devil shows up to settle an old score.”

The plot couldn’t be more untimely. Women have had enough of men and their panty-slobbering ways, so to imply a date rape drug party is just asking to have your man card revoked in the form of a black eye, metaphorically and physically. And to do all of this in an abandoned prison? I’m thinkin’ not a very sanitary sanitarium.

BLOODLANDS (available now)
“A dark fairytale following an isolated family wrestling with old traditions in modern Albania. They’ve all heard rumors of a witch lurking in the mountains with her mysterious clan but none dared to believe it. The family must come together and unite when the witch declares a blood feud against them.”

You do NOT wanna mess with witches, man — they can make brew soup that’ll ruin the inside of your soul pants. And those brooms? They’re capable of sweeping destruction. Heh.

Sharknado

SHARKNADO 6 (July 25, 2018)
“Fin unlocks the time-traveling power of the Sharknados in order to save the world and resurrect his family. In his quest, Fin fights Nazis, dinosaurs, knights, and even takes a ride on Noah’s Ark. This time, it’s not how to stop the Sharknados, it’s when.”

Yeesh — talk about punching a punchline so far into the ground, it’s coming out the other side of the planet. FYI: I checked — the exact opposite side of the world from Los Angeles (where movies like this are made) is in the middle of the Indian Ocean. Maybe that’s where sharknados park their fins and socialize.

Involution

INVOLUTION (2018)
“The film takes place in a future that’s reality is a far cry from the one we live in today. The Earth has been sent out of control, affected by a cruel and inhuman mechanism that turns back Darwin’s theory of Evolution.”

They, of course, are referring to beer. It’s fun to watch people turn into thick-headed Neanderthals after drinking too much of it. Myself included.

Bat Ticker, Lighthouse Ghosts, Horror Hillbillies

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 19, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Batman

If you hate super villains and hate being late, you can solve both problems by picking up a limited edition Batman-themed watch.

Designed by watchmaker Romain-Jerome, this must-have timepiece features a glowing Bat-Signal and a meticulous reproduction of a map of Gotham City cut into the rear sapphire glass. Powie! R-J also makes other Batman themed watches including the DNA, which is described as being “a denser, more Dark-Knight-style timepiece.”

Batman

There’s a few things you should know about this watch: It’s production is limited to 75 and costs $19,500. I’d buy it (with a post-dated check), but I’m used to wasting time, not keeping track of it.

While you’re thinking about hitting up Bruce Wayne for a down payment on the watch, here are a few just-released and upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not punch your clock…

Lighthouse Keeper

LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER (available now)
“Marooned on a remote peninsula and haunted by frightening specters, a young man must confront the grotesque denizens of the night, or heed the Lighthouse Keeper’s cryptic warning to, ‘Always keep a light burning!’”

This one’s based on the 1849 Edgar Allen Poe story, “The Light-House.” Didn’t know they had books back then. (I have a TV like normal people.) Lighthouse Keeper features ghosts and maybe a transparent clam or two, but no octopus creatures, which Poe sometimes favored (i.e., Cthulhu). The special effects are cheesy enough as to be the snacks you’d eat while watching it.

B.R.A.I.N.S.

B.R.A.I.N.S. (available now/MidnightPix.com)
“It is October 5, 1957 and with the Soviet launch of Sputnik-1, The Space Race has begun. Rogue Air Force General Frank Chapman is determined to establish a military base on the Moon before the Russians. Using Nazi mad science, headed by Dr. Werner Brandt, General Chapman has outfitted a modified German V-2 rocket with a nosecone capsule just large enough for a human head. The cephalic pilot will guide the rocket on a one-way lunar mission — beating the Commies to the Moon!”

A space head flying a rocket to the moon. There is nothing about this I do not like. B.R.A.I.N.S. is also said to include from some of the greatest cult genre movies ever, like 1962’s The Brain That Wouldn’t Die (another talking head movie) and The Last Man On Earth (1964). Could it be any more awesome?

Kyrsya: Tuftland

KYRSYÄ: TUFTLAND (2018)
“Balancing between a failed relationship, uninspiring studies and financial problems, headstrong student Irina finds herself stuck in the modern rat race. To overcome her problems she decides to accept an unusual summer job offer at the secluded and self sufficient village of Kyrsyä. As Irina begins to get a grip of herself in the middle of the endless Finnish forest, the supposedly harmless hillbillies begin to reveal their true nature.”

Hillbillies, even Finnish ones, are the furthest thing from harmless as you can get. These mountain hippies all look like ZZ Top, drink booze made out of homemade gasoline and have personal hygiene that would make Bigfoot’s eyes water. Warning: All hillbillies are accompanied by banjo music.

Down A Dark Hall

DOWN A DARK HALL (2017/2018)
“Kit Gordy, a new student at the exclusive Blackwood Boarding School, confronts the institution’s supernatural occurrences and dark powers of its headmistress.”

A boarding school with supernatural occurrences and a headmistress with dark powers? Man, that sounds familiar. Can’t quite put my finger on it, so I’ll ponder while watching a Harry Potter movie.

P.S. No movie poster yet, so I used the book cover from author Lois Duncan, whose best-selling book this movie is adapated from. You’re quite welcome, Lois.

No Fizzle In This Missile

Posted in Aliens, Godzilla, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 21, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Lost Missile1958’s The Lost Missile is categorized as a sci-fi movie, but it’s kinda sorta not really. For one thing missiles – lost or not – are pretty much fact. (What do you think we’ve been shooting at Godzilla for the last 60+ years – milkshake straw wrapper spitwads?) Secondly, there’s no uninvited space alien or laser guns to show said party-crashing extraterrestrial the door. Matters not – The Lost Missile is a gripping moment-by-moment flick with battle-ready military, explode-y bombs, real estate damage, and more importantly, panicking.

The Lost Missile

So this unidentified missile — about the size of a vertical submarine — is zooming through space, aimed STRAIGHT AT EARTH. Dang – of all the flippin’ planets out there, it had to choose us. Wanting to show off their military superiority, a nation on the other side of the world (they don’t say who, but I’m looking in your direction outer Mongolia) shoots a rocket (or “missile”) at it. Nice move – they only succeeded in diverting the runaway weapon right into our atmosphere. And I say “our” because it’s heading straight for New York by way of Canada.

The Lost Missile

What follows next is pretty exciting, even though 90.3% of the movie is built around stock Civil Defense footage showing people evacuating the city by heading into bomb shelters, movie theaters, basements and apocalypse-proof hall closets. (It should be noted that doomsday’rs head straight for the bars.)

The Lost Missile

Thankfully, a scientist and his science fiancée (or would that be “sciencée”?) have been working on a hydrogen warhead in-between practicing for their honeymoon. The plan is to stick it in a ready-to-launch rocket and shoot it at the missile, thereby blasting it into nuclear fallout particles/morsels to rain harmlessly down upon our breathable faces/lungs.

The Lost Missile

Lots of exciting footage of real Air Force jets ineffectively firing missiles at the lost missile, which is wreaking Rodan-like destruction in its low-atmosphere trek around the world. Yeah, they gotta fluff the pillows with taut apprehension as it liberally applies to school kids, countdowns, relationship-y stuff. But even with the weapons of mass distraction, The Lost Missile brings home the excitement groceries.