Archive for redneck

Boar Gore

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 4, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Boar

You know how when you’re sitting in a bar having an excessive amount of refreshing adult beverages and talking to the hobo next to you, and the topic inevitably turns to giant razorbacks rampaging around the Australian Outback and eating people? Order another drink because a movie is being made with that same subject matter.

Boar

Boar, releasing in 2016, is the bloody and violent (i.e., heartwarming) story of a monstrous razorback with jagged tusks eating people. Yeah, it’s been done many times before (Razorback/1984, Pig Hunt/2008, Chaw/2009, Prey/2010, Hogzilla/2014), but infrequent enough to warrant another romp and chomp.

Boar

Here’s what will boar us: “In the harsh, yet beautiful Australian outback lives a beast, an animal of staggering size, with a ruthless, driving need for blood and destruction. It cares for none, defends its territory with brutal force, and kills with a raw, animalistic savagery unlike any have seen before. Believed nothing more than a myth, a legend brought to life by a drunken local, the beast ventures closer to civilization, closer to life, and ultimately, closer to death. It’s brutal, it’s bloodthirsty, it’s boar.”

Boar

What makes giant hog horror movies so compelling is the creatures really exist, with some weighing in excess of 1,000 pounds. That’s a lot of breakfast makin’s. Best to stay away from these ferocious beasts and let drunk redneck hunters with machine guns put ’em on the plate for us.

Zombie Croc: Reanimated Reptile

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Scream Queens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 25, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Zombie Croc

In horror movies, crocodiles, or “alligators,” have been super-sized, mechanized and man-made to terrorize for our viewing pleasure. But when was the last time you saw a walking dead gator? Now you can with the release of Zombie Croc, billing itself as 35 feet of undead reptilian terror. Only thing missing is some drunk rednecks with shotguns and…oh, wait…

Zombie Croc

The best way to bring a crocodile back from the dead is with voodoo. I know what you’re thinking; what about a space virus or secret government/military powdered gas or sweet refreshing pollution? Those things cost money. Voodoo is practically free – just yammer out a bunch of nonsensical curse words, shake some bones (not your own, you pervs), and get this party started.

Zombie Croc

Speaking of parties, the voodoo-risen zombie croc crashes a birthday party and chomps down all the screaming desserts. Earlier he ate a clown hired to perform at said box social. He said the clown tasted funny. (Heh.)

Zombie Croc

Zombie Croc (also listed as A Zombie Croc as well – not sure why) was screened in July of 2015 at a party I wasn’t invited to. (That’s ok; I sent zombie croc in my place.) When will ZC be commercially released to fulfill your low-budget horror comedy needs? Dunno. Their movie’s Facebook™ page is as weak as the storyline.

Classic ’70s Sleaze Horror

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Scream Queens, Slashers, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 9, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Eaten Alive

Hard to come up with a horror movie title more tantalizing than 1977’s Eaten Alive. Oh sure they tried, even by re-titling this Seventies lurid gem: Death Trap, Horror Hotel and Starlight Slaughter. Meh. Eaten Alive tells you everything you need to know.

And this is why it’s so cool Eaten Alive is being re-issued on Blu-ray™ with a metric ton of extras sometime in July, 2015. So why all this fuss over a low budget sleazy horror movie that barely made it to the drive-in big screens and was left collecting dust in VHS discount bins?

Eaten Alive

First, look who was involved with this thing: Tobe Hooper directed and did the soundtrack. You may remember him as the director from another forgotten little movie called The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974). Then there was a starring role from Caroline Jones, widely known as Morticia from The Addams Family cult TV series (1964 – 1966) playing a brothel owner. And who is that shirtless redneck hick trying to score with a hooker? None other than Freddy Krueger himself – Robert England. Marilyn Burns, who played the endlessly screaming survivor in The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, stars as an unhappy wife. How can you ever be happy after being tormented by a chain saw?

Eaten Alive

Eaten Alive has it all – a war-damaged scuzzy hotel owner, some bare boobies, some gory deaths by way of a scythe, and a GIANT CROCODILE. Set in the Louisiana swamp backwoods, Judd, the hotel proprietor, has loose noodles for brains and keeps the aforementioned GIANT CROCODILE as a pet in the stink pond the hotel (more like a shack with several rooms) ’round back. Throw in a beleaguered prostitute, a feisty redneck, some guests who shouldn’t really be there and the GIANT CROCODILE that eats you alive, you have a movie that practically writes itself.

Eaten Alive

The re-issued Eaten Alive contains so many extras, it would take me away from watching my UFO stories on YouTube™ to list ’em all here. Of the plethora of bonus stuff, I’m visibly shocked they didn’t have an interview with the GIANT CROCODILE itself, reminiscing about what Freddy Krueger tastes like. Then again, it’s not polite to talk with your mouth full.