Archive for Pine Barrens

Horror Camel, Half A Vampire, Death For Dinner

Posted in Classic Horror, demons, Evil, Misc. Horror, paranormal, Vampires, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2022 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Art is horror. Conversely, horror is art. At least it is on the Bottleneck Gallery (bottleneckgallery.com) and the Hero Complex Gallery (hgcart.com) websites, where you can buy super awesome illustrated prints of classic horror/sci-fi movies. At around $60, these 24”x36” prints are more affordable than, say, a night out at the Tug Tavern.

Illustrated by some of the best artists in this sector of the known Universe, you can purchase prints of Planet of the Apes, Let The Right One In, Scream, The Shape of Water, What We Do in the Shadows, Beetlejuice, Alien, Aliens, Starship Troopers, The Addams Family, Mad Max: Fury Road, Prometheus, and more. Okay, you MIGHT’VE been able to snag these prints, as all are quite limited and probably already snapped up. But hey, bookmark those gallery websites and get in front of the grocery line for upcoming art.

While you take down your New Kids On The Block vintage (and collectible) posters to make room for Frankenstein, Dracula and The Creature From The Black Lagoon prints, here are a few out now horror movies that may or may not be better than an evening at the Tug Tavern

BLOODLINES: THE JERSEY DEVIL CURSE / Out now (VOD)

“Something stalks the Pine Barrens of New Jersey. A demon said to inhabit the dark forests of these lands has stalked and terrified the locals for centuries, but what is the true story behind its dark origin? Said to be the thirteenth child of a witch, the Jersey Devil has long been known as one of the most popular urban legends in North America. But did you know its history stretches back thousands of years and hints at something far more terrifying than a simple ‘fairytale’? Now, uncover the roots to one of the most dramatic, and dramatically terrifying accounts of the Jersey Devil in recent memory.”

The Jersey Devil has been around for a long time, but he/she/it doesn’t have the same star power as Mothman or the Chupacabra. Probably because JD looks like a bat-winged camel with hooves of doom. Not very marketable. Time for a makeover — for starters, lose the hippie sideburns and get some new footwear.

DAMPYR / Out now (VOD)

Haunted by nightmares, Harlan Draka wanders the countryside, shamelessly making money pretending to be a Dampyr (half-human and half-vampire) ridding villages of what the villagers naively believe to be evil monsters. But when he is summoned by soldiers who are under attack by real vampires, Harlan finds out the truth: he is a Dampyr. While trying to destroy a terrible Master of the Night, he will have to learn to manage his powers and further uncover his origins.”

So you’re half vampire, half human. Does that mean you suck yourself? 

THE FEARWAY / Out now (VOD)

“A young couple traveling down the freeway seem to be unable to get off the road after being hunted by someone intent on keeping them on the road.”

Then they shouldn’t have gotten a job with Uber Eats™.

MOST HORRIBLE THINGS / Out now (VOD)

“Looking forward to a once-in-a-lifetime experience, six single Twenty-somethings find themselves Valentine’s Day guests of an enigmatic host. Each of them have been offered money and the promise of love, if only they can survive through dinner.”

How could they not survive dinner? That green bean casserole is to die for.

Jersey Devil vs Carnival Freaks

Posted in Bigfoot, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 31, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Carny

The Jersey Devil, a red-eyed creature with bat wings, a horse face, hooves, and a spiked tale, was caught and sold to a freak show carnival, where the circus ringmaster plans on exploiting the flesh-hungry beast for monetary gains. I feel this is a good business model.

Carny

Meanwhile, the small town Sheriff is warned by the local “fire ’n brimstone” preacher to keep the “Lord’s mistakes” out of their bible-fearing community. That just seems prejudice to me; who could possibly be threatened by a man with two faces or a Leopard Woman with spots all over her body? At least she uses a litter box.

Carny

Assured that the mythical beast is sedated and poses no threat to the community or easily-stained clothing, the show goes on. You are simply not gonna believe what happens next. During the performance, the monster gets loose and goes after some teens in the woods. Yeah, I totally didn’t see it coming, either.

Carny

Like the Jersey Devil, the pastor is out for blood. He rallies all the gun-toting red necks in town for an outdoor BBQ with the freak show cast being the grilled treats. The pastor manages to kill the flying devil, its “dead” body dragged outside where the locals can have their picture taken with it. Wouldn’t be fun if Jersey just laid there, so it comes back to life and goes back to taking lives.

 

Carny

Speaking of, the creature, about the size of a regular devil dog, but with wings and bigger teeth, doesn’t look too digital. This is good, because he has a reputation to live up to. If he doesn’t do his job, then the easily-frightened folks of Pine Barrens will start believing in Bigfoot or some other tourist generating monster. And that’s not good business sense.

Carny

Flying around like a bomber seagull, Jersey buzzes the now-flaming carnival and ends up face to face with the preacher. The outcome? Let’s just say the Holy Man is now a “hole-y” man. Heh. In all, Carny (2009) has more blood than originally forecast, with several decent dismemberments and real-time autopsies as performed by JD.