Archive for Pinhead

This Genie Is A Weenie

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 17, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Wishmaster 3: Beyond The Gates of HellIf you rub the box hard enough, the Genie — or “Djinn” — pops out. (Hey, I’ve been rubbing for years and…never mind.) Wishmaster 3: Beyond The Gates of Hell (2001). second sequel to a movie that sucked genie weenie, this time involving (yawn) a college full of flawlessly pretty students looking like they belong on a tube of Clearasil™, going up against the fashioned-from-evil, squinty-eyed Djinn (yawn, the sequel).

Wishmaster 3: Beyond the Gates of Hell

A supermodel-in-training chick releases the evil dude from his puzzle box condo. (Pinhead may want to have a word with the producers for totally copping his Lament Configuration.) She seems connected somehow, able to see through his eyes as he kills. Kinda like “Kill-o-Vision.” This makes her a “waker.” So the wish-granting monster needs the “waker” to make three wishes so he can open the Gates of Hell. And here all this time I thought you had to have a Costco™ card.

Wishmaster 3: Beyond the Gates of Hell

The Djinn isn’t even the same one from the first two movies. Heck, he only has about three minutes of on-screen time in his get-up before he morphs into a dashing young college professor with an out-dated goatee.

Wishmaster 3: Beyond the Gates of Hell

I’ve got some wishes: I wish they’d quit making these sequels. And I wish I’d quit being suckered by the box art.

Peculiar Kids, Space Infection and Directions to Hell

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 25, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children

Another batch of visual goodies gearing up to ransack your wallet/purse/fanny pack. (Note to my accountant – can I deduct the cost of popcorn, Peanut M&Ms™, red vines, Diet Coke™, hot dogs, and smuggled bottles of airline liquor from my taxes if I say that going to the movies is work related?

Anyway, the book-based Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children, the upcoming (2016) Tim Burton horror-ish fantasy movie, goes like this: “When Jacob discovers clues to a mystery that spans different worlds and times, he finds Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. But the mystery and danger deepen as he gets to know the residents and learns about their special powers.”

I liked it better when it was called X-Men (2000).

Virus: Extreme Contamination

Up next is the dork titled Virus: Extreme Contamination (release pending 2016): “An Italian scientist travels to Kosovo to study the impact of a meteorite that is the cause of strange events. Once there, he discovers that the object has been moved to a near military base where all the people were turned into dangerous weird creatures.”

When doesn’t a meteorite cause weird stuff /real estate damage? As if it needs to be said, when aren’t people on the bus dangerous weird creatures? The fact that we all are is what’s keeping aliens from colonizing Earth. And yes, they always have to wipe their space shoes after visiting this flat/round planet of ours.

Death House

Death House (release pending 2016) shows promise, if only for the stellar genre cast that stars the guys who played Freddy Krueger, Machete, Jason Voorhees, Pinhead, and that gal who starred in that legendary rape revenge movie I Spit On Your Grave (1978). Here’s what happens in the house of death…

“Two federal agents fight their way through nine levels of Hell inside a secret prison known as the Death House. A facility-wide prison break turns their flight into a tour of horrors as they push toward the ultimate evil housed in the lowest depths of the earth.”

Sounds like someone’s been hanging out at the Poggie Tavern during “What Passes As Ladies” Night again.

Yet Another Installment of Hell

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 15, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Hellraiser: Judgment

It’s a sad state of affairs when a popular horror movie franchise is put through the salad spinner so many times, it no longer resembles anything consumable.

While this has been famously done to cash cows such as the Halloween, Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street series (don’t get me started on the Police Academy abominations, of which there are seven), the release of Hellraiser: Judgment (pending 2016), brings the original once proud Hellraiser movie to a shaming eight sequels, six and a half of which are like watching a hobo sift through your garbage.

Hellraiser

Quite similar to a Cenobite torture, we’ve had to endure the punishing Hellraiser sequels for nearly the past three decades. In creator Clive Barker’s hands, this was a genre game changer, featuring open wound, flesh re-imagined creatures with cool Juda Priest-y heavy metal leather suits, the most iconic of which was/is Pinhead, a bald guy with nails pounded into right into his head/face/eyebrows. And he had a deep voice practically designed for late night FM radio and/or selling infomerical juicers.

But once the rights were cashed out, Pinhead was inevitably turned into the Ronald McDonald of horror, relieving the greasy golden arches from Elm Street’s Freddy Krueger, who also reigned over nine movies and Freddy’s Nightmares (1988 – 1990), a painfully dated (even when it came out) TV series with 44 episodes.

Hellraiser

Judging by the press release, Hellraiser: Judgment seems to be another case of “meet the new Cenobite, same as the old Cenobite”…

“Detectives Sean and David Carter are on the case to find a gruesome serial killer terrorizing the city. Joining forces with Detective Christine Egerton, they dig deeper into a spiraling maze of horror that may not be of this world. Could the Judgment awaiting the killer’s victims also be waiting for Sean?”

Yeesh – a hobo could’ve come up with that plot.

