Archive for psycho

Wrecker: Tab-Expired Horror

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 11, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Wrecker

It’s always painful to see Hollywood to run so dry of ideas that they shell out good pocket coupons to produce cheap/cheesy horror like Wrecker (releasing November 6, 2015): “Best friends Emily and Lesley go on a road trip to the desert. When Emily decides to get off the highway and take a ‘short cut,’ they become the target of a relentless and psychotic trucker who forces them to play a deadly game of cat and mouse.”

Wrecker

Not only is Wrecker NOT an original idea with a crappy title, who would pay to see a movie what you can see on a freeway any day of the week?

Duel / The Car

Wrecker’s plot is a direct lift from Stephen Spielberg’s Duel (1971), in which McCloud (or “Dennis Weaver”) is relentlessly pursued across dirty desert back roads by a 18-wheeler driven by a malevolent invisible trucker.

This was mimicked by Elliot Silverstein’s The Car in 1977, in which Amityville Horror’s James Brolin goes up against a possessed black car that “vroom-thump-thumps” anyone brave enough to use a crosswalk in Utah.

Christine / Maximum Overdrive

And picking up the pieces and running with that, who could forget Christine, the 1983 Stephen King horror movie that featured a “body by Chrysler, soul by Satan” ’58 Plymouth Fury that could return to showroom condition after being engulfed in flames and making griddle cakes out of thugs.

Then came Maximum Overdrive (another Stephen King adapted movie) in 1986 that not only turns a huge truck (with Spider-Man’s bestie the Green Goblin’s face on the front grill) into a “devastation wagon,” but anything mechanical that held a grudge against their human slave masters. (Can opener: “Take that, you opposable digit oppressors!”)

Road Train / Blood Car

Let us not forget the Australian Road Train (aka, Road Kill), which came out in 2010. In that one the monster truck is a rolling grindhouse, running on the goop left over after it throws you in the back and food processes you into energy-efficient goop. (They got this idea from 2007’s really funny dark horror comedy, Blood Car.)

Super Hybrid

While we’re on the subject of all things vehicular homicidal, there’s the “destined for the junk yard” Super Hybrid (2010) that had a souped up Prius™-y type hybrid not yielding to the right of way of pedestrians.

Want more? There’s plenty out there – especially on the freeway.

Blubbering: The Horror of Whales

Posted in Classic Horror, Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 5, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

In The Heart of the Sea

Even though it’s universally considered to be an American literature classic, the 1851 Herman Melville novel Moby Dick (or The Whale) was in fact the first “nature strikes back” horror story.

Moby Dick

You had the maniacal, revenge-seeking Captain Ahab, the original slasher (except he wielded a harpoon and not a hockey mask and a machete), relentlessly pursing Moby Dick (a name used by more than one male porn star), a gigantic whale that wrecked Ahab’s Sea-doo™ and bit the crazy captain’s leg clean off. (Reports are sketchy as to whether it was his right or left leg. Maybe it was both.)

Just like Victor Frankenstein psychotically tracking his creationist monster through the Black Sea and meeting up in the Arctic Circle for the ultimate pay-per-view, both stories did not conclude well for Ahab and Victor.

In The Heart of the Sea

So the timeless horror classic is headed for the Imax™ screen in the form of In The Heart of the Sea (releasing December 11, 2015), a movie telling the story that inspired Moby Dick and features Thor (Chris Hemsworth) himself, trading in his Mjölnir (or “hammer”) for a whaler’s harpoon. Not really a spoiler, we kinda already know how this is gonna end up – humans will be recycled as whale poo.

In The Heart of the Sea

Here’s the plot: “In 1820, crewmen aboard the New England vessel Essex face a harrowing battle for survival when a whale of mammoth size and strength attacks with force, crippling their ship and leaving them adrift in the ocean. Pushed to their limits and facing storms, starvation, panic and despair, the survivors must resort to the unthinkable to stay alive.”

In The Heart of the Sea

One can only imagine what the “resorting to the unthinkable” stuff is to stay alive. If it’s anything like Free Willy 3: Packed In Spring Water, I think we all know the gory conclusion.

Bloody Good Punch

Posted in Scream Queens, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 17, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Blood Punch

Blood Punch. Sounds like something you’d drink at a Slayer fondue party. In actuality, it’s a horror movie with some gnarly violent violence. This one dates back to Fall of 2013, but I can’t remember that year, let alone how this blood punch stain got on my shirt. (Must’ve been a crazy good fondue party.)

Blood Punch finally comes out on DVD/VOD September 1st, 2015. Exclusive DVD material includes deleted scenes, outtakes and test footage. Extras seem like padding or “meatloaf filler” to me.

Anyway, here’s the get down: “Blood Punch is a bloody thriller, centered on a murderous love triangle that takes a shocking and grisly supernatural turn. Milton, a brilliant chemistry student breaks out of court-mandated drug rehab with a mysterious bad girl, Skyler.”

