Archive for Predator

Vinyl Horror, Mix ’n Match Predators, Slaves To Evil

Posted in Asian Horror, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 3, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Mystery Minis

If you have some loose bus change totaling $169.99 jingling around in your britches, you may want to click on over to HouseofMysteriousSecrets.com to pre-order their case set of miniature vinyl horror movie icons to put on various shelves and/or tabletops in the place you change (and hopefully wash) said britches.

Mystery Minis

Each of these cooler than heck collectibles is 3 1/4” tall and are bendable into different poses. For instance, the possessed Regan doll (The Exorcist/1973) could be bent over to reenact projective vomiting. Other characters include multiple versions of Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, and Pennywise (1990 version). These dolls can be purchased separately, but why? Pre-order all of ‘em now as they’re arriving July, 2018. 

And while you’re clearing your shelves of unread books/plastic bowling trophies to make room for ‘em, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be collectible…

Pred4tor

PRED4TOR (2018)
“From the outer reaches of space to the small-town streets of suburbia, the hunt comes home in Shane Black’s explosive reinvention of the Predator series. Now, the universe’s most lethal hunters are stronger, smarter and deadlier than ever before, having genetically upgraded themselves with DNA from other species. When a young boy accidentally triggers their return to Earth, only a ragtag crew of ex-soldiers and a disgruntled science teacher can prevent the end of the human race.”

Already e-blogged about this prior, though I can’t recall when as I’ve been distracted by…pizza. So this is the latest key art and official plot — Predators swapping DNA spit in the shower with other species. You have my attention. Note to Predators: If it doesn’t involve probing or the touching of the swimsuit area, I would like to be genetically-upgraded so that I, too, may join your social club.

The Dark

THE DARK (2018)
Undead and hating it, young flesh-eater Mina haunts the woods surrounding her childhood home. When she befriends a physically abused boy, she must figure out why, for once, she isn’t feeling homicidal.”

Interesting spin on the zombie theme. I bet Mina eats the abused boy’s parents. And I hope she burps/farts as loud as the horns of humanity after finishing her meal. Parents or others who abuse kids should get even worse punishment than being digested and crapped out by a zombie.

Threshold

THRESHOLD (2018)
“A group of graduating college seniors find themselves stuck in the spooky residence of the college President after a graduation party. The house changes as they move through it, no passage leading the same way twice. They soon discover the house is a labyrinth, and at its center is an ancient monster of mythology. As they are eaten one by one, they learn they are part of a ritual and must find their way out of the house by solving the maze if they are going to survive.”

It’s said that Threshold’s monster is a Minotaur, a creature half man, half bull. So does he sleep in a bed or a barn? I bet he’d be king of the rodeo at those county fair bull-riding contests.

Satan's Slaves

SATAN’S SLAVES (2017/Indonesia – 2018/US)
“A record-breaking box-office hit upon release, Joko Anwar’s affectionate remake of 1980’s Pengabdi Setan is one of horror cinema’s recent triumphs: an atmospheric, expertly-shot roller-coaster ride of a haunted house film, inspired as much by Indonesian folklore as by retro genre classics.”

Slashfilm.com has this to say about that: “A Quiet Place and Hereditary have already been dubbed 2018’s scariest films to beat, but you can add Satan’s Slaves to that list now – the most horrifying film of 2018 you haven’t heard of yet.” With that kind of endorsement, it kinda makes your mouth start slobbering all on its own. Better wear a plastic shirt (and possibly pants) when I go see it. Heck, might as well buy a wet suit.

End of The World, Heritage Alligators, All Colors Matter

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 17, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Planet X

In a recent AOL.com article written by Lindsay Granger, it appears the YET AGAIN Christian prophesied end of the world is scheduled to happen on April 23, 2018. And how will this come to be? That stinky Planet X is scheduled to usher in the Nibiru cataclysm. Seems kinda mega-harsh. More so when you find learn that ominous space rock doesn’t even have one 7-Eleven™ on it. End of the world, indeed.

