Archive for pot

Demon Clowns, Amphibious Monsters, Hippie Bongs

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 23, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Evil Bong: 666

Looking into Lotto™ strategies to become financially self-sustained so I can watch horror/sci-fi movies as my “day job” without ever having to put pants on to make a living. Any tips, lucky numbers or insider info would be much appreciated.

Here’s four upcoming new ones headed my/your way. Pants not required.

EVIL BONG: 666 (April 20, 2017)
“When a brutal blood sacrifice opens a portal to Hell, Eebee and The Gingerdead Man are returned to Earth. But his trip to Hell has driven Gingerdead even more insane, and unless someone can stop his murderous cookie-cuttin’ rampage he’s gonna ruin Eebee’s plans for world domination. In a last-minute fit of inspiration Eebee channels her inner Dr. Frankenstein and creates The Gingerweed Man! A tiny, cobbled together monster made from the greatest strains of weed on earth, this little killer is ready to get high with a little help from his friends!”

Not a fan of stoner horror because the only way to enjoy it is to be stoned. I prefer a nice carafe of Budweiser™ or a snifter of paint thinner hooch to augment my horror movie experiences. P.S. Don’t do drugs.

Clowntergeist

CLOWNTERGEIST (2017)
“Emma, a college student with a crippling fear of clowns, must come face to face with her worst fear when an evil spirit in the body of a clown is summoned, terrorizing the town she calls home. One by one Emma and her friends receive a balloon with the exact time and date of when it will appear to kill them written on it. After receiving her balloon, Emma realizes that she has two days left to live, and must fight against the clock to find a way to survive.”

Makes sense that a demon-possessed clown would use balloons to get his point across. Personally, I’d go with one of those cool, honking squeezy horns. That tends to get people’s attention, especially in restrooms. And they just sound so funny.

Cold Skin

COLD SKIN (2017)
“On the edge of the Antarctic Circle a ship approaches a desolate island far from all shipping lanes. On board is a young man, on his way to assume the post of weather observer, to live in solitude at the end of the earth. But on shore he finds no trace of the man whom he has been sent to replace, just a deranged castaway who has witnessed a horror he refuses to name. The young man will soon realize that with each night comes an army of humanoid killer amphibians.”

This one sounds cool. But it does beg the question of why humanoid killer amphibians would seek out a meager food source at the ends of the Earth when we have so many all-you-can-eat beach buffets around here. Just ask any shark — surfers are basically crunchy seals.

Demon Hole

DEMON HOLE (2017)
“A fracking crew drills on sacred Native American land unleashing an ancient demon. Six teens have to serve community service in the remote forest where the demon is lurking. They find themselves trapped in a realm of illusions with plenty of marijuana, an abandoned cabin, dark caves, endless woods, and temptation. There are only two ways out of these woods — succumb to the demon or die.”

Note to ancient demon: Please don’t let those fracking teens out of the woods. And if you need more, we’ll ship ‘em to you, no charge. Just like having an Amazon Prime™ account.

Getting Low on High Zombies

Posted in Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , on November 4, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Gravestoned

I get that Gravestoned’s (2009) “stoner-centric horror” is intended to be funny. But unless you’re baked, not only is the low-budget “movie” NOT humorous, it’s just plain stoopid.

Gravestoned

Two pot farmers cut off an arm of a cadaver to use a realistic prop in a low-budget horror movie. Life imitates art. The cadaver comes back to life and wants its arm back. (If the corpse was smart, it would’ve rented the arm to the filmmakers.)

Gravestoned

The pot humor needed to be way more Cheech & Chong and a lot less “but my mom thinks I’m funny.” And the bubble-headed cheerleaders, all of whom were born in a shopping mall, don’t look as though they’re acting.

Gravestoned

If I were the cadaver I wouldn’t find Gravestoned’s premise the least bit entertaining. If you want to become a zombie yourself, just watch this movie — it’ll make you brain dead in about 92 minutes.

Space Stoner

Posted in Aliens, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 21, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Star Leaf

Pot horror/sci-fi is nothing new. In fact, there are bales of ’em: Pot Zombies (2005), Evil Bong (2006), Hansel & Gretel Get Baked (2013) to name but a few, though the horror movie Reefer Madness (1936) remains the best.

Now comes Star Leaf (releasing November 24, 2015), which combines marijuana with extraterrestrials. This is an interesting twist because it’s usually after you’ve sparked some friendly herb that you start seeing aliens.

Here’s how Star Leaf lights up: “A group of friends set off to find a secret forest of marijuana hidden deep in the Olympic Mountains. Legend has it the plants are of extraterrestrial origin, and two ex-Marines among the group hope it will cure their PTSD born from hard combat in Afghanistan.”

Alien pot. Wonder if it comes in pill form?

Reefer Madness