Raining Blood, Gotham Farewell, Cursed Rockstars

Of all the cool Pennywise the Dancing Clown swag out there, the Pennywise bleeding umbrella has got to be one of the most awesomely awesome things yet.

A white umbrella sporting Pennywise’s ghoulish face, the weather beater is also printed with “liquid reactive” technology so that when water/rain hits it, the umbrella suddenly comes to life with blood streaks. (I wonder if my underwear is made with liquid reactive technology? That could explain a few things.)

Arriving soon (June, 2019) and licensed by Merchoid, the Pennywise blood umbrella costs only $22.95. I plan on getting one and walking to church in the rain. Yes, my sense of humor is that bent.

While we all pray for rain, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies/TV series that may or may not leave you with red streaks in your underwear…

THE 27 CLUB (April 23, 2019)
“A singer-songwriter chasing fame and a journalism student researching his thesis are drawn into a sinister underworld as each attempts to discover the truth behind the curse of ‘The 27 Club’.”

The 27 Club is an actual term given to rock musicians who died at the age of 27. (Physical death, not Billboard Top 100 chart death.) Members include Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Brian Jones, Kurt Cobain, and Amy Winehouse. Clearly, this is not a club you want to join at any age. P.S. There was another movie with the same title in 2008. Didn’t see it as it the plot description made no mention of dead rockstars.)

GOTHAM (series finale/April 18th & 25, 2019)
“As Bane enacts his final plan for Gotham’s destruction, Gordon rallies his former enemies to save the city. Meanwhile, Nyssa al Ghul kidnaps Barbara’s newborn daughter, with ambitions to raise her as her own. Then, Bruce’s decision to leave Gotham points him to his destiny, while devastating Selina.”

Really hate seeing this one go as Ive been enthusiastically watching it since 2014. Putting all of the main players in the Batman origins universe, this show has been ridiculously brutal, graphically gory, and unapologetically violent. In other words…FUN! The Joker, Riddler, Penguin, Mr. Freeze, Catwoman (Catgirl, actually), Poison Ivy, Bane, Hugo Strange, Ra’s al Ghul, Jim Gordon, Jonathan Crane, The Mad Hatter… Best of all, no Robin. (Sorry, but that guy’s pantyhose makes me feel uncomfortable.)

ANTRUM: THE DEADLIEST MOVIE EVER MADE (2019)
“Antrum is the titular cursed feature, which purports to have been shot in the late 1970s by unknown filmmakers. It spins the tale of two siblings who perform an occult ritual in the woods, seeking closure after the death of a beloved pet. But their seemingly symbolic act may have truly unleashed Hell on Earth.”

When you slap on “The Deadliest Movie Ever Made,” you better bring the groceries, though I’m prepared to be suckered YET AGAIN. On a side note, is it just me or does this kinda sounds like a spin on Pet Sematary (1989/2019)?

TRICK (2019/2020)
“An elusive serial killer descends upon a small town annually and is responsible for gruesome murders year after year, each seemingly unrelated. No one believes this could be the same killer. Detective Denver has faced Trick once before, having shot and killed him. Or so everyone keeps telling him. However, Denver knows Trick is still out there, and he’s coming back for revenge.”

Sounds like the serial killer — and the movie director — has been watching the Purge movies.

Undead Tribute, Get To Know Bigfoot, Death Personified

As hardcore The Walking Dead fans have burned into their iCalendars™, the 100th episode — and season eight AMC™ opener — happens on Sunday, October 22, 20017. (And you thought the total eclipse was worth watching.)

To celebrate/commemorate, TWD episode director/ makeup effects master Greg Nicotero teamed up with his insanity talented KNB FX design team to whip up some tasty tribute posters, all in the style of one of the coolest horror shows ever on TV. Included with the above slick tribute to Alien is zombie/star character homages to Back to the Future, The Thing, Thunderball and The Omega Man. Pretty swear word cool. (You can find them all by following Greg on Instagram™.)

As the countdown to The Walking Dead marches on, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that probably stole their ideas from all of the above…

ZOMBIES (available now/VOD/Limited – October 31, 2017/DVD)
“When the world is in shambles, plagued by a zombie outbreak, only the strong will survive, but just how much determination will it take? Will Luke and his crew have enough ambition and ammunition to outlive the undead?”

The title and plot should tell you how high they set the bar for themselves. This is so stock, it should be sold in grocery stores next to canned soup and frozen TV dinners.

DEATH ON SCENIC DRIVE (September 30, 3017/Hard Line Film Festival/Germany)
“During the cold winter months at a secluded countryside home, a young woman named Larissa encounters an entity that transforms her into Death itself. She reins violence against Dallas Henson and the family that resides there.”

Not sure why this one is being premiered in Germany when it’s Canadian-made. Bloody-Disgusting.com says Death On Scenic Drive is a “Gothic filled with gore, madness, weirdness, satanism and screeching, squelching music.” Sounds just like my upstairs neighbors on any given week night.

DISCOVERING BIGFOOT (October 27, 2017/VOD/Limited)
“What we think we know of human origins and evolution is about to change forever as we discover the truth about a species that has remained elusive by outwitting and evading modern man for decades despite his best efforts. Journey into the heart of Sasquatch Country and experience three incredible days in the field with Bigfoot experts. This unprecedented feature film includes extraordinary never before seen Sasquatch footage that will shock the world. Witness a terrifying altercation between Sasquatch Researcher Todd Standing and three Sasquatch creatures in the wild.”

The trailer for this documentary purports to show “indisputable” photographic/video evidence of Bigfoot, and even go so far as to include a few snippets of said proof. I’m convinced — and you’re talkin’ to a guy who stands in line at the Puyallup Fair to get an autograph and a picture with a guy in a Bigfoot suit handing out hot tub clearance sale flyers. Say what you will about the mythical wood ape — that guy can sell ice cubes to an eskimo.

THE PURGE: ISLAND (July 4, 2018)
“The Purge: Island is a prequel that will focus on the events that lead up to the very first Purge event, an experimental test on Staten Island.”

Cool, but I can’t wait for The Purge: Outer Space. In that one we get carte blanche to go all probe-y on those invasive aliens. They won’t know what violated their swimsuit/spacesuit area. Payback’s a b*tch, space b*tches — ha!