The Washington Post wrote that “Planet X’s imminent arrival has been predicted so many times before, in so many newspapers, and its existence has been debunked so thoroughly by NASA, that we are struggling to find anything interesting to say about the latest round of panic and hyperbole.”

Planet X

Hocking a biblical loogie in the face of that, David Meade — a Christian numerologist — insists that on April 23, the sun, moon and Jupiter will align in the constellation Virgo and bring forth the start of biblical rapture. The Daily Express, counters with a nicely placed dick-slap to that theory, saying scientists have dismissed these claims, noting that this alignment occurs once every 12 years. (On that proclamation, the Earth already collided with another planet in 2011’s Melancholia. It was neato.)

Melancholia

IF the end of the world happens on April 23, 2018, I’d better get my laundry done; One should always wear a clean pair of britches to the apocalypse. And while we wait for our impending/un-impending doom, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not leave you rapturous…

Lake Placid: Legacy

LAKE PLACID: LEGACY (May 28, 2018)
“Taking place several years after the events of the original film, Legacy finds the team of young explorers out to reveal the secrets of an area removed from modern day maps and hidden behind electric fences. However, once they reach the center of the lake, they discover an island that harbors an abandoned facility with a horrific legacy: the island is home to a deadly predator eager to feast on those dumb enough to ignore the warnings.”

Even though Lake Placid (1999) became exponentially sillier with each sequel (I’m looking in your direction Lake Placid vs. Anaconda/2015) — you really can’t go wrong with a 30-foot alligator making Scooby snacks out of those who would dip their meaty limbs in his bathtub. So yeah, unbitten thumbs up for this one.

Bad Samaritan

BAD SAMARITAN (May 4, 2018)
“A valet develops a clever scam to burglarize the houses of rich customers. Things go smoothly until he robs the wrong customer, and discovers  a woman being held captive in the home. Afraid of going to prison, he leaves the woman there and makes a call to the police, who find nothing when they investigate. Now, the valet must endure the wrath of the kidnapper who seeks revenge on him, all while desperately trying to find and rescue the captive woman he left behind.”

A criminal with a moral conscious. Quit your day job, dude. Might be a cool twist, though, if he kidnapped the kidnapper. I wouldn’t begin to know what to call that.

Attack of the Adult Babies

ATTACK OF THE ADULT BABIES (June 11, 2018)
“The aftermath of a shocking home invasion forces three frightened family members to break into a remote country manor and steal top secret documents. Little do they know the stately pile is also the clandestine venue where a group of high-powered elderly men go to take refuge from the stresses and strains of daily life by dressing up in nappies and having a bevy of beautiful nurses indulging their every perverse nursery whim. Nor do they realize this grotesque assembly is compelled to refuel the world’s economy by very sinister, sick and monstrous means. As the bodily fluids hit the fan, the bloody carnage and freaky weirdness escalates.”

From early reviews: “Attack of the Adult Babies is disgusting, depraved, brave, bonkers, brilliant and quintessentially British in its humor and depravity.” Sounds like they have all the bases covered, although seeing elderly men in diapers might be a glimpse of my future.

Monochrome

MONOCHROME: THE CHROMISM (2018)
“Traded and sold like currency, the outcast people known as ‘Hues’, are hunted down after turning color in a black and white world.”

A black and white world that starts to turn into technicolor has been done before with 1998’s Pleasantville. That was a comedy. This one sounds more not comedy.

Colorful Horror, Submarine-Sized Sharks, Language Virus

Posted in Evil, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 10, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Beauty of Horror: Ultimate Nightmare

If you read this blog on November 10, 2017 (if not, what’s your plausible excuse?), I tagged artist/Life of Agony bassist Alan RobertsThe Beauty of Horror coloring books. Now, just a scant weeks later, comes news of The Beauty of Horror: Ultimate Nightmare Deluxe Coloring Set, arriving arrives in stores September 2018 from IDW Publishing. Time to break out the sidewalk chalk (or your preferred art medium).

