Archive for Pontypool

Colorful Horror, Submarine-Sized Sharks, Language Virus

Posted in Evil, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 10, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Beauty of Horror: Ultimate Nightmare

If you read this blog on November 10, 2017 (if not, what’s your plausible excuse?), I tagged artist/Life of Agony bassist Alan RobertsThe Beauty of Horror coloring books. Now, just a scant weeks later, comes news of The Beauty of Horror: Ultimate Nightmare Deluxe Coloring Set, arriving arrives in stores September 2018 from IDW Publishing. Time to break out the sidewalk chalk (or your preferred art medium).

The insanely cool set is sized at 12” x12”, same as a vinyl record album, only you supply the grooves. The set is said to include fan favorites from The Beauty of Horror Volume One, Volume Two: Ghouliana’s Creepatorium, Volume Three: Haunted Playgrounds, and showcases three, paper-spanking new Alan Robert exclusives. Think of it as a “greatest hits plus.”

The cost? Does it matter? All you need to know is that you need to own this. Crayons not included. And while we impatiently wait for September (I’m actually impatiently waiting for National Hot Dog Month in July), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi flicks that may or may not fill your world with colorful, pant-staining scares…

THE MEG (August 10, 2018)
“A deep-sea submersible — part of an international undersea observation program — has been attacked by a massive creature, previously thought to be extinct, and now lies disabled at the bottom of the deepest trench in the Pacific…with its crew trapped inside. With time running out, expert deep sea rescue diver Jonas Taylor is recruited to save the crew — and the ocean itself — from this unstoppable threat: a prehistoric 75-foot-long shark known as the Megalodon, bringing him face to face once more with the greatest and largest predator of all time.”

The Meg

Meg, as you might know, is short for Megalodon, the largest shark ever to have strained dinosaurs through it’s mega mouth like krill through a blue whale’s surfer-hole. If you haven’t seen the trailers for this, be prepared to pollute the aquarium. This shark is supersized and makes the shark (“Bruce”) in Jaws (1975) look like a carnival goldfish. Another supersized bonus: this one is coming out in 3D, which is one better — and more expensive — than 2D. I care not — the already over-priced movie theatre can have a bigger bite out of my paycheck for this one. (Wonder if they’ll take a post-dated check?)

Dead By Midnight

DEAD BY MIDNIGHT (2018)
“It’s Halloween at WKIZ when the malicious Mistress of Midnight arrives to host her annual horror movie marathon ‘Dead By Midnight’. When the WKIZ staff begins disappearing only to turn up in the increasingly darker films, it’s up to line producer Candice Spelling to stop the Mistress before her final and most diabolical film goes to air.”

Cool premise. Wonder is the Mistress of Midnight is single? If she’s as delicious as she is malicious, I should like to apply for the job as her evil smooch buddy. And hey, if she casts me in one of her dark films, I’d be flattered. Won’t do it for free, though; living or not, the rent’s gotta be paid

Pontypool Changes

PONTYPOOL CHANGES (2018/2019)
“The sequel to Pontypool (2008), in which a virus is transferred from one person to another by way of words in the English language.”

Not even sure this is gonna be a take-to-market movie. For starters, really craptacular movie key art. Looks fan-made. Secondly, the first Pontypool, while intriguing the way a can of soup with the label missing is, had a dumb premise. So if a virus is passed via English language, learn French.

Party Hard, Die Young

PARTY HARD, DIE YOUNG (2018/2019)
“Finally, graduation! No more high school! In order to celebrate Julia, her classmates and thousands of fellow graduates are on their way to an island resort in Croatia. It’s supposed to be the party of their lives. The harmless fun, however, soon turns dead serious. When a friend is killed in a tragic accident, the party people’s euphoria is crushed. Moreover, Julia’s best friend Jessica has been missing and she is the only one who believes in a connection between the two incidents. Unfortunately soon after, her suspicion is confirmed when Jessica’s lifeless body is washed up on the shore. Now the trip is about sheer survival, as Julia realizes that she’s probably the next victim. Could it all be connected to a long-buried incident from the clique’s past?”

Yes. Yes, it is all connected to a cliched long-buried incident from the clique’s past. Move along — nothing to see here.

The Death of Radio

Posted in Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , on August 16, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Dead Air

Those mean terrorists are at it again, this time coordinating a bio-attack at filled sports stadiums, where people come to drink $15 beers and eat $12 hot dogs to subsidize bloated athlete salaries.

Dead Air

Bumbling the job, a toxin is released from a Thermos™ that should’ve been filled with vodka and orange juice. Once the toxin was sucked into the ventilating system, it was just a matter of time before everyone breathing turned into raving freaks with bleeding eyes, tearing at each other’s throats and ripping each other’s shirts. Yep, sounds like a typical major league sporting event.

Dead Air

Meanwhile, shock jock Logan Burnhardt is on the air, stirring up the airwaves with his own brand of toxicity – his inflammatory retorts. But as the calls come in, he discovers something is not right in his city, and that people are slaughtering each other. Leave it to the TV for validation.

Dead Air

All the other radio stations have switched over to the EBS – Emergency Broadcast System. Not Logan. He wants to be the “voice of reason” while people are calling in and panicking. Logan turns out to be not as tough as his on-air persona, stammering and making upside down faces as he hears all the chaos in the background.

Dead Air

If this sounds familiar, you’re dialed in. It’s almost the same plot as Pontypool (2008), the other disappointing “shock jock on the air while people go nuts” movie. The impression is the entire city is overrun with maniacs (they don’t call ’em zombies), but really, you only see a dozen people attacking a woman, tearing her blouse and exposing her boob. (EBS — Elated Boobie Squeezing. Heh.)

Dead Air

Dead Air (2009) has barely any blood and no entrails being scooped up and worn like steaming scarves, just a lot of angry people with bleeding eyeballs. Slightly better than Pontypool (dumb name for a horror movie), there are dead (sorry) spots that chump the plot’s inertia. That, and all the time spent waiting around for something apocalyptic to happen, and all we get is some moralist pontificating at the end. You can do that on the toilet. And you won’t need a toxin to do it, although high-fiber certainly helps.