Archive for Return of the Blind Dead

Return of the Evil Dead

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 27, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Return of the Evil Dead

The second in four installments of the Spanish Blind Dead series, Return of the Evil Dead (aka, Return of the Blind Dead, Attack of the Blind Dead, El Ataque de los Muertos Sin Ojos/1973) begins with villagers way angry that the Templar Knights (yeah, those guys again) have been sacrificing the locals and drinking their Bloodweiser™.

Return of the Evil Dead

Rounded up to be burned alive, the head heretic vows revenge from the grave. (Wouldn’t you? I thought as much.) The villagers use their torches to burn out the knight’s eyes so they can’t find their way back to the village to revenge them in the future. Then they bury the bodies in cement crypts — in the local graveyard. Nice going, asshats; you’ve f’d your descendants in the b-hole.

Return of the Evil Dead

Five hundred years later it’s the Roasting of the Heathens Centennial BBQ & Box Social, with the whole hamlet turning out to drink, dance and rhythmic hand clap as symbolic Templar dummies are ceremoniously torched. But wasn’t this the very same day the Knights were prophesied to return from the dead for retribution purposes? Somebody forgot to check their iCalendar™.

Return of the Evil Dead

The celebration is a bust when the Knights show up to stab everyone in the eyes. Escape attempts are pitiful, which is suspect; The Knights move about as fast as Templar Slugs going uphill, and yet no one seems to outrun them. But wait, the church has a holy blow torch and a bottle of sacrament gasoline next to the storage room full of unused bibles. All praise makeshift weaponry.

Return of the Evil Dead

A few bare boobies, some blood, a sliced head and arm. If anyone had read the Templar Knight instructions, all they had to do was wait until the sun came up, then those shrouded bad boys would go happily back to their graves for another 500 years. But people would rather swing torches around than use common sense when dealing with the vengeful undead.

P.S. This use of the extended noun phrase “the evil dead” predated The Evil Dead (1981) by EIGHT WHOLE YEARS! And you didn’t think you were gonna learn anything new this day.

Pirate Zombies

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 28, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Zombie Pirates

Zombie pirates or, “pirate zombies,” are not exactly new to the horror genre. If what few remaining brain cells serve me correctly (and why wouldn’t they – I let them live), a recent example would be the cursed pirate zombies in the ba-jillion dollar Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. Then there was Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter’s Cove (2005), which featured a ghost pirate zombie. There were more, but like I said, limited brain cell resources.

So Zombie Pirates, releasing January 21, 2014, carries on in the fine tradition of swashbuckling, swording, stabbing and, presumably, a treasure chest full of flesh-eating.

Zombie Pirates

What to expect: “A dangerous young woman offers up human sacrifices to a ghost ship of the dead in return for an ancient treasure. When she comes up one sacrifice short, her zombie masters exact their bloody revenge in this gory tribute to Spain’s popular Blind Dead Euro Horror series.”

Night of the Seagulls

A little obscure reference, but the Blind Dead series is an excellent inspirational source, i.e., Tombs of the Blind Dead (1971), Return of the Blind Dead (1973), The Ghost Galleon (1974), Night of the Seagulls (1975). In fact, I pattern my own moral stance on seagulls.

So we’re promised a dangerous young woman, human sacrifice, a ghost ship that may or may not have proper running lights, taxable ancient treasure, zombie masters (i.e., Republicans) and gory bloody revenge, the best kind of all reprisals.

P.S. Seagulls rock.