Archive for phenomena

Sci-Fi Pizza, Apocalypse Santa, Hungry Sinkholes

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 11, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Flying Saucer Pizza

If you’re fortunate enough to live in Redmond, WA, you can order your nutrients from Flying Saucer Pizza (“An Experience in Outer Taste”), a restaurant that features silverware-optional stomach-fillers that combine mozzarella with sci-fi. After eating one of their highly-rated pizzas, you’ll have to loosen your Van Allen radiation belt. Heh.

Flying Saucer Pizza

Founded in 2005, Flying Saucer Pizza in Washington State makes perfect (and clever) sense, since modern-age UFOs first originated here when aviator and businessman Kenneth Arnold became globally known for making what is generally considered the first widely reported unidentified flying object sighting in the UFA (United States of America — you’re welcome) back in 1947 — way ahead of my backward-pants wearing neighbor.

Flying Saucer Pizza

Flying Saucer Pizza features abduction-stimulating names for their meals, like the “Area 51” (Flying Saucer red sauce, whole milk mozzarella, red roma tomatoes, tender artichoke hearts fresh spinach), “Soylent Green” (FSP pesto sauce, whole milk mozzarella, artichoke hearts, sun-dried tomatoes, basil-garlic topped with pine nuts) and “Crop Circles” (Flying Saucer red sauce, whole milk mozzarella, mushrooms, red onion, green and red peppers, black olives, pepperoncini). In all, FSP features 17 sci-fi themed pizzas — and one Earthly, basic cheese pizza. Prices for a 10” pizza (served on a pan that looks suspiciously like a flying saucer) range from $9.00 to $11.50. Good luck getting those prices on Uranus. Bonus: 27 beers on tap. Beam me up today, if possible.

Flying Saucer Pizza

You can order online at flyingsaucerpizza.com, though if you’re outside of the Earth’s atmosphere, your SOL. (Get the sun joke reference? C’mon, that’s pure comedy gold.)

While you figure out how to have one of their pizzas delivered by UPS™, here are a few just-released/upcoming horror and sci-fi movies to snack on (napkins recommended)…

Swamp Terror

SWAMP TERROR (available now)
“Two sisters venture deep into the swamp looking for their long lost father.”

Not to be confused with The Swamp Terrorists, a Swiss electro-industrial “music” group from the ’80s, although you can see the disturbing similarities. As for the plot, yeah, the first place I’d look for my missing dad would be a swamp. (Those things are like inside-out unflushed toilets.) IMBd.com lists this one as having been released in 2014. I was combing my hair that year, so I may have missed it — if IMBd is not fake news. So what’s in a bayou swamp besides location-challenged patriarchal figureheads? Assorted floatables that can eat you, that’s what.

Basement: The Terror Below

BASEMENT: THE TERROR BELOW (available now)
“Shortly after Tim Ritter moves into his new apartment, he hears strange noises coming from the basement. The nightly disturbances and other unexplained events keep him awake almost every night. Sleep deprived and at his wit’s end, Tom buys several video cameras to record whomever or whatever is causing the strange phenomena.”

Dangitall — another found footage movie. Most found footage movies suck camcorder. The only difference here is this one comes from Germany, which means the nightly disturbances in the basement are likely party people binge-watching Der Tatortreiniger on the ’ol fernsehgerät while munching Currywurst flavored chips from an ornate schüssel.

I'm Dreaming Of A White Doomsday

I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE DOOMSDAY (2017)
Kelly and her son Riley, weathering the end times in a bomb shelter amidst the ruin that once was the world. With supplies and hope steadily declining, Kelly makes a horrifying decision that will cause her to discover just how far she would go for her child, and what lurks outside.”

This may or may not be available now. Couldn’t find it on any of the porn tips, uh, movie database sites I frequent. I think, though, that Kelly’s “horrifying” decision would be to go outside. According to the trailer, there are fat, gas-mask-wearing Santa Claus survivors roaming the waistlands with no one left to give gifts to. (Note to apocalypse St. Nicks — you better not use global destruction as an excuse to not come to my house.)

Sinkhole 2

SINKHOLE 2 (pending 2018)
Angry sinkholes attack a small, nondescript town, engulfing people and buildings one by one. These ravenous monsters appear without warning, sucking terrorized townsfolk into oblivion. Enter a seismological specialist with a secret past, hellbent on revenge. He joins forces with the local sheriff, who is on a personal mission to save his own daughter and town. Can this unlikely duo abort these monstrous cracks of death? Will our heroes survive overwhelming forces of nature with potentially explosive consequences? Can they combat a skeptical mayor with ulterior motives who will stop at nothing to serve his own selfish gains?

