Archive for red kryptonite

Superhero Facial Hair, Alien Robots, Criminal Comets

Posted in Aliens, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 29, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Supergirl

My TV superhero watching guilty pleasures include Arrow, The Flash, Gotham, Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, Daredevil, The Punisher, Luke Cage, Iron Fist (just barely) and Jessica Jones. But it’s Supergirl on The CW that, while targeting young teen girls, is hilarious enough to keep me all giggly during its three seasons.

Supergirl

Favorite moments include Supergirl getting drunk (“I feel…float-y…but I’m not floating…”), excitedly meeting the President (original Wonder Woman star, Lynda Carter) for the first time: “Should I get a blow-out?”, Karaoke rapping (she’s actually not half bad, though rap music in general sucks red kryptonite) and eating glazed pastry after glazed pastry in a diner as her alter-ego, Kara Danvers. (Waitress: “How can you eat all this day after day and not gain a pound?” Kara/Supergirl: “I’m an alien.” Comedy gold, I tell you.

Mon-El

But in Season 3, several characters are getting costumes, specifically ex-Supergirl boyfriend Mon-El (he has a cape he uses as a wicked weapon) and apocalyptic nemesis/world killer Reign, whose costume looks like it’d be perfect for cosplay night at the Fetish Fortress in Chinatown, NY. Both are welcome upgrades, though not too crazy about Mon-El’s new hipster beard/mustache. Arrow being the exception to the rule, superheroes in general don’t look superhero-y with facial hair — just ask Superman and his universally-mocked, digitally-erased “Canadian scarf” in Justice League (2017).

Reign

While I go shopping for a new pair of britches I can use as a weapon, here are a few upcoming/just released horror/sci-fi and genre documentaries that may or may not give your fright level a smooth, close-shave…

Kin

KIN (August 31, 2018)
Kin, a pulse-pounding crime thriller with a sci-fi twist, is the story of an unexpected hero destined for greatness. Chased by a vengeful criminal, the feds and a gang of otherworldly soldiers, a recently released ex-con and his adopted younger brother are forced to go on the run with a weapon of mysterious origin as their only protection.

I bet the “weapon of mysterious origins” is a Super Soaker™ filled with pee pee. That should pretty much stop anybody, even otherworldly soldiers. In fact, I hear NASA is building up an arsenal of such weapons just in case Earth is invaded by extraterrestrials. I heard about that on the Internet, so it can’t possibly be wrong.

The Flatwoods Monster: A Legacy of Fear

THE FLATWOODS MONSTER: A LEGACY OF FEAR (available now)
“This documentary that unlocks a decades-old mystery that included a government-ordered military examination of a purported alien crash-site, and multiple UFOs seen by countless residents of Braxton County, WV. In September of 1952 hundreds of people across the United States witnessed glowing objects streak across the skies over much of the Eastern Seaboard. One of the objects in question was seen to land on a hill near the small community of Flatwoods, West Virginia by a group of children. The children and two adults made a journey to the top of the hill to search for the object but instead found themselves face to face with a thirteen-foot tall mechanical monster.”

I’ve seen numerous TRUE documentaries about this “Beverly Spacebilly.” A moment-by-moment recounting of the story on Wikipedia™ tells that when the local sheriff showed up to investigate, he found “two elongated tracks” in the mud. We can only hope aliens, mechanical or otherwise, have enough sense to wipe their tentacles before tracking up a freshly-mopped UFO kitchen floor/deck.

Stone Seeker

 

STONE SEEKER (available now)
“Three soldiers descend into the caves beneath their city to find a fabled stone with powers.”

And there they find members of the Rolling Stones. (Stones with powers — get it? Why I’m not on Comedy Central™ continues to baffle me.)

Garlic and Gunpowder

GARLIC AND GUNPOWDER (available now)
“A comet is on track to destroy the planet — or not, depending on who you talk to. The world’s top 1% aren’t taking any chances and are planning on stashing their gold and valuables in vaults hidden deep in the mountains. A 300-pound female Mob Boss, a Chinese Mafia leader and a couple of Federal agents all have competing plans to pull off what could be the final heist of existence.”

They’re right — the guy selling tainted Romaine lettuce in the grocery store insists a comet will wipe our butts clean. Then there’s the bus stop lady who never gets on the bus who claims the end-of-the-world produce guy is full of E.coli. Either way, the criminals — and I can’t believe I’m saying this — are smart to invest their ill-gotten gains in mountain vaults. Just to be safe, they should tell me where its hidden, so I can help them re-find it if and when the comet comes to cash us out.

Extended Superheroes, Enlarged Chests, Shortened Life Spans

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Sharks, TV Vixens, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 22, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Superman: The Movie

If you were alive back in February of 1982, you got to see Superman: The Movie (1978) play out on ABC over two nights — with an extra 40 minutes (!), previously edited out, completely restored.

If you weren’t alive back in 1982, you’ll get a chance to see all that additional footage — which includes longer looks at Krypton before its destruction, more time in Smallville, even more of John Williams’ iconic soundtrack, and more of Christopher Reeves in action as the Man of Steel — when it gets released on Blu-Ray. When, you ask? Dunno. Sources indicate before the end of 2017, but it could very well be 2018, the year that follows this one,

So 188 minutes of Superman. That’s pretty dang neato. And you can bet your red kryptonite the Blu-Ray will include lots of extras, like commentaries and cape cleaning tips. Until it arrives, you can while away your time on these upcoming/just released horror and sci-fi movies…

Space Boobs In Space

SPACE BOOBS IN SPACE: MILKING THE GALAXY (available now)
Exmin the Valkyrie returns from a deadly mission to find her bounty contains a bizarre program of glittery aliens, a fashion forward swamp monster, a vampire girl gang, and cheesy special effects from the most ridiculous corners of the galaxy.”