The insanely cool set is sized at 12” x12”, same as a vinyl record album, only you supply the grooves. The set is said to include fan favorites from The Beauty of Horror Volume One, Volume Two: Ghouliana’s Creepatorium, Volume Three: Haunted Playgrounds, and showcases three, paper-spanking new Alan Robert exclusives. Think of it as a “greatest hits plus.”

The cost? Does it matter? All you need to know is that you need to own this. Crayons not included. And while we impatiently wait for September (I’m actually impatiently waiting for National Hot Dog Month in July), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi flicks that may or may not fill your world with colorful, pant-staining scares…

THE MEG (August 10, 2018)
“A deep-sea submersible — part of an international undersea observation program — has been attacked by a massive creature, previously thought to be extinct, and now lies disabled at the bottom of the deepest trench in the Pacific…with its crew trapped inside. With time running out, expert deep sea rescue diver Jonas Taylor is recruited to save the crew — and the ocean itself — from this unstoppable threat: a prehistoric 75-foot-long shark known as the Megalodon, bringing him face to face once more with the greatest and largest predator of all time.”

The Meg

Meg, as you might know, is short for Megalodon, the largest shark ever to have strained dinosaurs through it’s mega mouth like krill through a blue whale’s surfer-hole. If you haven’t seen the trailers for this, be prepared to pollute the aquarium. This shark is supersized and makes the shark (“Bruce”) in Jaws (1975) look like a carnival goldfish. Another supersized bonus: this one is coming out in 3D, which is one better — and more expensive — than 2D. I care not — the already over-priced movie theatre can have a bigger bite out of my paycheck for this one. (Wonder if they’ll take a post-dated check?)

Dead By Midnight

DEAD BY MIDNIGHT (2018)
“It’s Halloween at WKIZ when the malicious Mistress of Midnight arrives to host her annual horror movie marathon ‘Dead By Midnight’. When the WKIZ staff begins disappearing only to turn up in the increasingly darker films, it’s up to line producer Candice Spelling to stop the Mistress before her final and most diabolical film goes to air.”

Cool premise. Wonder is the Mistress of Midnight is single? If she’s as delicious as she is malicious, I should like to apply for the job as her evil smooch buddy. And hey, if she casts me in one of her dark films, I’d be flattered. Won’t do it for free, though; living or not, the rent’s gotta be paid

Pontypool Changes

PONTYPOOL CHANGES (2018/2019)
“The sequel to Pontypool (2008), in which a virus is transferred from one person to another by way of words in the English language.”

Not even sure this is gonna be a take-to-market movie. For starters, really craptacular movie key art. Looks fan-made. Secondly, the first Pontypool, while intriguing the way a can of soup with the label missing is, had a dumb premise. So if a virus is passed via English language, learn French.

Party Hard, Die Young

PARTY HARD, DIE YOUNG (2018/2019)
“Finally, graduation! No more high school! In order to celebrate Julia, her classmates and thousands of fellow graduates are on their way to an island resort in Croatia. It’s supposed to be the party of their lives. The harmless fun, however, soon turns dead serious. When a friend is killed in a tragic accident, the party people’s euphoria is crushed. Moreover, Julia’s best friend Jessica has been missing and she is the only one who believes in a connection between the two incidents. Unfortunately soon after, her suspicion is confirmed when Jessica’s lifeless body is washed up on the shore. Now the trip is about sheer survival, as Julia realizes that she’s probably the next victim. Could it all be connected to a long-buried incident from the clique’s past?”

Yes. Yes, it is all connected to a cliched long-buried incident from the clique’s past. Move along — nothing to see here.

Killer Snow, Rural Werewolves, Flossing Serial Killers

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 19, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Terror

T’was recently announced that Ridley Scott — the man behind three of the six Alien movies (not counting the two Alien/Predator mash-ups) — is doing a horror TV series for AMC. The smoke detector can wait — time to put new batteries in the remote.