Hellraiser

Not surprised that whoever owns the rights to Hellraiser can’t figure out how to explore the depraved depths of the Pinhead character, and merely relegate him a bookend to pathetic scenarios. Only Clive Barker, who gave birth to Pinhead and the Cenobites in The Hellbound Heart first published in 1986, can/could take us to the depths of a grisly Hell, or as I call it, the Poggie Tavern (est. 1934), a few blocks south of Heaven, or “my neighborhood.”

Clearly, the real Pinheads are the ones still recycling Hellraiser. That said, here’s a Hellraiser laundry list of viewings for those wanting to pound metaphorical nails into eyeball flesh…

Hellraiser (1987), Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988), Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), Hellraiser: Inferno (2000), Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002), Hellraiser: Deader (2005), Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005), Hellraiser: Revelations (2011).

Go To Hell

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 29, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Hellraiser: Origins

Wanna go to Hell? It’s located in Hollywood, as if that was a big surprise. The upside of this is you’ll get to see the film short Hellraiser: Origins, the trailer of which has been languishing around for some time in the other Hell: the Internet.

Hellraiser: Origins

Too bad H:O didn’t get made into a full movie; the re-imagined look of Pinhead (kind of like the Ed Sullivan of horror icons) is cooler than, uh, Hell. But you can see the rest of it at HollyShorts Film Festival tonight at the TCL Chinese 6 Theatres at 9PM. I’d go but Hollywood is scarier than Hell.

The Hellraiser Films and their Legacy

Hellraiser: Origins was an ignored high-concept pitch to get made into a full-length re-casting of the 1987 classic Hellraiser, the lame sequels of which were an unfortunate byproduct of the original film’s huge success. You can read more about ‘em in the book The Hellraiser Films and their Legacy (2006) by Paul Kane. Unfortunately, the book does not contain any reference and/or pictures of me, despite my life being a living hell, and that I’ve been referred to as a “pinhead” by more than one grocery clerk.

Pumpkinheads and Pinheads

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 24, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Pumpkinhead: Ashes To Ashes

Vengeance (Pumpkinhead’s birth name) has been called back for active duty in Pumpkinhead: Ashes To Ashes (1994), this time avenging townspeople whose dead kin’s bodies have been defiled (i.e., buried in a swamp as well as stacked up in a barn like rotting bales of hay.)

Pumpkinhead: Ashes To AshesSeems the local doctor/mortician (played by Doug Bradley, Hellraiser’s Pinhead, 1987) has been facilitating the deaths, extracting organs for re-sale, then discarding the bodies like so many empty yogurt containers. The small town can’t pay for medical care, so the doc balances the checkbook with no longer needed kidneys, hearts, eyeballs, stomach gunk, etc.

Pumpkinhead: Ashes To Ashes

Helping him is his crystal meth-addicted hottie daughter, some other guy, and that Bud Wallace kid from the first movie, now all grow’d up.

Pumpkinhead: Ashes To Ashes

After the bodies are discovered and lined up out in the street in the hot sun for inventorying, a highly attractive young mother comes searching for her little daughter’s body—and finds it among the putrefying corpses. Harsh-o-matic. So she gets three other friends to go in on hiring Pumpkinhead to balance their revenge checkbook.

Pumpkinhead: Ashes To Ashes

Haggis the witch (Pumpkinhead’s enabler) is back, dispensing warnings, as does Lance Henriksen as the ghost of Ed Harley from Pumpkinhead (1988). But no one ever listens to them and P to tha’ H does his dirty business, all the while taking everyone’s soul to H-E-C-K.

Pumpkinhead: Ashes To Ashes

This is the first time we get to see Haggis in broad daylight and she looks like a supermodel that’s aged 115 years. The medical gore is particularly graphic, but P-head’s vengeancing is just your basic meat ’n potatoes heart-ripping, choking, impaling, etc. In a glaring misstep, the movie makers turn Pumpkinhead into a digital video character during an attack scene in a church. Not cool. Everything else, cool.

Meat Your Maker

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 24, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Hellraiser: Inferno

A detective proficient at solving puzzles investigates a gooey murder that left the victim looking like he was processed by a juicer. This police officer, it should be noted, is a coke-sniffer, bribe taker, and a panderer of prostitutes, even though he’s married and has a kid.

Hellraiser: Inferno

Finding a Lament Configuration at the crime scene, the detective figures out how to open the Rubik’s Cube of Doom and summons the Cenobites. The creatures this time out look pretty dang cool, but there’s only three of ’em, two being twin chicks with gaping flesh wounds and partial faces. He just figures it’s a whiskey and hooker hangover, and shakes it off to look for the killer.

Hellraiser: Inferno

Lots of weirdo and surreal-o things happens, and Pinhead, the head Cenobite himself, only shows up towards the end (he had to get his nails done) and treats the steadily unraveling cop to some Hallmark™ advice. (The only thing missing is a hug.)

Hellraiser: Inferno

Dropping the whole Cenobite mythos, Hellraiser: Inferno (2000) concentrates on a dark character study rather than exploring the depths of stinking Hell. The end has a nice twist and Pinhead finally whips out the hooks and does his impression of a meat tenderizer. All said, I could do less with misbehaving humans and more with demons who can tear your shirt apart.

Hellraiser: Inferno