Archive for Right At Your Door

Wipe Your Feet On The Hazmat

Posted in Misc. Horror, Science Fiction with tags , , , , on July 31, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Right At Your Door

Terrorists set off dirty stink bombs over a busy downtown Los Angeles. How anyone could tell the difference is beyond me. The fallout of the explosives leaves the normally smog-thickened skies even grayer than usual, with a toxin that gently covers the city and neighborhoods in a snow-like ash. Breathe it and you’ll die a slow choking death during the course of several days. I could live with that. 

Right At Your Door

Brad, a married but unemployed musician (i.e. “hippie”), watched all this action on TV, and tries to get into the city to find his wife. The cops are blocking everyone’s attempts to breach the blockade with deadly force (i.e., tax-payer bullets). The news broadcasts tell everyone to stay inside and to cover up all the windows, doors, pet holes and any other means for the stink air to get in. Brad, though, is frantic to get to his wife. He should be—she pays the bills.

Right At Your Door

Just when he’s about to go postal, Lexi (his wife) shows up, coughing and spitting up and begging to be let in. And here’s where the whole thing hits the gas with both feet. He won’t let her in because she’s infected. Snap! Sure, he doesn’t want to do this, but he doesn’t want to die from her germs, either. Apparently all those “til death do us part” wedding vows were just meatloaf filler. He has her stay out on the back porch away from the city’s hazmat team systematically working its way through each neighborhood, looking to “round up” the infected.

Right At Your Door

She and a little kid make for the local hospital since Brad is being a total butt and won’t let them in. After she leaves, the hazmat crew show up on his doorstep and has a nice little conversation filtered through a shower curtain: Has he been in physical contact with any one infected? Is the house secure? Does he have any deodorant, as the house is topping 100 degrees (it is L.A. in the middle of summer after all) and is he stinking up the place? Yes to all of the above.

Right At Your Door

The hazmat team staple a red tag on his door, but won’t tell him what it means. Then his wife shows up, telling him the hospital is a war zone. Many farewell phone calls are made to family members, a lot of crying, a lot of “not feeling so fresh.” Just when you think Brad and Lexi’s day couldn’t get any worse, the authorities come round and toss her into a confinement vehicle. It’s here where we find out what the red tag on Brad’s door means — and it’s a real pant-twister.

Right At Your Door

Right At Your Door (2006) is one of those rare “homeland horror” movies that uses zero special effects and turns up the tension with frantic, situational dialogue and static news broadcasts. But Brad’s gonna have to re-think his infection risks if he doesn’t want to end up sleeping on the couch the rest of his married life.

Horror Magazines, Holiday Demons, Hellish Drugs

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 17, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Fangoria

Was talking to a horror movie friend of mine in a bar (or as I like to call it, spin class), and ruminating over the demise of the globally prominent Fangoria horror movie magazine, which started in 1979 and ended abruptly went down the porcelain library a few years ago. They did, however, keep the website going. Meh.

Imagine me doing a faceplant as it was just announced Fangoria, under new ownership, will fire up the printers once again. What are the odds?

Fangoria

From the press release…

Cinestate, the Texas-based entertainment company, has acquired all the assets and trademarks of the Fangoria brand, which includes the magazine. Also, Tony Timpone and Michael Gingold are set to return with their columns as well as consult the company going forward. Thanks to a new investment, a new Editor-in-Chief, and a new Publisher, the world’s highest-profile horror movie magazine is reemerging as a collectible quarterly with the first issue set to drop this fall in time for Halloween (2018)”.

Fangoria

It should be somehow noted that on December 5, 2007, a warehouse in Oregon, Illinois, which contained all back issues of Fangoria and Starlog magazines, was fired by fire. It’s common knowledge that back issues of Fangoria are not re-printed. This is good news for me as I own the entire collection (except for a few of the last few issues), all (over 300) kept in plastic with cardboard backing and stored in those cool comic book boxes. I’ll start the bidding at $1,000 — and you pay for shipping. Or come over with your checkbook, a van or front-loader, and a sixer of tall boys to seal the deal.

Fangoria

Not sure how a quarterly publication schedule is gonna be relevant in today’s digital second-by-second breaking horror news atmospheric conditions, though. The news would be as old as me by the time it comes out. But hey, with legacy editors on board, put me in the game, coach.

Fangoria

So while we wait for Fangoria’s obstetrician to arrive on scene, here’s some second-by-second breaking news about upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may belong in the porcelain library…

Await Further Instructions

AWAIT FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS (2018)
“The Milgram family, who have gathered to celebrate Christmas, find a mysterious black substance has surrounded their house. Something monumental is clearly happening right outside their door, but what exactly? An industrial accident, a terrorist attack, nuclear war? Descending into terrified arguments, they turn on the television, desperate for any information. On screen, a message glows ominously: ‘Stay Indoors and Await Further Instructions”.

Ewww! — black stuff on your yard at Christmas? Is that the new coal for a year’s worth of suspect behavioral patterns, or was Santa eating gas station burritos again? Either way, this movie echoes 2006’s Right At Your Door, wherein toxic ash snows down upon your ash hole and guys in hazmat suits show up to seal you inside your blackend house with plastic tarp and all-purpose duct tape. (Is there anything that tape can’t do?) Hazmat suits are kinda neat.

All The Creatures Were Stirring

ALL THE CREATURES WERE STIRRING (2018)
“When an awkward date on Christmas Eve leads a couple into a strange theater, they’re treated to a bizarre and frightening collection of Christmas stories, featuring a wide ensemble of characters doing their best to avoid the horrors of the holidays. From boring office parties and last-minute shopping to vengeful stalkers and immortal demons, there’s plenty out there to fear this holiday season.”

Either a bit late or way too early in the year for holiday movies. But hey, when isn’t it a good time to celebrate the birth of Santa Claus, our commander in chief?

White Chamber

WHITE CHAMBER (2018)
“The United Kingdom. Soon. Civil war rages. A woman wakes up in a blindingly white cuboid cell. Using its sophisticated functionality, her captor tortures her for information she claims not to have — or does she?”

Sounds a bit like Cube (1997), except those “rooms” weren’t white. In fact, they looked like they were painted in nice metal-flavored hues. Instead of windows, though, each room in this gigantic Rubik’s Cube™was a trap so deadly, you could end up deadly dead. Hope that doesn’t happen to the nice woman in the blindingly white cuboid cell. I vote we give her sunglasses and a couple of magazines.

Discarnate

DISCARNATE (2018/2019)
“A neuroscientist’s obsession with a drug that expands the human mind inadvertently unleashes a deadly supernatural force on his team.”

Gotta say —nifty movie poster. The monster looks like some sort of evil Christmas tree on which to hang tinsel and/or fully anatomically detailed gingerbread men/women cookies. As for the drug that expands the human mind, look no further than the pleasingly arranged coolers at 7-Eleven™. More so if the store clerk is wearing a lab coat.