The Terror

From the press release: “Ridley Scott’s horror series The Terror is a fictionalized account of a real-life expedition in 1845, in which two ships were lost in the Arctic and all 129 men were killed. The series, which debuts on AMC in March 2018, is based on the 2007 best-selling novel of the same name by Dan Simmons.”

The Terror

While we impatiently wait for The Terror to brighten or screens/life, here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that probably don’t take place in the Arctic, though some might leave you cold (heh)…

Amityville: The Final Chapter

AMITYVILLE: THE FINAL CHAPTER (available now)
“A group of paranormal investigators teams up with a wrongly convicted serial killer to track down a mysterious monster responsible for a slew of recent killings.”

YET ANOTHER Amityville movie? [insert facepalm here]. I think this makes 400 Amityville movies, give or take. The press release cracks me up — wrongly convicted serial killer. How does that even make sense? How does YET ANOTHER Amityville movie make sense? This cow has been milked so many times, it’s only giving evaporated milk.

The Howling

THE HOWLING (available now)
“A local myth will be discovered to be true by a group of teenagers on a night out on remote farmland. Is there a bloodthirsty creature that has been wandering the land?”

Not to be confused with 1981’s The Howling or the seven subsequent sequels that slogged on until 2011. This werewolf movie places the creature on a farm. Maybe it’s not a werewolf. More likely a weresheep that hasn’t been sheared for so long, it just looks like a werewolf. I look similar if I skip my annual hair trimming.

Piercing

PIERCING (January 20, 2018)
“Reed is going on a business trip. He kisses his wife and infant son goodbye, but in lieu of a suitcase filled with clothes, he’s packed a toothbrush and a murder kit. Everything is meticulously planned: check into a hotel and kill an unsuspecting victim. Only then will he rid himself of his devious impulses and continue to be a good husband and father. But Reed gets more than he bargained for with Jackie, an alluring call girl who arrives at his room. First, they relax and get in the mood, but when there’s an unexpected disruption, the balance of control begins to sway back and forth between the two. Is he seeing things? Who’s playing whom? Before the night is over, a feverish nightmare will unfold, and Reed and Jackie will seal their bond in blood.”

A toothbrush and a murder kit. Nice to know serial killers maintain healthy dental hygiene. Wonder if he flosses as well? That’s equally as important before going out on a murder spree. (P.S. Regularly brush/floss your teeth, but DO NOT go out on murder sprees.)

Lost Solace

LOST SOLACE (January 30, 2018/iTunes™)
Lost Solace is a fast-paced psychological thriller that depicts the transformation of Spence Cutler, a young psychopath and con artist. He’s never felt empathy or guilt, however, a fateful encounter with a new drug is about to give him a dose of too much reality, and he takes a mind-bending trip down the psychedelic highway of consciousness to come face to face with his own morality and his own twisted soul.”

So the main character is a young psychopath and con artist. Nice to see those just starting out in the job market to have clear career goals. Reach for the moon, I say. But don’t do drugs — that stuff will ruin your life.

Literary Predator, Neighborly Witchcraft, Plagiaristic Poltergeist

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 6, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

If It Bleeds

If you know how to read and can do so without moving your lips while doing it, here’s a juicy book you might wanna put on your Halloween gift wish list. If It Bleeds (Titan Books), a collection of stories about the Predator movie franchise, arrives October 17, 2017, edited by Bryan Thomas Schmidt, and features an all-star writer’s mosh pit, including Kevin J. Anderson, Wendy N. Wagner, Mira Grant, Dayton Ward, Jennifer Brozek, Tim Lebbon, Jonathan Maberry, Andrew Mayne, Weston Ochse, Larry Correia, S. D. Perry, Steve Perry, Jeremy Robinson,  John Shirley, Peter J. Wacks, Bryan Thomas Schmidt, Holly Roberds, and David Boop.

