Archive for pro wrestler

El Chupacabra vs. The Law

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 27, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Guns of El Chupacabra

Jack B. Quick is a space sheriff, whose job on Earth, is to eliminate that pesky sucker of goats, the legendary Chupacabra. He’ll have his Jack hands full; this Chupacabra is six-feet tall, looks like a cross between a seafood platter entree and Japanese pro wrestler, and is actually the presumably housebroken pet of Lord Invader.

Guns of El Chupacabra

Sent by the Queen Bee and King Allmedia (are you groaning out loud yet?), Jack has to be Quick around the Chupacabra in order to not get his goat blood sucked or admonished by the Queen, whose shirt stuffers are metaphorically the size of orbiting planets.

Guns of El Chupacabra

Jack chases Chupacabra around in his spacecraft, an early model Plymouth. To assist in his quest, he packs a shotgun (easily purchased throughout the galaxy). He also has to slap Lord Invader upside the head for letting his pet go outside his interstellar front yard. And if all of this doesn’t leave you gasping for logic, rocket ranger Dan Danger (now would be another good time to groan audibly) shows up to verbally walk us through this land mine-ridden story line. If Jack B. Quick succeeds, he’ll be knighted. If not, food stamps.

Guns of El Chupacabra

Working on a budget so low, the actors themselves paid for it (in more ways than one). Guns of El Chupacabra (1997) is a sci-fi comedy with a half-decent monster costume, wincing dialogue/references, and Julie Strain, who I would pay to just see stand there for 90 or so minutes.

Facing A Faceless Face

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 21, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Fiend Without A Face

The faceless fiends in Fiend Without a Face (1958) remind me of that old Richard Pryor joke where men spend the first nine months of their lives trying to get out of the womb, and the rest of their lives trying to get back in. That’s pretty funny.

Fiend Without A Face

The previously invisible creatures eventually materialize into extra large brains with a spinal cord tails. And while they aren’t exactly trying to get back into heads, they do suck your brain and spinal cord out through two “bite marks” in the back of your neck to make more mind mates.

Fiend Without A Face

These creatures were once manifested thought brought to solid life by lightning quality electricity, the byproduct of an old fart professor scientist who had been experimenting with using his mind without his hands for decades. Big deal – I’ve been manifesting solid farts since birth.

Fiend Without A Face

For the first two-thirds of the movie you only hear this faceless creature (loud heart beats that sound like clopping footsteps), rustling leaves, torn screen doors, etc. Then you see their victims clutch the back of their necks as if being hammer-locked by an entertainment grade pro wrestler, and then immediately dying with eyes wide open and mouth agape as their brains and spinal columns are slurped out.

Fiend Without A Face

Major Jeff Cummings of the U.S. Airforce stationed in Winthrop, Manitoba, Canada for atomic energy testing next to Canadian cows, Canadian farms and Canadian Canadians called the attacks on the locals as being the work of mental vampires. (I know a lot of those.) To buy time before the brains become visible enough to fight, he spends his time mackin’ on the professor scientist’s hot assistant. (She resists at first, but then later gives up the sugar.)

Fiend Without A Face

The best part of this clunky sci-fi classic is when the brains corner a few military brass, the professor, who just moments ago confessed to creating the monsters in a concise and believable back story, a panicky local old fart, and the hot assistant.

Fiend Without A Face

Boarding up the one window and blocking the door, the brains – flying like mental Frisbees™ – get in through the fireplace chimney and punched holes in the windows. When shot by the military guys, these brains got big time splat and stop-motion dissolve into red-stained oatmeal. This is the same method used on those ick demons in The Evil Dead (1981).

So if you wanna see flying brains, guns and oatmeal splat, you don’t have to go much further than Winthrop, Manitoba, Canada.

Zombie Rainbow

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , on November 18, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Plaga Zombie: Mutant Zone

Do you like intestines, stomach parts and/or limbs separated from their plug-ins? Then you’ll totally heart Plaga Zombie: Mutant Zone (2001), an extreme gore gooshfest.

Plaga Zombie: Mutant Zone

Zombies here come in all the colors of the Dutch Boy™ rainbow: vein blue, bile green, ripped rectum red, even seagull egg white. A med student who can’t figure out how to do exams with his finger, a nerd-boy who doesn’t know what a female boob is, and a pro wrestler unite to do battle with this colorful zombie plague that has overtaken their Argentinian (!) urban village.

Plaga Zombie: Mutant Zone

But these brain-hungry zombies aren’t brainless – they’re being controlled by someone. The city has been cordoned off by the FBI, so it’s either have lunch or be lunched on. Along the way the pro wrestler employs the use of a ridiculously long intestine (that keeps farting) to trip up the zombie rappers, ninjas and poker players. (I don’t care what you say – fart jokes NEVER get old).

Plaga Zombie: Mutant Zone

Another excellent scene: where Max (the wrestler) rips an arm off a presumably dead body and uses it like a nunchuck.

Outstanding gore – and buckets of it: Heads go split, flesh goes rip, torsos go splat, eyes go burst. This ain’t drama, it’s art. Sure, it looks like it was made with a mid-range priced Best Buy™ digital video camera. But this isn’t the time nor place for Hollywood.