Archive for possession

Ghost Town With Real Ghosts. And Dogs.

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 5, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Stephen King's Desperation

Not since The Stand (1994) has a Stephen King movie adaptation had such a high body count. And these expired husks aren’t just for statistical/social reasons: they’re rotted, leaking, stinking and bloated, with snakes and hairy tarantulas coming out of mouths and holes where the eyes and south of the belt exit-only ramps used to be. Like human non-recycleables, these things are all over the place.

Stephen King's Desperation

One person is responsible for all this carnage: the town sheriff. He’s so sadistic, you cringe in your swimsuit (hey, the washing machine’s broken —don’t judge me) every time he traps another victim on a long stretch of highway just outside the small Nevada town of Desperation. Those he doesn’t kill right away land in a small jail. The others get shot without a lick of thought. (i.e., a five year-old girl.)

Stephen King's Desperation

As with all Stephen King stories/adaptations, you’re overloaded with complex characters, one of which is always “different,” in this case a young boy who speaks directly to God. Good thing as the other God (i.e., Tak) is possessing bodies (i.e., the sheriff) and making them rot from the inside out (i.e., goopy drawers).

Stephen King's Desperation

The first half of Stephen King’s Desperation (2006) is intense enough to make your underpanties twist up under the driveshaft. The small town is completely dead from the inside out. Dozens of dogs evenly line the street as if waiting for a cat parade. Vultures peck nonchalantly at bodies, snacking lightly in-between meals. And there are rattlers (snakes) and crawlers (spiders) everywhere you step. (The grocery store scene will make you think twice about ever walking into a food shop full of dead people again.)

Stephen King's Desperation

The second half, where the God kid and Tak’s prisoners get out of jail (great scene) and try and figure out what the flip, starts to sink under its own weight. Outside of town is the Chinese Pit, a coal/gold/gravel mine where Tak’s cathedral nightclub was disturbed, thereby unleashing the vengeful god and making the Chinese immigrants who were digging in the mine all those happy years ago to go crazy and kill each other with pick axes to the chest vicinity. Stephen KIng's Desperation

The get-out-of-jail people wrestle with moral issues, more spiders and a cougar in a bathroom that changes shape to that of a Vietnamese guy with a bomb. That part will make sense if you just have patience. Instead of getting out of town, the survivors head for the mine where they have a redeeming showdown with Tak, complete with flashback wedgies and dialogue that works better in a book than in a movie with gnarly, decomposing bodies all over the place.

Stephen King's Desperation Normally, I’m all about vengeful gods wreaking havoc, especially if they look like a monster and/or evil something or rather. But Tak looks like cigarette smoke (ala, Lost), which isn’t so scary, unless you factor in the health detriments of second hand smoke. The ending gets kinda “group huggy,” but in the end a decent take on a book with too many pages. Better, anyway, than Stephen King’s ultra-crappy The Langoliers (1995). (The movie version.) Man, what a punch bowl turd that thing is/was/continues to be.

Demon Clowns, Amphibious Monsters, Hippie Bongs

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 23, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Evil Bong: 666

Looking into Lotto™ strategies to become financially self-sustained so I can watch horror/sci-fi movies as my “day job” without ever having to put pants on to make a living. Any tips, lucky numbers or insider info would be much appreciated.

Here’s four upcoming new ones headed my/your way. Pants not required.

EVIL BONG: 666 (April 20, 2017)
“When a brutal blood sacrifice opens a portal to Hell, Eebee and The Gingerdead Man are returned to Earth. But his trip to Hell has driven Gingerdead even more insane, and unless someone can stop his murderous cookie-cuttin’ rampage he’s gonna ruin Eebee’s plans for world domination. In a last-minute fit of inspiration Eebee channels her inner Dr. Frankenstein and creates The Gingerweed Man! A tiny, cobbled together monster made from the greatest strains of weed on earth, this little killer is ready to get high with a little help from his friends!”

Not a fan of stoner horror because the only way to enjoy it is to be stoned. I prefer a nice carafe of Budweiser™ or a snifter of paint thinner hooch to augment my horror movie experiences. P.S. Don’t do drugs.

Clowntergeist

CLOWNTERGEIST (2017)
“Emma, a college student with a crippling fear of clowns, must come face to face with her worst fear when an evil spirit in the body of a clown is summoned, terrorizing the town she calls home. One by one Emma and her friends receive a balloon with the exact time and date of when it will appear to kill them written on it. After receiving her balloon, Emma realizes that she has two days left to live, and must fight against the clock to find a way to survive.”

Makes sense that a demon-possessed clown would use balloons to get his point across. Personally, I’d go with one of those cool, honking squeezy horns. That tends to get people’s attention, especially in restrooms. And they just sound so funny.

