Archive for parapsychologist

Boos Cruise

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 25, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Lost Voyage

Twenty-five years ago, an eight-year-old boy watched his father leave on a honeymoon cruise into the Bermuda Triangle with a spanking new, market fresh wife. Two minutes into the movie and they don’t even let you know if the ex-wife’s brains were eaten by a zombie or if it was a nasty divorce. Geez.

Lost Voyage

During the cruise, lightning flashes like an epileptic’s worse nightmare and rain pummels the ocean, making it even wetter. The radar scope shows something big headed their way, but no one can see it as it’s evil. All of a sudden the luxury liner is engulfed in gnarly, roiling clouds. (Roiling is such a neat word.) In the belly of these roiling clouds are demonic spirits that fly around and wreck stuff. Then the ship disappears. Freakin’ A!

Lost Voyage

Flash forward to present day and the boy is now a parapsychologist (meaning he’s unemployed). In a maneuver that could only happen in the movies and/or parallel universe, the boat reappears in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle. Before the Coast Guard can arrest it for floating without a license, a TV show that does supernatural documentaries hires a salvage crew and talks the parapsychologist into flying out to the boat to unravel the roiling mystery, and maybe find out what happened to his parents.

Lost Voyage

There’s a storm outside and the sea is roiling. They find the ship is completely intact, with the freshness of food and booze intact. No dad or new mom, though. As the evil cloud begins engulfing S.S. Royally Screwed, ghosts (or “specters”) fly around like demon-powered bottle rockets. Will their helicopter make it back in time to save them? Will Lost Voyage’s (2001) limp action turn your lunch into a roiling seafood platter? Will its goofy special effects provide a suitable substitute for the lack of gratuitous gore and/or roiling nudity? Do you like burning money?

Chinese Spider-Men, Canadian Zombies, Norway Mutants

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 9, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Spider-Man: Homecoming

Been endlessly fascinated by foreign country poster versions of U.S. made movies, in particular, horror/sci-fi/fantasy/bromance comedies. Came across three Spider-Man: Homecoming key art renditions made in China. Pretty funny stuff, especially the one of Spider-Man riding a horse. I don’t know why, but that cracks me up. Got me thinking — wonder if there’s a foreign movie poster of, say, Iron Man pulling a rikshaw through downtown Thailand?

Spider-Man: Homecoming

Whilst I go rummaging through the Internet to find one, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies with plain old boring graphics…

Dementia 13

DEMENTIA 13 (October 6, 2017/Limited — October 10/VOD)
“An old-money family is still dealing with the death of its youngest daughter several years later. While honoring the daughter’s death, a long con, an ax-wielding serial killer, and a vengeful ghost all coalesce in the same night to target the family. Everyone in the family has a secret, nobody wants to face what they did, and for someone to survive, the truth needs to come out — sooner than later.”

Dementia 13

This is a re-boot of 1963’s Dementia 13. The actors in the new one are probably wearing more modern footwear, though. Always loved the title. I personally got through the first 12 steps of dementia, but never quite made it one more step. Probably should go on another bender to open that door.

Les Affames

LES AFFAMÉS (2017/2018)
In a small, remote village in upstate Quebec, things have changed. Locals are not the same anymore — their bodies are breaking down and they developed an outlandish attraction for flesh.

A French-Canadian zombie movie. Wonder if the flesh tastes like back bacon? I consulted the Big Book of Word Barf (i.e., Google Translate™) to get the English pronounceable version: The Hungry. Meh.

Thelma

THELMA (November 10, 2017)
“A college student starts to experience extreme seizures while studying at a university in Oslo, Norway. As it becomes clearer that the seizures are a symptom of inexplicable, often dangerous, supernatural abilities, Thelma is confronted with tragic secrets of her past, and the terrifying implications of her powers.

Sounds like Carrie Goes To College. I wonder if her condition is from eating seizure salads in the school lunch room?

Insidious: The Last Key

INSIDIOUS: THE LAST KEY (January 5, 2018)
Dr. Elise Rainier, the brilliant parapsychologist, faces her most fearsome and personal haunting yet: in her own family home.”

I watched the first three Insidious movies, so guess I’ll have to watch this one, too, just to see how they tie things up. As demonic possession ghost stories go, though, they’re all quite bland, or “meh.”

Closet Ghosts

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 20, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Poltergeist

A California suburb isn’t usually the best place to situate a ghost story, but it works crazy effectively in Poltergeist (1982).

A middle class family with bratty kids live in a sprawling community. Out of all the houses practically overlapping each other, theirs is the only one built on top of a relocated graveyard that substitutes as a portal to Hell. Cool – no commuting!

Poltergeist

Kick ass ghostly events (i.w., the steak/face thing), culminating in their five year-old daughter being sucked into the ghost dimension, goes on for a while before Steve and Diane Freeling (mom and dad) call in parapsychologists to help them find her. They can communicate with little Carol Anne through the TV, which is kinda like a smart phone for your eyes.

Poltergeist

The dead, led by an entity determined to be The Beast, don’t wanna give up Carol Anne as she soothes their pain or something. The Freelings, led by Tangina, a psychic medium, have to go into Hell (via a closet – trust me, it works) and get their daughter back to make the little polter-scamp clean up her room.

Poltergeist

Poltergiest is called one of the Top 20 scariest movies of all time. I would not debate that over cold refreshing alcoholic beverages as there are non-stop paranormal events pumping you up to the grand finale, which is so over the top as to be entertaining.

Poltergeist

I wish my closet was a portal to Hell. As it is, just my front door is. 

Horror Down The Drain

Posted in Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 21, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Drainiac

Something evil lives in the plumbing of a fixer-upper house. Is it a giant hair ball? Is it flushed leftovers? Is it special effects so cheap the producers had to resort to using mere water? (And not bottled, either.)

Drainiac

So, evil water lives in the plumbing of a drabby house needing a reach-around by Martha Stewart. A handful of teens are in this dump, cleaning and mopping and griping. But as the Holy Pine-sol™ works it’s cleansing magic, the water fights back – by getting everyone wet! 

Drainiac

Enter a parapsychologist who happens to be walking down the street and senses the liquid leviathan. He tells the teens that they have to wait until midnight to perform an exorcism. Once midnight strikes, he instructs everyone to lie around a pentagram (part of Martha’s Fall and Winter collection), and begins cussing out the invading spirit. The demon shows up and makes faces and gargles. Wind is blowing indoors – and you bet it’s hot air.

Drainiac

More yelling and screaming and the water is forced back into the gutter from whence it came. Somebody needs to go back to script writing school because the banter between the characters is way more ridiculous than the hokey demon entity.

Drainiac (2000) – yet ANOTHER wallet drainer. Really, I have only myself to blame.