Blood Punch

“Looking to recruit a cook for a one-day drug score, she lures him to an isolated cabin with her psychotic and trigger-happy boyfriend Russell. Russell reveals he plans to murder Milton as soon as he is finished cooking the drugs, and their simple love triangle quickly descends into a mind-blowing supernatural cycle of carnage and mayhem with no end…and no escape.”

Drugs are stupid. Beer, or “smart water,” is the only path need taken.

For all intents, Blood Punch is a hit. (Heh.) It won the Dark Matters Award at the Austin Film Festival, it scored Best Director and Best Feature at the Hoboken Film Festival, and has walked with no less than seven additional Audience and Best Feature awards.

P.S. Don’t do drugs.

Serial Killing Spuds

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 8, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Potatohead Jason

How the times haves changed. Just a few decades ago Jason from Friday the 13th (1980) and Freddy from A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) were graphically hacking up kids with razor sharp machetes and razor-fingered gloves. Now, thank to selective pop culture standards, both Jason and Freddy are soon available a Mr. Potato Head toys. Made for kids.

Poptaters™ has announced that they will be releasing both in October 2015 and are priced at $17.99 each via Entertainment Earth.

Potatohead Freddy

The reason I say selective is there have been hundreds of slasher after Jason and Freddy, and none are being made into Potato Heads. This is because the Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th franchises made a LOT of money over the years. Nobody cares about the Driller Killer (1979), who only did about $14 at the box office. Man, that guy was cool – but there was nothing besides his power drill that that screamed, “I, too, could be a potato!”

All of which begs the question – if we’re gonna turn pop culture serial killer psychopaths into toys, why isn’t here a Norman Bates potato head? Or a Michael Myers, Leatherface or a Hannibal Lecter potato head? I think they novelty market is really missing out by not making a comprehensive line of serial killing potato toys. And hey, you can finally hack them up for a change.

Texas Vampires

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 13, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

From Dusk ‘Til Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money

This artery-rippin’ sequel of From Dusk ’Til Dawn (1996) is a pretty cool take on vampires. Since these undead heads are made from Texans, they wear snakeskin boots, drive big black Eldorados and have teeth the size of San Antonio lollipops (jalapeños).

From Dusk ‘Til Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money

A group of poor robbers head south of the border to steal five million dollars (or $53,565,073.88 pesos) from a bank guarded by a minimum wage security employee. Along the way one of the robbers goes into the Titty Twister Club (they still had that cool sign left over from the first movie) and gets bit on the collar area by a bartending vampire. (And no, he wasn’t serving Bloody Marys, though you think he would, you know, just for inside laughs ’n stuff). He then sucks on the rest of his gang. When the cops show up (not realizing it’s their last day on the job), it’s carnage ala’ mode.

From Dusk ‘Til Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money

Killer action (heh), campy gore, clever camera angles, which includes a vampire chomping down on a throat – from the inside point of view from its mouth! Despite the fact there’s only one sex scene (barely showing any boob), it does lead to a shower scene which plays as a nifty tribute to Psycho (1960). All the robbers turn into suckers, except one. If he can last the night, he gets all the cash/pesos/vampire coupons and the keys to the Eldorado.

From Dusk ‘Til Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money

The shoot-out between the cops and neck-suckers that lasts until daybreak is pretty much the Bout to Suck The Blood Out of vampire bloodfests. Why can’t all movies – including romantic comedies – be like From Dusk ‘Til Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money (1999)?

Undead Cinderella

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on March 13, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Cadaverella

Cadaverella (2007) is a trailer park re-telling of Cinderella (1950), with the wicked stepmother being a step-stripper, a ghost dad, a romantic guy in a wheelchair and a voodoo entity that seems like a pretty cool guy. He doesn’t do anything evil; he just creates situations where evil  can hit the fan. I wonder if he has a Facebook™ page?

Cadaverella

Any ol’ way, Cinder is a redhead virgin about to turn 21, where she’s due to inherit a pile of cash from her late father. The step-stripper mother, though, has designs for said cash and hires/beds a tough guy as a “gardener” who is obsessed with having sex with, then killing, Cinder. He does this.

Cadaverella

Cinder, though, with help from the voodoo guy, is resurrected from the beyond and gets a shot at revenge by giving her until midnight to go revengin’. She initially does this topless, which is required by back-from-the-dead law.

Cadaverella

You know how as a kid you’d go around squeezing the brains out of your little brother/sister? That’s what Cinder does to step-mom. And the psycho guy gets his right in the gut bucket.

Cadaverella

Cinder looks like a Wal-Mart™ version of your sister and has really nice shirt stuffers. Before she dies, she gives below-the-equator hand and mouth massages to her wheelchair-bound boyfriend. That is so thoughtful. Oh, and she cusses a lot. Dead or alive, you’ll really want to go out with her. Unless she’s your sister. In which case, eewww!