Cold Skin

COLD SKIN (2017)
“On the edge of the Antarctic Circle a ship approaches a desolate island far from all shipping lanes. On board is a young man, on his way to assume the post of weather observer, to live in solitude at the end of the earth. But on shore he finds no trace of the man whom he has been sent to replace, just a deranged castaway who has witnessed a horror he refuses to name. The young man will soon realize that with each night comes an army of humanoid killer amphibians.”

This one sounds cool. But it does beg the question of why humanoid killer amphibians would seek out a meager food source at the ends of the Earth when we have so many all-you-can-eat beach buffets around here. Just ask any shark — surfers are basically crunchy seals.

Demon Hole

DEMON HOLE (2017)
“A fracking crew drills on sacred Native American land unleashing an ancient demon. Six teens have to serve community service in the remote forest where the demon is lurking. They find themselves trapped in a realm of illusions with plenty of marijuana, an abandoned cabin, dark caves, endless woods, and temptation. There are only two ways out of these woods — succumb to the demon or die.”

Note to ancient demon: Please don’t let those fracking teens out of the woods. And if you need more, we’ll ship ‘em to you, no charge. Just like having an Amazon Prime™ account.

Mattress Mayhem

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Scream Queens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 30, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Bed of the Dead

The plot for Bed of the Dead, a new horror movie scheduled for a 2016 release, seems like the bed itself – untucked. Here’s why…

“Four twentysomethings find themselves stuck on a haunted antique bed where leaving means suffering a gruesome death. Plagued with frightening hallucinations, they must figure out the bed’s secrets before they are ultimately picked off one by one.”

Yeesh – did the idea store go out of business? What about the pillows? Do they harbor dark secrets not related to bed bugs as well? And don’t get me started on the duvets.

I Bed The Dead

Interesting that I Bed The Dead, another movie (and comic book) with a similar title is coming out at the same time. This one, however, is about sex zombies.

Death Bed: The Bed That Eats

But to sack out to where mattress mayhem got its start (not really, but I can’t remember any other examples), try Death Bed: The Bed That Eats, which came out in 1977. That one’s about a demon possessed bed that “consumes lovers.” Talk about putting a bite in your love life. Just remember to not die on the wet spot.

Boogeyman Comes Out Of The Closet

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 23, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Boogeyman

As a kid Tim saw his dad get taken by the Boogeyman when he was just old enough to be traumatized for life by the unfortunate experience. Tim’s older now and has a girlfriend who puts up with him sleeping on the floor and not having anything stored in closets – except Boogeymen. That’s not good feng-shui.

Tim’s ghost mom tells him to go back to the family home and the scene of the dad-taking. Really good idea. There Tim discovers a history of children being taken by the Boogeyman, him being one if his “protective” dad hadn’t gotten in the way.

Boogeyman

All of this is just an excuse to get Tim to go into the closet, which he does. It acts as a time portal, transporting him back and forth to his old bedroom. Why he didn’t use it to go to the store is a glaring plot hole.

Boogeyman

Solid creep-out moments, including the ghost kid victims of Boogeyman and bathtubs filled with blood instead of hot soapy bubbles and shampoo bottles. Taking it one step further, Boogeyman turns into electricity and possesses toys.

Boogeyman

Through an overly-long set-up, Tim finally grows a sac and throws a solid slobberknocker, sending Boogeyman back to the place of coats, shoe boxes filled with pictures instead of shoes, and some other junk you don’t use anymore. This paves the way for several sequels no one asked for.

Boogeyman (2005) is a sorta nice spin on a fond childhood memory, though B-man should probably stay out of that one box in my closet marked “Evidence.”

Coasting On Ghosts

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 4, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Demonic

When was the last time you got so spooked you haunted your pants? If you’re like me, it’s been a while. But how can that be? Have we not been inundated with ghost/possession movies over the last five+ years? Just because they’re throwing a parade doesn’t mean the floats are any good.

The latest ghost/possession move for your consideration is the James Wan produced film, Demonic (2015). I believe my shaky research exposed this as first being House of Horror that was supposed to come out a year or so ago. Good thing they changed the title as House of Horror(s) has been used numerous times dating back to 1946.

House of Horror

James Wan, the go-to ghost movie guy, is fast turning into the Michael Bay of poltergeist haunted movies: Dead Silence (2007), Insidious (2010), The Conjuring (2013) as well as related and predictable sequels. But hey, James was part of Saw (2004), so move to the front of the class.

Here’s what Demonic in all its generically-titled glory promises: “The story centers on the aftermath of a horrific massacre where five college students were brutally murdered inside an abandoned home. Detective Mark Lewis and psychologist Dr. Elizabeth Klein question one of the few survivors who explains they were amateur ghost-hunters, seeking out paranormal phenomenon at the abandoned house, which was believed to be haunted. But what started out as a harmless activity turned into something truly terrifying.”