Need more convincing? Didn’t think so. But here’s the book’s advance press release anyway: “Over the centuries, extraterrestrial hunters of the Yautja race — also known as the Predators — have encountered humans on Earth and in the depths of space. Offered here are sixteen all-new stories of such hunts, written by many of today’s most extraordinary authors. Inspired by the events of the original Predator movies, graphic novels and novels, these adventures pit hunter against prey in life-and-death struggles where there can be only one victor.”

You can get If It Bleeds for a mere $9.99/Kindle Edition/$12.33 paperback. The price may vary, depending on what planet you’re mercilessly hunted on. And while you get your reading chops honed by looking at ingredient labels on bags of pork rinds and convenient snack-packs, here are a few just-released/upcoming horror and sci-fi movies to augment your literary needs…

Drone Wars

DRONE WARS (available now)
“When drones arrive in a flash, slaughtering humanity and stripping the Earth of its resources, a small team of scientists hiding in Los Angeles works to expel the drone menace once and for all.”

Replace the word “drones” with “politicians” and the word “expel” with ”impeach”, then you’ll have a much scarier movie.

Stranger's Relative

STRANGER’S RELATIVE (available now)
“Angela rents a room in the house of an African American woman, who offers services of witchcraft. After her arrival, paranormal activities begin to happen, causing her to experience intense situations full of intrigues. Convinced that there are evil entities in the house, Angela decides to move, but evil chases her wherever she goes, leading her to an unexpected outcome.”

That’s the problem with rental witchcraft — unless you know what you’re doing, everything can go a lot further south than you’re probably baptized for. That’s why you should always practice safe hex.

Chameleon Shadow

CHAMELEON SHADOW (available now)
“When darkness is attached and dreams haunt the head, an alternative source of relief can be found in the darkest of places by a most unbelievable being the elusive Chameleon. When a young photographer seeks relief from his recurring nightmares, the Chameleon provides a cure. Little does he know the side effect is the realization of his nightmares materializing in the real world.”

That’s called waking up and going to work.

Poltergeist Encounters

POLTERGEIST ENCOUNTERS (December 12, 2017)
“A questionable group of paranormal investigators with their own web series receive the offer of a lifetime. They must stay one night in a potentially haunted house to receive a large sum of money. It seems like easy money to Anton, team leader of the group, and privately, an unbeliever in the supernatural. Mick, Roach, and Terrance are all investigators that take the entire situation far too lightly, before everything they believe changes. On that fateful night, they learn that it’s all fun and games until things get real.”

The word “poltergeist” is one of those horror movie hot buttons, designed to lure you in with perceived ghost action. As is far too often when we’re promised a thrill ride and end up in the plastic ball pit at Chuck E Cheese™, we turn to booze instead of boos. (Yeah, I used that joke before. Gimme a break; I was up all night busting ghosts. I mean, “poltergeists.”)

Teen Exorcisms, Tall Phantoms, Big Pigs

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Slashers, TV Vixens, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 22, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

American Exorcism

Finished binge watching the third season of From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series (2014 – 2017) and the Gecko Brothers locked horns with the Queen of Hell. Gotta say, in human form, she’s quite the looker. But in demon shape she has black/blue lava textured skin, well-flossed snake fangs, Predator hair and a dress Morticia Addams would kill for. Not seeing how she differs from all the other gals at the bowling alley, though.

Speaking of things not that different, here’s a pile of upcoming horror that you’ve seen before, whether you bowl or not…

AMERICAN EXORCIST (May 2, 2017 / VOD — August 1, 2017/DVD)
Damon Richter thought he left the world of possessions, exorcisms and evil behind until an old friend arrives with frightening information about his estranged daughter knowing that only his otherworldly skills can save her.”

The possessed teen is probably just going through puberty, in which case, we’re ALL doomed. Dude, just sprinkle anything labeled Clinique around the house, buy her an iPhone™ and NEVER come into her room without knocking, lest ye be damned.