Sounds like Dirt Jaws. Sinkholes, by the way, also go by another name: “box office.”

Happy Horror-days, East Coast Aliens, Irish Witches

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers, UFOs, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 29, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Yuletide Terror: Christmas Horror On television And Film

Finally someone jumped on the holiday horror genre and did a book on ’em. With Christmas horror movies coming out every other day, hard to froth up my holiday attitude. But Yuletide Terror: Christmas Horror on Film And Television (releasing December, 2017/ Spectacular Optical) has your/our/my back.

Krampus

The press release is mega long, so I just included this section: “Yuletide Terror collects over 20 essays and interviews that will deck your halls with insightful looks at all your festive fright favorites, including the BBC’s A Ghost Story for Christmas anthology series and contentious 1980s Santa slashers like Silent Night, Deadly Night. Unwrapping the true meaning of films featuring everyone from the Krampus and Scrooge to killer snowmen and evil elves, Yuletide Terror is a comprehensive look at TV and cinematic holiday horror from around the world, and includes a compendium including nearly 200 Christmas horror film reviews.”

Krampus Kandy

Now THAT sounds like a perfect addition to the porcelain library. Mind you, this is a crowdfunded project and is a word selfie. Don’t let that dissuade you from buying it. People need to know what a dick Santa Claus is. (In your red face red guy; I told you there were consequences in not getting me that Batman costume with candy-loaded utility belt when I was young-ish.)

While we start applying eye drops in anticipation of reading this book, here are a few just-released and upcoming horror/sci-fi movie and documentaries to strain your vision…

The Grinn

THE GRINN (available now/VOD)
“A man awakens in an empty house that he is unable to leave. Battling fatigue, injury and amnesia, and guided only by a cryptic voice on his phone, he begins piecing together fractured memories of the events that led him to be trapped. With a terrifying presence confining him inside the house, he ultimately discovers a truth more horrifying than he could have ever imagined.”

Somebody’s watch Saw (2004) too many times. Or not enough. Not sure there’s a difference. As for the truth of a terrifying presence, it’s probably a mirror, because that’s what The Grinn feels like.

Inside Ben

INSIDE BEN (available now/VOD)
When a man faces his fears, he realizes agoraphobia isn’t his biggest problem. The surprise ending will leave you in awe!

Big statement – hope they can back that up. Then again, Inside Ben did win a 2017 award as an official selection at the International Hotel Horror Fest. I care not for that. I want my foldable pocket money to actually be usable for something other than sparkly toothpaste (it sparkles!) and Sasquatch plaster foot cast ashtrays. (P.S. I don’t smoke. Those things just look cool and make me happy for some reason.)

Invasion of Chestnut_Ridge

INVASION ON CHESTNUT RIDGE (available now/VOD/DVD)
Aliens. Hair-covered beasts. Mysterious lights in the forest. Giant birds. What do they all have in common? This new documentary film makes the case that a mountain range in Southwestern Pennsylvania is their home. The terrifying ‘invasion’ comes in the form of various phenomena that have been seen by ordinary people living in the area since the 1800s.”

The claim all these monsters and phenomena originate from a mountain range in Southwestern Pennsylvania seems like a way to stretch 20 minutes into an hour and a half (kinda like watching golf matches on TV). Pennsylvania might be hard to spell, but they’re cool. I’d like to point out that the Pacific Northwest is home to lots of paranormal things, like Bigfoot, UFOs, giant octopuses, me and…gasp!…volcanoes. We’re surrounded by those spooky things. Let’s hope they’re duds — don’t tempt fate by climbing one and throwing a cigarette butt in the crater. (I’d do it, but like I said a few sentences ago, I don’t smoke.)

Crone Wood

CRONE WOOD (2017/2018)
“After only meeting the night before, a young couple enter the woods of Ireland and discover that not all of the country has left its Pagan roots behind.”

They’re not pagans, they’re enthusiastic drinkers. Big difference, though both consort with witches. Heh. The kicker line says it’s a terrifying blend of Blair Witch and The Wickerman, ironically two of the not-even-being-close-to-terryifing horror movies.