Truly terrifying would be if somebody actually made a truly terrifying film.

Up next is The Rohl Farms Haunting, due out on May 18th, 2015. First red flag: it’s YET ANOTHER found footage flick. Those things double suck and are improbable as to be unlikely. (Gripe No. 1: Why is it my video camera’s battery can only last an hour and found footage video camera batteries, powering night lights, last open to close?)

The Rohl Farms HauntingSigh. So here’s what The Rohl Farms Haunting is about: “Two 21-year-old childhood friends who are trying to create a documentary in Wisconsin struggle to keep their friendship intact after a string of seemingly paranormal events lead to the staggering conclusion that a group of three strangers are behind the activity. Their quest to discover and convict the culprits via evidence captured on camera becomes the new focus of the documentary, resulting in a cinematic endeavor that could prove to be their last. With real locations, real people, and real relationships, this is the realest found footage film you will ever experience.”

Horrible last sentence. And false at that. I bet my video camera battery on it.

Vampires, Demons, Ghosts, Ice Cream

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 17, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Club Dead

If you’re like me, you need a constant fix of horror movies just to be able to function in a civilized society. And while I’ve seen thousands of horror/sci-fi flicks, 90% of which are porcelain fillers, there’s always the giddy anticipation there’ll be a golden nugget within a steaming brown pile of you know what. (If you have to ask…)

Here’s four impending horror movies that may or may not have you jiggling the handle…

Club Dead
Release date: Dunno. But them who really does?
Plot: A group of friends are obsessed with Hollywood’s hottest night spot, Club Dead. The hot music, ravishing people and open bar lead the gang to believe this will be the best night of their lives. But it doesn’t take long until they discover that Club Dead is run by vampires – and those that get in come out “undead.”

VampsInitial thought: Seems weak and a dumb excuse to play brain dead electronic music, which is an oxymoron, by the way. Reminds me of 1986’s Vamp, in which two frat dudes go to a strip club to hire a dancer for a party. The strippers are vampires. Didn’t see that coming.  (There was a 2012 vampire comedy called Vamps. The poster for that looks a lot like the poster for Club Dead. Just sayin’.)

The Atticus Institute

The Atticus Institute
Release date: Should’ve been out by now. I have no idea where it stands as Hollywood never returns my calls. Hollywood can be such a butt.
Plot: In the fall of 1976, a small psychology lab in Pennsylvania became the unwitting home to the only government-confirmed case of possession. The U.S. military assumed control of the lab under orders of national security and implemented measures aimed at weaponizing the entity. The details of the inexplicable events that occurred are being made public after remaining classified for nearly forty years.
Initial thought: Sound promising on a “man, I can’t wait for another non-alcoholic beer” level. Reminds me of Stormhouse (2012), wherein the government manages to capture a supernatural entity and stores it in an underground base. It doesn’t have a freshness-expired date. The movie does, though.

Ice Cream Man 2: Sundae Bloody Sundae

Ice Cream Man 2: Sundae Bloody Sundae
Release date: As soon as they raise enough money on Kickstarter™ to fund its completion.
Plot: It’s been twenty years since Ice Cream Man (1995) – a spectacle of gore, blood, and mayhem – exploded onto the big screen, boasting some of the most creative uses of severed heads ever seen on screen. This time around it’s a tale of revenge, chock-full of murderous intent, laced with dripping entrails, and served up ice cold. The Rocketeers – Johnny, Heather, Tuna, and Small Paul – are all grown up now, and Ice Cream Man wants them to suffer. Really suffer. Torture and violence are on the menu, and it’s going to be sweet.
Initial thought: Ice Cream Man was two scoops of crap, but had its moments. Never really bought into Clint Howard as Gregory, the maniacal killer, because they didn’t do anything to make him look that frightening. In fact, they just let him use his own face and haircut. It’s like they didn’t even try, man.

The Woman in Black: Angel of Death

Woman In Black: Angel of Death
Release date: January 30, 2015
Plot: As bombs rain down on London during the Blitz of World War II, a group of school children are evacuated with Eve, their schoolteacher, to the safety of the English countryside. Taken to an old and empty estate, cut-off by a causeway from the mainland, they are left at Eel Marsh House. One by one the children begin acting strangely and Eve, with the help of local military commander Harry, discovers that the group has awoken a dark force even more terrifying and evil than the city’s air raids. Eve must now confront her own demons to save the children and survive the Woman in Black.
Initial thought: The period piece haunter The Woman in Black (2012) was a nice surprise (see “golden nugget”) with some pretty cool jump moments and a wicked looking ghost. Looking forward to scare crapping my pants again. OK, that didn’t come out right. I’m just gonna turn around and quietly walk away now.