Even Lambs Have Teeth

EVEN LAMBS HAVE TEETH (May 2, 2017)
“Dreaming of a trip to NYC, the beautiful Sloane and Katie leave for the countryside to earn money working on an organic farm. But on the way they are kidnapped and abused by a sinister family of small-town psychopaths. When the girls finally escape, they decide to return to the scene of the crime and settle the score. It’s not pretty.”

So organic farm hippie chicks have a streak for revenge. How do they think they’re gonna do that — make their torturers eat canned vegetables loaded with GMOs? As for small town psychopaths, aren’t they pretty much in every small town? This is what happens to society when you have no 7-Eleven™ or Starbucks™ within impulsive spitting distance.

Tall Men

TALL MEN (May 9, 2017)
“Terrence Mackleby claims bankruptcy after being over $80,000 in debt. His private world is turned upside down when Terrence is visited by strange demons and tall phantoms in business suits after he applies for a mysterious black credit card, in this nightmarish Holbrookian vision.”

This one used to be called Customer 152. I like Tall Men slightly better, though said height gifted men look like Slenderman’s neighbors. So demons and phantoms wear business suits to work. I guess casual Fridays don’t apply in other dimensions.

Boar

BOAR (2017)
Boar showcases the harsh and beautiful Australian landscape. Lurking within this picturesque setting is a dark and terrifying threat — a beast of staggering size with an uncontrollable desire for blood and destruction. Driven by its insatiable appetite for carnage, it defends its territory with brutal force and savagely takes on any who get in its way.”

With a press release this generic, all you have to do is swap out the title to Razorback (1984), Pighunt (2008), Chaw (aka, Chawz, 2009), Hogzilla (2014). But you’d already know that if you read my preview of this one back in November 4, 2015 (And it still doesn’t have a specific release date, but sometime in 2017.) I’ll re-state it: they should change the movie’s name to Bore.

Rearview

REARVIEW (2017/2018)
“Nicky is a young woman traveling alone to meet her band mates — through the back roads of the British countryside — who escapes the clutches of a dangerous stranger. Her road trip soon turns from bad to worse as she finds herself running for her life as she attempts to escape a serial killer and the hordes of predatory locals in the area known as ‘The Highway of Tears’.”

This one smells like 1986’s The Hitcher. Hope she’s the singer of the band. Can you imagine if she was the drummer? Hauling a drumset around the British countryside, let alone from the band van to the backstage door, is a royal pain in the tom tom.

Predator Tourists

Posted in Aliens, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on December 30, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Predator 2

A replacement alien Predator (the first one blew himself up) chooses downtown Los Angeles as his fertile hunting grounds, and turns up right as the drug wars are in season. Crooks who are more comical than comic books are shooting everything, including cops who are all but wearing shirts from Target™. Whiz bang start to Predator 2 (1990), and a solid sequel at that.

Predator 2

The Predator cares not for social woes and stabs, impales, slices, dices and collects skulls with spines attached for his trophy wall. The Feds attempt to capture this armed extraterrestrial, but that doesn’t work out so well. The Predator, as you know, can blend into the environment. Not quite invisible, but enough to become 97% transparent. As a hunting advantage goes, I feel this is cheating.

Predator 2

One cop chases the monster all over L.A. and lays some slappy down upon its articulated face. He’s the only one to actually do hand-to-claw combat with the creature and walk away with most of his entrails still in place.

Predator 2

The chase extends to the elevator shaft, which has a deeper hole leading beneath the building. This is where the Predator’s flying saucer is parked and where the final battle takes place. On that note, the saucer’s interior is freaking cool. I really need to decorate my apartment in that same color scheme.

Predator 2

Like the first Predator, this one doesn’t end as planned, with the mortally wounded open-face sandwich monster having its carcass collected by an entire spaceship filled with a gang of Predators. As a sign of warrior respect, they give the cop a 300 year-old pistol from their collection. I would have preferred to get behind the wheel and take the saucer out for a spin around the block. Then I would have the biggest grin on my articulated face.