There is not one part of Space Boobs In Space’s press release I didn’t like. And I’m dying to find out what a “fashion forward swamp monster” is. Sounds like one of those last call gals at West Seattle Bowl.

Liferaft

LIFERAFT (available now)
“After their boat mysteriously sinks, a group of friends, with no supplies and strange happenings, try to trust each other long enough to survive.”

This one might’ve come out in 2016, but I just found it now, so no party foul on my part. As for the plight of the screaming floatables, this certainly borrows from The Reef (2010). In that one a boat reverse floats and everybody in the water becomes a fresh sheet item on a circling great white shark’s dinner menu. Don’t know if there’s a shark in Liferaft, though. Be cool if there was as the plot seems watered down. Ahem. P.S. I thought Liferaft was two words.

This Book Is Cursed

THIS BOOK IS CURSED (available now)
“After the occurrence at the Old Haney Logging Camp Road the survivor of the incident, Haus is convinced by his girlfriend Lynn to face his fears and return to the place his friends were brutal murdered. Haus has blacked out the event, and Lynn hopes that his memories will return if he confronts his fears. This is a horrible mistake indeed.”

And this is exactly why I never hang out on Old Haney Logging Camp Road. I hear tell of brutal murders and countless wood slivers, to say nothing of finger-shortening saw mishaps and hatchet nicks to the ankles. Better to hang out on Old Bandaged Wound Trail. Not far from what I hear.

Let Her Out

LET HER OUT (October 20, 2017)
“Helen, a bike courier, suffers a traumatic accident. As she recovers, she begins to experience strange episodic-black outs, hallucinations, and night terrors that lead her to discover that she has a tumor, a benign growth that is the remnants of a ‘vanishing twin’ absorbed in utero. Over time, the tumor manifests itself as the dark and demented version of a stranger. As Helen’s emotional and psychological state begins to deteriorate further and further, she begins to act out in psychotic episodes — influenced by her evil twin — making her a danger to herself and her best friend, Molly. It’s only a matter of time before this evil side of Helen will take her over completely.”

Great movie poster. The plot is familiar (I’m looking in your direction The Unborn/2009), but hey, I support possessed bike couriers. They do important work, despite often being absorbed by an in utero evil vanishing twin.

Ghost Tenants, Social Media Killers, Paranormal Secret Service

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Sharks, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 2, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Justice League

Don’t know why I’m so enamored with all the Justice League key art. Having written about it numerous times, this is the latest poster, FINALLY featuring Supermanwithout a mustache, as been a point of contention in the news lately.

In honor of the cookie duster-less Superman, I have decided to shave my legs. (I can’t seem to grow facial hair — must be some red kryptonite laying around here somewhere, probably under the couch.)

Speaking of personal grooming, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not put hair on your upper lip…

House on Rodeo Gulch

HOUSE ON RODEO GULCH (available now/VOD)
“Uprooted from her childhood home in Texas by her father’s new job, seventeen-year-old Shani Peterson moves to California with her new step-mom, Denise. Their new home, located deep in the redwoods of Central California is a dream come true…until it’s not. With an over friendly Reverend and his alcoholic assistant as their only neighbors, Shani and Denise must unearth the haunting mysteries of the house and its history, before they lose their home, or lives.”

A Reverend and alcoholic assistants? Sounds like my neighborhood. With all that booze floating around, no wonder the place is filled with “spirits”. Heh. Wonder if Denise is single — maybe we could out for a drink since there seems to be a plentiful supply.

Mother

MOTHER! (September 15, 2017)
“A couple’s relationship is tested when uninvited guests arrive at their home, disrupting their tranquil existence.”

Let’s call it what it is — relatives. The gorgeous Jennifer Lawrence is starring in this one. She’s done sci-fi (Passengers/2016), so why not horror?

Tragedy Girls

TRAGEDY GIRLS (2017)
Sadie and McKayla are two social-media obsessed best friends who will stop at nothing to build their online following. The self-titled ‘Tragedy Girls’ kidnap Lowell, an unambitious local serial killer, and force him to mentor them into modern horror legends by committing murders to blow up on the Internet. As the bodies fall, the girls become national news and panic in their small town hits a fever pitch — just then, Lowell escapes! Now with the local Sheriff closing in and their relationship on the rocks, the girls must rethink their plan before they find themselves the latest victims of their own killing spree.

An unambitious serial killer? That’s like saying “peckish great white shark.” As for the social media-obsessed girls, sounds like they won’t be a problem for much longer.

The Rook

THE ROOK (2018)
“A young woman who wakes up in a London park suffering amnesia and surrounded by bodies, all wearing latex gloves. As she attempts to uncover her past and her role as head of Britain’s supernatural secret service, she discovers she has peculiar abilities, all while being pursued by paranormal adversaries.”

This one sounds cool. Heck, put me in — I have latext gloves under the sink, right next to the unused bottle of Pine-sol™ and unopened packages of paranormal adversaries.