Archive for Prohibition

Werewolves, Vampires, Demons, Rap

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Vampires, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 29, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Nails

A new batch of upcoming grisly goodies for you to evaluate and possibly pay the filmmaker’s rent by viewing ’em through the looking glass that is your wallet…

NAILS (2017)
“Dana Milgrom, a track coach who, having survived a near-death car accident, finds herself completely paralyzed and trapped inside her own body. While recovering she becomes convinced that an evil presence exists inside her hospital room and is intent on killing her.”

Pffft – the evil presence is the impending medical bill your health insurance won’t cover.

Tank 432

TANK 432 (November 25, 2016 / Limited)
“On the run and with nowhere to hide, a group of soldiers and their two prisoners take cover from a mysterious enemy inside an abandoned military war tank. While they try to keep the forces outside at bay, secrets are uncovered and little do they realize the real enemy is already among them, locked inside Tank 432.”

This one’s been out in the UK since August of 2015. Even so, the press release all but gives away the punchline by pointing out one of the prisoners is a werewolf. Okay, I don’t know for sure he’s a werewolf. But in cases like these, it’s best to just go with werewolf. Works in a lot more real life applications than you’d think.

Raw

RAW (march 10, 2017 / Limited)
“Everyone in Justine’s family is a vet – and a vegetarian. At 16, she’s a brilliant and promising student. When she starts at veterinary school, she enters a decadent, merciless and dangerously seductive world. During the first week of hazing rituals, desperate to fit in whatever the cost, she strays from her family principles when she eats raw meat for the first time. Justine will soon face the terrible and unexpected consequences of her actions when her true self begins to emerge.”

When Animals Dream / Dread

Sounds like a mash-up of Denmark’s When Animals Dream (2014) and Clive Barker’s Dread (2009). As part of its “face your fears” experiment, Dread features a gal who was sexually abused by her father, an employee at a meat packing plant. Not shockingly, she can’t even smell meat being cooked without gooning out.

As a test, she’s involuntarily forced to reconsider her culinary aversion after being locked in a room for days with no food except you know what. She tries to hold out, but as science tells us, room temperature beef has a tendency to go maggot-y and rancid-y when left out. Still, better than whatever Gas-n-Go™ calls a burger these days.

That said, I’m guessing the girl in Raw is either a werewolf or a cannibal or a line chef at Gas-n-Go™. Or a combination thereof.

Evolution

EVOLUTION (November 25, 2016 / Limited)
“A young boy living in a mysterious, isolated seaside clinic uncovers the sinister purposes of his keepers.”

I liked this better when it was called Morgan (2016). P.S. He’s probably a werewolf.

Bloodrunners

BLOODRUNNERS (2017)
“By 1933 Prohibition has proven a booming enterprise, where average citizens break the law, hide in the shadows and operate at night. While shaking down the newest speakeasy in the local underground, corrupt cop Jack Malone and his men uncover a clan of vampires hell bent on taking over the town. Now Chesterfield (Ice-T), an ancient vampire, and his horde must hide their secret at any cost.”

Rap/movie/media superstar Ice-T is pretty dang cool. More so as a vampire. I still think rap music sucks AND blows, though. (Note to rap music fans: There is a cure for your affliction – IRON MAIDEN.)

Historical Monster Hunters

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 25, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Helen Keller vs. The Nightwolves

From Ross Patterson, the guy who brought us FDR: American Badass (2012) now comes Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves (release pending 2015).

FDR: American Badass

In American Badass, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, our 32nd president, ends the Great Depression (good, that thing was depressing), puts a stop to Prohibition (to this day I am thankful) and fights Nazis even though he’s confined to a wheelchair after contracting polio from a werewolf bite. I am all up for re-electing him.

Helen Keller vs. The Nightwolves

In Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves, a group Nightwolves terrorize a tiny village taking people’s hearing and eyesight. Hmm – this sounds like one of those insensitive Helen Keller jokes. (Someone wrote on the movie’s Facebook page about the ad materials: “Will this poster be available with braille?”) Ironically, the movie poster does use braille under the title. Clever, yet kinda tasteless. So yeah, I’m down with it.

Still, I’m intrigued by the idea that a deaf and blind girl, armed only with knives, is able to take on a pack of werewolves and quench her thirst for bloody revenge. (The movie implies that it was the Nightwolves are what originally took away her sight and hearing. Again, not cool to make sport of Helen’s famous handicap. But the douchebag I am finds taste in the tasteless.

Helen Keller vs. The Nightwolves

On that note, I’m making an assumptive leap here; the enemy may not be actual werewolves, but rather non-werewolves. The trailer, which doesn’t reveal much, shows actual wolves roughhousing it up. But why would nature’s gangstas go after your eyes and ears, all the while leaving delicious entrails behind? Real werewolves wouldn’t do that.

I hear Helen Keller sure plays a mean pinball. (I’ll wave to you on my way to Hell.)