Archive for Planet X

End of The World, Heritage Alligators, All Colors Matter

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 17, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Planet X

In a recent AOL.com article written by Lindsay Granger, it appears the YET AGAIN Christian prophesied end of the world is scheduled to happen on April 23, 2018. And how will this come to be? That stinky Planet X is scheduled to usher in the Nibiru cataclysm. Seems kinda mega-harsh. More so when you find learn that ominous space rock doesn’t even have one 7-Eleven™ on it. End of the world, indeed.

The Washington Post wrote that “Planet X’s imminent arrival has been predicted so many times before, in so many newspapers, and its existence has been debunked so thoroughly by NASA, that we are struggling to find anything interesting to say about the latest round of panic and hyperbole.”

Planet X

Hocking a biblical loogie in the face of that, David Meade — a Christian numerologist — insists that on April 23, the sun, moon and Jupiter will align in the constellation Virgo and bring forth the start of biblical rapture. The Daily Express, counters with a nicely placed dick-slap to that theory, saying scientists have dismissed these claims, noting that this alignment occurs once every 12 years. (On that proclamation, the Earth already collided with another planet in 2011’s Melancholia. It was neato.)

Melancholia

IF the end of the world happens on April 23, 2018, I’d better get my laundry done; One should always wear a clean pair of britches to the apocalypse. And while we wait for our impending/un-impending doom, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not leave you rapturous…

Lake Placid: Legacy

LAKE PLACID: LEGACY (May 28, 2018)
“Taking place several years after the events of the original film, Legacy finds the team of young explorers out to reveal the secrets of an area removed from modern day maps and hidden behind electric fences. However, once they reach the center of the lake, they discover an island that harbors an abandoned facility with a horrific legacy: the island is home to a deadly predator eager to feast on those dumb enough to ignore the warnings.”

Even though Lake Placid (1999) became exponentially sillier with each sequel (I’m looking in your direction Lake Placid vs. Anaconda/2015) — you really can’t go wrong with a 30-foot alligator making Scooby snacks out of those who would dip their meaty limbs in his bathtub. So yeah, unbitten thumbs up for this one.

Bad Samaritan

BAD SAMARITAN (May 4, 2018)
“A valet develops a clever scam to burglarize the houses of rich customers. Things go smoothly until he robs the wrong customer, and discovers  a woman being held captive in the home. Afraid of going to prison, he leaves the woman there and makes a call to the police, who find nothing when they investigate. Now, the valet must endure the wrath of the kidnapper who seeks revenge on him, all while desperately trying to find and rescue the captive woman he left behind.”

A criminal with a moral conscious. Quit your day job, dude. Might be a cool twist, though, if he kidnapped the kidnapper. I wouldn’t begin to know what to call that.

Attack of the Adult Babies

ATTACK OF THE ADULT BABIES (June 11, 2018)
“The aftermath of a shocking home invasion forces three frightened family members to break into a remote country manor and steal top secret documents. Little do they know the stately pile is also the clandestine venue where a group of high-powered elderly men go to take refuge from the stresses and strains of daily life by dressing up in nappies and having a bevy of beautiful nurses indulging their every perverse nursery whim. Nor do they realize this grotesque assembly is compelled to refuel the world’s economy by very sinister, sick and monstrous means. As the bodily fluids hit the fan, the bloody carnage and freaky weirdness escalates.”

From early reviews: “Attack of the Adult Babies is disgusting, depraved, brave, bonkers, brilliant and quintessentially British in its humor and depravity.” Sounds like they have all the bases covered, although seeing elderly men in diapers might be a glimpse of my future.

Monochrome

MONOCHROME: THE CHROMISM (2018)
“Traded and sold like currency, the outcast people known as ‘Hues’, are hunted down after turning color in a black and white world.”

A black and white world that starts to turn into technicolor has been done before with 1998’s Pleasantville. That was a comedy. This one sounds more not comedy.

Three Heads, Two Tails, Four Names

Posted in Aliens, Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 16, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Invasion of Astro-Monster

Astro-Monster is really King Ghidorah with a different name. Actually, in this 1965 sci-fi classi movie, he’s referred to by four different names: Monster Zero, Astro-Monster, Ghidrah and the aforementioned King Ghidorah. I bet this gets really confusing to the cops that pull him over for speeding.

Invasion of Astro-Monster

Planet X, parked right behind Jupiter in the Scorpion Galaxy (yes, that’s a real galaxy), is sending out a distress signal. So an American and Japanese astronaut fly there to check it out. A little more than a commuter flight, the lunar dudes land on the barren planet, only to be greeted by Xians, inhabitants that have to live five miles underground because of you-know-who zapping them in the meteor hole.

Invasion of Astro-Monster

These Xians wear silver space suits and New Wave sunglasses and offer Earth a miracle drug that will cure any disease (not Budweiser™, but close) in exchange for their help in getting rid of you-know-who. (It’s not determined if the miracle drug can eliminate hangovers. If it did, I’d be on the next rocket headed to the very REAL Scorpion Galaxy.)

Invasion of Astro-Monster

The Xians need to borrow Godzilla and that pecker head Rodan, the only two things that could possibly defeat the lightning-spewing beast. So they come to Earth in flying saucers (even referred to by the Xians as flying saucers) and using technology, transport the city-wreckers back to Planet X in space bubbles, where an epic point-counterpoint with King Ghidorah ensues.

Invasion of Astro-Monster

Back on Earth, the astronauts find out they’ve been hoaxed by the Xians who want to control our world. Those stinkin’ butt-heads. They have Godzilla and Rodan under control and bring King Ghidorah to our previously happy planet to smash it, the irony being that we were doing it fine on our own.

Invasion of Astro-Monster

Urban mega damage and battle destructo-ness transpires. Despite Godzilla doing a premature one-legged victory hop dance (an entirely embarrassing moment, even if he was drunk with power), Invasion of Astro-Monster is good time giant monster fun. And really, isn’t that why we’re all here?