Archive for Reincarnation

Real X-Files, Angels & Zombies, Future Grrrls

Posted in Aliens, Bigfoot, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Sharks, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 15, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Art Bell

Sad to report the April 13, 2018 passing of Art Bell, 72, one of the paranormal’s iconic advocates. Host of the globally-popular Coast To Coast AM late night radio show for twenty years, Art’s show was a seriously presented forum for all things paranormal, demonic, ghostly, cryptid, crop circle-y and all around monsterific. And while Art’s charismatic deep voice and dry delivery wasn’t enough, his callers’ supernatural stories and UFO sightings were the stuff custom made for ratings.

Art Bell

So popular was his radio show, he was syndicated in 500 markets in the U.S. and Canada. (Canada, by the way, is where all things paranormal were born, no doubt fueled by Moosehead beer.) Radio DJ Alan Stock described Art’s show as being “like a Disneyland for sci-fi.” Coast To Coast AM still broadcasts with the super cool George Noory at the mic. (He also regularly appears on the History Channel’s Ancient Aliens.)

Art Bell

So here’s to you, Art Bell — thank you for being the legendary voice for the real X-Files. And while you can hear archived shows on YouTube™, here are a few just released and upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that might’ve been right at home on Coast To Coast AM…. 

AVZ: Angels Vs. Zombies

AVZ: ANGELS VS. ZOMBIES (available now)
“At the end of days seven archangels arrive to deliver us from evil. Get ready for the resurrection, the dead will rise.”

Never understood the term “archangel.” Does that mean they have osteoporosis? So angels doing battle with zombies. Seems like everybody wants to take a swing at the undead these days. Heck, God’s delivery sycophants have battled everything from Bigfoot to aliens to even other angels. (Angels are like the Amazon Prime™ of religion.) be double awesome if someone would come up with AVS: Angels vs. Sharktopus.

Along With The Gods

ALONG WITH THE GODS: THE TWO WORLDS (available now)
Ja-hong, a firefighter, is taken to the afterlife by three guardians, where only after passing seven trials and proving he lived a noble life will he be able to reincarnate.”

Guess if firefighter Ja-hong is in the afterlife, he must not have been that good at his day job. And who wants to reincarnate? Being back on this toilet Earth is the last place I’d wanna return policy. Except my favorite bar, which I coincidentally call “the afterlife.”

House on Elm Lake

HOUSE ON ELM LAKE (available now)
“A couple and their young daughter move into a lake house that remained unsold due to the brutal, ritualistic murder of a family years ago. Soon, they realize that a dormant evil has awakened, a possessive force that has preyed on unsuspecting families like theirs for centuries.”

A house on Elm Lake? Is this Freddy Krueger’s Airbnb™? If I was dormant evil and lived on a lake, I’d wake up, goon out a few ducks and make splishy splash happen. And I’d do it in a Speedo™, you know, just to up the horror factor.

Future World

FUTURE WORLD (May 25, 2018)
“Inside a desert oasis, a queen lays dying as her son Prince travels across barren waste lands to find a near-mythical medicine to save her life. After evading violent raiders on motorbikes led by the Warlord and his enforcer, Prince meets Ash, the Warlord’s robot sex companion-assassin who’s in search of her own soul. As Prince is captured by the Druglord, the Warlord’s forces roar in — and Prince fights to save the remnants of humanity.”

The trailer makes this look like a Road Warrior (1981) knock-off, but with lots more riot grrrls. Maybe they should call it Mad Maxine. The drool-worthy Milla Jovovich stars and still looks a sexy fresh as she did in the Resident Evil (2002) six-movie franchise, where she got more attractive with each consecutive sequel. I bet she eats a lot of preservatives. Heh.

Swappin’ Spit With Mummy

Posted in Evil, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 15, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Mummy's KIss

Four Centuries ago Princess Ankahnten — that saucy little minx with fewer morals than me — was mummified for showing her boobs and other stuff involving nakedness. Good thing they moved her top-heavy corpse to Los Angeles where all those supermodels walk the Earth so she can lick up, uh, pick up where she left off.

The Mummy's Kiss

You see, the Egyptian Sorceress was given a Texas funeral for dabbling in forbidden pleasures of the booty. This was 3,000 years ago, well before the booty was invented. So you can see why it was deemed illegal.

The Mummy's Kiss

Now, reincarnated through the satanic forces of special effects, the oddly undecomposed (yet hot) Princess Ankahnten is trying to track down the reincarnation of her lost love — a personal comfort device. Um, I mean, ex-girlfriend. Same thing, I suppose.

The Mummy's Kiss

Connect the dots from there. After a while it all gets boring, but be careful not to get lube all over the remote.

Mechanics vs. Mexican Preserves

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 15, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy

The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy (aka, La Momia Azteca Contra el Robot Humano/1958). Great title. Not so great movie. Once everyone discovered the gold breastplate on the Aztec mummy was real, then everybody, including the predictably evil Dr. Krupp (aka, “The Bat”) wants some ’o that booty.

The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy

The professors who first violated the tomb got a wake-up call when the mummy woke up. They got away the first time, but came back with pretty much the same results, minus one professor. Turns out the mummy only gets p*ssed and starts walking like an Egyptian if someone tries stealing his stash.

The Robot vs. the Aztec MummyDr. Krupp’s plan is to build a human-faced giant robot (eight-feet tall, not counting the high heels) to grab the gold and pound the mummy into a pile of dusty gauze. That doesn’t quite go according to plan.

The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy

At least there was some action in this otherwise mostly narrated and plodding tale of reincarnation (the professor’s easily hypnotized wife is the spitting image of the mummy’s ex), greed, and power gone awry. The robot was kinda neat, though.

Reincarnation – Been There, Done That

Posted in Asian Horror, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 16, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Reincarnation

For reasons known only to the movie producers, a college professor – on vacation with his wife and two kids – stays at a hotel with fresh towels and ends up murdering his family, some of the guests, the concierge, the bellhop and himself. Yeah, I thought of The Shining (1980), too. But since this is a Japanese horror film and it jumps around like a frog on trampoline lily pads, you don’t really know what the heck is going on.

Reincarnation

A young movie actress gets the role in a movie being made about the motel massacre. She starts seeing mind flashes of the slaughtered victims and it freaks her out. (I see stuff like that, too, but chalk it up to binge drinking.)

Reincarnation

Toward the end of this really s-l-o-w moving flick, the dead come back to life and shuffle around and bleed on the floor. How thoughtless. Nobody can see any of this except the acting chick, who eventually goes mad and gets thrown in a loony bin. Now her worse problem is whether or not she can find shoes to match her straightjacket. The one bright spot is a demon dolly that talks and makes a really cool evil face.

Reincarnation

Ultimately, Reincarnation (2005) is a yawner by any standard. And that’s saying a lot because my standards are remarkably low.