Grandma Zombies, More Sharks, Hollywood Bigfoot

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Bigfoot, Evil, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Sharks, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 1, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Granny of the Dead

Got a kick out of actor Rob Lowe’s recent statement that he and his sons had a face-to-face encounter with Bigfoot in the Ozarks while shooting a new docuseries called self-servingly, The Lowe Files (premiering August 2, 2017 on A&E). From the press release: “The reality show follows Lowe and his two teenage sons, Matthew and John Owen, as they travel around the country investigating mysterious phenomena and paranormal activity.”

This is what happens to your career when it runs out of gas. In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Lowe told the celebrity gossip magazine, “We had an incredible encounter with what locals call the ‘wood ape,’ which is in the Ozark Mountains. I’m fully aware that I sound like a crazy, Hollywood kook right now.”

Looks like Rob just wrote his show’s first review.

Speaking of kooky Hollywood things, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that you may or may not come face-to-face with on your TV/movie theater screen — whether you live in the Ozarks or not…

GRANNY OF THE DEAD (July 14, 2017)
“Regular guy Ed awakes one morning to find that his Grandma has become one of the living dead. Trapped in his home, Ed struggles to handle the situation. When he discovers the rest of the town’s elderly have also been infected by the zombie plague, Ed must become a hero in order to save his family and friends.”

Aren’t old people zombies already? I mean, minus the flesh-eating part? Then again, I suppose it’s easier to chew human flesh with dentures, provided said cheap meat has been cut up for you and served around 4PM at Royal Fork Buffet restaurants.

Open Water 3: Cage Dive

OPEN WATER 3: CAGE DIVE (August 11, 2017)
“Three American tourists are making an audition tape of a shark cage dive for a reality TV show. A catastrophic turn of events leaves them stranded in the waters of South Australia surrounded by hungry great white sharks.”

When aren’t great white sharks hungry? As oceanographer Matt Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss) expertly pointed out in Jaws (1975), “What we’re dealing with here is a perfect engine, an eating machine. All this machine does is swim, eat and make little sharks.” So yeah, looking forward to the sharks graphically doing at least one of those things. (Sorry, nature pervs — this is a PG-rated affair.) And while it sports the Open Water moniker, it’s only related to the previous two Open Water movies in name only. Odd, as the plot is nearly identical. This one, though, is found footage crapola, which in this case, probably works.

P.S. I wrote about this back on October 13, 2016 when it was merely called Cage Dive. With a title that uninspired, not surprised that they added “Open Water” to it to cash in. All things being equal, I would’ve done the same thing, but changed it slightly: Open Water: The Eatening.

Death Note

DEATH NOTE (August 25, 2017/Netflix)
“Intoxicated by the power of a supernatural notebook, a young man begins killing those he deems unworthy of life. Based on the famous Japanese manga.”

I wrote about Death Note: Light Up The New World, the Japanese sequel, on April 25, 2017. You’re welcome. This Death Note is the American remake of the first DN movie, which came out in 2006. The new trailer is crazy cool nuts, the premise being that a “death note book” drops out of the sky and when you write someone’s name in it, they soon expire. My neck keeps hurting from looking up at the sky for falling books.

Blade Runner 20149

BLADE RUNNER 2049 (October 6, 2017)
“Thirty years after the events of the first film, a new blade runner, LAPD Officer K, unearths a long-buried secret that has the potential to plunge what’s left of society into chaos. K’s discovery leads him on a quest to find Rick Deckard, a former LAPD blade runner who has been missing for 30 years.”

The original Blade Runner (1982) has long been considered one of sci-fi’s greatest movies ever in the history of the future. Hence (from Wikipedia™), film critics Chris Ridley and Janet Maslin theorized that “Blade Runner changed cinematic and cultural discourse through its image repertoire, and subsequent influence on films.”

Not everyone liked Blade Runner…or even understood it when it first came out (me included). But re-watching the seven different film cuts (including one where filmmaker Ridley Scott had full artistic license to edit), Blade Runner holds up surprisingly well, and makes the future look as bleak and doom-y as it does today.

Road of the Dead

ROAD OF THE DEAD (2018)
Road of the Dead takes place six years after 2005’s post-apocalyptic Land of the Dead and is set on an island where zombie prisoners race cars in a modern-day Coliseum for the entertainment of wealthy humans.”

A return to the zombie genre he kinda started with Night of the Living Dead back in 1968, George Romero’s Road of the Dead is being described as Road Warrior (1981) meets Rollerball (1975) at a Nascar™ race, with significant inspiration from Ben-Hur (1959). That seems pretty dang awesome, especially since his Land of the Dead arrived DOA. So zombies driving race cars — can you say “morning commute”?