Archive for Pan’s Labyrinth

Alien Juice, Space Horses, Jedi Jamboree

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 23, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Alien Punch Fountain

An Alien Punch Fountain. Two thoughts: Why didn’t I think of that, and where can I get this thing right the heck now?

So the nutty geniuses over at Neatoco sculpted a Xenomorph (modeled after the one in Alien/1979) from the belly button up, ran a tube up places where tubes probably shouldn’t go if you’re a human, pumped Green Berry Rush™ (made by Hawaiian Punch™) through it, and presto — an Alien Punch Fountain! FYI — Green Berry Rush™ looks like a cross between real Alien acid blood spit and Prestone Antifreeze™. Wonder if it tastes like a cocktail of said handy fluids?

So can Neatoco get this thing licensed and put into production so I finally have something to spend my homemade bit coins on? I threw a few into a virtual wishing well in hopes they will.

Until that happens, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not have you gushing up green stuff…

Don't Sleep

DON’T SLEEP (September 29, 2017/limited/VOD)
“Young lovers Shawn and Zach find the perfect home to rent, with friendly couple Mr. and Mrs. Marino as their landlords. Their future seems bright until Zach begins to experience nightmares of his hellish past. These memories, once erased by electroshock therapy, slowly return, causing Zach to question his sanity. As he struggles with his psychosis, strange things start happening at the house. The threats become increasingly deadly and Zach must face the reality that the problem is no longer in his psychology. Once the threat of psychotic behavior turns into the possibility of demonic possession, Zach is confronted with a horrific reality he never could before have imagined.”

I always wanted to try electroshock therapy. Not that I need it or anything. It just sounds kinda fun. Might beat sticking my fingers in a wall socket, anyway. That loses its appeal real quick.

The Shape of Water

THE SHAPE OF WATER (December 8, 2017)
“In 1963, a mute janitor and her colleague work in a government laboratory and eventually discover an amphibious man in a water tank. The janitor, out of loneliness, befriends the creature.”

This might be Guillermo Del Toro’s (the guy behind Hellboy/2004, Pan’s Labyrinth/2006, Pacific Rim/2013, and all those Hobbit movies), alternate take on Creature From The Black Lagoon (1954), which he was supposed to remake. I e-heard that one washed up on shore. Del Toro probably decided to make something similar since he had all that movie water laying around and figured he’d put it to good use.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI (December 15, 2017)
“Having taken her first steps into a larger world in Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015), Rey continues her epic journey with Finn, Poe and Luke Skywalker in the next chapter of the saga.”

YET ANOTHER Star Wars movie. I’ve only been an occasional fan for one simple reason — the “license to print money” sci-fi franchise is the same movie, over and over. It’s always The Imperial Forces trading laser punches with The Rebellion, the Wile E. Coyote vs. The Road Runner of the cosmos. Lots of resistance brawling, the blowing up of future stuff, templated characters with cartoon personalities (see last sentence), and space horses called “Tauntauns.” Before they went all metro and started mopping their bathroom floors after 30 years, you could get the same thing at The Poggie Tavern at last call. P.S. Star Wars: Episode IX, YET ANOTHER one, is scheduled for May 24, 2019.

Puppet KIller

“Years after the mysterious disappearance of his stepmother, Jamie and his friends return to his family’s cabin that holds a very dark secret for a Christmas getaway, but the holidays always have a way of letting these things out. Convinced that his childhood puppet is a magically animated killer, will Jamie be able to save his friends from a blood body count or is he the one who is actually crazy?”

This low budget comedy horror got stalled in the stall for some time over creative and legal obstacles. (I have that same problem with my garbage man, I mean, “Waste Management Administrator.”) Once it goes through one more wringer (indie filmfest circuit), you might actually get to see if the oddly titled Puppet Killer was worth the wait.

Loving The Monster

Posted in Classic Horror, Fantasy, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 24, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in


While romance has always been a motivating force in horror movies (start with Dracula/1931 and go from there), my personal feeling is that all that dreamy-eyed smoochy crap doesn’t belong anywhere near blood, guts and gore. And what is a horror movie without blood, guts and gore? A ROMANCE movie. Over generalizing here. But I’d rather see more Beast than Beauty, thus representing the way things work in the real world.


The reason I even bring it up is there’s this new (as of March 2015) horror-ish movie many with too much time on their hands are gushing about. The film is the daintily titled Spring, a love story about a guy falling in love with a chick who harbors a “monstrous, primordial secret that puts both their relationship and their lives in jeopardy.” OK, that part is cool. But hey, what woman doesn’t harbor a monstrous, primordial secret? Talk about your obvious oxymoron.


Spring has the endorsement of Drafthouse Films™, so it probably doesn’t suck as those guys are pretty dang good at what they represent. So here’s what the flip everybody’s tweeting over…

Spring is a lush piece of work about Evan, a young American fleeing to Europe to escape his past. While backpacking along the Italian coast, everything changes during a stop at an idyllic Italian village, where he meets and instantly connects with the enchanting and mysterious Louise. A flirtatious romance begins to bloom between the two. However, Evan soon realizes that Louise has been harboring a… (see first paragraph).”

The press release goes on to say that Louise’s other forms are “something else altogether, and their origins are beautiful. Much of the film finds beauty in the monstrous and otherworldly.”

Pan's Labyrinth

So if otherworldly love floats yer boat, seek out this movie. If you need a primer, I recommend the jaw-dropping horror fantasy Pan’s Labyrinth (2006), while full of otherworldly monsters that hug you (one, anyway) and panoramic beauty, isn’t waterlogged with smooching, the talking of smooching or the exchanging of bodily fluids that are anything but red. Red’s a romantic color.

I can’t believe I just said that.

Adopting Ghosts

Posted in Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Ghosts with tags , , , , , on May 12, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Orphanage

Made by the same Spanish film director with the really hard-to-spell name that did Pan’s Labyrinth (2006), The Orphanage (2007) revolves around Laura, who as a six year-old, spent her young days growing up in an orphanage (so that’s where they got the movie’s title). She was later adopted, leaving her friends behind to DIE at the hands of a mentally-unwoven staff lady who burned their bodies in a tool shed fireplace.

The Orphanage

Laura (now 37) and her doctor husband buys the orphanage with plans to bring five or six special needs kids to live there under their care. Her own son, the seven year-old Simon (pronounced “Si-mone”), was adopted and is HIV-positive. But Si-mone is playing with his invisible friends and finds out the truth from them that his mom isn’t his real mother and that he doesn’t have much longer to live. Um, oops.

The Orphanage

During a party Simon goes missing, mom freaks out and almost a year goes by with no clues, but she won’t give up looking. She insists there are invisible people living in the sprawling house that might know where her son is. A medium is brought in and in a goose-pimply sequence learns of the fate of Laura’s former childhood friends.

The Orphanage

The husband has had enough of this “ghost-busting” and moves out. Mom stays to invoke the spirits to find out what the darn-tootin’ heck happened to her son. Recalling a game she used to play with her friends, she successfully makes contact with the dead kids and has to follow clues to Simon’s whereabouts.

The Orphanage

The Orphanage doesn’t punch you in the neck with jolts and rot-faced ghosts. But it does make your butt pinch up enough to where you keep needing to “adjust” your under garments. The ending is a double whammy and if you have any heart at all, you’ll weep. But before you wipe your eyes, go wash your hands, because you’ve been rearranging your undies the whole time leading up to what really happened to Simon. Note: This movie is sub-titled, so make sure you know how to read before watching it.