Horror Snack Pack, High School Ghost, Vampire Schooner

Your choice of horror movie viewing couch snacks are many, from 7-Eleven™ Tomahawk Rib-eye steaks in a rich, squeeze bottle chocolate finishing sauce, to canned Lobster Bisque paired with a nice, dry Steel Reserve™. But how many of those TV dinners are as cool as the new Creepshow™ heavily-salted mouth treats?

FYE™ exclusively carries a line of Creepshow™ snacks to munch and later wipe your fingers on your Old Navy™ pants: White Cheddar Skullcrunch Popcorn ($4.99), Sour Gummy Worms (aka, Nightcrawlers/$4.99) and a blood red Creepshow™ Cherry Energy Drink ($3.99) — to help get the rubbery candy worms past your gag reflex.

While you ponder spending extra on gummy (or “gummi”) worms for having the Creepshow™ logo on it (unbranded version: $1.69 on Amazon™), here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not stress test your gag reflex…

KARADA SAGASHI (aka MIDNIGHT SCHOOL) / Out now (VOD)

“A high school student and her friends are trapped in a time loop by a ghost and the only way to escape is to find the corpse of the ghost’s previous victim.”

Time loop detention for anyone unable to guess how this ends. 

SCREAM 6 / March 10, 2023 (Theaters)

“The four survivors of the Ghostface killings leave Woodsboro behind and start a fresh chapter in New York City.”

The fifth sequel that’s as pointless as the original 1996 movie. FYI: In 1989’s Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, Jason Voorhees also visited New York — he was in town with a few days to kill. (Okay, I totally took that from 1990’s Predator 2. You probably wouldn’t know that had I not confessed to my crime.) 

THE LAST VOYAGE OF THE DEMETER / Pending release 2023

“Based on a single chapter, the Captain’s Log, from Bram Stoker’s classic 1897 novel Dracula, the story is set aboard the Russian schooner, Demeter, which was chartered to carry private cargo – twenty four unmarked wooden crates — from Carpathia to London.”

Dracula was in one of those coffins, uh, I mean, crates. The rest of the old time-y suitcases contained his spring/summer evening capes, backup underwear and socks, toothpaste/shampoo/shaving gel, raisin snack packs for the long ocean journey, and hometown dirt. This is so Drac can start a garden once he reaches London. He’s got quite the green thumb for growing…blood oranges. Heh.

TABOO / Pending release 2023 (Theaters/VOD)

“Three juvenile criminals, Charity, Charlotte and Michelle, are given one last chance at redemption. They’re sent on a team-building course in a forest with their youth worker, Miss White. While on the course, the group learns they are not alone. The situation goes from bad to worse, and their trip becomes a matter of life and death.”

No other details, so here’s an educated stab at it — their new camp counselor is either Bigfoot or some sort of poisonous moose. Makes sense if you let it.

Predator Tourists

A replacement alien Predator (the first one blew himself up) chooses downtown Los Angeles as his fertile hunting grounds, and turns up right as the drug wars are in season. Crooks who are more comical than comic books are shooting everything, including cops who are all but wearing shirts from Target™. Whiz bang start to Predator 2 (1990), and a solid sequel at that.

The Predator cares not for social woes and stabs, impales, slices, dices and collects skulls with spines attached for his trophy wall. The Feds attempt to capture this armed extraterrestrial, but that doesn’t work out so well. The Predator, as you know, can blend into the environment. Not quite invisible, but enough to become 97% transparent. As a hunting advantage goes, I feel this is cheating.

One cop chases the monster all over L.A. and lays some slappy down upon its articulated face. He’s the only one to actually do hand-to-claw combat with the creature and walk away with most of his entrails still in place.

The chase extends to the elevator shaft, which has a deeper hole leading beneath the building. This is where the Predator’s flying saucer is parked and where the final battle takes place. On that note, the saucer’s interior is freaking cool. I really need to decorate my apartment in that same color scheme.

Like the first Predator, this one doesn’t end as planned, with the mortally wounded open-face sandwich monster having its carcass collected by an entire spaceship filled with a gang of Predators. As a sign of warrior respect, they give the cop a 300 year-old pistol from their collection. I would have preferred to get behind the wheel and take the saucer out for a spin around the block. Then I would have the biggest grin on my articulated face.