Archive for Peter Graves

Non-Werewolf

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 4, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Scream of the Wolf

Notice the title says Scream of the Wolf (1974), not Scream of the Werewolf. And yet, after a few wolf attacks in the fog-draped Hollywood Hills that left a few people mangled, tangled and strangled, everyone starts talking about how it MUST be the work of a werewolf.

Scream of the Wolf

A murderous lycanthrope running around California makes about as much sense as the L.A. fog that rolls in every night. A former big game hunter-turned-detective is hot on the case. He doesn’t have his head up his own kennel and refuses to believe it’s a werewolf. A mountain lion with a knife maybe, but not a human turned into a full moon-maddened out-of-work actor.

Scream of the Wolf

There is no werewolf or graphic shredding of faces or any bloodshed worthy of a Band-Aid™. And that London-thick Los Angeles fog triggered my allergies for misleading horror movies.

Martian God

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Science Fiction, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 18, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Red Planet Mars

Using Radio Shack’s™ new hydrogen valve, an American scientist manages to get a radio signal to Mars and receives transmissions back that the Red Planet is way more awesome than Earth. My own experiments confirm this.

Red Planet Mars

The Martians explain, via math language, that they’ve overcome fuel, food and health problems with their advanced technology. This causes Earth’s entire economic system to collapse. Why employ people when the Martians can supply us with technology that does the trick for a fraction of the cost? Thanks a lot, Mr. Science.

Red Planet Mars

But high in the Andes is a German scientist living like a hermit with the exact same radio transmitter. He was the one who invented the hydrogen valve, and he’s using his version to advance Russian interests in world domination by “listening” in on the interplanetary conversations.

Red Planet Mars

The Russians are gleeful. Having been unsuccessful in defeating the U.S. in everything but chess, they’re wringing their hands over the financial meltdown, which is bringing everything to a screeching halt and… Wait a minute – that’s not Mars talking, it’s the Russians answering back, giving us erroneous information, which is causing everyone to freak. Pretty smarty pants when you think about it.

Red Planet Mars

Meanwhile, the Nazi scientist effortlessly manages to get out of the Andes before an avalanche wipes out his stylish slum hut, get on a plane to America, and sneak into the American scientist’s military-guarded house, all to take credit for single-handedly crushing the United States through simple deception.

Red Planet Mars

But while he’s there, one more transmission comes through. The “Martians” send an incomplete final cryptic message that implies that God is talking to them. The message goes out and the world calms the heck down. But not before the Nazi, usurped by The Lord, gets in the last word. And speaking of last words, the President addresses the nation and it’s all but a propaganda speech for organized religion.

Not surprised the Martians are Christians, but I am visibly shocked the hokey Red Planet Mars (1952) didn’t come with a collection plate.

Radioactive Grasshoppers

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , on August 3, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Beginning of the End

Beginning of the End (1957), a symbolic tale of something or other, either has real grasshopper bugs (or “locusts”) crawling around pictures of city buildings, or real skyscrapers with fake bugs sticking to ’em. Sorry, I just couldn’t figure it out.

Beginning of the End

A Department of Agriculture™ scientist dude is behind the giant delivery truck sized grasshoppers. Jiminy Cricket – the bugs are the result of experiments in radioactivity not done by the book! Well, hey – it’s not like you can predict what radioactivity is gonna do. It lives by its own rules, man.

Beginning of the End

But don’t blame the scientist; he just wanted to end world hunger by using said radioactivity to turn tomatoes and strawberries into the size of cars. It would’ve worked, though not in the intended manner. The fruits and vegetables were probably glowing with radiation, thereby killing off anyone who ate ’em, leaving more food for the rest of us. Problem solved.

Beginning of the End

Prior to that, an entire small town was turned into bug droppings, which provided the clues for a hot news reporter chick to go all Lois Lane on the case. The military is called in to stomp the giant grasshoppers into the sidewalk like so many ants. I don’t know what they used to make army bullets and grenades out of, but it must be baking powder for all the effect it had on the creatures.

Beginning of the End

But once again, science is the cause – and solution – to all our problems. The scientist fashions a theory to get the bugs to hop into a lake and drown, using their mating call as a sort of “love whistle.” This proves to be effective, although I would’ve just thrown giant tomatoes and strawberries at ’em.

Where would sci-fi movies be without science?